For the love of humanity

Ashlee Jowett @Femmyst
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Everyday Alchemy | Life notes navigating the inner Architecture This is for the self-leading person navigating something. Burnout, breakdown, collapse, or the quieter experience of outgrowing something, making sense of what is emerging. Early awareness, mid transformation, refinement and depth work. These episodes are not a course. Nothing here is prescriptive. They are musings, life notes, and revelations still being chewed on. Real-time examples of what it looks like to witness yourself clearly, work with what is already running, and participate in your own life more fully and deliberately.

  1. 5d ago

    Why Does Being Happy Sometimes Feel Superficial or Dangerous? Revelation p3| “Thief of Joy”

    REVELATION — Part 3Thief of Joy— ○ —→ dulled joy that isn't depressionA structural pattern, not a mood — a safety mechanism that got built somewhere along the way without you noticing it operating.→ joy got reclassified as dangerousThe childhood image of bliss followed by harm — running, laughing, then crashing — wiring together happiness and consequence until levity itself started to feel risky.→ is this law, or is this circumstantialTweezing apart a few real incidents from a belief system built to prevent joy altogether. Asking whether the pattern is actually true or just well-defended.→ only trusting joy through permissionFinding levity through culturally sanctioned moments — a glass of wine, a specific occasion — because spontaneous, deliberate, chosen joy didn't feel safe to access directly.→ your body reveals what you've been avoidingDeveloping a somatic practice of sitting with sensation without rushing to explain or dissolve it — letting it intensify, then dissipate on its own timeline.→ it gets harder to fake the ignoranceWanting the vitality of an earlier, less aware self while no longer being able to access the not-knowing that made that vitality effortless. Finding what replaces it.→ joy without the risk of joyFrom bliss being dangerous to feeling exhilarated and at ease at the same time — wind in your hair, traveling light, joy that doesn't need permission anymore.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  2. Sep 22

    Why Do You Feel Like You Should Have Already Known This? Revelation p2|

    REVELATION — Part 2You Didn't Know What You Didn't Know— ○ —→ let yourself be at ease with itEach new layer of depth arrives with its own grief about not having gotten there sooner. That contrast is natural — make peace with it as truth, not as failure.→ uprooting the guilt-and-shame programChallenging the belief that you should have known sooner reveals a sub-program: guilt and shame as a control mechanism, one that isn't actually sustainable or effective long-term.→ your curriculum is already tailored to youYou don't need a blueprint handed to you. Turn your awareness toward what's uncomfortable and it reveals itself — pull the thread and the next layer shows up.→ feeling the full spectrum about who raised youPermission to feel compassion and frustration at the same time. Giving difficult feelings their moment without overdramatizing or minimizing them.→ ancient wisdom waits dormant until you need itProverbs and sayings reach us exactly when nothing else will — because our own limitations are what activate their usefulness. This is how resonance works across generations.→ there's always a ropeThat's the hand. That's the line that's always extended. Even fully saturated in what's hard about being human, there's always a way back, out, or forward.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  3. Sep 15

    Why sharing what you are becoming feels so EXPOSING | Revelation P1 | Reluctant Reveal

    REVELATION — Part 1The Reluctant Reveal— ○ —→ watching your own revelation in real timeBeing aware enough to witness your own transformation while still standing inside the old frame. The vertigo of threading what's new from what's old, what to trust, what's just rumination.→ insider information you can't act on yetThe strange guilt of needing processing time before you're ready to speak or move on what you've seen. Feeling entitled to privacy in your own head, even mid-transformation.→ the choice point: share, or curate the trickleThe real fork between letting your blind spots be visible and creating anyway, or producing a carefully managed version of yourself. Neither option is free of cost.→ partial knowledge as liabilityThe discomfort of sharing incomplete understanding — until you realize everyone is sharing from partial knowledge. Nobody has the whole thing secured.→ is this narcissistic, or is this a seasonDistinguishing necessary self-focus from indulgent self-focus — especially for people whose default is smoothing others' experience instead of asking what they'd choose naturally.→ discomfort is not a sign you're doing it wrongYou get to manage and direct your own revelation. The confusion doesn't mean you're failing the process. It means you're in it.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  4. Sep 10

