How many times have you said "I'm fine" because explaining what you were actually carrying felt harder than just getting through the day? That question is where this episode starts, and it's the same question behind the invisible load women carry in real estate leadership. This week I had the privilege of moderating a panel at Empower Her, an event brought together by the Impact Council of Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties in Los Angeles. The theme was "The Invisible Load, Strength Has Layers," and today we're continuing that conversation with Cynthia Miller, co-chair of this year's Empower Her, and three of the women who spoke on the panel: Lauren Ravitz, Shauna Covington, and Molly Haines McKay. We get into the seasons they carried alone, the hard calls that looked easy from the outside, how they finally learned to let go of control, and what they'd tell the woman who's succeeding on the outside but privately wondering how much longer she can keep this up. Meet the Leaders Cynthia Miller - Realtor, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties, Encino She joined the Impact Council this year after attending the prior year's Empower Her event and being moved enough to want to help build the next one. Cynthia is passionate about the idea that everyone carries an invisible load, and about making sure women in this business don't carry it in silence. Lauren Ravitz - Luxury Director and Individual Agent, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties She has been with Berkshire Hathaway since 2001 and met her husband, also a realtor, in the office. Lauren is known for treating connectivity and relationships as her real product, and for coaching other agents toward the same realization: being good at the job isn't the same as doing every single task yourself. Molly Haines McKay - Broker Associate, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties, Coronado She has been with Berkshire Hathaway since 2009 and leads an all-women team of three specializing in Coronado and San Diego luxury real estate. Molly is passionate about systemizing a business so nothing lives only in her head, and about showing her two sons what leadership and hard work actually look like. Shauna Covington - Realtor, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties, Laguna Beach She has worked in real estate for 38 years, raised four children through all of them, and now works alongside her daughter, Leita. Shauna is known for coaching with Tom Ferry, for tripling her listings once she finally hired help, and for trusting her instinct when a client relationship isn't a good fit. Why This Year's Empower Her Theme Hit Home Cynthia and Teresa both lost their spouses within a few years of each other, and that shared experience is what shaped this year's Empower Her theme. Cynthia's husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the start of COVID, during her busiest season in the business, and she made the decision not to tell most of her clients. She didn't want her clients to feel like a burden to her, or to feel like they had to manage her pain on top of their own transaction. That decision to carry it quietly is exactly what the invisible load means. Everyone on this panel has a version of it, and Empower Her was built to pull it into the open instead of leaving it buried under "I'm fine." The Seasons They Carried Alone Lauren went through breast cancer treatment without telling almost anyone. No meal trains, no one feeling bad for her, nothing that would put her business at risk. She kept moving forward like "a train," pushed her own health to the back burner, and only fully processed what that cost her years later, at the Empower Her panel itself. Molly's takeaway from the same panel was less about any single lesson and more about the feeling of community in the room, realizing that being vulnerable doesn't make a leader weaker, it's often what makes clients trust her more. Shauna connected it back to something her late mother used to say: let's all pull through this together. Learning to Let Go of Control Shauna was handling five listings on her own before her coach, Tom Ferry, told her to hire an assistant. She did, and tripled her listings within six months, simply because she finally had the bandwidth to focus on what actually mattered. Cynthia described the same pattern from a different angle: even with an assistant, delegating still didn't come naturally to her, and she had to actively practice letting people help. Lauren put the shift in blunt terms: for years she confused being good at her job with doing everything herself. Her strength is connecting people with the right roles, not personally handling every piece of paperwork, and recognizing that distinction is what she credits with making her a better leader. Molly added that some of that support doesn't even cost money, it's as simple as using the resources a brokerage already provides instead of assuming you have to go it alone. The Hardest Calls That Looked Easy From Outside Lauren said some of the hardest parts of the job are knowing when to advise a client not to do something, even when staying quiet would keep a transaction moving. Her responsibility, she said, is to the person, not the deal, even when that honesty costs her the sale. Cynthia lived that same decision recently with a longtime client who fell in love with a home that failed inspection after inspection. She told him directly that it wasn't the right place, they canceled the deal, and weeks later he found and bought a home he loves, with Cynthia now representing the sale of his old one. Shauna's version of the same lesson took nearly 30 of her 38 years in the business to learn: some clients will take more energy than they're worth, and walking away from a bad fit protects the clients who are showing up and doing the work with you. Setting Boundaries That Actually Stick Cynthia relies on Do Not Disturb and a simple reminder to herself: she's a realtor, not a brain surgeon, and most late-night messages can wait until morning. She uses the same boundary with her adult daughters now, even when it's hard. Lauren's coach once called her mother and sister "boundary tramplers," and the label stuck. She now sets communication expectations with every client at the very start of the relationship, whether that's email only or a group text, instead of letting availability default to 24/7. Shauna does something similar by building a single group text per transaction so updates go out once instead of being repeated client by client. What They'd Tell the Woman Running on Empty Molly's advice is practical: hire a transaction coordinator if a full assistant isn't in the budget yet, and write tomorrow's to-do list down before bed so your brain can actually let go of it overnight. Shauna caps her own list at seven priorities a day, what she calls her triage, so the list stays usable instead of spiraling. Lauren's message was more direct: you're probably doing better than you think, and you won't get an award for being the most exhausted person in the room. Cynthia's answer was about getting to a season where self-care isn't optional, daily movement and a few minutes of guided meditation are what let her keep showing up for everyone else. Leadership Advice, Favourite Books, and Quotes Cynthia returns to the Serenity Prayer, a line she first picked up through Al-Anon, whenever she's struggling to accept what she can't control: it reminds her to accept what is, and to find another way forward with what she can change. Molly recommended Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott, especially for team leaders, for how it builds the confidence and skill to have the productive, trust-building conversations a team actually needs. Shauna carries a line from a 55-year veteran agent and mentor in her office, Joe Baker: "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger." Lauren's guiding principle is connectivity and relationships, the belief that the more you give, the more comes back. She also recommended The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, a book she said she's actively practicing with both her family and her clients. When you help another woman rise, we all shine. And that's how we make an impact. So, let's build each other up and shine brighter than the sun. For more great content from Teresa, connect with her on LinkedIn, join her Women Who Lead Series on Facebook, and subscribe to her YouTube channel. You can find more episodes of Women Who Lead on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and anywhere else podcasts can be found.
