Stop Sabotaging Your Success

Cindy Esliger
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The podcast for ambitious, professional women who are tired of playing small and ready to overcome the invisible barriers that are holding us back at work.

  1. 2d ago

    242 - Their Problems Are Not Your Problems

    Cindy Esliger explores the invisible work of managing everyone else's emotions while quietly suppressing our own. Being the steady one at work, smoothing over awkward moments, and absorbing other people's frustrations can become so automatic that we don't even recognize it as work. Cindy explains how emotional labor and the habit of keeping the peace can leave us exhausted, especially in male-dominated workplaces where women are often expected to manage the tone of the room. She examines why we take on problems that aren't ours to solve and how setting boundaries can help us reclaim our time, energy, and peace of mind. Managing everyone else's feelings can mean doing two jobs at once: our actual job and the emotional maintenance for everyone around us. Cindy explains how fawning, the stress response that has us appeasing and accommodating others to keep the peace, can drain our mental energy and chip away at our confidence. This becomes particularly challenging when dealing with a coworker or friend who constantly complains and leaves us feeling emotionally depleted. Cindy identifies three types of complaining that are important to distinguish: 1. Venting to release frustration, 2. Problem-solving to seek advice or find a path forward, and 3. Ruminating on the same problems without attempting to resolve them. Recognizing the difference helps us understand when someone genuinely needs support and when we've become a receptacle for their frustrations. Setting boundaries doesn't mean we don't care about someone. It means we're willing to advocate for our own needs instead of taking responsibility for problems that aren't ours to solve. Cindy shares seven practical strategies for dealing with a chronic complainer: 1. Empathize when it's genuinely warranted, 2. Redirect the conversation when it starts looping, 3. Be intentional about whether we're venting or looking for feedback, 4. Lead by example, 5. Ask before offering an opinion, 6. Don't be dismissive, and 7. Draw a clear boundary around our time and availability. Cindy reminds us that redirection isn't rejection and that healthy relationships are mutually supportive. We can listen, be present, and care about others without becoming entangled in their emotions or feeling responsible for their outcomes. Their problems are not our problems.   Key Moments: 00:00  Introduction: Their Problems Are Not Your Problems 01:26  The Invisible Emotional Labor of Managing Everyone Else 04:10  Fawning and the Cost of Keeping the Peace 05:46  Recognizing When You're Taking On Too Much 07:01  Dealing With the Chronic Complainer in Your Life 08:15  Why Setting Boundaries Feels So Difficult 09:31  Practical Ways to Redirect Difficult Conversations 10:48  Communicating Boundaries Without Guilt 12:04  What Healthy and Mutually Supportive Relationships Look Like 13:25  Three Types of Complaining: Venting, Problem Solving, and Ruminating 14:49  Seven Strategies for Managing Chronic Complainers 16:16  How to Hand Someone's Problems Back Without Being Harsh 17:42  Caring About Others Without Carrying Their Problems   Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Releasing What Isn't Yours to CarryAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective— Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    242 - Their Problems Are Not Your Problems

