Confessions of a Parent Coach

Ann Kaplan, Parent Coach
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  • Parenting

Welcome to Confessions of a Parent Coach, the podcast where you'll learn that even parenting experts like me, Ann Kaplan, mother of four, and your host won't have all the answers. I believe that once you realize there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can achieve fabulous behavior and amazing relationships with your kids.

  1. 1d ago

    Why You Keep Denying Yourself the Thing You Want

    You know that thing you genuinely want to do — the thing you know would make your life better? The parenting support. The break. The healing work. The boundaries. The retreat. Putting the phone down. Actually slowing down. So why are you still not doing it? In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan unpacks the surprisingly emotional reason we resist the very things we say we want. Using her own phone addiction as a starting point, she explores the deeper psychological pattern underneath self-sabotage, avoidance, procrastination, and "excuses" — especially for overwhelmed parents carrying too much mental and emotional load. This conversation goes far beyond productivity or discipline. Ann explains why we don't avoid change because we're lazy or unmotivated — we avoid it because some part of us believes we're getting something important from staying stuck. If you've ever found yourself saying: "I know this would help me, but…" "I just can't right now." "Maybe next year." "I don't have time." "I want this, but something keeps stopping me." …this episode is for you. In This Episode, Ann Talks About: Why we resist things we genuinely want The hidden emotional payoff behind self-sabotage What "excuses" are actually protecting us from Phone addiction, overstimulation, and avoiding stillness Why overwhelmed parents struggle to prioritize themselves The deeper reason personal growth work can feel scary Internal resistance, emotional avoidance, and nervous system patterns Why "doing the work" often feels both deeply wanted and terrifying How Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps uncover what's really going on underneath avoidance Why healing isn't about forcing yourself harder Key Takeaways 👉 If you're not doing something you deeply want, there's probably a deeper need being protected underneath your resistance. 👉 Most self-sabotage is actually self-protection. 👉 The goal isn't to shame yourself into change — it's to understand what your system is trying to do for you. 👉 Overwhelm, avoidance, procrastination, doom scrolling, and emotional reactivity are often attempts to regulate ourselves. 👉 The question isn't "Why can't I just do it?" The real question is: "What am I getting from staying where I am?" Ann's Confession Ann opens up about realizing she's genuinely addicted to her phone — despite fully knowing she feels happier, calmer, and more present without it. After accidentally leaving her phone at home during a dentist appointment, she experienced something many parents barely recognize anymore: presence. Instead of scrolling, she noticed: her breathing the silence of the waiting room melting snow outside the window her own thoughts And yet… even after experiencing how good it felt, she still found herself resisting making real changes. Why? That's the deeper conversation this episode explores. Questions This Episode Will Help You Reflect On Why do I keep denying myself things I say I want? What am I afraid would happen if I actually changed? What emotional need is my current behavior meeting? What am I getting from staying overwhelmed, reactive, distracted, or stuck? What would it look like to support myself differently instead of fighting myself? This Episode Is Especially Helpful If You're: An overwhelmed parent carrying too much emotional labor Struggling with phone addiction or constant overstimulation Interested in Internal Family Systems (IFS), self-awareness, or personal growth Feeling stuck between wanting change and resisting it Considering coaching, therapy, or deeper healing work Tired of surface-level self-help advice Craving more presence, calm, and self-understanding Ready for the Kind of Growth You Can't Get From Consuming More Content? If you're listening to this episode and thinking, "Okay… this is exactly what I do," you are not alone. The retreat was created for women who are exhausted from carrying everything, intellectually understand the work, but are craving the kind of spaciousness and support that allows real transformation to finally land. This is not five days of being "fixed." It's not performative healing. It's not pressure. It's a deeply supportive space to slow down, reconnect with yourself, uncover what's actually underneath the patterns you're stuck in, and experience what it feels like to stop white-knuckling your life for a minute. If you've been circling this work for a while, considering coaching, or quietly telling yourself, "I know I need something deeper than what I'm doing right now," this may be your sign to stop pushing that knowing away. You can learn more or reserve your spot here: https://annkaplanparentcoach.com/retreat Questions about payment plans or whether it's the right fit for you? Reach out anytime. No pressure. Just conversation. Share This Episode If this episode made you feel painfully seen in the best possible way, send it to someone who keeps saying they're "too busy" for the very thing they desperately need. Sometimes the resistance is the clue.

