Stop Sabotaging Your Success

Cindy Esliger
  • 4.8 (4)
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The podcast for ambitious, professional women who are tired of playing small and ready to overcome the invisible barriers that are holding us back at work.

  1. 222 - Discomfort or Misalignment

    4d ago

    222 - Discomfort or Misalignment

    In this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success, Cindy Esliger explores why so many professionals achieve a goal only to immediately move the goalposts and focus on what is still not enough. She explains how productivity can become a form of self-soothing, especially in environments where recognition is scarce and we feel we need to constantly prove our value. Cindy examines the connection between achievement and self-worth, and why relying on external validation creates a cycle where success never feels satisfying. We need to learn to distinguish between productive discomfort and true misalignment. Productive discomfort signals growth and expansion into new territory, while misalignment feels like climbing a ladder that’s leaning against the wrong wall. Cindy challenges us to evaluate whether we’re pursuing goals that genuinely reflect our values or are simply chasing recognition that may never arrive. She also outlines five beliefs that keep us trapped in moving our own goalposts: 1. If we keep proving ourselves, we’ll finally be recognized, 2. Slowing down or setting boundaries will make us seem uncommitted, 3. We can’t afford to make mistakes or show vulnerability, 4. We need to do it all to prove we can handle it, and 5. Changing direction means we failed. Cindy outlines six workplace red flags that can normalize this pattern and seven practical strategies to regain control: 1. Design our own scorecard, 2. Distinguish between productive and performative work, 3. Set boundaries as strategic  career moves, 4. Channel anxiety into action, not affirmation, 5. Build selective vulnerability, 6. Create decision criteria for our career ladder before we pursue a new goal, and 7. Practice less control. Cindy’s message is that success should be measured by alignment with personal values, not by endlessly chasing validation. Sometimes the bravest career move is recognizing that a path no longer fits and giving ourselves permission to choose a different one.   Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Recognizing When You're Moving Your Own Goalposts Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    22 min
  2. 221 - Technical Competence is Not the Differentiator

    Jun 4

    221 - Technical Competence is Not the Differentiator

    Cindy Esliger addresses the uncomfortable truth that technical competence is really only the price of admission in today’s workplace, not advancement, especially for women navigating male-dominated industries. We tend to believe that keeping our heads down and producing excellent work will naturally lead to advancement, but Cindy explains why career growth depends just as much on communication, relationship building, emotional intelligence, and political savvy. She discusses the double bind women face when developing these skills and why waiting for technical excellence alone to be recognized can quietly stall a career. As organizations evolve faster than ever, technical expertise without strong people skills can leave us stuck in individual contributor roles while others move into leadership. Cindy breaks down four common problems women often face in this environment: 1. The invisibility trap, 2. The likability penalty, 3. The catch-up cycle, and 4. The promotion pitfall. She also highlights six warning signs that career growth may be blocked, including avoiding office politics, staying too long in the same role, and struggling to communicate accomplishments in business terms instead of technical details. Cindy shares six practical strategies that focus on what we can control: 1. Start future-proofing your career now, 2. Be intentional about projecting both confidence and competence, 3. Develop soft skills with the same rigor as technical skills, 4. Think globally and stay ahead of change, 5. Prepare for transition before a promotion happens, and 6. Take inventory regularly and stay proactive about development. The workplace increasingly rewards people who can combine technical expertise with interpersonal skills. Cindy reminds us that these skills can be learned and that developing them creates more options and long-term career resilience.  Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Future-Proofing Your Career Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    21 min
  3. 220 - Becoming Better Than Before Requires Courage

    May 28

    220 - Becoming Better Than Before Requires Courage

    Cindy Esliger explores why personal and professional growth often feels threatening. This feeling can be compounded for women working in environments where they already feel constant pressure to prove themselves. Admitting that we are improving can feel risky because it means acknowledging that we didn’t always have all the answers. Cindy explains how many of us were conditioned through school and early experiences to avoid failure at all costs, even though career success and innovation require experimentation and mistakes. She discusses the hidden pressures women face while trying to grow, including perfectionism, double standards, and the emotional labor of constantly managing how they are perceived. Cindy outlines four common pitfalls women encounter when they begin owning their growth: 1. The double bind, 2. The perfectionism trap, 3. The language audit problem, and 4. Invisible labor. She also shares six warning signs to watch for in professional environments: 1. Growth being framed as ‘catching up’, 2. Moving goalposts, 3. Isolation, 4. The humble trap, 5. Comparison culture, and 6. Shame-fuelled perfectionism and fear of failure. Cindy reframes the beliefs that keep people stuck, challenging the idea that failure proves incompetence. Instead, she explains that growth comes from learning to cope with frustration, confusion, disappointment, and even humiliation without giving up. To help make growth more manageable, Cindy shares five practical strategies: 1. Create a proof of progress file, 2. Do a language audit, 3. Use the cope and adjust framework, 4. Embrace strategic failure, and 5. Apply the momentum principle. She explains that confidence is not built by avoiding failure, but by repeatedly surviving it and continuing forward anyway. The ability to fail, learn, and keep moving becomes one of the most valuable career skills we can develop. Cindy encourages us to stop waiting for external validation, start documenting our progress, and recognize that becoming better than before requires courage. Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Owning Your Growth Without Apology Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    20 min
  4. 219 - Confidence Is The Moxie You Need To Get Ahead

