Confessions of a Parent Coach

Ann Kaplan, Parent Coach
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  • Parenting

Welcome to Confessions of a Parent Coach, the podcast where you'll learn that even parenting experts like me, Ann Kaplan, mother of four, and your host won't have all the answers. I believe that once you realize there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can achieve fabulous behavior and amazing relationships with your kids.

  1. 4d ago

    What if the thing that needs "fixing" isn't actually your kid?

    In this episode, I'm joined by three women from my parenting coaching group for a very real conversation about what brought them to coaching—and what actually changed once they got there. We talk about tantrums, yelling, discipline, permissiveness, control, chaotic mornings, teeth brushing (so much teeth brushing), and the uncomfortable realization that sometimes the work we want to do on our kids is actually work we need to do within ourselves. Not because everything is our fault. And not because our kids' behavior doesn't matter. But because when we understand our own patterns, triggers, fears, and need for control, we have a whole lot more choice about what happens next. In This Episode: Why parents often come to coaching wanting to "fix" a behavior—and discover something much deeper What happens when the parenting tools that worked with one child don't work with another The difference between permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative parenting Why boundaries and emotional attunement belong together How our own reactions can unintentionally escalate our kids Why stepping in to fix everything for our kids isn't always helping them What group coaching actually looks and feels like from the people inside it The goal isn't to become a perfectly calm parent who never gets triggered. It's to notice more, understand more, and have more choice in how you respond. And over time, that changes your relationship with your kids—and the energy in your home. Ready for Support? If you're working your butt off to be a good parent but keep finding yourself in the same patterns, you don't have to figure it out alone. Learn more about Group Parent Coaching: https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/groupparentcoaching

  2. Sep 23

    How Did I Live Like This for So Long? The Hidden Pattern Behind Your Parenting

    Sometimes the thing making parenting feel so hard isn't actually your kid's behavior. It's what their behavior brings up in you. In this episode, I'm sharing a powerful moment from my group coaching program when one mom realized how much energy she was spending trying to manage, prevent, or avoid other people's emotions—including her kids'. Her question stopped me in my tracks: "How did I live my life this way for so long and not realize it?" We talk about how our personality patterns quietly shape the way we parent, why our kids' negative emotions can feel so uncomfortable, and how small parenting changes can create enough breathing room to finally see what's happening underneath. In this episode: Why your kid being upset doesn't mean you're doing something wrong The hidden exhaustion of managing everyone else's emotions How Enneagram patterns show up in parenting Why awareness comes before change How practical parenting tools can open the door to deeper personal growth Sometimes the parenting problem is the doorway—not the destination. Curious about group coaching? Reach out to learn more about the newly updated program and how we can work together.

  3. Sep 16

    The Sphere of Tension: The Tug-of-War Keeping You Stuck

    Ever feel like you're stuck between two options—and somehow both of them feel terrible? Maybe one part of you wants to leave, speak up, set the boundary, lose your temper, or finally do something different. And another part is just as determined to keep the peace, stay safe, be responsible, and not blow up your life. That internal tug-of-war can look like indecision from the outside. But on the inside? It feels like tension. Constant, exhausting tension. In this episode, Ann explores what Internal Family Systems calls a polarity: two parts of us pulling in opposite directions, often while trying to protect the exact same thing. Using her own relationship with anger—and a powerful example from a mom in her coaching group—Ann explains why we can stay stuck for years without actually feeling settled, and what changes when we stop forcing one side to win. In this episode: Why feeling "stuck" is often an internal tug-of-war How opposing parts can actually be working toward the same goal Why forcing yourself to choose doesn't always create clarity What "Self energy" looks like in real life How curiosity, compassion, and awareness can reduce the tension Why the goal isn't to silence parts of yourself—it's to stop letting them run the whole show Sometimes clarity doesn't come from finally picking a side. Sometimes it comes when you put down the rope. Want support getting out of your own sphere of tension? Ann's Group Parent Coaching Program gives you ongoing support to work through the parenting challenges in front of you—and the deeper patterns underneath them. Learn more here: https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/groupparentcoaching

