The Anxiety Recovery Podcast

Valerie Rubin
  • 5.0 (12)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Love doesn’t have to feel like walking on eggshells. If you’re caught overthinking texts, fearing abandonment, or shrinking yourself just to feel chosen—you’re not alone. Hosted by trauma-informed somatic coach and anxious attachment expert Valerie Rubin, this podcast guides you to uncover and heal the subconscious patterns that keep you stuck in anxiety, people-pleasing, and unfulfilling relationships. Learn how to heal your anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, speak your needs, and attract love that truly feels like home.

  1. 5d ago

    How to Silence Your Inner Critic & Stop Feeling Like You’re Never Good Enough with Marianna Durante

    What if the voice in your head telling you that you need to do more, be better, or try harder isn’t actually helping you grow? In this episode, I’m joined by Mariana Durante for a vulnerable conversation about the inner critic, self-criticism, shame, and learning how to build a more compassionate relationship with yourself. We unpack what the inner critic actually sounds like in everyday life — and how easily self-criticism can disguise itself as ambition, high standards, self-awareness, or simply “wanting to be better.” We also dive into what happens when you spend years feeling like you’re never quite good enough, how the way you speak to yourself can influence your relationships and what you tolerate from other people, and what you may miss out on when so much of your life is spent trying to prove your worth. Mariana opens up about her own relationship with her inner critic, what it looked like at its worst, what she’s had to learn to forgive herself for, and what changed when she began developing a healthier relationship with herself. We also talk about: How to recognize when your inner critic is running the showThe difference between healthy ambition and self-criticismWhy being hard on yourself doesn’t necessarily help you become betterHow years of self-criticism can shape the way you see yourselfHow your relationship with yourself impacts your relationships with othersWhat to do when you find yourself in a shame spiralHow to practice self-compassion when you don’t believe the kind things you’re telling yourself yetHow to work WITH your inner critic instead of letting it control youWhat a healthy inner voice actually sounds likeHow to stop making decisions from “I’m not enough”Where to begin if you’re exhausted from constantly criticizing yourselfIf you’ve spent years feeling like you need to fix yourself, prove yourself, or become a better version of yourself before you’re finally allowed to feel good enough, this conversation is for you. Because healing isn’t just about changing the way you think about yourself, it’s about changing the relationship you have with the person you spend every single day with: you. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

  2. Aug 6

    The Psychology of Self-Sabotage in Relationships (And How to Heal It) with Livia Rismondo and Nathan Francis

    Why do so many people say they want healthy love… yet keep ending up in the same painful relationship patterns? In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I'm joined by Livia Rismondo and Nathan Francis for an honest conversation about the psychology of self-sabotage in relationships. We explore why so many people unconsciously push away healthy love, chase emotionally unavailable partners, and repeat the same dating patterns—even when they desperately want something different. Together, we unpack what self-sabotage actually looks like beneath the surface, why fear can disguise itself as intuition, and how anxious attachment, subconscious conditioning, and a lack of inner freedom shape the way we show up in love. We also share personal stories of recognizing our own relationship patterns, discuss the habits that create lasting emotional change, and explore what it truly means to date from your highest self rather than from old survival patterns. In this episode, we discuss: Why you keep repeating the same relationship patterns with different peopleThe psychology behind self-sabotage in dating and relationshipsHow anxious attachment influences who you're attracted toThe difference between intuition and fearWhy healthy relationships can sometimes feel uncomfortableSigns you're repeating a subconscious pattern instead of choosing love consciouslyHow lacking inner freedom affects your relationshipsThe role of healthy habits in creating emotional healingHow to stop sabotaging healthy love and build secure relationshipsWhat it looks like to date from your highest self instead of your woundsHow to stop unhealthy / negative habits If you've ever found yourself asking, "Why do I keep ending up in the same relationship?" or "Why do I push away the love I say I want?" This episode will help you understand what's really happening beneath the surface and give you practical insights to begin breaking the cycle. Whether you're healing anxious attachment, recovering from toxic relationships, or learning how to create healthy, secure love, this conversation will leave you with a deeper understanding of yourself and a clearer path forward.Listen to Valerie on Nathan's podcast and we talked more about healing your anxious attachment style here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2rz6kS4uhFSDWwysYti5nF?si=hxsdE3SxRpmaGlRQmm79kQ Listen to Valerie on Livia's Podcast - Healing Anxious Attachment and Setting Boundaries as a People Pleaser: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4NUzBinhBLYaiC3obr7dyz?si=sMdFvkrWQCG1BLgbSuA0AA