    May 21

    219 - Confidence Is The Moxie You Need To Get Ahead

    Cindy Esliger unpacks the hidden cost of self-doubt and how hesitation quietly sabotages career growth. In competitive workplaces, many women spend too much time overthinking conversations and waiting to feel ready. We hold back instead of speaking up. Cindy explains that confidence is not a personality trait that a few of us luck into; it’s a skill that can be developed. Action, resilience, and self-trust are the keys to growing confidence, and she highlights how, without them, holding back can damage our visibility, momentum, and professional reputation over time. Many of us believe confidence means being the loudest person in the room, but Cindy challenges that idea. Real confidence is about genuine presence. Cindy outlines five common pitfalls that keep brilliant women stuck: 1. Confusing confidence with extroversion, 2. Perfectionism, 3. People pleasing, 4. Risk aversion, and 5. The readiness illusion. These patterns often feel responsible or safe, but they slowly reinforce self-doubt and make it harder to step into leadership opportunities. Cindy states that the real consequences of constantly playing small include burnout and resentment, stalled career growth, and missed opportunities. She shares five red flags to watch for in our own behavior: 1. Using diminishing phrases to preface ideas, 2. Waiting to be called to speak, 3. Declining opportunities because we don’t meet all criteria, 4. Attributing our success to luck instead of competence, and 5. Avoiding opportunities to share our expertise. Cindy offers practical strategies for growing confidence from within, like keeping promises to ourselves, practicing self-compassion, and creating reset rituals, among others. The goal is not to become someone else, but to stop letting outdated thought patterns dictate how we show up at work. Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Building Your Confidence Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    25 min
  5. 218 - Standing Your Ground Without Losing Your Cool

    May 14

    218 - Standing Your Ground Without Losing Your Cool

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores the difficult balance between standing up for ourselves at work and maintaining professionalism. This is especially true in environments where women in STEM are talked over or subjected to inappropriate comments. She explains that staying silent in the face of disrespect can quietly damage confidence and credibility and, over time, will impede career growth. Cindy explores the beliefs that keep us trapped in silence, including the pressure to keep the peace to avoid being labeled difficult. She points out that we’re trained to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over our own boundaries, and ultimately shares how to respond with more authority.  Cindy discusses the professional and personal costs of tolerating disrespect, including burnout, resentment, damaged self-esteem, and missed leadership opportunities. Unaddressed boundary violations tend to compound over time, and she explains why staying silent teaches others how we’re willing to be treated. She outlines six red flags that make workplace dynamics worse: 1. Avoid overcompensating with aggression, 2. Stop apologizing for having boundaries, 3. Don’t back down when people test you, 4. Stop making it your job to comfort others, 5. Don’t be vague about what we need, and 6. Inconsistent enforcement destroys the integrity of our word. She also breaks down the manipulation tactics people may use to avoid accountability and why recognizing those tactics matters. To help us respond more effectively in difficult situations, Cindy shares practical strategies for reclaiming authority without escalating conflict. She shares four common scenarios and how to handle them: 1. What to say when we’re talked over, 2. What to say when somebody makes an inappropriate comment, 3. How to get time when we need to process what just happened, and 4. The options for explaining when our boundaries have been violated. Cindy encourages us to prepare phrases ahead of time, pay attention to physical signals from our bodies, and get clear on our limits before situations arise. Taking the high road does not mean becoming a doormat. It means holding firm boundaries while remaining calm, tactful, and aligned with personal values. Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Standing Your Ground Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    23 min
  6. 217 - The Hidden Career Costs of Fawning