  2. Oct 22

    241 - Rebuilding in the Aftermath of your Burnout

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores what it really takes to rebuild our careers, professional reputations, and confidence after burnout. Burnout isn't just about exhaustion or dreading another Monday morning. It can change how we see ourselves and the people we work with, leaving us questioning our judgment and assuming the worst about others. Cindy examines why returning to work after burnout can be so difficult, whether that means returning to the same job, changing organizations, or starting over in a completely different field. The goal isn't to prove we can survive the same conditions that burned us out in the first place. It's to redefine what good work looks like and build a career that's actually sustainable.  One of the biggest contributors to burnout is perfectionism, especially when it's combined with micromanagement and what Cindy calls the myth of control. We convince ourselves that if we work harder, check everything one more time, and eliminate every possible mistake, we can protect ourselves from failure. But that exhausting cycle erodes our confidence and makes us hold on even tighter. Cindy explains how burnout can also lead to cynicism, where we stop giving people the benefit of the doubt and start assuming everyone has bad intentions. While cynicism can feel like hard-won wisdom, it often damages the relationships, trust, and professional opportunities we need to rebuild. Cindy introduces hopeful skepticism as a healthier alternative and offers three ways to challenge our cynical assumptions: 1. Examine evidence before jumping to dark conclusions, 2. Run small behavioral experiments, and 3. Take calculated risks by putting trust in people. Rebuilding after burnout doesn't mean becoming blindly optimistic or pretending that difficult workplace experiences never happened. It means learning to distinguish between real evidence and the fears we've carried forward. Cindy shares three practical habits to help make that shift: 1. Reduce how much news we consume, 2. Make it policy to share the good things we notice about others instead of defaulting to commiserating, and 3. Treat trust like the experiment it is. By letting go of impossible standards, rebuilding self-trust, and choosing hope over cynicism, we can create something sturdier than the career we had before burnout. We don't have to return to the person who burned out. We can become someone who works differently, trusts more deliberately, and makes decisions based on what we know about our own limits.  Key Moments: 00:00 How burnout changes the way we see ourselves and others 01:45 What returning to work after burnout really looks like 03:01 Rebuilding professional reputation and trust in our own judgment 04:30 Redefining success by prioritizing sustainability over achievement 05:52 How perfectionism and micromanagement contribute to burnout 07:27 The myth of control and the downward spiral of perfectionism 09:04 Why burnout can turn into cynicism at work 10:17 Why cynics may be less accurate than they think 11:41 The personal and professional costs of cynicism 13:05 How cynicism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy 14:31 Moving from cynicism to hopeful skepticism 16:03 Three practical steps for challenging cynical assumptions 17:24 Testing expectations and taking small risks with trust 18:49 Why asking for help is an important part of rebuilding trust 20:29 How expecting the worst can limit our opportunities 21:46 Three habits for replacing cynicism with hope 23:23 Building a stronger professional identity after burnout   Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Rebuilding Trust, Confidence, and Reputation After BurnoutAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective— Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    241 - Rebuilding in the Aftermath of your Burnout

  3. Oct 15

    240 - What Healthy Professional Reciprocity Actually Looks Like

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores what healthy professional reciprocity actually looks like and why the people in our inner circle can either accelerate our growth or quietly drain us. Healthy professional peer pressure raises the bar for what we’re willing to accept for ourselves. The right people notice when we start playing small, hold us accountable for goals we identify, and are willing to risk a little friction instead of pacifying us. Cindy also distinguishes mentorship from sponsorship. A mentor gives advice, while a sponsor spends their own political capital by saying our name in the rooms where decisions are actually being made. Building those relationships requires more than doing excellent work and hoping someone notices. Cindy explains why visibility matters, why feedback should be treated as a gift that we use, and why showing up for others first can serve as both a filter and a magnet. She also examines what happens when being agreeable turns into fawning and makes us the path of least resistance for everyone who needs something done. Reclaiming agency doesn’t require becoming confrontational. It can begin by delaying our default acceptance. Instead of immediately saying yes, we practice disagreement on low-risk issues before the stakes are high, and pay attention to who respects boundaries and who escalates the moment we stop being agreeable. Ultimately, healthy professional relationships have to include reciprocity. Cindy encourages us to audit our inner circles by asking what we’ve given and what we’ve actually received in return, not as a petty scorecard but as an honest gut check. She recommends testing before investing, clearly asking for the support we need, and protecting our energy when someone consistently proves incapable of reciprocating. Healthy reciprocity is a discipline. Give deliberately, pay attention to what comes back, and recalibrate without guilt. Most importantly, stop mistaking being needed for being valued because those two things are very different, and only one helps build the career we actually want. Key Moments: 00:00:07 Who Is Actually in Your Corner?Cindy introduces professional reciprocity and asks whether the people in our professional circles are genuinely rooting for us or simply benefiting from what we provide. 00:01:32 Healthy Professional Peer PressureA strong inner circle raises the bar, notices when we’re playing small, and holds us accountable instead of allowing comfortable stagnation. 00:02:53 Are They Pushing You or Pacifying You?Cindy explains why constant reassurance can create an echo chamber and why people willing to risk a little friction can be valuable to our growth. 00:04:13 Mentors Versus SponsorsMentors offer advice, while sponsors use their reputation and political capital to advocate for us in rooms where important decisions are made. 00:05:35 Understanding the Real Power StructureCindy discusses how influence doesn’t always follow the organizational chart and why choosing the wrong sponsor can carry professional risks. 00:07:04 Building Trust and VisibilityReliability, visibility, and acting on useful feedback help build the kind of credibility that creates stronger professional relationships. 00:08:31 Close the Feedback LoopUsing someone’s advice and telling them what happened demonstrates that their input mattered and makes them more likely to give honest feedback again. 00:09:46 Become the Support You Want to ReceiveGoing first can act as both a filter and a magnet by revealing who reciprocates and attracting people who value the same kind of professional generosity. 00:11:07 Respect Is Social CapitalCindy explores how giving respect first can build influence and why curiosity about difficult workplace dynamics creates more agency than simply waiting to be treated fairly. 00:12:49 When Fawning Becomes the DefaultCompliance, over-accommodating, and avoiding conflict can turn someone into the path of least resistance for coworkers who need something done. 00:14:11 Reclaiming Agency Through Small BoundariesRather than suddenly becoming confrontational, Cindy recommends delaying automatic agreement, practicing low-risk disagreement, and watching how people respond to boundaries. 00:15:40 Audit Your Inner CircleOne-sided relationships create a particular kind of exhaustion. Cindy encourages an honest assessment of what we continually give and what actually comes back. 00:17:06 Test Before You InvestBefore committing significant time, energy, or social capital to someone, offer a smaller amount of support and notice whether they reciprocate. 00:18:28 Stop Mistaking Being Needed for Being ValuedHealthy reciprocity requires giving deliberately, noticing how others respond, and recalibrating relationships without guilt when the exchange remains one-sided. Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Building a Circle That Actually Has Your BackAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective— Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    240 - What Healthy Professional Reciprocity Actually Looks Like