    28 min

  2. May 27

    Why Retreats Change Us: The Hidden Cost of Staying "Nearsighted" in Life & Parenting

    What if the thing you keep talking yourself out of is actually the thing your soul needs most? In this deeply personal episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, I'm unpacking a question I genuinely don't have a perfectly polished answer for yet: Why do we so often say yes to things that drain us… and no to the things that could truly nourish and transform us? As I prepare for my annual parenting and personal growth retreat in Michigan, I found myself reflecting on the strange psychology behind decision-making, self-investment, and the stories we tell ourselves about what we can and cannot justify. Why does a girls' trip feel easy to say yes to, but a transformational retreat feels "indulgent"? Why do we resist the very experiences that could help us reconnect with ourselves, our relationships, and the lives we actually want to live? In this episode, I share honest stories from my own life — from parenting through residential treatment with my son, to missed opportunities I still think about years later, to the orange vintage hoodie I absolutely should have bought. (Yes, really.) This conversation is about more than retreats. It's about the way we become emotionally "nearsighted" when making decisions. It's about fear, scarcity, self-worth, burnout, and learning how to zoom out enough to see the bigger picture of our lives. If you've ever: Talked yourself out of something your heart wanted Struggled to prioritize yourself as a parent Felt guilty investing in your own growth Wondered why you keep choosing survival over fulfillment Craved deeper connection, clarity, or transformation …this episode will speak directly to you. I also share why immersive retreat experiences create a kind of transformation that weekly therapy, coaching, or quick self-help fixes simply cannot replicate. From nervous system regulation and mindfulness to Enneagram work, Internal Family Systems (IFS), relationship healing, and meaningful connection — this is the kind of work that changes how you parent, partner, communicate, and live. In This Episode, We Explore: Why humans make emotionally irrational decisions The concept of "nearsightedness" in personal growth Retreats vs. vacations: what makes them transformational Parenting burnout and emotional depletion How immersive experiences accelerate healing and clarity The power of connection, reflection, and nervous system reset Why investing in yourself impacts every relationship in your life Enneagram insights for self-awareness and parenting The role of mindfulness, coaching, and retreat work in emotional wellness About This Year's Retreat This year's retreat theme is Connection — beginning with your relationship to yourself and expanding outward into your relationships with your children, partner, family, and the world around you. We'll be weaving together: The Enneagram Internal Family Systems (IFS) Anatomy of Peace principles Mindfulness and guided reflection Nature, movement, conversation, and deep connection If you've been feeling emotionally exhausted, disconnected, overwhelmed, or stuck in survival mode as a parent, this retreat is designed to help you reconnect with yourself in a way that creates lasting change. SAVE YOUR SPOT TO THE RETREAT HERE Connect with Me I'm Ann Kaplan — parent coach, speaker, Enneagram practitioner, and mom of four. I help parents create healthier relationships, stronger communication, and more emotional freedom inside their families and within themselves. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and send me a message about where you might be feeling emotionally nearsighted in your life right now. Because sometimes the thing we keep postponing… is the very thing that could change everything.

    26 min

  3. May 20

    The Lesson We Never Stop Learning: Why Your Parenting Triggers Are an Inside Job

    What if the problem isn't your child's behavior… but the way that behavior impacts you? In this deeply honest episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan returns to the powerful thread she began in Episodes 157, 159, and 160 — conversations about polarities, impossible situations, and personal power — and brings them together in a final, integrative discussion about parenting, self-regulation, and radical accountability. Ann explores one of the hardest lessons parents (and humans) continually relearn: the impulse to control the people around us in order to avoid our own discomfort. Through real coaching examples and personal reflection, she unpacks: Why some parenting struggles feel impossible How black-and-white thinking keeps us stuck in "either/or" thinking The difference between boundaries and control How parents unintentionally reinforce codependency Why your child's behavior may not actually be "misbehavior" What it really means to do your own inner work instead of outsourcing it to your kids How acceptance becomes the doorway to real power and change Ann also shares a vulnerable behind-the-scenes confession as a coach — noticing how easy it is to fall into the same pattern she teaches against: trying to change others instead of tending to her own internal response. This episode is a powerful reminder that: "Our feelings are not our kids' jobs." And that real transformation begins when we stop asking: "How do I make my child stop doing this?" …and start asking: "What is this bringing up in me that I need to meet?" If you've ever felt trapped between resentment and control, exhausted from trying to manage everyone around you, or frustrated that parenting still triggers you despite all the work you've done, this episode will land deeply. In This Episode Internal Family Systems (IFS) and internal "polarities" Why the mind defaults to black-and-white thinking Impossible situations and radical acceptance Nervous system regulation in parenting Emotional responsibility vs. control Self-energy: compassion, patience, calmness, and connection Why insight alone isn't enough — integration matters Mentioned in This Episode Episodes 157, 159, and 160 The Enneagram Internal Family Systems (IFS) The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute Upcoming Fall Retreat: Connection Experience If this episode resonates, the next step is deep integration — not just insight. Ann's upcoming Fall Retreat is designed exactly for that: a multi-day immersive experience where you don't just learn these concepts, you live them, process them, and integrate them in real time with support. This year's theme is Connection — to yourself, your nervous system, and your relationships. Learn more or reserve your spot here: Fall Retreat — Connection Experience Spots are limited.

