Influence Every Day

Dr. Ed Tori
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Do you want to get to the next level in your communication? To turn everyday moments into impactful and unforgettable change agents? The Influence Every Day Show is for you if you're ready to level up every relationship you have. Dr. Tori shares his expertise in influence, persuasion, rapport and behavior change each week - small tweaks to your day-to-day interactions that will influence for good. Follow along on Instagram @ed.tori

  1. Sep 25

    074 Speaking From Experience - 3 Near-Miss Public Speaking Disasters

    Episode 074 Speaking From Experience 3 Near-Miss Public Speaking Disasters TL;DR Three times, the event changed underneath me minutes before I spoke. A 15-minute talk became an hour for a completely different audience. A 40-minute keynote shrank to seven. And a text arrived that no speaker wants to read before logging on. Here's what I did each time, plus the storytelling structure I used to tell these stories to a room full of speakers. --- Last week I spoke at a speakers' training. Talking to speakers about speaking is its own kind of pressure (you can feel yourself being analyzed). So I told them three near-miss disasters from my own speaking life: the conference where my audience and my time both changed while I had one foot on the stage steps; the staff gala where a 40-minute keynote became 20, then 7, and 500 people ended up writing a book together; the virtual keynote I delivered minutes after learning someone close to me had died. In this episode I walk through what actually saved each one: a modular talk built from images, a backup plan that fits in a bag, and a sixty-second state reset. Then I pull back the curtain on how I told the stories. I used nested loops, a structure from hypnosis and storytelling that holds attention by leaving stories open and closing them in reverse order. Underneath it all is a single lesson: Even though the lights are on you, the talk belongs to the audience and to the people who brought you there to serve them. Timestamps (estimated) 00:00 Speaking to speakers: "a different vibe" 01:00 Near-miss #1 begins: the agenda that didn't list me 02:30 One foot on the steps: "There's been a change." 03:45 Near-miss #2 begins: 40 minutes… then 20… then 7 05:00 Near-miss #3 begins: the text before a virtual keynote 06:00 Resolving #3: a smirk, Do Not Disturb, fully present 07:45 Resolving #2: index cards, Sharpies, and a seven-minute book 10:30 Resolving #1: "connect-tile dysfunction" and slides that bend 13:00 Why tell speakers these stories: service to the audience and the organizers 14:15 The reveal: nested loops (A → B → C → C → B → A) 16:00 The pull to finish what's unfinished 17:15 Keep the frame on them 18:30 Close Key takeaways The first change is information. When your time gets cut once, launch the backup plan prep right away, just in case. Build talks in sections you can move, skip, or expand. Image-based slides work as cues, so one image can stretch to five minutes or pass in five seconds. Carry a backup that needs nothing but paper. Index cards and Sharpies turned seven minutes into a book written by 500 people. State management is a skill you prepare in advance. Know your sixty-second reset before the day you need it. Organizers are carrying far more than your talk. Absorbing the chaos quietly is part of the service. Nested loops (open A, open B, open C, close C, close B, close A) hold attention because people are pulled to finish what's been interrupted. Close every loop you open. Useful quotes (maybe) "It's about your service to the audience and your service to the ones that brought you there to serve the audience." "I always bring a backup plan with me." "Most of my slides are images anyway… they're more like cues. I can expand on a single image, or I can contract and save time." "Keep the frame on them, because that's who it's for." "Start story A, don't finish it. Start story B, don't finish it. Start story C, finish story C. Finish story B, finish story A." Helpful Links Book Dr. Tori to speak: https://drtori.com/speaker Apply for 1:1 influence coaching: https://www.drtori.com/coaching-application-1on1 101 Ways to Manage Your State: https://drtori.com/101 Always Kiss Me Good Night: Instructions on Raising the Perfect Parent by 147 Kids Who Know, compiled by J.S. Salt (Harmony, 1997) Tags public speaking, keynote speaking, professional speaker, speaker tips, last-minute changes, state management, storytelling, nested loops, open loops, Zeigarnik effect, Ovsiankina effect, event planning, audience engagement, influence, Influence Every Day