    Your Time, Focus, + Energy is Expensive | Your Energetic Entitlement | p3

    Your Energetic Entitlement | part 3→ the blueprint wasn't yoursyou adopted it. you inherited it. you were programmed with it. the foundation either had cracks from the start, diverting energy into survival and validation before you were even aware, or it didn't. coming to terms with which one you got is the work of this part.→ who gets your focuswho gets your time, your love, your mind, when you're with them and when you're not. who got to tell you who you are. usually the people who raised you. that is the first template. it is worth excavating.→ the voice note methodrecording yourself moving through an emotion rather than journaling it flat. what does it feel like, where is it in the body, what colour, what song, what memory. staying lucid enough to feel it without being swept away. straddling both worlds at once.→ it's okay that it came from survivalloving music because it was your way to your dad's attention. that's allowed to be true and still be real. you are not interrogating the feelings. you are following them like a bloodhound follows a scent, back to the framework underneath.→ teenage rebellion as the first individuationwe come in differentiated for a reason. we're meant to be individual people in relationship with other individual people. becoming yourself does not make you cold or separate from the whole. it is the maturation arc doing what it's supposed to do.→ held hostage by their gazeif your self-concept lives in how others see you, your focus will always answer to their frame instead of yours. there is grief in seeing the full spectrum of someone's projection of you clearly for the first time. sometimes that means walking away from something.→ the rest examplebeing with someone who believes rest has to be earned, even if they've never said it out loud. you feel the static every time you rest near them. recognising that as their belief, not yours, is the practice. compatibility is really about matching levels of self-awareness.→ intentional curationchoosing what gets your focus from a genuine felt sense, not rigid optimisation. like having thirty-one flavours at the counter. not overwhelming. just a lot of good options you get to enjoy choosing from.→ giving from overflowonce the leaks are repaired, what flows outward is genuinely given. no strings, no quiet tax, no resentment building underneath. you are not here to be perfect or to live inside someone else's borrowed blueprint. this is your human entitlement.0:53 - the two groups recap, foundation built solid vs fractured1:59 - the blueprint wasn't yours, you adopted and inherited it3:06 - symptoms of the fragmented spot: dissatisfaction, jadedness, chronic tired3:59 - a ten degree shift over ten years leading somewhere else entirely5:05 - recapturing focus, becoming aware of what took it and why6:12 - reflection exercise: who gets your focus, your love, your mind7:18 - inner child work, get a journal, follow the thread8:25 - the voice note method, feeling the texture and colour of the emotion9:44 - grandparents and parents lens if it feels too close to home10:51 - what was tolerated, punished, rewarded, encouraged11:57 - it's okay that desires came from survival or bonding, the dad and music example13:04 - following the trail like a bloodhound, seeing the framework and loops14:10 - fortifying the walls by looping through them15:03 - teenage rebellion as the first individuation, differentiated bodies16:10 - deconditioning from validation reliance, fear of hyperindependence17:16 - if your self-concept lives in their gaze, focus is held hostage18:09 - grief of seeing the full spectrum of someone's projection of you19:02 - the rest example, earning rest as a belief system clash19:56 - compatibility is about matching levels of self-awareness21:29 - intentional curation, the Baskin Robbins flavours21:55 - giving from overflow, this is your human entitlement────────

  5. Sep 10

    If you don't care what they think... Why aren't you doing the thing? | Validation

