Have you ever wondered if you still matter as much as you used to? Because I think there is something about this season of life that can bring that question to the surface. For many of us, we have spent decades being needed. Our children needed us. Our families needed us. Our homes needed us. We were the ones remembering the appointments, planning the holidays, solving the problems, and making sure everyone was taken care of. We had a role. We had a purpose. And even when it was exhausting, there was something reassuring about knowing that we mattered to other people. And then things begin to change. Our children grow up. They leave home. They build their own lives. They don't need us in the same ways they once did. And we can be incredibly proud of them and happy for them while also feeling a little lost ourselves. Because somewhere along the way, we may have confused being needed with mattering. And those two things are not the same. Being needed is about what someone needs from you. Mattering is about the value you bring simply by being who you are. But if you have spent years measuring your importance by how much other people depend on you, it can be difficult to know what to do when that dependence changes. You might find yourself asking, Who am I now? What is my role? Where do I fit? Does anyone really need what I have to offer anymore? And I think we need to be honest about those questions rather than immediately trying to put a positive spin on them. There can be grief in this transition. There can be loneliness. There can be a real loss of identity. And there can also be an opportunity. What if this second season isn't about finding new people who need us in exactly the same way? What if it's about discovering new ways to contribute, connect, and participate in the world? Maybe it's mentoring someone. Maybe it's creating something you've always wanted to create. Maybe it's developing friendships that have nothing to do with your role as a mother. Maybe it's sharing your experience, your wisdom, your humor, or your particular way of seeing the world. Maybe it's simply showing up somewhere regularly, getting to know people, and becoming part of something bigger than yourself. I think this is one reason community matters so much in this season. We need places where we aren't just someone's mother, someone's wife, or the person who takes care of everything. We need places where we can be known as ourselves. And here's something else I've been thinking about: We don't have to earn our right to matter by becoming more productive. We don't have to launch a business, write a book, volunteer for every committee, or find some grand new purpose to justify our existence. Our value isn't measured by how useful we can make ourselves. But we are human beings who need connection, contribution, and a sense that our lives have meaning. And we can intentionally create more opportunities for those things in this season. So here's the question I'd like you to consider: Where in your life do you feel that you still matter, and where might you be longing to matter in a new way? Not where are you needed. Not where are you indispensable. Where do you feel connected? Where do you feel engaged? Where do you feel that what you bring to the world has value? And if those places are missing right now, what is one small step you could take to begin creating them? You don't have to figure out your entire second season today. You just have to be willing to consider that your story isn't over because your old role has changed. You are not finished contributing. You are not finished growing. And you are not finished discovering who you can become. Your children can need you differently. Your relationships can change. Your life can look completely different from the one you imagined twenty years ago. And you can still matter deeply. Part of thriving in this next season is learning to build a life in which you matter not just because of what you do for everyone else, but because of the life you are creating for yourself. And if you're listening to this and thinking of a friend who might need this conversation… please share this episode with her. Because sometimes the most comforting thing you can say to another woman is simply: "It's not just you." FREE GUIDE Want a simple way to know when to step in—and when to allow the struggle? Download my free guide: My Adult Child Is Struggling - When Should I Step In? Download the free Window of Tolerance Quick Shot and take a little sip at a time: Window of Tolerance Quick Shot If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you navigate a midlife unraveling, I can help. I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link: Coaching Call with Terri Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour: Intentional Intoxication Book If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat: terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