  3. Jul 30

    How to Heal Anxious Attachment Through Family Constellation Therapy & Generational Trauma Healing with Haile Tanner

    Have you ever felt like you've always been anxious? Not because of one breakup or one traumatic event, but as long as you can remember, almost like you've "always been this way"? In this episode, I sit down with Haile Tanner, Family Constellation Facilitator, nervous system coach & emotional processing practitioner, to explore how anxious attachment, chronic anxiety, and repeating life patterns may be rooted in something much deeper than your own experiences. We dive into the world of Family Constellation Therapy, generational trauma, and legacy burdens, the unconscious emotional burdens that can be passed through families from one generation to the next. Together, we explore how these inherited patterns can shape your relationships, self-worth, anxiety, and even the way you experience love. Haile shares how Family Constellations invite us to ask a powerful question: "Is this actually mine?" We discuss why some people feel like they're carrying an invisible weight they can't explain, why the same relationship, emotional, financial, or health patterns often repeat across generations, and how healing can begin when you finally put down a burden that was never yours to carry. I also share my own experience of healing inherited family patterns through somatic therapy and how releasing ancestral burdens created shifts that years of insight alone never did. In one of the most vulnerable parts of our conversation, Haile also shares her personal journey of healing after two abortions and how Family Constellation Therapy helped her process grief, reconnect with herself, and find healing in a way she never expected. If you've spent years trying to heal your anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or chronic anxiety but still feel like something deeper is keeping you stuck, this conversation offers a powerful new lens for understanding your healing journey. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to subscribe to The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that they may not be broken, they may simply be carrying something that was never theirs to begin with. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Listen to the podcast Val was mentioning about how she healed ancestral trauma through brainspotting with the Developer of Brainspotting - David Grand: https://open.spotify.com/episode/67Ky3uoNceomDC1stdT59R?si=930245b9da314ea3 Listen to the podcast Val was mentioning about how she healed the Fear of Being Jewish with Ari Kantor here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0nzOvzFkZzpkI6dpGQXv8e?si=6f0c95adf20a4485 Join Haile's Anxious To Secure Challenge here: https://stan.store/HealingwithHaile/p/secure-by-summer-challenge Connect with Haile on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithhaile/?hl=en Connect with Haile on Tik tok here: https://www.tiktok.com/@healingwithhaile Connect with Haile on Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/@HealingwithHaile Check out Haile's Website here: Anxiousattachmentstyle.com

  4. Jul 23

    How to Heal Avoidant Attachment (From Someone Who Actually Did It) with Alex Long