  4. Oct 8

    239 - How to Build Trust When You've Already Been Burned

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores what happens after someone has burned us at work and trusting people no longer feels safe. Betrayal, sabotage, or exclusion can change our baseline assumptions about the people around us, leaving us more guarded and questioning our own judgment. Cindy explains that the goal isn’t to trust people again or throw caution to the wind blindly. It’s to become more discerning about who earns access to us while staying engaged enough to build the relationships, visibility, and alliances we need to succeed. A healthy professional boundary is a filter, not a wall, and graduated trust lets us protect ourselves without running our careers from a defensive crouch. Rebuilding trust also means learning to take calculated emotional risks again. Cindy explores how measured vulnerability, thoughtful delegation, and small attempts at reconnecting can help us rebuild trust in other people and in our own judgment. She also explains why becoming more politically savvy is an important part of protecting ourselves at work. Political savvy isn’t about manipulation or becoming someone we’re not. It’s about understanding how decisions actually get made, reading formal and informal power dynamics, recognizing unwritten rules, managing how we’re perceived, and communicating in ways that land with the person in front of us. Cindy outlines four ways to improve our political savvy: 1. Start with how we package ideas, 2. Timing matters as much as content, 3. Relationships matter, and 4. Self-promotion. None of this works particularly well when an old wound makes every interaction feel like a five-alarm threat. Cindy shares five tools worth practicing until they become a habit: 1. Stay present, 2. Visualize the outcome we want, 3. Reprogram automatic negative self-talk, 4. Reframe our thinking around office politics, and 5. Keep perspective. Rebuilding trust is incremental work, made up of small deposits such as one selective disclosure, one well-timed conversation, one delegated task, or one thoughtful thank you. We don’t have to trust blindly to move forward, and we don’t have to stay closed off to stay safe. We can become more selective, politically savvy, and patient as we learn to trust other people and, just as importantly, our own judgment again. Key Moments: 00:00 How to Rebuild Trust After You’ve Been Burned 03:01 Betrayal, Sabotage, and Exclusion 04:40 Why Boundaries Are Filters, Not Walls 07:45 Reconnecting After Isolation and Setbacks 09:14 Using Vulnerability and Delegation to Rebuild Trust 11:35 Taking Calculated Emotional Risks 13:53 What It Really Means to Be Politically Savvy 16:54 Reading Workplace Dynamics Without Becoming Cynical 20:00 Four Ways to Improve Your Political Savvy 22:40 Five Tools for Managing Your Reactions 24:28 Rebuilding Trust One Small Step at a Time Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Rebuilding Trust Without Losing Your EdgeAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective— Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    239 - How to Build Trust When You've Already Been Burned