    May 7

    217 - The Hidden Career Costs of Fawning

    In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores why fawning in the workplace impacts your career. Fawning is that automatic “yes” that shows up before there’s even time to think. She explains how fawning is not just people pleasing, but a nervous system response that activates when fight, flight, or freeze aren’t adequate options. In professional environments, this often looks like overcommitting and constantly scanning for how everyone around us might be feeling. While it can feel like being a good team player, Cindy highlights that fawning is actually rooted in a need to feel safe and how external validation becomes addictive. Cindy breaks down how fawning shows up day to day, from softening every message with apologies to avoiding conflict, and even shape-shifting to match other people’s expectations. She points out that this pulls attention away from internal understanding, leaving no room to access personal opinions or instincts. Over time, this leads to taking on disproportionate emotional labor and low-visibility work while others focus on projects that lead to advancement. Cindy details rooted in a need to feel safe and that external validation can become, or not others are mad at us, 3. We don’t share technical opinions or expertise out of fear of being disliked, and 4. We take on a disproportionate amount of administrative and emotional work that doesn’t lead to advancement. The long-term impact is significant. Fawning erodes credibility, contributes to burnout and resentment, and can stall career growth despite strong performance. More deeply, Cindy explains, it disconnects us from our own sense of self and reinforces the belief that validation comes from others. She reframes this pattern as an adaptive response rather than a flaw, and encourages building internal validation and the capacity to tolerate discomfort. The goal isn’t to stop being collaborative, but to recognize when our responses are driven by fear instead of choice, so we can show up with more agency. Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Recognizing Your Fawn Response Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    26 min
  7. 216 - Embracing Possibility Rather Than Settling For What's Probable

    Apr 30

    216 - Embracing Possibility Rather Than Settling For What's Probable

    Cindy Esliger challenges the habit of making career decisions based only on what seems realistic, explaining how probability thinking keeps many professionals stuck below their potential. By relying on past patterns in our organizations, we treat incomplete data as the full picture and limit what we go after. She draws a clear distinction between probability as pattern recognition and possibility as pattern creation, pointing out that while many are comfortable solving complex problems at work, we hesitate to apply that same thinking to our own careers. She outlines four beliefs that reinforce this pattern: 1. Needing to see how it’s done before we do it, 2. Waiting until we feel completely qualified, 3. Believing that if it hasn’t happened for other women, it won’t happen for us, and 4. We need to know how before we commit to what. These beliefs lead to playing small, accepting low-visibility work, and missing opportunities. Cindy also highlights four common professional landmines that keep this cycle going: 1. The qualification trap, 2. Comparison quicksand, 3. The false binary choice, and 4. The permission pattern. These all encourage hesitation instead of action. To shift into possibility thinking, Cindy shares six practical strategies: 1. Start with the finish line instead of the starting point, 2. Make decisions from your future self, not current circumstances, 3. Integrate all data, not just external things, 4. Focus on frequency, not just magnitude, 5. Build our inner circle, and 6. Reframe failure as a necessary part of the process. She encourages approaching career growth like solving a technical problem by testing, learning, and iterating. Cindy ends with a challenge to commit to one goal that feels improbable and take a single step toward it, reinforcing that discomfort is often a sign of growth, not a reason to hold back. Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Breaking Free from Probability Thinking Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    24 min
  8. 215 - You're More Qualified Than You Think

    Apr 23

    215 - You're More Qualified Than You Think

    Cindy Esliger examines how constantly relying on external validation keeps capable professionals stuck. She describes a pattern of achieving meaningful results but dismissing them while endlessly waiting for recognition to confirm our competence. In environments where validation is inconsistent or biased, this becomes a losing strategy. By downplaying accomplishments and deferring to the opinions of others, we create a gap between what we can do and what we believe we’re allowed to claim. Cindy outlines the core beliefs that drive this cycle: 1. The idea that we need someone in authority to confirm we’re good enough, 2. The idea that our accomplishments don’t count until they're externally recognized, 3. The belief that if we were really qualified, we’d feel confident, and 4. The perfectionism trap. The consequences are real, from burnout and resentment to stalled careers and invisibility. Cindy also highlights four patterns that reinforce the trap, including parent-child dynamics with leaders, taking things personally, comparison, and setting unrealistic standards that keep focus on what’s missing instead of what’s already proven. To build internal validation, Cindy shares six strategies: 1. Reclaim your track record, 2. Stop outsourcing your worth, 3. Challenge automatic thoughts, 4. Establish your credibility, 5. Build internal infrastructure, and 6. Reframe self-care versus self-discipline. She emphasizes that thoughts are not facts and can be challenged with evidence. The goal is to act from self-trust now, not someday, and stop waiting for permission to step into opportunities. Resources discussed in this episode: Guide to Reclaiming Your Professional Worth Astronomic Audio Confidence Collective — Contact Cindy Esliger  Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    21 min
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4.8
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About

The podcast for ambitious, professional women who are tired of playing small and ready to overcome the invisible barriers that are holding us back at work.

Information

  • Creator
    Cindy Esliger
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    223
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Stop Sabotaging Your Success
  • Show Website
    Stop Sabotaging Your Success