  2. Aug 31

    073 The Room is More Important Than the Rule

    The Room Is More Important Than the Rule The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori - Episode 073 Before you rehearse what you're going to say in your next hard conversation, ask a different question: what has the room already decided? Dr. Tori has been running back-to-back (Not So) Difficult Conversations workshops, and the first skill every room learns is setting the stage... the environment, the time, the timing, the messaging that lands before anyone arrives, and the first few moments after they do. In this episode he makes the case that rooms are more important than rules, because the environment shapes behavior whether or not anyone remembers the rule. He travels through eight spaces designed to change how people show up: The Dogon toguna (Mali) - the elders' meeting shelter with a ceiling about four feet high, where the traditional account is that anger, expressed by standing, has nowhere to go The nijiriguchi (Japan) - the tea-house "crawling-in" door, about two feet square, that samurai couldn't carry a sword through; lord and merchant enter the same way Floor-sitting cultures - Japan, Korea, and much of the Islamic world, where no seat is higher than anyone else's The Paris peace talks (1968–69) - ten weeks spent deciding the shape of the negotiating table before substantive talks could begin Finnish sauna diplomacy - Cold War negotiations in towels: no insignia, no rank, no weapons Hajj - millions of pilgrims in the same two white cloths Quaker meeting houses - no altar, no pulpit, facing pews, silence as the default Topkapi Palace - the "Eye of the Sultan," a carved grate over the council chamber where the sultan might or might not be listening The UK House of Commons - benches that face each other, so the opposing argument always has a seat Most of these rooms do one thing: they shed status before the conversation starts. And some do the opposite on purpose... because if every meeting you run ends in full agreement, that's a red flag for potential groupthink. The episode closes with the part that stings: we set rules for ourselves, break them, beat ourselves up... Never once do we ask whether we designed the room to make the rule easy. You're already deliberate about the room when you want to chill with a friend or family. Be that deliberate when the stakes are high. Context is more important than content. Key takeaways: Rooms are more important than rules. The environment shapes behavior with or without the rule. Setting the stage has multiple levers you control... including environment, time, timing, messaging before, and the arrival. Most deliberately designed rooms across cultures shed status. If a conversation matters that much, it's more important than your ego. Some rooms should be designed for disagreement. Full agreement in every meeting means you've designed out honesty. Before you blame your character for a broken rule, look at the room you keep breaking it in. Quotables: "Rooms are more important than rules." "If it's that important to you, it's more important than your ego." "If I get full agreement of everyone in the room, that is a bad sign." "Sometimes we break the rule and beat ourselves up, but we never designed it so it was easy to carry out the rule." "Context is far more important than content." This week's action: Pick one conversation you've been avoiding. Before you rehearse a single sentence, change one thing about the room... where, when, or what they hear before they walk in. Then see how much rule you still need. Mentioned in this episode: Setting the Stage - the first of five moves in Not-So-Difficult Conversations (Dr. Tori's card-deck workshop) The Core Influence Framework™ - this episode lives in the Contexts pillar Rule 6 of the 7 Simple Rules of Influence: Make It Easy Links: How well do you listen? Take the quiz: https://listening.scoreapp.com Apply for 1-on-1 influence coaching: https://DrTori.com/coaching-application-1on1  Bring the Not-So-Difficult Conversations workshop to your team: https://DrTori.com/speaking

