NonMembers Only

Erin Azar, Mike Hourani
  • 5.0 (320)
  • Sports
  • Updated Weekly

NonMembers Only is a sports(ish) variety show for curious people who aren’t already in the know. Every week, we curate the niche sports, pop culture, and internet stories worth knowing - and when we get access to the worlds behind them, we take you with us.

  1. 2d ago

    #264 - Marathon Cheater, Olympic Torch Logistics, & Pitching to ESPN

    Welcome back to NonMembers Only! We kick off on National "Evaluate Your Life" Day as Erin unpacks a genuinely brutal birthday weekend. After attending a devastating funeral on Friday that left her filming brand ads with severely swollen eyes, she spent her actual birthday standing in torrential rain to run a hydration station for the LBI 18 Miler, getting so soaked her sweatpants were falling down. She also shares the hilariously unhinged greeting card her seven-year-old made for her mom after a minor tractor-trailer accident, and recounts the extreme anxiety of her first post-college job at a nanotechnology startup—which ended with her quitting on the spot after the owner screamed at them for opening a door to avoid carbon monoxide poisoning. In sports, we check in on the Pepto Pugskins fantasy football team, as Mike and Erin learn the hidden tabs for undrafted players. We also discuss the Olympic torch traveling to Hawaii in an archaic miner's safety lamp for the LA 2028 games, and formally announce that our highly anticipated trip to the Microsoft Excel Championships has been canceled due to budget cuts—though it's a blessing in disguise. We also marvel at a jump rope champion's wildly fast 30-second speed run and the terrifying flash floods that resulted in zero finishers at the grueling Moab 240 endurance race. In "Erin's Tea Time," we expose the Chinese running influencer who bragged about her Berlin Marathon PR before getting stripped of her time and dropped by her sponsors when photos proved she hitched a ride on an e-bike. We also evaluate a new fitness study proving that simple rest and sleep are just as effective as expensive "dude-bro" recovery hacks like cold plunges. We discuss a grandfather's live WWI artillery shell doorstop, celebrate 61-year-old Donna Jean Wilde's five-hour world record plank, and finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," smile at a wholesome video of 2026 Nobel Prize winner Carl Deisseroth sharing his massive optogenetics award with his ecstatic kids.

  2. Oct 12

    #263 - Robot Toilets, $12 Million Michael Jordan Jersey, & NASCAR Swear Jar

    Merch - https://nonmembersshop.com/ We kick off the episode celebrating National Farmers Day by debating whether baling hay makes farmers actual athletes, before diving into our lingering disgust over lettuce grown with manure "poo water" . We finally swallow our pride to share the embarrassing origin story of our podcast, which all started during the pandemic when Sam gifted Erin one of Mike's Pizza Pocket Hoodies. In gaming news, Erin explains how she's escaping the "dopamine pit" of unfulfilled fitness goals by playing a relaxing Pokémon game (Pokemon Pokopia) and trying out Pathbound, a fantasy walking app that uses real life steps as stamina to smite hollow pixies. We also discuss Steppa, an app where users bet on hitting their 10,000 daily steps for a share of a $170,000 prize pool. On the sports front, we share a quick "Pepto Pugskins" fantasy football update, lamenting how the autodrafting might not be the smartest thing. In our news roundup, we review the controversial new spectator rules for the upcoming New York City Marathon, which officially ban confetti cannons and unauthorized sponsored cheer stations. We also discuss New York's new high-tech "robot toilets" equipped with a strict 10-minute time limit. Shifting to the extreme, we react to an athlete attempting to kayak 700km down the deadly Congo River basin alongside gorillas and hippos. In the collectibles and marketing world, we applaud the genius "NASCAR Swear Jar" campaign that lets fans guess the cumulative number of driver expletives to win a cash pot, and we marvel at Michael Jordan's $12.2 million game worn jersey being sold by Rob G., the same entrepreneur who recently purchased a Jai Alai league. We also squeeze in a serious health update, as Erin details her agonizing wait for genetic testing results and surgical consultations for her sentinel lymph nodes following a melanoma diagnosis. To lighten the mood, we explore the fun of magnet fishing in rivers for lost trinkets and marvel at the discovery of an 1884 shipwreck recently uncovered on the shores of Nantucket. We also follow up on the dedicated DoorDash driver who got into a severe car accident; his loyal customers have since raised $15,000 for him. Finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," we highlight the wholesome journey of a Japanese man biking from Chicago to LA who experienced the best of American hospitality when a stranger invited him to stay in his home, and a police officer helped push his heavy bike up a steep bridge.

