The Anxiety Recovery Podcast

Valerie Rubin
  • 5.0 (9)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Love doesn’t have to feel like walking on eggshells. If you’re caught overthinking texts, fearing abandonment, or shrinking yourself just to feel chosen—you’re not alone. Hosted by trauma-informed somatic coach and anxious attachment expert Valerie Rubin, this podcast guides you to uncover and heal the subconscious patterns that keep you stuck in anxiety, people-pleasing, and unfulfilling relationships. Learn how to heal your anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, speak your needs, and attract love that truly feels like home.

  1. 5D AGO

    From People-Pleasing to Self-Trust: How to Heal Codependency and Finally Put Yourself First with Libby Sibert

    If you constantly find yourself overgiving, people-pleasing, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions, this episode is for you. Many people don’t realize they’re operating from codependent patterns because it often looks like being loving, loyal, or supportive on the surface. But underneath, it can feel exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and deeply disconnecting from your own needs. In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin is joined by trauma-informed coach, Brainspotting therapist, and narcissistic abuse recovery specialist Libby Sibert for a powerful conversation on how codependency forms, why breaking these patterns can feel so uncomfortable in the body, and how to begin shifting from chronic people-pleasing into grounded self-trust. Together, they explore the hidden signs of codependency many people miss, why setting boundaries can trigger guilt and fear even when you know change is necessary, and how these patterns live in the nervous system long before we consciously recognize them. You’ll also learn small, emotionally safe boundary practices, early signs that you’re moving toward healthier interdependence, and how to reconnect with your own needs after years of prioritizing others. If you’ve ever felt like you lose yourself in relationships, struggle to say no, or worry that putting yourself first makes you “selfish,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface and how to begin building secure, balanced, and emotionally safe relationships, starting with the relationship you have with yourself. Connect with Libby on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/find_love_that_lasts_/ Check out Libby's find love that lasts program: https://libbysibbert.kartra.com/page/FLTLFprogram1 Check out Libby's coaching packages: https://www.libbysibbert.co.uk/coaching_packages Check out Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

    33 min

  2. JAN 29

    How to Heal Your Fear of Uncertainty (When Not Knowing Feels Unsafe) with Dr. Ray Doktor

    If not knowing what’s coming next makes your chest tighten, your mind race, or your body brace for impact, this episode is for you. For many people, uncertainty isn’t just uncomfortable. It feels dangerous. The moment something is unresolved, open-ended, or unclear, the nervous system goes into survival mode: overthinking, reassurance-seeking, scanning for signs, needing answers now just to feel okay. In this episode, I’m joined by Ray Doktor to explore the fear of uncertainty, not as a mindset issue or lack of resilience, but as a nervous-system response shaped by safety, unpredictability, and past experiences. We talk about why the body often treats uncertainty as a threat, why making any decision (even a painful one) can feel more regulating than waiting, and how living in constant “I’ll be okay once I know” mode slowly exhausts the nervous system. You’ll hear us unpack: Why overthinking, urgency, and reassurance-seeking aren’t flaws, they’re protective strategies How fear of uncertainty shows up in relationships through the need for clarity, timelines, and reassurance What’s really happening in the body when you feel stuck in the not-knowing Why people who grew up in emotionally unpredictable environments often struggle most with uncertainty How constant mental vigilance keeps you braced, tense, and exhausted Most importantly, we explore what actually helps, not by forcing yourself to tolerate uncertainty, but by creating safety inside your body. We talk about why healing fear of uncertainty requires working with the nervous system, how to stay present without freezing or spiraling, what healthy uncertainty feels like in a regulated body, and how to begin trusting yourself even when you don’t have answers yet. If uncertainty has been running the show in your life, and you’re tired of fighting your own mind, this conversation offers a gentler, more grounding way forward. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Purchase Dr. Ray Doktor's book here: https://www.amazon.com/All-Takes-One-Hidden-Belief/dp/B0D1NSDB6L Connect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drraydoktorcoaching/ Connect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/raydoktor

    53 min

  3. JAN 22

    When Your Body Reacts Before You Can Think: How to heal Triggers Through the Nervous System with Courtney Osselaer

    Have you ever wondered why your body reacts before you can think — even when you know you’re safe, loved, or “shouldn’t be this triggered”? In this episode, we explore triggers through a nervous-system lens and gently dismantle the belief that being triggered means you’re broken, failing, or doing healing “wrong.” I’m joined by Courtney, an Emotional Mastery and Self-Trust Coach, board-certified nurse coach, and pediatric nurse, for a compassionate and deeply grounding conversation about what triggers actually are, why they feel so intense, and how they impact our energy, relationships, parenting, and sense of self-trust. Together, we talk about: Why triggers feel so personal and discouraging — especially when shame says, “I should be past this by now” What’s really happening in the body when you’re triggered, from a nervous-system perspective How triggers drain energy and show up in intimacy, communication, and motherhood — even when love is present The difference between managing triggers and healing their roots Why so many moms feel triggered and then immediately guilty for it What it looks like to work with a trigger instead of fighting or suppressing it How healing triggers can restore not just calm — but deep self-trust How triggers can become portals to self-connection rather than proof something is wrong This is an honest, validating conversation for anyone who’s tired of trying to override their reactions and wants to understand their body with more compassion. Because healing doesn’t come from pushing yourself harder — it comes from listening more deeply. Connect with Courtney on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/the_eo_seahorse/ Get access to Courtney's trigger reaction journal here: https://courtneycoacheswellness.app.clientclub.net/courses/offers/7a002f4b-a269-4927-8a3d-15d51da26ecc Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