  3. Aug 4

    072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend

    Episode 072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori Several months ago a colleague and friend reached out. She was about to appear as a guest speaker on a webinar and she was, in her words, incredibly anxious. Her email said something close to this: "You always say if you can ever serve me to let you know. Well, I'm letting you know." So I did two things. I offered her a practice run where she could present to me first. And I recorded her a video... ten points, off a single index card, no script. Over the next couple of months, a few other people asked me some version of the same question. I removed her name and every reference to her situation, and sent them the same video with one line: "I recorded this for someone else. Perhaps you'll find it helpful." Every one of them came back to say it helped. This episode is that video. If you have something coming up (a webinar, a panel, a podcast guest slot, a keynote, a board presentation) this is what I'd tell you if you emailed me the night before. Inside this episode: Why the feeling you're calling panic is closer to excitement than you think Why your years of experience are the reason you were asked in the first place... and why time away from the work can be an advantage rather than a gap The reframe that changes a speaker's whole nervous system: you're not performing, you're serving What my mentor said to me in a hallway outside a room full of strategy chiefs, four seconds before I walked in The part of state management I usually leave out of my influence talks: that your state runs on four different clocks, and three of them are already finished by the time you start panicking The two index cards that go under your camera (and why nobody has ever known they were there) How every one of these tips maps onto the Core Influence Framework™ - States, Frames, Patterns, Contexts KEY TAKEAWAYS You were brought in. Somebody looked at an agenda, found a gap, and decided the gap was the thing you do. That vote happened weeks ago, in a meeting you weren't in. You're the only one still counting. Performance and service send your body in opposite directions. Performance points your attention back at yourself. Service points all of it at them. Same room, same slides, different nervous system. Your state runs on four clocks, not one. Minutes (the tea, the walk, the song). Days (preparation). Years (experience). Decades (character). The five minutes before get all the attention and they're the smallest of the four. They don't know what you were going to say. They only know what you said. Every nervous speaker grieves the sentence they skipped. Nobody in the audience grieves with them. Points, not a script. Two index cards under the camera. One headed TAKE-HOME POINTS, one headed STORIES. Points you can glance at and elaborate... never sentences you'd read. Give them one thing to keep. When they ask for parting words, offer one. Maybe two. Never more than three. QUOTES "Ed. Ed. Ed. They need you more than you need them."- Dr. Mark Smith "You're not performing. You're serving." "They don't know what you were going to say. They only know what you said." "Nobody needs to know that you have notes right in front of your face." MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Dr. Mark Smith - mentor and former boss; the hallway conversation before the strategy retreat 101 Ways to Manage Your State - the handout referenced in the original email The Core Influence Framework™ (SFPC) - States, Frames, Patterns, Contexts Rule 1 of the 7 Simple Rules of Influence - Manage Your State On anxiety and excitement: the research behind this from Allison Woods Brooks that pre-performance anxiety and excitement are high-arousal states; what changes is how you read the arousal. Here's the citation and link: Brooks, A. W. (2014). Get excited: Reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(3), 1144–1158. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035325  LINKS Talk to my AI clone → DrTori.ai How well do you actually listen? Take the quiz → listening.scoreapp.com TING - the deep listening framework → DrTori.com/ting Influence immersion, 1-on-1 with Dr. Tori → drtori.com/coaching-application-1on1 Everything else → DrTori.com TAGS / KEYWORDS public speaking anxiety · nervous before a presentation · webinar tips · guest speaker preparation · state management · manage your state · influence · communication · presentation nerves · podcast guest tips · Core Influence Framework™ · SFPC · 7 Simple Rules of Influence · Dr. Ed Tori · Influence Every Day

