At a Total Loss

There is a certain gravity in the voices of bereaved mothers, a weight I recognize instantly. As a mother who has also lost a daughter to stillbirth, I am drawn to their stories, their grief, the way they carry it. My heart aches for each of them—I can feel it all through them. But there is something else, something I struggle to understand: the anger, the sense of entitlement, the need to assign blame. Why me? they ask. But I wonder—why not? As if tragedy follows rules, as if loss is something we can earn or avoid. As if we are owed a life untouched by it. No death is preventable; if it were, it wouldn’t have happened. We live in a society that flinches at this truth, that refuses to look directly at loss. And so, I hear the bitterness, the closed hearts, the rage turned outward. Is that love? Or is it something else—the inability to move forward when the world no longer bends to your will? Maybe these women are speaking from the raw, early days of grief, where everything feels impossible. Maybe, with time, their hearts will soften. I hope for that. I meditate for that. That they will live, love fiercely, not in spite of their children’s absence but because of it.

I lost my son full term, my first child. Katherine’s words are so comforting to me right now where my world has stopped spinning. She gives me hope to keep going while NEVER forgetting Brooks.

I lost my baby just over a month ago and finding this podcast has provided a lifeline I didn’t know I needed. Kat is relatable and easy to listen to and I love the variety of guests she has on the show. Speaking as someone who is new to this “loss life” I am so grateful to have this resource.

Anyone would empathize with these women for wanting someone to blame. That said, with the exception of the episodes with physicians, there’s a lot of opinions offered on the medical care delivered that lacks any nuance or understanding of evidence based guidelines. Spreading mistrust of the medical profession without offering evidence based advice seems unhelpful at best.