    29 min

  4. May 13

    Why Your Child's Enneagram Childhood Experience Isn't About You

    What if your child's struggles aren't evidence that you failed them… but part of what makes them them? In this deeply personal and emotionally layered episode, Ann Kaplan explores one of the most confronting parts of the Enneagram: the childhood experience associated with each type — and why it can feel so painful for parents to hear. Ann shares honestly about her own current season of identity deconstruction, intense personal growth work, and what it feels like to realize that even the most loving parents cannot protect their children from becoming human. This episode goes far beyond personality typing. It's about suffering, ego, self-actualization, parenting, spirituality, and the uncomfortable truth that growth often requires experiencing disconnection before we can reconnect to ourselves more deeply. If you've ever wondered: "Did I mess my kid up?" "Why does my child experience the world this way?" "Can I prevent my child from struggling?" "Why does healing feel like falling apart first?" …this episode will meet you there. What You'll Learn What the "childhood experience" in the Enneagram actually means Why your child's type is not caused by your parenting The difference between your child's experience and objective reality How personality forms as a response to perceived disconnection Why the ego's coping strategies ultimately lead us away from what we're seeking The spiritual dimension of the Enneagram and self-actualization Why suffering is not proof that something has gone wrong How parents can support their children without trying to erase discomfort Key Takeaways 👉 Your child's Enneagram type is rooted in their nature — not your failure as a parent. 👉 Children with different types perceive and organize the world differently, even inside loving homes. 👉 The goal of parenting is not preventing all pain. It's helping children stay connected to themselves while they move through it. 👉 Personality is often an attempt to reconnect with something essential we feel we lost. 👉 The behaviors we develop to feel safe can eventually become the very things keeping us stuck. 👉 Deep healing often feels disorienting before it feels freeing. 👉 Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need an attuned one. Ann's Confession Ann shares openly about her own current "identity obliteration" season — working deeply with an Enneagram practitioner and confronting painful truths about herself, her patterns, and the ways ego disguises itself as growth. She also reflects on the heartbreak of recognizing her own children's Enneagram childhood experiences and grappling with the reality that even deeply loving parenting cannot eliminate suffering. Topics Explored in This Episode Parenting and the Enneagram Childhood emotional experiences Self-actualization and identity Internal Family Systems themes Ego vs. essence Why healing feels destabilizing Conscious parenting Spiritual growth and suffering Perfectionism and Enneagram Type One How parents unintentionally personalize their children's emotional experiences Who This Episode Is For This episode is especially for: Parents doing deep personal growth work Highly self-aware adults questioning old identities Parents exploring the Enneagram People healing perfectionism, shame, or emotional reactivity Anyone trying to understand why growth can feel so painful Share This Episode Know a parent carrying guilt about their child's emotional experience? Share this episode with them. Sometimes the deepest relief comes from realizing your child's humanity is not evidence that you failed — it's evidence that they're human, too.