  4. Sep 9

    Extreme Reactions: Why Your Kid Goes From 0 to 100 (And What You Can Actually Do About It)

    Some kids are just… extra. The bedtime boundary becomes a full-body collapse onto the furniture. A disappointing answer becomes a personal tragedy. You calmly say, "No," and suddenly you're apparently responsible for ruining their entire life. And if you're the more peace-loving, level-headed parent in the relationship? It can be incredibly tempting to do whatever you can to avoid setting off the next explosion. But here's the question we don't always want to ask: Is the extreme reaction working for them? In this episode, Ann talks about why some kids react SO intensely when things don't go their way — and the four different things that may be happening underneath that reaction. Some of it may simply be personality. Some of it is being a kid without the perspective or emotional skills of an adult. And some of it may have a lot to do with the dance happening between you and your child. This isn't about blaming parents for their kids' behavior. It's about identifying the part of the pattern you actually have power to change. Because you may not be able to make your fiery kid less fiery. But you can make sure that going from 0 to 100 isn't the most effective tool in their toolbox. In This Episode, Ann Talks About: Why certain kids seem to have an extreme reaction to practically everything The difference between personality, emotional immaturity, and learned behavior Why trying to give kids "perspective" usually doesn't work How highly reactive kids can learn that big reactions get results Why parents start walking on eggshells around an easily upset child How our fear of our child's reaction can quietly change the boundaries we set Why staying calm doesn't mean minimizing or invalidating your child's feelings How changing your part of the dynamic gives you important information about what's really going on The role of emotional regulation, boundaries, consequences, and self-respect How to validate emotion without making extreme behavior effective The Big Takeaway You cannot completely control your child's personality. You cannot hand them ten years of maturity overnight. But you can look at the pattern between the two of you and ask: Is this behavior getting my child something? And if the answer is yes, that's actually good news. Because it means there is somewhere you have influence. When you become less afraid of your child's disappointment, hold the boundary without adding your own drama, and teach them what they can do with those enormous feelings instead, the entire dynamic begins to change. Your child is still allowed to be upset. They just learn that being upset doesn't change the answer. Want Support With This? Ann's group coaching program gives parents a place to bring the real-life situations happening in their families — especially the ones where you know what you're supposed to do, but staying grounded in the actual moment is a whole different story. You can drop in when you need support, get coached through what's happening, and learn alongside other parents navigating their own versions of the same messy, deeply human stuff. If you're curious about the group or working with Ann privately, reach out and start the conversation. https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/groupparentcoaching

  5. Sep 2

    Why You Keep Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids (And Why the Yelling Isn't the Real Problem)

    If you keep snapping, yelling, controlling, or shutting down with your kids, it's tempting to focus on the behavior you want to stop. But that moment is usually the last domino, not the first. In this episode, Ann breaks down what's happening underneath those reactions — and why actually feeling your emotions is very different from analyzing them, explaining them, or acting on them. Using a powerful coaching conversation, the Enneagram's three centers, and one extremely memorable jalapeño-related confession, Ann explores what it really means to stay present with uncomfortable feelings instead of immediately trying to escape or fix them. In This Episode: Why losing your temper is often the end of a much longer emotional chain The difference between thinking about, acting on, and actually feeling your emotions How the head, heart, and body centers respond differently to discomfort Why analyzing your feelings can still be a form of avoidance How emotional presence can change the way you show up with your kids Why feeling something doesn't require a lesson, solution, or next step The Big Takeaway: You don't always need to figure out what your feelings mean. Sometimes you just need to let yourself feel them. Because when we stop using our kids, our relationships, or our own behavior to manage what's happening inside of us, we create more space to respond with clarity instead of reaction. If you know a parent who keeps beating themselves up for losing their temper, send them this episode. The yelling might not be where the problem starts.