  3. Oct 5

    #262 - $1M Pokémon Card, Zelda Remake, & Marriage Advice

    We kick off celebrating a massive 7,000 Instagram follower milestone and share an intimate 50th wedding anniversary recap before diving into a four-player session of Super Mario Wonder. We discuss upcoming Nintendo releases—including the highly anticipated Zelda: Ocarina of Time remake—and gawk at a Pokémon card that just sold for an eye-popping $1,020,000. Finally, we praise the USA Women's Wheelchair Basketball squad entering LA 2028 as reigning world champions. 👋 New from the Spotify Home Feed? Hit the [ + FOLLOW ] button at the top of your screen so you never miss our Monday morning rants! New episodes drop religiously every Monday at 5:00 AM EST. Happy World Teacher Day! Erin shares hilarious comments about children unintentionally depict innocent moments—like burping a baby—as domestic violence. We celebrate a massive community milestone of officially crossing 7,000 Instagram followers to save the podcast from cancellation. Erin recaps her parents' 50th wedding anniversary, which traded a massive party for an intimate crab feast in a decorated screenhouse with plenty of champagne, followed by a rainy festival tailgate, multiple sleepovers, and Dan rushing to the shore to save their flooded garage as a rogue motorboat smashed into the bulkhead of the neighborhood mega-house. Shifting into gaming and collectibles, Mike recaps a four-player session of Super Mario Wonder, while Erin delivers her ultimate marriage advice: playing duos in Fortnite together every night for communication and team building. We discuss upcoming Nintendo releases, including a viral gamer reaction video that convinced Erin to pre-order the Zelda: Ocarina of Time remake, and a new Kirby title that Erin insists was named after her middle name. They also gawk at the booming collectibles market after a 2004 PSA 10 Gold Star Pokémon card sold for an eye-popping $1,020,000—outpricing a Lamborghini. Meanwhile, the Pepto Pugskins celebrate their first fantasy football victory over team "Enhanced Mediocrity," as Mike and Erin break down their latest league discovery—trading players—and joke about their accidental telepathy after showing up to record in matching Reebok gear. On the sports front, Erin highlights Paralympian Ezra Frech on Dancing with the Stars after an electrifying routine to "Apple Bottom Jeans" on a running blade. We also praise the USA Women’s Wheelchair Basketball squad for entering the LA 2028 Paralympics as reigning world champions, debate why certain wheelchair sports are mixed-gender while basketball remains separate, and recount Mike's humbling realization of how difficult shooting hoops actually is. In the "Is It a Sport?" segment, we examine Carnegie Mellon University's 100-year-old Buggy race tradition, where students squeeze headfirst into tiny composite shells and steer inches from the pavement while pushed by sprinters, alongside a viral video of a rookie firefighter getting body-slammed by an over-pressurized hose. For "Erin's Tea Time," we deconstruct the viral clip of a baseball-game mom baby-wearing while balancing three food trays; while the internet instantly vilified the sitting husband, a follow-up revealed he was grieving, had offered to help, and was thrilled just to be on TV. Finally, "How About We Just Die" features a Long Island woman getting swallowed whole by an unexpected backyard cesspool sinkhole, before "No Bad, No Sad" wraps up on a sweet note with eight-year-old twin girls celebrating their dream birthday party inside a local Ace Hardware with custom aprons, tool buckets, and potted plants.