  4. Jul 3

    071 They Didn't Steal Your Idea - It Was Cryptomnesia

    071 They Didn't Steal Your Idea - It Was Cryptomnesia The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Tori Someone took credit for your work. Before you settle on a verdict, Dr. Tori has a confession - and a video from a fifth-grade play in the 1980s that dismantled his favorite origin story. It starts on the train to Georgetown. A distracted scroll lands Ed on a self-described body language expert quoting the famous "7-38-55 rule" (the claim that 93% of communication is nonverbal). If you've heard that statistic, here's what you may not have heard: it misreads Albert Mehrabian's 1967 studies (popularized through his 1971 book Silent Messages), which applied only to a narrow case — communications about feelings and attitudes, when words and tone conflict. Mehrabian himself has spent decades objecting to how the numbers are used. So Ed feels judgy. An expert should know better. Then he glances at his own open slide deck. The slide on screen reads: "Assume the best." What follows is the self-audit that slide demanded - the story of Saleem's Dream, the children's book series Ed was certain he created from scratch (a boy dreams his organs testify against him in court), and the elementary school video that proved the idea had been planted in him thirty years earlier. The phenomenon is called cryptomnesia: the memory of an idea survives while the memory of its source decays... so borrowed ideas honestly feel like your own. The expert quoting Mehrabian's misused numbers, Ed quoting borrowed jokes as his own, and the colleague who just said your idea in the meeting are likely all running the same very human software. In this episode: The Mehrabian myth: what the 7-38-55 rule actually measured, and why the researcher behind it says the popular version is wrong The slide that corrected its author: "Assume the best" Saleem's Dream, Zachary Dachary, and the fifth-grade video that revealed where the "original" idea came from Cryptomnesia, defined: content memory survives, source memory decays, and the idea resurfaces as yours "You are a fraud" - the comedy-night moment Ed's wife caught every one of his jokes coming from Airplane and Steven Wright Rule 1 of the 7 Simple Rules of Influence, and where Dr. Tori first heard it Why we judge ourselves by our intent and others by their impact The takeaway: cite your sources where you can, and when the source decays - give each other some grace. And give yourself some, too. Quotable: "The memory of the content is still there, but the memory of the source has decayed." "They may not have taken your idea. They may have heard your idea... and experienced it as their own." "Give each other some grace. And give yourself some grace." Links & Resources: How fluent are you at conversation? Take the quiz: HypnoticGiftsQuiz.com Work with Dr. Tori 1-on-1 - apply for an influence immersion: DrTori.com/coaching-application-1on1 More from Dr. Tori: DrTori.com   The Influence Every Day podcast is free - we don't sell advertising space, so sharing this episode with someone who needs it is the best way to pay it back. Better yet, it's the best way to pay it forward. If today's episode landed, take a moment to rate and review the show. Now go forth and influence for good. Every day.

  5. Apr 29

    070 Pizzeria Booth Leadership - Prospect and Refuge

    Episode 070 - Pizzeria Booth Leadership: Prospect and Refuge The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori Architects design spaces for two things — prospect, the ability to see what's coming, and refuge, the sense of being sheltered. Spaces that feel right have both. The ones that feel wrong are missing one. In this episode, Ed connects a childhood booth at Franzone's pizza place to Jay Appleton's 1975 theory and to a diagnostic you can use this week: when a hard one-on-one spins sideways, when a meeting feels unsafe, when a workshop drifts — you were probably missing prospect or refuge. Both can be designed in. Out loud, if necessary. Episode Timestamps (estimated) 00:00 - Family dinner. Dr. Tori and the seat in full view of all exits. 00:50 - Eddie's flashback to Franzone's. "I just want to see what's coming." 02:00 - Jay Appleton, 1975. The Experience of Landscape and prospect-refuge theory. 03:30 - Why every high-stakes conversation needs both. 05:00 - The diagnostic: when one-on-ones spin sideways, you were missing one. 06:30 - Meetings that feel unsafe. Committees with no clear end in sight. 07:30 - How to open a workshop with both. 08:15 - The architect's question: what's the experience of a conversation with you? Key Takeaways Prospect is the ability to see what's coming. Refuge is the sense of security... not about to be ambushed. Both are designed into spaces that feel right. Both can be designed into conversations. When a hard one-on-one goes sideways, you were probably missing one of the two. Refuge sounds like: "You are not in trouble." Prospect sounds like: "Here is where I think this is going to land." The same diagnostic works for parenting, coaching, meetings, and keynotes. Influence at every scale is, at the bottom, the design of a space someone has to inhabit while you say what you came to say. Resources Referenced Jay Appleton, The Experience of Landscape (1975) - the original prospect-refuge theory text The Influence Every Day Show Listening Leader Quiz: https://listening.scoreapp.com Conversational Fluency Quiz: https://www.HypnoticGiftsQuiz.com  Tags #Influence #Communication #DifficultConversations #Leadership #PsychologicalSafety #ProspectAndRefuge #InfluenceEveryDay #SevenSimpleRules #CoreInfluenceFramework