    54 min

  4. JAN 15

    Why You Overthink, People-Please, and Fear Abandonment: Understanding C-PTSD with Dr. Arielle Schwartz

    Why You Overthink, People-Please, and Fear Abandonment Understanding C-PTSD with Dr. Arielle Schwartz If you have ever replayed conversations in your head, worried you said the wrong thing, people pleased even when it cost you, or felt a deep fear of being abandoned, this episode is for you 🤍 In this conversation, we explore why these patterns do not mean you are broken and how they are often rooted in complex trauma or C-PTSD. I am joined by Dr. Arielle Schwartz, a licensed clinical psychologist, certified complex trauma professional, EMDR Consultant, and Kripalu yoga teacher. She is an internationally sought after speaker, a leading voice in trauma recovery, and the author of seven books including The Complex PTSD Workbook, EMDR Therapy and Somatic Psychology, The Post-Traumumatic Growth Guidebook, and Applied Polyvagal Theory in Yoga. Arielle also developed Resilience Informed Therapy, an integrative and trauma informed approach that centers nervous system safety and resilience, helping people heal without feeling pathologized or too much. Together, we unpack why overthinking, people pleasing, and fear of abandonment live in the body and what actually helps when insight alone is not enough. In this episode, we explore Why overthinking is so common in relationships and what it is really trying to protect Why people who fear abandonment can feel calm when alone but anxious or dysregulated in closeness Whether attachment equals survival even in adulthood Why reassurance, logic, and positive thinking often do not calm these fears What is usually missing when insight and self help have not been enough Where beliefs like I am too needy, too emotional, or too much often come from What begins to change when these patterns are viewed through a nervous system and trauma informed lens How Resilience Informed Therapy supports healing in a way that feels empowering rather than pathologizing We covered what is one gentle first step toward building more safety in the body One truth to hold onto the next time activation shows up This is a grounding and compassionate conversation for anyone who is tired of trying to fix themselves and is ready to understand their patterns with curiosity, safety, and self trust ✨ Connect with Dr. Arielle Schwartz here: https://drarielleschwartz.com/ If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

    58 min

  5. JAN 8

    How to Support a Partner With Anxiety Without Losing Yourself or Fixing Them with Cheri Timko

    Loving someone with anxiety can feel confusing, exhausting, and lonely, especially when you’re trying so hard to be supportive… but nothing seems to help. In this episode, we talk about what actually helps when anxiety shows up in a relationship — and why support so often turns into fixing, walking on eggshells, or quietly abandoning your own needs. I’m joined by couples therapist and relationship coach Cheri Timko to explore how anxiety doesn’t just live in one person’s body — it lives in the space between partners. We break down why vulnerable conversations can feel so risky and how anxiety impacts emotional and physical intimacy (including sex). You’ll learn: Why trying to fix anxiety often creates more distance How to support your partner’s anxiety without losing yourself What anxious partners actually need in moments of overwhelm How to have vulnerable conversations without shutdown, blowups, or self-abandonment How couples can stay emotionally connected — even when anxiety is present This conversation is for partners who love each other and want to feel closer, safer, and more connected — without forcing change or silencing their own needs. If you’ve ever wondered, “How do I support my partner without disappearing myself?” — this episode is for you. 💛 If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic therapy and nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to stop managing anxiety and start rewiring it.Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Cheri here: https://www.instagram.com/couplescounselingcenter/ Check out her workbooks on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Dr.-Cheri-Timko/author/B0DS3QB5KL?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

    47 min

  6. JAN 1

    Why You Attach So Quickly & How to Slow Down Without Self-Abandoning with Emily Dini

    In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by dating and relationship coach Emily Dini for a deeply honest conversation about why anxious attachment bonds so quickly and how to slow down without shutting your heart or abandoning yourself. If you’ve ever thought“I barely know them, but I already feel attached,”this episode is for you. We explore what’s actually happening beneath the surface when attachment moves fast inside your nervous system, your body, and the younger parts of you that learned long ago that connection had to be secured quickly to survive. We talk about the subtle ways fast attachment shows up over empathizing, avoiding hard conversations, proving and convincing energy, and the vetting mistakes that can quietly make you a magnet for emotionally unavailable, manipulative, or narcissistic partners. Not because something is wrong with you, but because your system learned to prioritize closeness over safety. You’ll hear why slowing down can feel threatening, almost like the connection will disappear if you don’t move fast, and why intensity so often gets mistaken for intimacy when attachment wounds are active. Most importantly, we talk about what pacing attachment actually looks like when you don’t want to shut down, pull away, or play games. How to stay emotionally open while staying connected to yourself and how to tolerate the discomfort of going slower without losing the bond. This is a conversation for the part of you that wants real, secure love but is tired of analyzing your patterns and still ending up in the same emotional loops. If you’ve ever told yourself “I always attach too fast, something must be wrong with me,” I want you to listen closely. There is nothing broken about you. There is a body asking for safety and a heart learning it doesn’t have to rush to be chosen. Slow doesn’t mean disconnected.Boundaries don’t mean closed.And secure love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself to keep it.