  4. Sep 28

    #261 - Pokémon 30th Anniversary, NASCAR Brawl, & Wedding Etiquette

    We kick off celebrating a two-week health streak and debating wedding table etiquette before sharing a neighborhood encounter with a rumored retired NFL player. We dive into a viral Hyrox race controversy from Beijing and break down the fiery NASCAR brawl at Bristol between Carson Hocevar and Ryan Blaney. Finally, we expose a shocking front-office scandal within USA Team Handball and open up a pack of the chaotic new 30th-anniversary Pokémon cards live on the mic. 👋 New from the Spotify Home Feed? Hit the [ + FOLLOW ] button at the top of your screen so you never miss our Monday morning rants! New episodes drop religiously every Monday at 5:00 AM EST. We kick off on National Ask a Stupid Question Day celebrating Erin’s two-week health streak (hitting 10,000 daily steps, hydration, protein, fiber, and pull-up workouts) before comparing step counts with Mike, who sits at a desk all day. Mike recaps attending a 150 person wedding featuring an all EDM DJ and a 30 minute ceremony, prompting a deep dive into wedding table etiquette and the awkwardness of navigating small talk with a quiet couple on your right while chatting with friends on your left. Erin then shares her dilemma about whether to walk half a mile down her rural road to introduce herself to a new neighbor who owns a pit bull and is rumored to be a retired NFL player, which prompts Mike to share how he met his neighbor after an idling car blocked the street. Mike also vents about an infuriating encounter at work with a persistent software salesman who rang the bell right next to a prominent "No Soliciting" sign and argued outside that he wasn't giving a sales pitch. Erin follows with a rant against unsolicited grocery store parenting advice, blasting strangers who tell stressed mothers of toddlers that "it goes by so fast" for fueling unnecessary mom guilt, before giving an update on the legal review of her book taking out her jokes. After a quick check-in on our quest for 7,000 Instagram followers, we dive into our fantasy football league, the Pepto Pugskins, breaking down how defensive scoring works after our Lions defense cost us negative four net points for allowing too many yards and scores against team "Enhanced Mediocrity". In sports, we dissect the viral biohazard controversy from a Beijing Hyrox race, where a 24-year-old Australian world record holder won the solo event with severe liquid diarrhea running down her legs across lunges and burpees, initially posted "a win is a win," and later faced intense backlash that prompted a public apology and voluntary withdrawal. Next, we break down the NASCAR brawl at Bristol between Carson Hocevar and Ryan Blaney; after a lap 458 collision ruined Blaney's playoff chances, Blaney confronted Hocevar in the pits, only for the young driver to clock him solidly in the face (claiming it was the first punch he had ever thrown in his life) before posting an unbothered smiling selfie in his car. For "Erin's Tea Time," we expose the shocking front-office scandal within USA Team Handball, where the CEO fired wheelchair handball head coach Dr. Ford Dyke a month before the World Championships—allegedly in retaliation for a whistleblower complaint over financial mismanagement—leading the federation to replace the entire protesting roster with adaptive crossover athletes who had only three weeks to learn the sport. Shifting to the collectibles market, we discuss the chaotic lines, Discord bot networks, and Black Friday-style rushes at Target and GameStop for the 30th-anniversary Pokémon cards, complete with Erin opening a pack live on the mic to inspect her cards' hit points. Finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," we share the heartwarming story of a four-year-old boy in Brooklyn dressed in a Spider-Man costume who walked the streets with his mom, handing out laminated red paper hearts to brighten strangers' days.

  5. Sep 21

    #260 - Eagles "Big Dom" Drama, World Nomad Games, & Mini Golf Rage

    We kick off celebrating World Mini Golf Day and issue a major podcast ultimatum before diving into a raw mental health and melanoma diagnosis update. On the sports front, we review the wild Philadelphia Eagles "Big Dom" drama, explore the insane World Nomad Games (horseback rugby with a goat carcass), and break down the Rams vs. 49ers Melbourne time-zone strategies. 👋 New from the Spotify Home Feed? Hit the [ + FOLLOW ] button at the top of your screen so you never miss our Monday morning rants! New episodes drop religiously every Monday at 5:00 AM EST. We kick off the episode celebrating World Mini Golf Day, which immediately triggers Erin's hatred for whimsical windmills and the inherent frustration of putt-putt. We then dive into a passionate rant about the podcasting industry's reliance on Instagram metrics, leading us to issue a final ultimatum: if we don't hit 7,000 followers by the end of September 2026, we are shutting the podcast down. Erin also gives a raw update on her mental health and her struggles to "lock in" to healthy habits like sleep and hydration, sharing a new time free Notes app productivity hack that helps her transition between daily tasks without getting overwhelmed. This leads into a recap of her solo trip with the kids to Mauch Chunk Lake, where she enjoyed the clear water, nice campsites, and stumbled upon a beautiful Native American festival. She also provides a serious health update on her recent melanoma diagnosis, expressing frustration over the agonizing wait for surgical consultations and genetic testing, while urging all listeners to prioritize their skin checks. On the sports front, we are officially fantasy football managers of the "Pepto Pugskins" in our new subscriber league. We're already brainstorming brutal punishments for the league loser (only if it's us) like writing out the 1,458 word Declaration of Independence. We also review a shockingly gross college football moment where a Michigan State lineman vomited mid-play but still held his block for a two-point conversion. Shifting to the NFL, we discuss the allegations that Eagles security head "Big Dom" helped cover up a former player's car accident, and we examine the wildly different time-zone strategies the Rams and 49ers used for their game in Melbourne, Australia, which left coach Kyle Shanahan completely disoriented. We also highlight the incredible World Nomad Games, where 3,000 athletes from 100 countries compete in intense traditional sports like Kok-Boru (horseback rugby with a goat carcass). Finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," we spotlight the lead singer of the Philly indie punk rock band "Mid-Sentence," who creatively promoted his music by setting up a speaker in his apartment window to provide live color commentary and stadium-style walk-up songs for the rec kickball league playing across the street.