  6. Jan 2

    069 For Want of a Package

    Episode 069 For Want of a Package  The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori A package arrived on my doorstep. Ordinary. Forgettable. Until it wasn’t. In this episode, I share a moment of unexpected awe triggered by something most of us barely notice anymore. A cardboard box. A doorbell. A delivery notification. What followed was a cascade of realization about just how many lives, skills, systems, and unseen acts of effort converge so that a single package can arrive at our door. I reflect on the old proverb often called For Want of a Nail, a centuries-old story about how the absence of one small thing can lead to catastrophic downstream consequences. From a missing nail, to a lost shoe, to a fallen kingdom. That story is usually told as a warning. This episode explores the opposite direction. What happens when a small, seemingly insignificant moment leads to massive positive outcomes? Holding that package, I trace the invisible web behind it. The driver who needed health, strength, and training. The truck that required parts, materials, and maintenance. The metal that required mines. The mines that required machines. The machines that required inventors. The inventors who needed teachers. The teachers who needed food. The farmers who needed sun, soil, rain, and forces far beyond human control. All of it so that I could click “add to cart” and open a box. ... This episode is not a denial of the real problems that exist in global systems. Exploitation, environmental harm, corruption, and injustice are real and worth confronting. But that is not the path I take today. Today is about gratitude. About choosing to see the human effort that usually remains invisible. About honoring the thousands of small contributions that make modern life possible. I offer a direct thank you to the people behind the ideas, the funding, the design, the engineering, the manufacturing, the packing, the coding, the logistics, the driving, the maintenance, the teaching, the parenting, the farming, and the natural forces that sustain it all. This is a reminder that we never receive alone. We are always beneficiaries of lives we will never meet. Gratitude, in this framing, is not sentimentality. It is perspective. It is state management. It is leadership. And it is a practice that can transform an ordinary moment into a grounding reminder of our interdependence. This episode is an invitation to pause before the next package is opened. To see the invisible threads. To let gratitude recalibrate your state. And to remember that even the smallest things often carry the weight of the world behind them. If this episode resonated with you, consider who else might need the reminder. Share it. Pay it forward. And as always, go forth and influence for good... every day.

  7. 12/29/2025

    068 Time for Attention

    Episode 068 - Time for Attention  Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori We often hear that time is our scarcest non-renewable resource. This episode challenges that assumption. While time is finite, it is not the true constraint shaping our lives, our relationships, or our outcomes. The real limiting factor is attention. Attention is more scarce than time, more fragile than time, and far more powerful in determining how time is experienced and used. Attention is not just about where it goes. It includes how long it stays, how deeply it is applied, the intent behind it, and even when it is deployed. Attention can be placed in the present, replayed in the past, or projected into a future that may or may not arrive. Because attention is a subset of time, it is what gives time its quality. Two people can spend the same hour and walk away with entirely different results based on how their attention was used. This episode invites reflection without judgment. Where is your attention going when you are with other people? How often does it drift to devices, feeds, background noise, or idle distractions? How long do you stay with a task or a conversation before fragmenting? How present are you while you are there? What is your purpose for placing attention where you do? Paying Attention vs Investing Attention A key distinction explored here is the difference between paying attention and investing attention. Paying attention is often transactional, reactive, short term, and consumptive. It frequently leaves us feeling drained, fragmented, or wondering where the time went. Investing attention is deliberate, chosen, deeper, and oriented toward return. It is how relationships grow, conversations change lives, skills compound, and meaning accumulates over time. When attention is invested rather than paid, it tends to energize rather than exhaust. It feels coherent rather than scattered. It flows rather than fragments. Investing attention shapes who we become because it reinforces patterns of presence, care, service, and growth. This is why attention is never neutral. Where attention goes, energy flows, and that thing grows. The episode reframes productivity away from time management and toward attentional stewardship. Managing attention well leads to better use of time, better management of energy, and more intentional action. Especially during moments of change, renewal, or reflection such as a new year, an anniversary, or a personal turning point, the question is not how to manage time better. The question is how to be more deliberate with attention. The central takeaway is simple and demanding: Time is not your scarcest non-renewable resource. Attention is. Be deliberate. Be intentional. Where you place your attention will shape the quality of your life, your relationships, your growth, your service, and your legacy. -- [ ***** What if you could pivot someone's entire life in a single conversation. You can. Here's an incredibly useful framework for doing just that: HypnoticGiftsBook.com ***** ][ ***** PS - Dr. Tori offers an influence immersion where he can help you 1-on-1 to level-up your influence and communication. Apply here: https://www.drtori.com/coaching-application-1on1 ***** ]

