You have rehearsed it in the shower. You have written the message and deleted it. And every time the moment arrives, you find a reason it can wait until next quarter. That conversation is still making decisions for you. It decides who gets the promotion, which project quietly dies, and which good person leaves without ever telling you the real reason. Tim Duggan spent 3 years inside one question: how do you get better at conflict? He built a media company out of a website he started in his twenties, hired hundreds of people, sold it, and was still terrible at the hard conversation. He thought he was good at it. He was not, and it took him years to work that out. So he went to the people who are: Adam Grant. Oxford negotiators. Accredited mediators. An executive producer of The Real Housewives, which turned out to be the most useful conversation of the lot. What he came back with is a map. 4 terrains, and every conflict you are carrying right now sits on one of them. The move that works on one will detonate on another. Andrew puts it under load. The leaders who can run a profit centre and have never been taught to disagree. Performance Intelligence's own work on psychological safety and constructive challenge. And a live test Tim has not seen coming, where he places a conflict still playing out in public onto his own model, no notes, no preparation. Listen to this one before your next difficult conversation, not after it. 00:02 — Why are we so bad at conflict? 03:38 — How our families teach us to avoid difficult conversations 07:02 — The moment Tim realised avoiding conflict was costing him 09:01 — What “swallowed words” do to us — and why silence isn’t really silent 11:32 — The counterintuitive question: what happens if you don’t have the conversation? 18:50 — The four terrains of conflict: summit, arena, minefield and swamp 27:27 — What happens when emotion takes over and the “amygdala hijack” kicks in 34:27 — The RISA test: should you actually have the fight? 37:36 — Why psychological safety doesn’t mean avoiding uncomfortable conversations 44:05 — The hidden conflict behind the return-to-office debate 47:26 — The Conflict Simulator: Tim analyses Justin Langer, The Beatles and Kyle & Jackie O 58:52 — How do you actually end a conflict? Resolve, repeat or release Contact Tim: https://timduggan.com.au/Order Tim's book: https://timduggan.com.au/book/clear-in-tension/ View the conflict model: https://performanceintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Model.jpg- High performance is not about pushing harder. It is about building the capacity to perform when it matters and sustain it over time. Hosted by Andrew May, one of Australia’s leading experts in human performance, leadership and mental skills, the Performance Intelligence Podcast explores how leaders, athletes, coaches and researchers think clearly, manage pressure and consistently perform at their best. Drawing on more than 20 years working with senior executives, elite sporting teams and the Australian Defence Force, Andrew combines candid conversations with evidence-based performance insights and practical strategies you can apply. Episodes span leadership capacity, performance psychology, mental skills, energy management, strategic recovery, productivity and wellbeing. Listen to think more clearly, lead more effectively and perform at your best for longer. Get in touch through:Our websiteBook AndrewFollow us on Instagram, Linkedin, FacebookWatch this episode on Youtube If you enjoy the podcast, we would really appreciate you leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Play. It takes less than 60 seconds and really helps us build our audience and continue to provide high quality guests.