  6. Sep 14

    #259 - Love Island PA Scam, NFL Goalpost Sabotage, & Fantasy Football

    We kick off announcing our new fantasy football team, the "Pepto Pugskins," and celebrate Mike's birthday before sharing a wild story about Dan accidentally inhaling a live fish while body surfing. We react to dramatic footage of an American Airlines flight restraint, evaluate allegations that the New England Patriots used their video board to sabotage opposing kickers, and break down the insane story of Angel Murdoch, the former Love Island contestant who elaborately faked being a Duke University PA student. 👋 New from the Spotify Home Feed? Hit the [ + FOLLOW ] button at the top of your screen so you never miss our Monday morning rants! New episodes drop religiously every Monday at 5:00 AM EST. We kick off the episode live and in person by announcing our new fantasy football team, the "Pepto Pugskins," and discuss some hilarious punishments for the league loser (only if it's us), including taking the SATs, spending 24 hours in a Waffle House, or competing in a bodybuilding show. We also celebrate Mike's birthday at Hotel LBI, recounting the "What Would You Do?" mystery of the missing complimentary Prosecco and the terrifying moment Bucky almost choked after licking some birthday cake icing. After wishing everyone a Happy National Coloring Day, Erin shares her latest neighborhood battle as the self-appointed street mayor, circulating a petition after the borough removed access to the bay, leading to several injuries. We also share a legendary Dan story, detailing the moment he accidentally inhaled a live fish while body surfing in the ocean. Next, we tackle the tech nightmares of Erin's parents cell phones, recounting the malware masquerading as calendar apps and the relentless full-screen pop-up ads plaguing Erin's mom's Samsung device. Moving to the skies, we react to the wild footage of a buff 67-year-old man getting completely mummified in duct tape in his first class seat on an American Airlines flight after assaulting passengers and shouting slurs. We also give a massive shoutout to Evie's new cocktail book, Drinks for Every Taste, celebrate the former AMC popcorn rebel Darius who now hooks people up with extra McDonald's nuggets, and follow up on Nike's NYC rent-paying 100m street race that ended up being entirely dominated by D-1 athletes rather than everyday runners. In the health and fitness world, Mike vents about his struggles with bodily awareness during corrective jumping exercises assigned by Sam, and Erin shares her desperate goal to finally fix her terrible sleep schedule by going to bed at 10:30 PM. We also react to a piece of the Ritz-Carlton awning from the Eagles' Super Bowl 52 celebrations being sold on Facebook Marketplace for $2,200, and discuss the allegations that the New England Patriots used their video board to create offset goalposts to disorient opposing kickers. For "Erin's Tea Time," we break down the insane story of Angel Murdoch, a former Love Island contestant who elaborately faked being a Duke University Physician Assistant student by posing in scrubs outside dorms and stealing actual students' photos. Finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," we smile at a wholesome viral video of a little kid holding up a tiny catch of the day from a boat as an entire waterfront restaurant erupts in cheers for him.