    In this episode, I sit down with registered dietitian Alex Long to have an honest conversation about what it's really like to live with avoidant attachment & what it took for her to become more securely attached. Alex shares what relationships felt like in her body before healing, the fears that kept her emotionally distant, and why avoidantly attached people often care deeply but don't know how to stay close. We also talk about the turning points after her divorce that changed everything, how solo travel helped her build trust in herself, and why healing self-worth goes far beyond affirmations and positive thinking. We also discuss: ❤️‍🩹 What avoidant attachment actually feels like beneath the surface ❤️‍🩹 The hidden fears that drive emotional distance and withdrawal ❤️‍🩹 Why avoidantly attached people often crave connection more than they admit ❤️‍🩹 The patterns Alex had to stop repeating before real healing could begin ❤️‍🩹 How learning to trust herself transformed the way she showed up in relationships ❤️‍🩹 The practices that helped her tolerate intimacy instead of running from it ❤️‍🩹 What healing self-worth actually looked like beyond affirmations and positive thinking ❤️‍🩹 How becoming more securely attached changed the way she chooses relationships today Whether you're avoidantly attached yourself or you're trying to better understand someone you love, this conversation offers an honest, compassionate look at what healing avoidant attachment can actually look like & why lasting change is possible. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Alex on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/alex.undefined_/If you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to check out Alex's first appearance on the podcast: Healing your anxious attachment to your body, food, & Health: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2z1MjuuiaD9Lt3jcbdNlUm?si=yxB8RJNuTJiRP6NGSnGYlg Listen to me on Alex's podcast - The truth about your attachment: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5zhG37lvxm9pfUicS4neDM?si=4hBTJwDbSlqPaL1sRxfRkA

  5. Jul 16

    Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family: Why You People Please, Fear Abandonment & Struggle in Relationships with Andrea Ashley

    What if your fear of abandonment, people pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or attraction to emotionally unavailable partners didn't start in your adult relationships... but in the family you grew up in? In this episode, I'm joined by Andrea Ashley, host of The Adult Child Podcast, for a raw and honest conversation about growing up in a dysfunctional family, healing from childhood emotional wounds, and breaking the patterns that quietly follow so many of us into adulthood. Andrea opens up about her experience growing up with addiction in her family, the impact it had on her nervous system and relationships, her journey to sobriety, and what it took to stop carrying the weight of everyone else's emotions. Together, we unpack why so many adult children become chronic people pleasers, caretakers, and fixers, why healthy relationships can feel unfamiliar, and the heartbreaking grief that often comes with realizing your parents may never become the parents you needed. In this episode, we discuss: ❤️‍🩹 What growing up in a dysfunctional family actually looks like (even if your childhood seemed "normal") ❤️‍🩹 The subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect that often go unnoticed ❤️‍🩹 Why adult children struggle with people pleasing, perfectionism, and feeling responsible for everyone else ❤️‍🩹 How dysfunctional family dynamics shape fear of abandonment and romantic relationships ❤️‍🩹 The connection between addiction, family roles, and survival patterns ❤️‍🩹 Why setting boundaries with family can feel so uncomfortable ❤️‍🩹 The grief of accepting your parents may never change ❤️‍🩹 Practical ways to begin healing your nervous system after a dysfunctional childhood If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "Maybe I'm just too sensitive," "Why do I always put everyone else first?" or "Why do I keep repeating the same relationship patterns?" this conversation will help you understand where those patterns came from and, more importantly, how to begin healing them. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Andrea on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adultchildpod/ Listen to Andrea's podcast episode featuring Valerie Wired for Abandonment: How Somatic Work Heals what Talk Therapy can't w/Valerie Rubin: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7GUy0N6LJq4tAZLuZgZTqi?si=Ft0UL4hMQ2-l1ChbqFrQmw Join Andrea's Healing Community here: https://theshitshow.mn.co/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGn6iWE_Vg3B9abvwzjF3vD5go3oAQ_GZgtnzfKt8WxTEi4UW9CJ9en-MH2EAY_aem_8lwcE0CpcQBfuBUWmrLWrw

  6. Jul 9

    How Childhood Attachment Shapes ADHD, Anxiety & Adult Relationships with Erica Komisar