  6. Aug 26

    I Hear You in My Head: How Passive Absorption Actually Changes You

    Here's a confession: people ask me all the time which parenting experts I follow, and the honest answer is none of them. Not because I'm above it — I'm an enormous fan girl. It's just that what I'm immersed in right now is personal growth, not parenting. I've had periods, the way Picasso had periods. My NPR period, when I drove toddlers around Denver quoting things I'd heard on the radio. My Eckhart Tolle period. My internal family systems period. Right now I'm deep in a Ram Dass period, and I promise you it's coloring everything about how I see the world. That's what this episode is about: passive absorption. The learning that happens sideways, when you're not trying, when nobody's confronting you, when you're just folding laundry with a podcast on. It's also the thing I think people miss when they unsubscribe from my emails — and the reason my clients start saying, around month three, "I hear you in my head." In this episode: Why I don't follow parenting experts, and why that's not a criticism of them The advice a coach gave me years ago about picking one or two sources and going all in What actually happens in your nervous system when you're in the hot seat being coached — and why your ego braces for it Why the same information lands deeper when you're not the one being asked to change The English-school trick my friend in Spain gives every parent (it works for a lot more than language) Why group coaching creates a layer of absorption that private work structurally cannot The most powerful passive absorption any of us ever experienced — and the one you're building for your kids right now, whether you meant to or not Key takeaways Being coached is a threat to your system, and your system knows it. Coaching works to change how you interface with the world. That's a direct challenge to the self-protective structure you've spent a lifetime building. Your ego braces. That's not a flaw in you — it's the mechanism working exactly as designed. Which is why the sideways learning goes deeper. When you're listening to someone talk about codependency in general — not your codependency, not you in the chair — your guard is down. It infiltrates at a subconscious level. It's lasting. It's systemic. It becomes something more than a homework assignment. Immersion is a strategy, not an accident. Ann's old coach told her to find one or two sources she genuinely resonated with and, in his words, "brainwash yourself" with their content on purpose. Whatever you're trying to change — parenting, career, patterns — pick your sources and surround yourself. Group work compounds it. When you're on a call and someone else is being coached, you get the teaching without the bracing. It happens on every single call: the second or third person Ann calls on opens with "listening to that was exactly what I needed today." You are already running this experiment on your children. Childhood is the most complete passive absorption any human undergoes. Your kids are absorbing the container you're building, right now, whether or not you're teaching it deliberately. It's happening anyway — you may as well make it work for you. Links & Resources Free workbook — Getting Kids to Listen the First Time: https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/freeguide Book a free call with Ann: calendly.com/annkaplan/consult The group coaching program — ongoing subscription, no six-month end date, includes curriculum, video lessons, community, and the group calls discussed in this episode www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/groupparentcoaching If this episode landed, the simplest next step is the one Ann asked for: stay on the list. Two emails a week, one topic, no sales pitch dressed up as content. And if one-on-one work feels a little too confronting right now — that's exactly what the group program is built for. It's the lowest price point of working with Ann and, for a lot of people, the highest value. Reply to any email with the word group and she'll tell you what's involved.