  5. Oct 1

    238 - Stop Doing Everything on Your Own

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger challenges the belief that career success comes from being completely self-reliant. Working hard, figuring things out alone, and proving your competence may serve you well early in your career, but that same independence can eventually become a limitation. Cindy explains why career success is never a solo pursuit and why asking for help isn't a weakness but a leadership skill. The people who advance learn how to multiply their thinking through collaboration, build relationships with people invested in their success, and become more strategic about where they spend their time and energy. As careers progress, hard work reaches a limit on its return on investment. Cindy explores the shift from being rewarded for individual output to being valued for influence, visibility, relationships, and the ability to get work done through other people. She also shares her experience of finally earning a seat at the table in a male-dominated industry, only to discover that being invited into the room did not guarantee her perspective would be heard or valued. Understanding organizational dynamics, knowing where influence actually sits, and building support before important decisions are made are all part of learning to play the game without losing integrity. Cindy offers four places to start changing our experience at work: 1. It’s more than just optics; 2. We’re not broken; the barriers are structural, not personal; 3. Take up space, and 4. Upgrade the stories we tell ourselves and each other. Confidence is an inside job, but nobody has to build a successful career entirely alone. By creating networks, finding mentors and advocates, making capabilities visible, and learning the rules of the game, it becomes possible to stop simply working harder and start moving forward more strategically. Key Moments: 00:00 Stop Doing Everything on Our Own 01:35 Why Career Success Is Not a Solo Pursuit 04:24 When Hard Work Reaches Its Limit 05:48 The Career Shift Nobody Warns Us About 07:06 Building a Strategic Career Plan 07:06 Learning to Play the Political Game 08:29 Getting a Seat at the Table 11:09 When Being in the Room Is Not Enough 13:56 Women Do Not Need Fixing 16:44 Building Networks, Mentors, and Advocates 18:10 Confidence Is an Inside Job 19:33 Four Places to Start 23:53 Stop Trying to Do It Entirely Alone   Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Getting Out of Your Own WayAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective— Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    238 - Stop Doing Everything on Your Own

  6. Sep 24

    237 - The Art of the Strategic No

    Cindy Esliger explores how to tell the difference between paying our dues and getting stuck with dead-end work that does nothing to move our careers forward. Many talented professionals automatically accept the note-taking, coffee runs, meeting setup, and other busy work because being agreeable feels safer than pushing back. But simply working harder is rarely the answer. Cindy explains why our automatic yes can become a career blind spot and how learning to make more deliberate decisions about where we spend our time can help us move toward the strategic, visible work we actually want.  Not every unglamorous assignment is a trap. Sometimes doing work we would rather avoid builds trust, develops an important skill or relationship, or gives us visibility with someone who influences where we end up next. Cindy offers a three-question filter for deciding whether to accept, negotiate, or decline an assignment: 1. Does it build a skill or relationship we are actually going to need later? 2. Is it visible to someone who actually influences where we end up next? 3. Would saying no here cost us more politically than just doing it this one time? She also uses the metaphor of solving a maze from the end rather than the beginning. By getting clear on where we want to go and working backward, it becomes easier to recognize the detours and traps before we encounter them. Once a task really is identified as a dead end, Cindy shares seven ways to decline it or minimize our involvement while protecting important workplace relationships: 1. Reframe instead of flatly refusing, 2. Know the difference between our manager’s top priority and someone else’s request, 3. Offer a reduced-scope version instead of full ownership, 4. Redirect to the right owner, 5. Turn the pattern into data, not a complaint, 6. Ask directly for the visible work, and 7. Manage the emotional residue in real time. The goal is not one dramatic boundary-setting moment. It is small, repeated actions that compound over time because consistency beats intensity. The no and the ask are a pair. By setting one boundary, asking for the work we actually want, and letting go of the identity of the reliable yes person, we can begin making room for something new.  Key Moments: 00:01:34 Why Soft Skills Matter for Career Growth 00:04:05 Breaking the Habit of Automatically Saying Yes 00:07:04 Paying Your Dues or Accepting a Dead End Task? 00:07:47 Three Questions to Evaluate the Next Request 00:09:51 Working Backward From the Career Goal 00:12:38 Knowing When to Persevere and When to Let Go 00:13:59 How the Safety of Busy Work Keeps Us Stuck 00:14:48 Seven Ways to Strategically Say No 00:15:19 Reframing a No as a Negotiation 00:16:44 Turning a Pattern of Busy Work Into Data 00:17:31 Pairing the Strategic No With a Direct Ask 00:18:21 Building Confidence Through Small Assertive Actions 00:19:47 Setting One Boundary to Start Changing the Pattern   Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to the Strategic NoAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective— Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    237 - The Art of the Strategic No