    1h 9m

  7. 12/24/2025

    How to heal the fear of visibility with Anna Holtzman

    In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Anna Holtzman, a visibility coach who works with sensitive creatives and entrepreneurs navigating the fear of being seen. Together, we explore what fear of visibility actually is — and why it’s not just a mindset issue, confidence problem, or resistance to self-expression, but a nervous system response rooted in safety, belonging, and past emotional exposure. We talk about how fear of visibility shows up not only in work and creative expression, but also in friendships, relationships, and everyday moments where you want to speak your truth — and feel your body pull back instead.Not because you’re incapable or blocked, but because part of you learned that being seen once came with real consequences. This conversation goes beyond “just show up anyway” advice and into what it actually takes to feel safe being visible without forcing yourself, overriding your body, or abandoning who you are. We discuss: What fear of visibility feels like in the body and nervous system How visibility can feel dangerous rather than exciting The difference between self-expression and identity-based visibility How early experiences of shame, exposure, or loss of belonging shape fear of being seen Why the nervous system can interpret visibility as a threat How fear of visibility shows up in subtle, unrecognized ways How Jewish identity and today’s polarized climate can add another layer to visibility fears What “safe visibility” actually looks like in practice Small, body-safe ways to practice being seen What empowered visibility looks like when it’s led by a regulated nervous system If fear of visibility feels especially loud right now — whether in your work, relationships, or voice — this episode offers a compassionate, nervous-system–informed lens to help you understand what’s happening without pathologizing yourself. Because visibility isn’t about pushing harder.It’s about helping your body feel safe enough to be seen. 💛 Check out Anna's Free workshop on healing the fear of being seen here: www.annaholtzman.com/beseen Connect with Anna on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/ Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

    42 min

  8. 12/18/2025

    How to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable partners with Chris Rackliffe

    In this episode, I sit down with anxious attachment coach Chris Rackliffe for an illuminating conversation about why so many of us with anxious attachment feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners. We dig into the early wounds and nervous system imprints that shape our adult attraction patterns, how self-abandonment becomes a survival strategy, and what it really takes to break the cycle of choosing inconsistency over security. Chris & I brought both clinical depth and grounded warmth to this discussion, offering practical tools and compassionate insight for anyone ready to rewrite their relational blueprint and move toward partners who can truly show up. We dive deep on: Why We’re Drawn to Emotional Unavailability: unpacking how childhood wounds, early attachment patterns, and nervous system wiring make inconsistency feel like chemistry. Breaking Attraction Cycles: exploring how familiar emotional chaos can hijack your sense of safety and how to interrupt the urge to chase partners who can’t truly show up. The Roots of Anxious Attachment: understanding the pre-verbal imprints that shape self-worth, relational expectations, and what your body reads as “secure.” Self-Abandonment and Emotional Needs: identifying the subtle ways anxious attachers silence themselves, shrink their needs, or over-function to maintain connection. Rewriting Your Internal Blueprint: learning how self-trust, emotional honesty, and nervous system regulation help you choose stability over unpredictability. Co-Regulation as a Path to Healing: exploring how safe people, therapists, and grounded partners can help your system recalibrate and experience true emotional availability. Feeling Safe in Your Own Body: using somatic awareness and regulation tools to differentiate between real red flags and the discomfort of healthy intimacy. Normalizing Uncertainty in Early Dating: recognizing that doubt, activation, and hypervigilance are common for anxious attachers — and learning how to navigate them skillfully. Embracing Secure Connection: replacing old attraction patterns with partners who offer consistency, emotional presence, and genuine availability. If you’re wanting more support on how to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable partners, check out my masterclass - how to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable men here -  stan.store/healwithval/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-ora8z2gu Keywords: anxious attachment, emotional unavailability, relationship healing, self-worth, communication skills, nervous system, vulnerability, co-regulation, emotional safety, inner child healing https://www.instagram.com/crackliffe/

    55 min
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About

Love doesn’t have to feel like walking on eggshells. If you’re caught overthinking texts, fearing abandonment, or shrinking yourself just to feel chosen—you’re not alone. Hosted by trauma-informed somatic coach and anxious attachment expert Valerie Rubin, this podcast guides you to uncover and heal the subconscious patterns that keep you stuck in anxiety, people-pleasing, and unfulfilling relationships. Learn how to heal your anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, speak your needs, and attract love that truly feels like home.

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