    STANDALONEValidation— ○ —→ take it with a grain of saltExternal validation is not a crime. We enjoy it. But if it's the main sustenance, if it's operating in the foundational architecture, that's worth looking at. No shame here. This is an essential skill and we don't shame ourselves for having a gap.→ how much is actually yoursHow much of what you're doing today is being done to be validated by someone. Notice the small moments — doing something as if you're being filmed, as if there are eyes on you. The code-switching between performance and being. Performance is enjoyable. It's frivolous and exciting. Just don't confuse it for the sustained aspect of who you are.→ classic cars, classic rockDo I like this because I genuinely like it — or because my father liked it and I've never investigated whether that's still true. The nostalgic approval. The sense of lineage. Maybe you look at it and find you do love it. But how would you know if you haven't called it into question.→ cultural currency of gassing upIn some subcultures, validation and complimenting is the social gel, the alliance-builder, the cheap glue. In other groups it barely registers — not because those people are cold, but because they're not looking for it. Some peers have figured out that a better offering is becoming someone whose presence actually adds something. Not complimenting. Uplevelling.→ the coercion angleValidation can also be used as a tactic. Someone feels shaky, you give them a little validation, suddenly they're doing things to impress you. A little tie forms. Worth being responsible about when you're influencing people and how.→ people who are largely self-validatedNo feverish need to have anyone think of them in any particular way. They're detached to a degree. What they tend to want validated isn't approval — it's more like shared commitment. Shared goals. Compatible effort. The process, not the person. Validation becomes a structural compatibility marker rather than a confirmation that they're acceptable.→ external validation is unstableIt depends on the other person's mood, the stability of the relationship, their perspective on a given day. The most stable form is self-validation — you've confirmed the choice with yourself, you're responsible for it, and you don't need permission to pivot when it stops working.→ the closeWhen you're largely self-validated, others' opinions of you stop interacting with your operating system at a subconscious level. You stop needing to manage how people feel about themselves through you. And that's when you get to have real relationships — built on actual whole people, self-validating and showing up.— ○ —0:00 - opening: what becomes possible when you're largely self-validated2:30 - how much of what you're doing is being done for validation vs is actually yours5:00 - performance vs being: code-switching back and forth8:00 - classic cars, classic rock: investigating whether something is truly yours11:30 - what changes when you stop doing things for the validation of how they look14:00 - people who are largely self-validated: no feverish need for approval16:30 - cheap currency: gassing up vs presence that actually adds something18:30 - self-validation as the operating system: stop managing through others20:00 - what becomes evident and what becomes irrelevant— ○ —

  6. Sep 8

    Where are you leaky and messy?| Empty Cup to Overflow | Your Energetic Entitlement | p2