    31 min

  5. May 6

    You ARE Hurting Your Kids (And What to Do About It)

    This is one of those episodes that might sting a little… and also might be the biggest exhale you've had in a while. Because if you're a thoughtful parent—if you care this much—you've probably already had the thought: "What if I'm messing them up?" So instead of dancing around it, we're just going to tell the truth: You are. We all are. And that's not actually the problem. In this episode, I'm sharing what came up at a recent Enneagram experience—when a mom asked the question that every parent is quietly holding: "What do I do with the realization that I've hurt my kid?" What We Get Into Why it's not possible to parent without hurting your child The moment self-awareness turns into shame (and what to do instead) How your Enneagram type shows up in your parenting (whether you like it or not) Why trying to "fix yourself" fast actually backfires What repair really looks like—and what it's not The Part Most Parents Don't Want to Hear (But Need To) The goal isn't to become a perfect parent. The goal is to become a self-aware one. Because your kids don't need you to never mess up. They need you to: See yourself clearly Own what's yours Stay present when it's uncomfortable That's the work. That's the repair. Ann's Confession When I first learned my Enneagram type, I didn't feel empowered. I felt wrecked. I sat at my computer and cried because I could suddenly see how I was showing up—and I couldn't unsee it. So if that's where you are? You're not doing it wrong. You're just at the beginning. What Actually Helps (Instead of Spiraling) The real gifts of this work: Self-awareness — seeing your patterns clearly Self-acceptance — not turning that awareness into self-attack Transformation — slowly loosening your grip on those patterns And when it comes to your kids? The most powerful thing you can do is: Tell the truth without defending yourself. No over-explaining. No needing reassurance. No making them carry your guilt. Just: "Yeah. That wasn't okay. And I see it now." If This Episode Hit You Start here: 👉 Notice your patterns this week (without trying to fix them) 👉 Catch the urge to defend, justify, or explain 👉 Practice staying present instead That alone changes more than you think. Share This Episode Know a parent who is quietly carrying guilt about how they've shown up? Send this to them. Not as a call-out. As a relief.

    29 min

  6. Apr 29

    Essence vs Personality: Understanding Your True Self vs Your Patterns

    What if who you think you are… isn't actually you? In this episode, we're diving into one of the most important (and often misunderstood) distinctions in the Enneagram: Essence vs Personality. Because most of us aren't living from our true self—we're operating from patterns that were formed to protect us. And until you can see that clearly, you'll keep repeating the same reactions, the same conflicts, and the same internal loops… no matter how much "work" you do. In This Episode, You'll Learn: The difference between your Essence (who you truly are) and your Personality (the patterns you developed) Why your personality is not the problem—but it can become a limitation How your Enneagram Type shapes your automatic reactions, especially in parenting and relationships Why awareness—not fixing—is the first real step toward change What it actually looks like to shift from reactivity to presence in real life The Core Insight Your personality was formed for a reason. It helped you belong. It helped you feel safe. It helped you navigate the world. But what once protected you… can quietly become the thing that keeps you stuck. The Enneagram doesn't box you in—it shows you what's been running you so you can begin to loosen its grip. Why This Matters (Especially for Parents) So many of the moments we regret as parents aren't about our kids… They're about our patterns getting activated. The quick reaction The frustration that escalates too fast The feeling of "Why did I just do that again?" That's personality. And when you start recognizing it in real time, you create space for something else to come through: Your Essence. Calm. Presence. Connection. Ready to Go Deeper? Join the Virtual Enneagram Retreat If you're ready to move beyond just understanding your patterns and actually experience what it feels like to live from your Essence… I'm hosting a live Virtual Enneagram Retreat. This isn't just information—it's integration. We'll help you: Identify your Enneagram Type (with clarity—not guessing) See your patterns in real time Understand why you keep experiencing the same things Learn how to shift into a more grounded, present, and connected version of yourself 📅 Live on Zoom A powerful, guided experience you can join from anywhere 👉 Save your spot here Final Thought You're not "too much." You're not "too reactive." You're not "doing it wrong." You're just operating from patterns you haven't fully seen yet. And once you do… Everything begins to change.

    33 min

  7. Apr 22

    Why You Feel Unmotivated (Through the Lens of the Enneagram Type 2)