  8. 12/23/2025

    067 Taken For Borrowed

    Episode 067 - Taken For Borrowed The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori  There’s a quiet danger in the most stable parts of our lives. Not danger in the obvious sense—but danger in the way stability slips beneath our awareness. The way the most essential things become invisible precisely because they work so well. This episode begins with a simple gratitude practice. Each morning, Dr. Tori writes down five things he’s grateful for—sometimes just a word, sometimes a phrase. No journaling. No editing. Just noticing. And then comes a story that changes how you hear the rest of the episode. The Sound You Didn’t Know You Were Missing A family member describes the first time she put on hearing aids. She didn’t realize her hearing had been fading. Life felt normal. Work was normal. Conversations were normal. And then—birds. Birds chirping. Sounds that had been gone for so long she didn’t even know they were missing. She cried—not from sadness, but from sudden restoration. From realizing something beautiful had been quietly slipping away.     What We Mean When We Take Something for Granted To take something for granted is to treat it as: Given Stable Not requiring maintenance Unlikely to be taken away When those assumptions settle in, attention fades. Appreciation fades. Presence fades. And the tragedy is this: The things most likely to be taken for granted are often the things that often matter most or hold the most meaning. The Invisible Systems Holding Your Life Together The episode walks through a series of experiences you likely haven’t thought about today—but rely on constantly: Background sounds: birds, wind, distant laughter, the hum of your home at night Peripheral vision: the ability to sense the world without staring directly at it Micro-textures: the subtle vibration of pen on paper, the click of a button confirming action Balance: standing, walking, orienting without conscious effort Uninterrupted physiology: a heart that’s been beating since before you were born; breath that never needed instruction Face and voice recognition: instantly knowing who you love without relearning them each time Depth perception: pouring coffee, driving, navigating space without thought Context sensing: walking into a room and immediately “getting the feel” of it None of these announce themselves. They work quietly. Reliably. Predictably. And because of that—they disappear from awareness. Why the Brain Sometimes Hides What Matters Most We are hardwired to: Notice change Track threat Seek cognitive efficiency When something is stable, non-threatening, and easy, the brain does exactly what it’s designed to do—it drops it below conscious awareness. Which raises an uncomfortable question: If we’re not aware of something, can we truly be in awe of it? Can we give it reverence? Can we care for it properly? What If the Most Important Things Were Fragile?   The most predictable, reliable, non-threatening people in your life are often the ones most at risk of being taken for granted. Here's an unsettling question: What if instead of treating these relationships as given, we treated them as fragile? Imagine the most important person in your life. Now imagine they’re gone. Or changed forever by illness. Or distance. Or time. Their presence was never guaranteed. Seeing something as fragile changes how you hold it. You maintain it. You attend to it. You don’t assume it will always be there. Why Gratitude Isn’t Enough Gratitude matters—but the episode makes a clear distinction: Gratitude can be silent and internal. Expressed gratitude adds words. Active appreciation adds behavior. Active appreciation means: Maintaining Improving Paying attention Being present Acting in ways that protect what matters You can feel grateful for someone and still neglect them. You can appreciate something silently and still let it erode. From “Taken for Granted” to “Taken for Borrowed” What if instead of taking things for granted, we took them for borrowed? Borrowed things are handled differently. They’re cared for. They’re respected. They’re returned in better condition than we received them. So consider this... Who in your life might you be taking for granted - and how would your behavior change if you treated them as borrowed instead? Key Takeaway  Don’t wait until something disappears to realize its value.  Treat what matters as fragile. Treat it as borrowed. And act accordingly.  🎧 If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need the reminder.  Influence is something we practice every day—especially in the quiet moments we usually overlook.

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About

Do you want to get to the next level in your communication? To turn everyday moments into impactful and unforgettable change agents? The Influence Every Day Show is for you if you're ready to level up every relationship you have. Dr. Tori shares his expertise in influence, persuasion, rapport and behavior change each week - small tweaks to your day-to-day interactions that will influence for good. Follow along on Instagram @ed.tori

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Ed Tori
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    74
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Influence Everywhere, LLC
  • Show Website
    Influence Every Day