  7. Sep 7

    #258 - Sydney Marathon Miracle, DoorDash Accidents, & Female Urinals

    We kick off with a massive announcement regarding Erin's upcoming book before sharing a personal health update about her recent melanoma diagnosis. In the running world, we marvel at an elite runner breaking the 3-hour barrier at the Sydney Marathon while 32 weeks pregnant, debate the ethics of retrieving a DoorDash order from a car accident, and review a bizarre female urinal design. 👋 New from the Spotify Home Feed? Hit the [ + FOLLOW ] button at the top of your screen so you never miss our Monday morning rants! New episodes drop religiously every Monday at 5:00 AM EST. We kick off the episode on National Buy a Book Day with a massive announcement: Erin has officially submitted the final draft of her upcoming book, which is slated for release in August 2027. Erin & Mike share a few personal updates, including the surprisingly stressful experience of getting an "A+" from the clerk on his DMV Real ID form, a shoutout to Sourdough Sabrina for a successful weekend selling goods at the local market, and a major shore update regarding a tense, multi-day police standoff over the neighborhood Sunfish sailboats. On a much more serious health note, Erin opens up about recently being diagnosed with melanoma on her shoulder, detailing the scary biopsy process and urging all listeners to prioritize their yearly skin checks. In the running world, we marvel at Ali, an elite runner who just broke the three hour barrier at the Sydney Marathon (2:59:42) while 32 weeks pregnant—though she admitted her biggest logistical hurdle was timing her bathroom breaks. Speaking of bathroom breaks, we review a bizarre new female urinal introduced at an Irish music festival that requires users to squat over a short wall while making direct eye contact with strangers, which we firmly decide is a terrible design. We give an update on Callaway Golf's controversial ad featuring Good Good. Wrapping up the episode, we discuss a wild social experiment where a man sat on a park bench waiting for a stranger to tie his shoe for $10, and debate the ethics of walking up to a massive car accident just to retrieve your perfectly intact DoorDash order. Finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," we recount the wholesome viral story of a woman filming her husband meeting his online gaming friend of nine years in person for the very first time to go fishing.

  8. Aug 31

    #257 - Wheelchair Rugby Gold, LoveSac Drama, & Robot Olympics

    We kick off the episode celebrating National Eat Outside Day and mixing up some creatine electrolytes in a Hydro Jug to fight off brain fog before diving into some major rants. Mike vents about annoying "see what's new" software pop ups on Riverside. Mike explains a bizarre shipping error where he mysteriously received three identical, limited edition watches for his birthday despite his wife Sam only paying for one. Shifting to sports, we celebrate the US Wheelchair Rugby team—featuring previous podcast guests Chuck and Sarah—winning the World Championship for the first time in 16 years after defeating Australia 57-51. We also discuss Nike's Lower East Side 100-meter street race where the fastest sprinter gets their NYC rent paid for a month (up to $4,000), and debate a viral story about four 18-year-old New Jersey hikers who were billed what we consider a very reasonable $1,000 for a nine-hour rescue in New Hampshire. We also reluctantly acknowledge the fast-approaching NFL and fantasy football season, which unfortunately signals the start of Erin's cold weather seasonal depression. In "Erin's Tea Time," we break down a disastrous week for corporate marketing. We cover Callaway Golf's controversial ad featuring a man shoulder-checking a woman for a club (which they blamed on a YouTube production company), Tarte Cosmetics sending influencers highly offensive PR packages with their faces marked up for plastic surgery, and LoveSac's embarrassing decision to mock comedian Deric Cahill with tiny gardening gloves after he made a viral video about their exhausting 25-box couch assembly. In the tech world, we review the unhinged Humanoid Robot Games in Beijing and a "robot" house cleaner that we think is actually being controlled by underpaid overseas laborers who are essentially scanning your home's layout. We also laugh at our favorite corporate one-liners to use at the office. Finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," we highlight the wholesome viral moment of 34-year-old "Heather Skater" inviting all of Denver to a local park to cheer her on as she happily fell her way through her very first roller skating attempt.

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5
out of 5
320 Ratings

About

NonMembers Only is a sports(ish) variety show for curious people who aren’t already in the know. Every week, we curate the niche sports, pop culture, and internet stories worth knowing - and when we get access to the worlds behind them, we take you with us.

Information

  • Creator
    Erin Azar, Mike Hourani
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    265
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Erin Azar, Mike Hourani
  • Show Website
    NonMembers Only

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