Shidduch-University by Adai Ad

Shidduch U

Shidduchim. Every person’s experience is unique. There are no rules. People have lots of questions and concerns. Adai Ad aims to provide guidance and support through the journey. We have instituted the Shidduch University to support daters through the various stages of shiduchim and relationships. See other related talks in the "Your Strong Relationship" podcast series.

  1. Getting Mature Singles to the Chuppah [with Frannie Teitelbaum]

    05/17/2023

    Getting Mature Singles to the Chuppah [with Frannie Teitelbaum]

    Devora Krasnianski speaks with Frannie Teitelbaum, LCSW who has helped many older singles through the shidduch journey to successful marriage. Frannie identified some challenges that the singles are having and some better ways to approach dating for marriage. We also spoke about how there isn’t anything wrong with someone who is older and not yet married, and how to support them in their shidduch journey with respect and concern. -- https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u⁠ ⁠ info@adaiad.org⁠ https://www.maskparents.org⁠ (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Frannie Teitelbaum, LCSW Call: 917-494-4993 -- 06:25 Why are there so many people who are not yet married 10:17 The shidduch system is broken 15:15 The expectations that people have make dating more difficult 17:57 If you want to get married, you’ll get married 18:13 Separate wants and needs 19:27 Get to know yourself 21:01 Some good things about getting married when older 27:37 Marrying someone who is not as emotionally evolved as you 34:17 What are wants and what are needs 38:20 Putting ‘externals’ on the list of wants or needs 42:52 How to support an older single 45:20 What the community can do 47:23 How money/income is impacting shidduchim 51:44 Q: Should woman be advised to downplay her intelligence or financial success 57:07 Don’t hide aspects of yourself when dating 59:25 The daters set the tone of what kind of person they’ll attract 1:00:42 Character is the most important thing to look for 1:01:22 Wrap up

    1h 7m
  2. Setting up your marriage for success [with Penina Flug, LCSW]

    05/04/2023

    Setting up your marriage for success [with Penina Flug, LCSW]

    Devora Krasnianski speaks with Penina Flug, LCSW who delves into the topic of setting up the marriage for success with Penina Flug, LCSW. Penina is passionate about helping young couples set up for success from their dating experiences and also importantly through premarital and early marital education. In this conversation, we spoke about how to date for a successful marriage, the mindsets to have and the conversations and experiences to have while dating. -- Adai Ad: https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u⁠ ⁠ info@adaiad.org⁠ To reach MASK: www.maskparents.org ⁠ (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Penina Flug, LCSW Website: https://peninafluglcsw.com/ -- Episodes mentioned in the talk: Marriage Readiness series: https://adaiad.org/shidduch-u/marriage-ready-episodes/ - 3:57 The power of pre-marital education 5:04 What should be the focus in the dating process 7:04 The importance of having support and guidance through dating 10:27 What's a healthy relationship? ABCs? Acceptance, belonging, comfort and safety 13:17 What to do when there are concerns or doubts about the shidduch 15:28 Take care of issues before starting shidduchim 16:19 Anxiety during engagement 19:02 Talk about marriage when dating 20:41 Spending time with each other’s families when dating 22:05 Sharing difficult topics on a date 24:00 Things we wish people knew before they got married 29:13 Have some disagreements when dating (emotional safety) 30:59 Talk about premarital education and getting support 32:19 Should someone discuss concerns with their parents 35:09 Premarital education should be standard 37:49 Topics that some daters don’t talk about 42:04 Working with a dating coach 46:58 Final thoughts 48:29 Q: Should I share about previous relationships while dating? 51:13 Wrap Up

    52 min
  3. Overcoming Dating Anxiety [with Prof. Naomi Klapper]

    04/28/2023

    Overcoming Dating Anxiety [with Prof. Naomi Klapper]

    Devora Krasnianski speaks with Prof. Naomi Klapper who delves into the reasons behind people's anxiety when dating and how it impacts their dating. Prof. Klapper describes that heightened anxiety diminishes the attachment hormones that bring people closer together. Furthermore, anxiety impairs our cognitive abilities, making it difficult for us to be fully present in a relationship or make important decisions. Therefore, it is crucial to address anxiety in order to foster meaningful relationships. During the discussion, Professor Klapper also shared some effective strategies for managing anxiety. This episode is significant for all individuals who are dating, even if they do not experience severe anxiety. https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u info@adaiad.org https://www.maskparents.org  (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Prof Naomi Klapper Website: https://www.klappertherapy.com Email: naomi.klapper@gmail.com -- 4:08 What is dating anxiety? 8:07 Anxiety shuts down attraction hormones 11:09 Anxiety highlights every little flaw 13:25 Some anxiety is normal, even useful 14:30 Why is someone anxious only when comes to dating 25:52 Ways that some anxiety can be good for dating 30:50 At what point should someone seek professional help for their anxiety 35:32 How sharing vulnerabilities deepens relationships 38:52 Make relationship-based decisions 40:27 Tools to address anxiety – even before dating. 56:53 Relationship OCD 1:02:22 Q: Anxious about talking about money 1:12:29 It is important to be able to communicate about tough topics 1:15:25 Q: Anxious because was rejected 1:22:12 Wrap Up

    1h 25m
  4. Making your 'lists' and checking the boxes [with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier]

    03/28/2023

    Making your 'lists' and checking the boxes [with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier]

    Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad speaks with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier about lists and checklists. Do those lists help us in Shidduchim or do they complicate things? Do we really know what we really need in a spouse? How to know if the one you are dating is really your bashert? Rabbi Shafier talks about the paper test and the bashert test. We also spoke about the importance of knowing what marriage is about before dating. We unpack all that in this conversation. - https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Rabbi Shafier Website: https://theshmuz.com /0:03:06 Creating a shidduch ‘list’ 0:06:35 How to ‘know’ if this is the one (paper test & bashert test) 0:09:59 Using a list as a filtering system 0:10:48 Going out until you get clarity about yes or no 0:13:27 If you’ve never been married, how do you know what you need 0:15:32 Making sure your values are aligned 0:17:02 Checklists mess up shidduchim 0:18:18 Do people pass up on their bashert? 0:22:55 If you notice red flags 0:25:56 Infatuation vs love 0:29:35 Where do feelings come into the decision 0:32:18 Importance of honest sharing during dating 0:35:20 What conversations to have when dating 0:37:57 Have a good understanding of what marriage is before dating 0:40:02 Marriage is an institution, but it's not a hospital 0:43:36 Marriage is taking a leap of faith 0:45:29 About the book 0:48:39 A metaphor about dating for marriage 0:50:45 Wrap up

    53 min

  5. 03/22/2023

    How do I know this is the 'one'? [with Mayer Zuckerman, LCSW]

    Devora Krasnianski speaks with Mayer Zuckerman, LCSW, a licensed therapist with lots of experience working with young people in dating and relationships. We spoke about is it is possible to really know that this is the one. We also spoke about what aspects should be similar and where differences can work. And how to make the big decision. We unpack all that in this conversation. - https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u https://www.maskparents.org/ (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Mayer Zuckerman Email: mayer@mayerzuckermanlcsw.com3:58 Can we ever really know this is the ‘one’? 7:25 Commitment to the one you chose 9:42 What really lasts throughout the length of the marriage 14:29 Values should be compatible 21:58 Importance of self-awareness for dating 24:57 Who to talk to when dating 33:31 Only the ones dating should make the decision about marriage 36:03 Don’t withhold important information 44:44 Q: I generally have a hard time making decisions 51:15 Q: We’re good on paper, but I’m not feeling it 1:00:07 Inspiration for those struggling in shidduchim 1:03:19 Wrap up

    1h 6m
  6. Boundaries: What are they are why do we need them? [with Elana Chasser, LCSW]

    03/13/2023

    Boundaries: What are they are why do we need them? [with Elana Chasser, LCSW]

    Devora Krasnianski speaks with Elena Chasser, LCSW about Boundaries and Dating. When we talk about boundaries in dating, we are talking about balance and respect. And we unpack that in this conversation. Elana shares 5 types of boundaries that might come up in dating – what respecting those boundaries looks like and what crossing might feel like. And sometimes, it’s very nuanced. https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u    (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph)    --   To reach Elana Chasser, LSCW  Website: https://elanachasser.com/ Phone: 516-489-2652   ---  1:13 How are we defining boundaries?  2:26 Boundaries in dating: 5 key aspects  3:15 Verbal boundaries  6:30 Physical boundaries  12:35 Emotional boundaries  14:34 Relational boundaries  19:24 Gaslighting and love-bombing  24:02 Paying attention to what might be going on  27:51 Behavioral boundaries  34:02 Respect differences  37:27 Getting someone else’s perspective and support  40:30 Mistakes sometimes happen during dating  42:44 Do you see that you have grown together (even a little bit)  44:59 Move at the pace of the slower one  50:08 Why some people have a hard time opening up 52:22 Wrapping up

    55 min
  7. Building your relationship during dating [with Dr. Avigail Margolis]

    03/03/2023

    Building your relationship during dating [with Dr. Avigail Margolis]

    Devora Krasnianski speaks with Dr. Avigail Margolis about the importance of building the relationship during dating. We covered how relationships are built, and the importance of having difficult conversations and what to do before, during and after those conversations. Lots of practical insights and tips throughout. - https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Dr. Avigail Margolis email: Dr.AMargolis@gmail.com Phone: +1 (347) 946-0981 0:00 intro 4:13 Why it's important to think about building the relationship during dating 7:36 How difficult conversations can build the relationship 15:39 What to do if want to say no to a relationship 18:53 Alcohol on a date 23:31 Tips for staying calm on a date 25:28 Planning the date so you are more prepared to have difficult conversations 28:18 Tune in to how you feel when and after having difficult conversations 31:57 How do you know that you are in a good relationship 33:38 Seeing each other in other contexts and social settings 41:37 Have some ‘real life’ experiences together 45:28 Having conversations together about the relationship 49:59 Women can plan dates (and take a lead) too 52:11 Before committing to marriage, talk about yourselves as a couple 57:09 Final thoughts

    59 min
  8. Tips for Successful Dating [with C. Rochel Duchman]

    02/23/2023

    Tips for Successful Dating [with C. Rochel Duchman]

    Devora Krasnianski speaks with C. Rochel Duchman, a dating coach about dating. We cover the types of conversations to have, how to move forward when dating gets stuck, and the role of the shachan. And lots more.   https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) --   To reach Rochel Duchman Website: www.autumncoaching.net --   0:00 Introduction 3:27 Understanding the dating process and the role of a coach 8:56 When the dating seems stuck 15:56 Dating is about learning about the other and sharing about yourself 24:41 How to bring up or ask about uncomfortable topics 30:41 Phases of dating 38:22 It is important to have the difficult conversations 46:20 “Convos” cards: probing questions for dating partners to discover each other 47:25 How long should the shadchan be involved? 53:50 Complimenting on a date 1:01:18 Having “we” discussions 1:05:34 Wrap up    Link to prev episodes of the Marriage Readiness series (2022) (also available on Spotify and Google Podcasts)

    1h 7m
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About

Shidduchim. Every person’s experience is unique. There are no rules. People have lots of questions and concerns. Adai Ad aims to provide guidance and support through the journey. We have instituted the Shidduch University to support daters through the various stages of shiduchim and relationships. See other related talks in the "Your Strong Relationship" podcast series.

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