  7. Aug 19

    Take a Seat at the Table: How to Stop Future-Tripping and Trust Yourself

    If your brain is constantly ten steps ahead—trying to predict what's going to happen, prepare for every possible outcome, or make sure your kid will be okay someday—you're probably calling it responsible. But it might actually be anxiety wearing a very convincing outfit. In this episode, Ann explores what happens when we stop trying to manage a future that doesn't exist yet and bring our attention back to the only place where we actually have any agency: right here. Through stories from her own pregnancies, a close friend facing frightening medical uncertainty, and the parents she coaches, Ann shares a mindset that has become a powerful anchor in her own life: The table is already set. Your job is simply to take your seat. Not because you know everything will work out exactly the way you want it to—but because you trust yourself to meet whatever is actually in front of you when it arrives. What You'll Learn Why "future tripping" can feel productive even when it's actually making you more anxious How trying to control your child's future can pull you away from the child who is right in front of you The difference between imaginary control and real agency Why presence can be so regulating for your nervous system How Ann learned to relate very differently to uncertainty during her fourth pregnancy Why trusting yourself may be more useful than trying to predict what happens next How to notice when planning has quietly turned into catastrophizing What it means to "take your seat at the table" when life feels uncertain Key Takeaways 👉 You do not need to solve a future problem before it exists. That sixteen-year-old version of your six-year-old isn't here yet. The kid in front of you is. 👉 Trying to control the future can cost you the present. When your mind is constantly asking, "But what if…?" it becomes much harder to respond to what this moment actually needs. 👉 Certainty and security are not the same thing. Real security doesn't come from knowing exactly what happens next. It comes from knowing: Whatever happens, I will still have me. 👉 Presence gives you access to actual agency. You may not control what gets placed on the table. You do control how you show up when you take your seat. 👉 You can want something without desperately needing it to happen. Hope, intention, and creating change are very different from trying to outrun fear by forcing a particular outcome. Share This Episode Know a parent who is worrying about who their kid will become instead of being with who they are right now? Send them this episode. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do for the future is stop trying to live there.

  8. Aug 12

    Conscious Parenting Requires a Conscious Parent

    When something feels urgent, messy, unfair, or completely out of your control, your brain usually has one very compelling suggestion: Figure it out. Now. Fix the pickup situation. Get your kid to calm down. Send the text. Set the boundary. Solve the problem so you can finally stop feeling so damn upset. Except… that's usually the exact moment we are least equipped to make a good decision. In this episode, Ann talks about why conscious action requires a conscious actor — and why trying to solve a problem while you're dysregulated often creates even more of the thing you were trying to escape. Through stories from her coaching practice and her own life, Ann explores the difference between fixing what's happening around you and first tending to what's happening inside you. Because conscious parenting doesn't start with knowing the perfect thing to do. It starts with a conscious parent. What You'll Learn: Why dysregulation makes us hyper-focused on fixing the external problem How our brains convince us, "If this gets resolved, then I'll feel better" Why changing your kid, co-parent, partner, or circumstances doesn't necessarily create inner calm What happens when we make decisions from panic, anger, fear, or urgency Why "doing" is always influenced by our current state of "being" How even a small increase in awareness can completely change the options available to you Why coaching isn't simply about telling you what to do How IFS and Self energy can help us understand conscious action Why slowing down first can actually help you solve problems faster — and better Key Takeaways: 👉 Conscious parenting requires a conscious parent. You cannot create grounded, intentional action from a state of total reactivity. 👉 Your brain wants to fix the outside so the inside will feel better. But the external problem often isn't the real source of the turmoil — and solving it may only provide temporary relief. 👉 Doing comes from being. Whatever state you're in when you take action becomes the flavor of that action. Panic creates panicked decisions. Anger creates angry decisions. Clarity creates very different possibilities. 👉 You don't have to become perfectly calm before you act. This isn't about floating around on a lotus flower. Sometimes the shift is simply going from "THIS IS AN EMERGENCY" to "Okay… this actually isn't an emergency." That small change matters. 👉 The answer is often already there. Dysregulation clouds your ability to see it. When consciousness returns, options that were completely invisible a few minutes earlier can suddenly become obvious. A Question to Sit With: How much energy are you spending trying to figure things out… …and how much are you spending tending to the consciousness, presence, and way of being you're bringing to the problem? You might be surprised by what becomes possible when you flip those numbers. Share This Episode: Know someone who is trying desperately to figure out what to do next — with their kid, their co-parent, their relationship, or just life? Send them this episode. Sometimes the next step isn't figuring it out. Sometimes it's becoming the version of yourself who can actually see the next step. Don't forget to subscribe to Confessions of a Parent Coach so you don't miss what's coming next.

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Welcome to Confessions of a Parent Coach, the podcast where you'll learn that even parenting experts like me, Ann Kaplan, mother of four, and your host won't have all the answers. I believe that once you realize there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can achieve fabulous behavior and amazing relationships with your kids.

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