    Energetic Entitlement part 2→ feeling it, not just knowing ityou can feel anything for 90 seconds. let the body map it out. this work uses imagination and intuition as faculties, not as decoration. trust them even if you are not sure what you are feeling for yet. this is yours to explore.→ relational discord as an open woundlike a burnt hand. you cannot stop going back to it. it pulls focus even outside the moments of actual conflict. programming around being useful, valuable, productive can prioritise this wound above everything else, including your own work.→ the twisted webdiscomfort with saying no. anticipating others' negative feelings to avoid feeling them yourself. resentment for giving when you did not want to. none of it draws clean energy. it is all crisscrossed and entangled, which is why relationships can feel so complicated to maintain.→ something diverted the life forcebefore you eat, you must focus on this first. before you rest, you must do this. learning as a child that diverting your portion would earn love, connection, or safety. learned so early it does not register as a choice. that is how insidious the leak can be.→ limerence and nostalgiathe good old days. childhood freedom. it can be beautiful and it can also be heavy. ask whether the energetic cost of the nostalgia tailspin is worth the return. sometimes, like remembering your children running to you at daycare, it absolutely is.→ two softwares at onceholding onto a past version of life while trying to run current experience through it. an old iOS trying to stay compatible with what is actually happening now. that double-running depletes energy whether or not you notice it happening.→ the fridge, againleftovers kept long past anyone should eat them, out of principle, even knowing they will be thrown out tomorrow. a slow reaction time made physical. ask what fragment of architecture you are keeping the same way. not functional. just touched twice for no reason.→ overgiving in conversationlingering. sharing information no one asked for. listening far past your actual capacity. these are telltale signs of a pattern underneath, not character flaws.→ overflow versus the woundsome leaks feel like kindness, loyalty, depth, intimacy. learn to tell the difference between giving from overflow and giving from the wound, the fracture, the not-enough self-concept. when you sort that out you do not give less. you give differently. and it makes sense.╼☩╾for a specific few:• ⧼the one whose relational discord has been hijacking focus even outside the actual conflict, 7:47 names it⧽────────0:00 - leaky energy, going deeper than the last part0:58 - explaining slowly and repeating to give feeling not just cognition2:11 - you can feel anything for 90 seconds, the body maps it3:24 - using intuition and imagination as faculties to develop and trust4:52 - self-concept as your centre point, building self-trust6:19 - you have the choice, blind spots in different life areas7:47 - relational discord as an open wound, like a burnt hand9:15 - feeling for others, emotional translation, anticipating needs10:42 - the twisted knotted web of energy expenditure11:55 - repressing natural instincts, looking at the story behind the drain13:08 - self-concept bruised, something diverted the essential life force14:21 - diverting energy as kids for love and safety, insidious and unaware15:20 - not blaming the structures right now, bringing energy home first16:33 - limerence and nostalgia as a leak, the good old days17:46 - energy cost of the nostalgia tailspin, the kids at daycare example18:59 - dragging the past forward, running two softwares at once20:12 - the fridge and leftovers, hoarding, slow reaction time21:25 - how long it takes you to let go, disengagement speed as a metaphor22:38 - overgiving in conversations, lingering, dumping and overprocessing23:37 - giving from the overflow and giving from the wound────────

  7. Sep 3

    You need to focus, and make all distractions irrelevant | Energetic Entitlement| p1 Focus = Currency

    femmyst | everyday alchemyYour Energetic Entitlement | part 1→ your focus is currencyyour attention is the bare bones basic of what you have to offer while you are here. when philosophy strips away identity, culture, context, what remains is awareness itself. that is what you are giving away in every moment. are you aware of how you spend it.→ the leakemotional rumination before your feet hit the floor. going over what kept you up at night. the leak is not always dramatic. it is the quiet drip before the day even begins.→ two groupsthose who have always known their focus is theirs to direct. and those just discovering the concept now. this part speaks to both. neither is wrong. both are real.→ the wellgroup one drinks from their own well first. whatever comes up in them is theirs before anyone else taps it. anything offered to others comes from overflow, not from the source. group two has the well tapped before it reaches them. a slow drip. living off rations while connected to something that should replenish every night.→ you're entitledthis is your vessel. this is your energy. this is yours. no ifs ands or buts. the cringe at the word entitlement is worth questioning. you are entitled to your own source.→ the fracture and the choiceswhen you trace decisions back, so many were made from unworthiness, from fear, from feeling obligated. that is not shameful. it is information. you didn't know. you are looking at it now.→ the relational discord disclosurewhen relational tension was active, it became the only thing the nervous system would let in. things can be okay once this is resolved. it is not time to create right now. the system flagged it as red alert, amplifying decision fatigue and demand avoidance. old ways of disassociating stopped working. there was nothing left to soothe it but looking directly at the root.→ repairing the leakit was not enough to manage the symptom. the architecture itself, the flagging system, the warning system, needed to be addressed. restoring focus meant restoring the well first. self-nourishment first. then the resilience to meet whatever comes.→ this is your reminderyour focus is your resource. you may not have been taught it belongs to you. now you know. your well, your overflow, yours to direct.for a specific few:• ⧼the one whose nervous system flags every relational tension as the only thing worth attending to, 17:03 names exactly what that feels like⧽───────0:00 - focus as a resource, currency, your life tokens0:47 - your attention is the bare bones basic of what you have to offer1:45 - the leak: emotional rumination before your feet hit the floor2:44 - quality of focus, how it feels in the body over time3:43 - your focus is yours, it's sacred, stripping everything away4:42 - two groups: those who always knew vs those just discovering it5:53 - group one: drinking from the well first, never diverted7:03 - group two: the well tapped before it reaches you, the slow drip8:14 - looking for resources outside yourself, buying back your value9:13 - you're entitled, this is your vessel, no ifs ands or buts10:12 - group two's choices reflect the fracture, unworthiness in decisions11:22 - imagine never having questioned your worth12:33 - the social game asking you to be what you are not13:43 - there was an injury, it's okay to heal it14:54 - revoking focus, not participating gives reality time to clear15:53 - relational discord taking priority over everything17:03 - nervous system flagged as red alert, neurodivergent amplification18:02 - I couldn't override it if I wanted to18:49 - looking at the wound, repairing the leak, restoring the well19:25 - this is your energy, your focus, your well, you get to direct it───────