    Why do some people constantly fear abandonment, need reassurance, or struggle to regulate their emotions? Why are anxiety and ADHD becoming more common? And how much of it can be traced back to our earliest relationships? In this episode, I sit down with child psychoanalyst Erica Komisar to explore how our earliest attachment experiences shape the way we relate to ourselves and others for the rest of our lives. We talk about why emotional regulation begins long before children have words, how chronic stress in infancy can impact the developing nervous system, and why many adults struggling in relationships today may actually be carrying unmet attachment needs from their earliest years. We also dive into some of today's biggest parenting debates, including sleep training, the unique roles of mothers and fathers, the importance of community in raising children, and what the research says about building secure attachment from the very beginning. Erica shares why love alone isn't always enough to create secure attachment, how children can be deeply loved and still develop insecure attachment, and why healing our own emotional wounds before becoming parents matters more than we often realize. We also discuss:• The foundations of secure attachment and emotional regulation• Why attachment trauma isn't always healed through insight alone• Generational patterns of anxiety and depression• The sensitivity gene and why some children are more vulnerable to stress• ADHD through the lens of chronic stress and nervous system development• Preverbal trauma and how it shows up in adult relationships• The signs of unmet attachment needs in adulthood• Why abandonment can feel life-threatening for some people• What secure attachment looks like in adult relationships• Practical ways parents can foster resilience, emotional regulation, and secure attachment in the first three years of life Whether you're trying to heal your own anxious attachment, better understand your childhood, or become the kind of parent who helps your child feel deeply safe, this conversation is filled with research-backed insights that can change the way you see both yourself and the people you love. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Erica by checking out her website: ericakomisar.com

  7. Jun 30

    Fear of Running Out of Money, Fear of Conflict, and Why Anxiety Needs Certainty with Kirstin Mitchell

    In this episode, I sat down with artist and Shadow Mapping creator Kirstin Mitchell for a conversation about anxiety, uncertainty, and the parts of ourselves we spend so much energy trying to avoid. We talked about the fear of running out of money, why conflict can feel so threatening to the nervous system, and why anxious minds become so attached to certainty and control. We explored how our relationship with the unknown often has less to do with what's actually happening in the present and more to do with what our bodies learned was unsafe long ago. We also dove into the role of somatic healing, creativity, art, and expression in helping us process emotions that words alone often can't reach. I shared my own experience of returning home to Ohio to spend time with family and the unexpected emotions that surfaced during that transition, the grief, uncertainty, identity shifts, and the uncomfortable in-between that so many of us try to rush ourselves through. If you've ever felt like your anxiety needs answers before it can let you rest, if conflict feels bigger than it "should," or if uncertainty makes you feel like you're losing your footing, this conversation is for you. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ https://www.instagram.com/kirstinmitchell/

  8. Jun 11

    Healing Burnout: Why You’re Emotionally Exhausted & Constantly Overwhelmed with Chelsea Horton

    So many people think burnout is just “working too much.” But burnout goes SO much deeper than being busy or needing more sleep. In this episode, I sit down with burnout coach Chelsea Horton for a powerful conversation about the nervous system, chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, perfectionism, hyper-independence, and the deeper emotional roots underneath burnout. We talk about why so many people feel disconnected from themselves, numb, overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and stuck in survival mode without even realizing it’s happening. This episode explores:✨ The hidden trauma responses underneath burnout✨ Why productivity becomes tied to self-worth✨ Why rest can feel emotionally uncomfortable or unsafe✨ Signs you’re burnt out that people often miss✨ How chronic stress disconnects you from joy, creativity, intimacy & your body✨ Why vacations and sleep alone often don’t “fix” burnout✨ How to reconnect with your body after years of overriding your needs✨ What nervous system healing and sustainable living actually FEELS like If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of overworking, crashing, recovering, and repeating… this conversation will help you understand WHY your body may be asking you to slow down. This episode is for the people who secretly feel exhausted all the time… but still feel guilty resting. Connect with Chelsea on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healing.embodied/ Connect with Valerie on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

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About

Love doesn’t have to feel like walking on eggshells. If you’re caught overthinking texts, fearing abandonment, or shrinking yourself just to feel chosen—you’re not alone. Hosted by trauma-informed somatic coach and anxious attachment expert Valerie Rubin, this podcast guides you to uncover and heal the subconscious patterns that keep you stuck in anxiety, people-pleasing, and unfulfilling relationships. Learn how to heal your anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, speak your needs, and attract love that truly feels like home.

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