    If you've ever felt like you're doing everything for everyone else… and still somehow questioning your worth… This conversation is going to hit. In this episode, I'm joined by my longtime friend, client, and retreat chef, Andrew, as part of the Ennea Chats series — real conversations with real people about how the Enneagram actually shows up in everyday life. Andrew is an Enneagram Type 2, and what he shares in this conversation goes way beyond "being helpful" or "being caring." We get into what's underneath that. Because for Type 2s (and honestly, for a lot of overwhelmed parents), the real driver isn't generosity… It's the quiet belief: I have to earn love. What we explore together: What it actually feels like to discover your Enneagram type — especially when it doesn't click right away Why the Enneagram isn't about what you do, but why you do it The core belief of Type 2s: "I'm not worthy of love unless I earn it" How that belief shows up in relationships, people-pleasing, and emotional triggers What it looks like in real life when a small moment spirals into self-doubt The difference between genuine kindness and seeking love through helping Why self-awareness can make you question your own motives (and feel like a fraud) The moment that really lands: When Andrew describes how something as small as being asked about a spoon in the sink spirals internally into: "What's wrong with me? Why would I do that? I must be an idiot." And how understanding his Enneagram type helped him see: That voice isn't truth. It's a pattern. Why this matters (even if you're not a Type 2): This isn't just about one personality type. It's about recognizing that so much of how we show up — especially as parents, partners, and high-functioning adults — is driven by beliefs we've never actually questioned. The Enneagram gives language to those patterns. And once you can see them, you can start to relate to yourself differently. With more clarity. With more compassion. And with a lot less reactivity. A powerful reframe from this episode: The Enneagram doesn't describe who you are. It explains why you are the way you are. Want to go deeper? If this conversation is making you think, "Oh… this is me," — that's exactly the kind of awareness we build on inside my Living Enneagram spaces. Whether it's the mini retreat or deeper coaching work, this isn't about labeling yourself. It's about understanding your patterns well enough that you're no longer run by them. If you've been circling this work for a while, consider this your nudge. Come join us. There's a seat for you. www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram Share this episode: Know someone who gives everything to everyone else… but still doesn't quite feel like it's enough? Send this to them. They'll probably feel very seen.

    47 min

  8. Apr 15

    The Enneagram Isn't Who You Are (And That Changes Everything)

    Most people use the Enneagram to figure out who they are. But what if that's not actually the point? What if it's showing you what's getting in your way? This week's episode is a little different—and honestly, one of my favorites. I sat down with my oldest son, Elijah, and we talked about the Enneagram… but not in the way you usually hear it talked about. Not "what type are you?" Not "here's how to label yourself." But what it actually does when you use it in real life—especially inside relationships, parenting, and your own growth. We talk about what it looked like for him to first encounter the Enneagram as a teenager in a really hard season… how he was mistyped… and why that still helped. And then we go deeper into the part most people miss: The Enneagram isn't here to tell you who you are. It's here to show you what you're caught in. What you'll hear in this episode: Why the Enneagram "meets you where you are" (and why that matters more than getting your type right) What mistyping actually reveals—and why it can still be useful How dysregulation makes everyone look the same (and why that changes how we see ourselves and our kids) The difference between your essential self and your personality patterns How the Enneagram can be used for control… or for empathy What shifted when Elijah realized his actual type—and why he couldn't see it before The connection between self-worth, shame, and how we identify ourselves Why awareness doesn't immediately change your behavior (and why that's not a problem) The deeper pattern: You're not your type. You're the person underneath the patterns your type is describing. And those patterns tend to get louder when you're struggling—not more accurate. Which is why so many people misidentify themselves when they're in a hard season. One of the most important takeaways: Even when you're "wrong"… you're not actually wrong. If something resonates, it's telling you something about where you are—even if it's not telling you who you are. For parents (this part matters): When your kid is acting in ways that feel confusing, reactive, or out of character… You might not be seeing their personality. You might be seeing their level of regulation. And those are not the same thing. A moment worth listening for: The part where Elijah talks about believing he couldn't be a certain type because he thought he was a bad person. And how that belief was actually the most accurate clue about who he was all along. If you want to go deeper: If you've been curious about the Enneagram but also a little skeptical—or you've felt like "none of the types fully fit"—this is exactly why. And if you want to actually experience this work (not just learn about it), I'm hosting a small, in-person Living Enneagram mini retreat. Details are in the link below. Resources & Next Steps: 🧠 Living Enneagram Mini Retreat (limited spots available) 📞 Book a Free Call Share this episode: If you've ever felt like: "None of the types fully fit me" "Why do I act like a completely different person sometimes?" "I understand this… but I still do the same things" Send this to someone who's in that space.

    55 min
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Welcome to Confessions of a Parent Coach, the podcast where you'll learn that even parenting experts like me, Ann Kaplan, mother of four, and your host won't have all the answers. I believe that once you realize there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can achieve fabulous behavior and amazing relationships with your kids.

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