  8. Sep 1

    Energetic Immune System chronic self abandonment | p3 A Really Good Look

    femmyst | everyday alchemya really good look | part 3→ your energetic immune systemit has been working for you the whole time. you have been trusting it. at this level you are learning to read it, tend to it, and use it with more intention. discernment is the skill that makes this possible.→ discernment is a gift you give yourself firstthen you can share it with others. you are what you eat extends to what you consume in thoughts, interactions, environments, and experiences. what is the energetic balance looking like. what are the deposits and what are the withdrawals.→ not betraying otherschoosing yourself is not disloyalty. generosity with yourself is how you stay genuinely generous. leaving every interaction of a certain relationship feeling hollow, drained, or sick is information. what is this dance worth to me, and why am I doing it.→ you don't have to worry about becoming an assholebecause you are watching. the self-nourishing person who sees their own leaky and lack patterns is not the same as the person who simply stops giving. the difference is visibility. compassion. seeing it clearly.→ strings attachedsometimes giving was really hoping for obligation in return. sometimes the broader relational investment had conditions neither person named. seeing that without condemning yourself or the other person is the work. both sides are worth seeing honestly.→ evaluate all relational commitmentsare there relationships that feel like fog, like darkness, ego-feeding, like they soothe your critic or feed the screaming wound you have not been able to feed yourself. don't condemn. see. what nourishes you and what depletes you are not always what you think.→ twerk what you want to twerkyou get to look at yourself. you get to like what you see. you get to tweak what you want to tweak. this is your jurisdiction. your energetic immune system is yours to tend.for a specific few:• ⧼the one who has been confirming someone else's reality at the expense of their own for a long time, 4:18 is the naming of it⧽────────0:00 - immune systems working for us, trust your energetic immune system0:41 - discernment as a gift you give yourself first1:22 - what energies are you letting in, you are what you eat2:04 - energetic balance, deposits and withdrawals2:45 - discernment is not betraying others, generosity with yourself first3:37 - leaving feeling hollow drained, what is this dance worth to me4:18 - confirming their reality while ignoring yours4:59 - you don't have to worry about becoming an a*****e because you're watching5:36 - giving out of hope for obligation, strings attached6:12 - evaluate all relational commitments, soothe the critic, screaming wound6:53 - habits when taxed: emotional eating, son going for the honey7:34 - your energetic immune system is your jurisdiction8:11 - twerk what you want to twerk────────

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Everyday Alchemy | Life notes navigating the inner Architecture This is for the self-leading person navigating something. Burnout, breakdown, collapse, or the quieter experience of outgrowing something, making sense of what is emerging. Early awareness, mid transformation, refinement and depth work. These episodes are not a course. Nothing here is prescriptive. They are musings, life notes, and revelations still being chewed on. Real-time examples of what it looks like to witness yourself clearly, work with what is already running, and participate in your own life more fully and deliberately.

Information

  • Creator
    Ashlee Jowett @Femmyst
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    70
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Ashlee Jowett @Femmyst
  • Show Website
    For the love of humanity