  7. Sep 17

    236 - Reclaiming the Joy of Small Victories

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger discusses why so many of us move from one task to the next without stopping to acknowledge what we have accomplished. Big workplace wins can be inconsistent. Promotions get delayed, exciting projects get shelved, and sometimes the scoreboard just doesn’t reflect the effort we’re putting into our work. When that happens, small wins matter more, not less. Cindy explains why tracking an accomplishment isn’t the same as celebrating it and why deciding in advance how to treat ourselves when a win shows up can help us stop and appreciate it instead of letting it evaporate into thin air. Waiting for someone else to notice our good work can leave us feeling invisible, so Cindy encourages us to make our accomplishments visible on purpose and become more comfortable saying what we do well. She also challenges us to shift from focusing only on outcomes to recognizing effort-focused wins, because we can control our level of effort every day. A daily or weekly ritual of asking, “What’s one thing that went right?” can train our brains to look for evidence that things are working instead of focusing only on what’s broken or unfinished. Small wins build big careers, and acknowledging them isn’t a detour from productivity. It’s part of what makes the next stretch of effort possible and much more enjoyable. Work, however, is only one part of an integrated life, and Cindy reminds us that balance doesn’t require giving everything equal amounts of time and energy. What matters more is alignment, making intentional choices about the most important things in every moment, and accepting the trade-offs that come with those choices. Cindy identifies seven areas where we can look for small victories: 1. Mental health, 2. Physical health, 3. Social health, 4. Intellectual health, 5. Financial health, 6. Spiritual health, and 7. Professional health. When a workplace win is scarce, that doesn’t mean a win isn’t available today. It may simply mean we need to look somewhere else for it, then actually celebrate it when we find it. Key Moments: 00:00:07 Why We Overlook Our Small Wins 00:01:25 When the Big Wins Are on Hold 00:02:43 Stop Waiting for Someone Else to Notice 00:05:15 Shift From Outcome-Focused to Effort-Focused Wins 00:06:39 Create a Daily or Weekly Win Ritual 00:08:07 Your Job Is Not Your Whole Identity 00:09:29 Choose Priorities and Make Intentional Trade-Offs 00:11:59 Focus on What You Are Gaining 00:13:21 Seven Areas to Find Small Victories 00:18:54 Pick One Small Win and Actually Celebrate It   Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Recognizing Your ProgressAstronomic AudioConfidence Collective— Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    236 - Reclaiming the Joy of Small Victories

  8. Sep 10

    235 - What Progress Really Looks Like

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores what progress really looks like after a career setback, especially when confidence has taken a hit. Not getting the promotion, opportunity, or yes we were hoping for can quickly turn disappointment into a much harsher opinion about what the outcome says about us. Cindy explains why the real obstacle is often not a skills or knowledge gap, but a belief gap. Limiting beliefs can turn one setback into a reason to play small, stay under the radar, and stop putting ourselves forward. The challenge is learning to separate the facts of what happened from the story we build. Progress in a low-confidence season rarely looks like the traditional workplace scoreboard. Cindy reframes progress as how quickly and skillfully we recover from setbacks, learn from them, and take the next deliberate action. That means processing disappointment without turning it into self-punishment, recognizing dysfunctional systems and bias without internalizing them, and building a private record of our own growth. A setback can teach us that we need more visible sponsorship, better communication about our accomplishments, or greater clarity about what success actually requires. Tracking our recovery time, lessons learned, actions taken, and the ways we have become faster, calmer, and clearer gives us an internal scoreboard we can trust, even when external recognition is slow to arrive. Confidence is not a prerequisite for action. It’s often the result of it. Cindy encourages us to stop waiting until we feel ready and instead focus on small actions that allow confidence to compound quietly over time. She also explains why both emotion and logic have a role in creating momentum. Emotion lights the match and logic builds the fire pit around it. Real progress might mean catching a limiting belief before it becomes a decision, sitting with discomfort instead of retreating, putting a lesson into action, shortening our recovery time, or doing one small, brave thing before we feel ready. None of that may appear on someone else's highlight reel, but it still counts as progress. Key Moments: 00:00:07 What Progress Really Looks Like When Confidence Takes a Hit 00:01:35 The Belief Gap That Keeps Us Playing Small 00:04:33 Processing Disappointment Without Beating Yourself Up 00:07:22 Recognizing Workplace Bias Without Internalizing It 00:08:40 Redefining Progress and Tracking Your Resilience 00:12:44 Confidence Comes After Action 00:15:41 Emotion Lights the Match and Logic Builds the Fire Pit   Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Recognizing Your Progress Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    235 - What Progress Really Looks Like
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About

The podcast for ambitious, professional women who are tired of playing small and ready to overcome the invisible barriers that are holding us back at work.

Information

  • Creator
    Cindy Esliger
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    243
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Stop Sabotaging Your Success
  • Show Website
    Stop Sabotaging Your Success