Phones were supposed to make life easier. Instead, many parents feel like they’re raising kids alongside a slot machine that lives in everyone’s pocket. In this powerful Parents of the Year episode, Andrew and Caroline sit down with MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW to talk about phones, dopamine, porn, AI, and what realistic boundaries look like in 2025. MJ shares what she’s seen across four decades in the therapy room—before and after smartphones—and why today’s kids’ brains are simply not built for the amount of stimulation they’re getting. You’ll hear why phones are engineered to hook the brain’s reward system, how overuse fuels anxiety, irritability, and low mood, and why “it’s just their social life” is a dangerous myth. MJ explains her ACT phone model (Awareness, Create phone-free time, Take it out of the bedroom), the difference between real connection and “scrolling together,” and why parents have to clean up their own phone use first. We also wade into the harder territory: early pornography exposure, violent porn, AI chat “friends,” and suicidal threats when phones are taken away. MJ offers concrete language, practical boundaries, and a compassionate approach that centres relationship and safety. If you’ve ever felt guilty, confused, or totally outgunned by your child’s phone, this episode will give you clarity, language, and next steps you can actually use tonight. Homework Ideas Phone Use Awareness (for parents first) Check your screen time report for a full week. Note: Total daily hoursTop 3 appsTimes of day you reach for it mostJournal one line a day: “What was I avoiding or soothing when I reached for my phone?”Create Phone-Free Blocks (ACT – C) Choose 1–2 daily blocks where all phones are away and out of reach (e.g., 5–7 pm, mealtimes, bedtime routine) Physically store them in another room or lockbox. During those blocks, invite, don’t force:WalksBaking or cookingBoard game“Nothing time” where people can be bored and see what happensTake Phones Out of the Bedroom (ACT – T) Parents go first. Replace your phone with a basic alarm clock or a speaker for music/meditation if needed Once you’ve done it for 2–4 weeks, have a family meeting:Explain the sleep and brain science (keep it simple: “Brains need dark, quiet, and no pings to reset properly.”)Agree as a family: phones docked in a shared space overnight and/or in a lockbox.Curate the Feed – “You Are What You Scroll” Together, pick 3–5 things you want more of in life (e.g., art, sport, nature, comedy). Follow accounts that actually match those values.Unfollow / mute accounts that leave you anxious, angry, or “less than.”Watch The Social Dilemma as a family and discuss: What surprised you? What do you want to change about how you use your phone?Send us a text Enjoying the show? Help us out by rating us on Apple! https://apple.co/3du8mPK Follow us on Facebook and join our Facebook Community! Access resources, get support from other parents, and ask Caroline and Andrew your questions! Follow FB: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61566206651235and FB Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/674563503855526
