Not So Dumb Blonde

Kaytlyn Gilner
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Not So Dumb Blonde is a women’s mental health podcast hosted by Kaytlyn, an MSW student and mental health advocate passionate about trauma healing, emotional regulation, DBT, relationships, attachment styles, and women’s empowerment. This podcast explores the real psychology behind anxiety, BPD, people pleasing, trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, self-worth, boundaries, family systems, and modern relationships — in a relatable, honest, and easy-to-understand way. Episodes include conversations with therapists, mental health professionals, trauma survivors, authors, and experts, along

  1. 6d ago

    Why Women of Color Don’t Always Feel Safe in Therapy

    What does intersectionality mean, and how do race, gender, identity, socioeconomic status, and privilege shape women’s mental health? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with bestselling author, speaker, and podcast host Laura Cathcart Robbins for an honest conversation about intersectionality, women’s mental health, racial identity, belonging, addiction and recovery, privilege, representation, and access to mental health support. Laura shares her experience of being the only Black woman in predominantly white spaces and discusses how race, gender, socioeconomic status, and other aspects of identity can intersect to influence mental health, belonging, education, healthcare, and the support people receive. Kaytlyn and Laura explore mental health stigma in the Black community, barriers women of color may experience when seeking therapy, and why lived experience and cultural understanding matter in mental healthcare. They also discuss how to create safer spaces for conversations about race, mental health, diversity, and inclusion. The conversation also covers socioeconomic inequality in education, representation in school curriculum, acknowledging privilege, becoming more comfortable with difficult conversations, systemic bias, neutrality, advocacy, and the responsibility to speak up when witnessing discrimination or injustice. Laura shares her perspective on why women of color may feel cautious about seeking mental health treatment and discusses the importance of asking potential therapists and mental health professionals about their backgrounds, perspectives, and beliefs when deciding whether a provider feels like the right fit. This episode looks at mental health beyond the individual—exploring how identity, culture, community, socioeconomic circumstances, representation, access to care, and larger social systems can shape our experiences and our sense of belonging. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE:• What intersectionality means and why it matters in mental health• Race, gender, identity, and women’s mental health• Laura Cathcart Robbins’ experience as the only Black woman in the room• Mental health stigma and the Black community• Barriers to mental healthcare for women of color• Addiction, recovery, identity, and belonging• Finding a therapist who understands your identity and experiences• Why representation in education and curriculum matters• Socioeconomic inequality and access to resources• Privilege and difficult conversations about race• Diversity, inclusion, systemic bias, and advocacy• Creating safer spaces for conversations about mental health ⏱️ CHAPTERS: 00:00 Laura Cathcart Robbins on Women’s Mental Health & Identity01:26 Laura Cathcart Robbins: Author, Addiction & Recovery Journey04:49 What Is Intersectionality? Race, Gender & Identity Explained10:58 Being the Only Black Woman in Predominantly White Spaces15:09 Intersectionality, Race & Women’s Mental Health18:53 Mental Health Support & Barriers for Women of Color23:43 Race & Mental Health: Creating Safe Spaces for Conversation27:34 Socioeconomic Inequality, Education & Mental Health30:10 Why Representation in Education & Curriculum Matters33:51 Race, Diversity & Having Uncomfortable Conversations37:11 Understanding Privilege, Identity & Connection40:09 Neutrality, Systemic Bias & Speaking Up Against Injustice44:56 Black Women, Mental Health & Finding the Right Therapist 🎙️ ABOUT LAURA CATHCART ROBBINS Laura Cathcart Robbins is a bestselling author, speaker, and podcast host whose work explores addiction, recovery, race, identity, belonging, and her experiences navigating spaces where she has often been the only Black woman in the room. #Intersectionality #WomensMentalHealth #BlackMentalHealth #WomenOfColor #MentalHealth

  2. Sep 17

    Love is Blind's Madison Maidenberg on Therapy, Boundaries, and Relationships

    Love Is Blind Season 9’s Madison Maidenberg joins the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast for an honest conversation about mental health, therapy, dating, relationships, body image, and living with retinitis pigmentosa. Madison opens up about her experience on Love Is Blind Season 9 and what happened emotionally after suddenly having thousands of people commenting on her appearance, relationships, and life. She shares how public criticism affected her body image and contributed to disordered eating, as well as what she has learned about protecting her mental health and setting boundaries on social media. Madison also talks about her journey in therapy and the self-discovery that came with identifying her core values. She explains how understanding her values and boundaries has changed the way she approaches dating, vulnerability, self-love, and her current relationship. Later in the episode, Madison shares her experience living with retinitis pigmentosa (RP), a rare inherited retinal condition that causes progressive vision loss. She discusses representation, advocacy, finding community, and what she wishes more people understood about living with vision loss. In this episode: • Madison Maidenberg’s experience on Love Is Blind Season 9• Dating and relationships after Love Is Blind• Mental health and therapy after reality TV• Body image, public criticism, and disordered eating• Setting boundaries on social media• Discovering your core values through therapy• Emotional regulation and self-awareness• How personal growth can change your relationships• Living with retinitis pigmentosa and progressive vision loss• Disability representation and advocacy• Vulnerability, self-love, and finding community CHAPTERS 00:00 Madison Maidenberg Interview | Love Is Blind Season 902:54 Madison Maidenberg’s Life Before Love Is Blind04:13 Dating After Love Is Blind & Madison’s Current Relationship07:06 Mental Health, Therapy & Madison’s Healing Journey11:08 Body Image, Disordered Eating & Reality TV Comments16:29 Social Media Boundaries, Mental Health & Self-Discovery17:39 How Therapy Helped Madison Discover Her Core Values19:45 Life After Love Is Blind: Personal Growth & Self-Reflection22:40 How Therapy & Personal Growth Changed Her Relationships27:59 Living With Retinitis Pigmentosa: Vision Loss & Advocacy30:25 Retinitis Pigmentosa, Representation & Finding Community If you’ve ever struggled with other people’s perceptions of you, setting boundaries, dating while working on yourself, or learning to trust who you are, this conversation is for you. Follow the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast for conversations about mental health, relationships, trauma, therapy, dating, and personal growth.

  3. Sep 8

    What Actually Causes Borderline Personality Disorder?

    Borderline Personality Disorder Explained: Why Some People Develop BPDWhat makes someone more vulnerable to developing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? In this episode, we explore Marsha Linehan’s Biosocial Theory, the relationship between trauma and emotional dysregulation, and how invalidating environments can shape the way we experience and understand our emotions.Borderline Personality Disorder is often misunderstood as simply being “too emotional,” but the reality is far more complex. We discuss how biological emotional sensitivity can interact with environmental experiences, why childhood invalidation may contribute to difficulties with emotional regulation, and how these patterns can continue into adulthood.We also explore the difference between validating an emotion and assuming that every emotional interpretation is accurate. For people with BPD or trauma histories, learning to distinguish between a trauma response, emotional activation, and intuition can be an important part of rebuilding self-trust.IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVER:• What makes someone more vulnerable to developing BPD• Marsha Linehan’s Biosocial Theory explained• The interaction between biological sensitivity and invalidating environments• Why trauma is common in BPD but is not required for a diagnosis• How childhood invalidation can contribute to self-invalidation• Emotional dysregulation and its impact on relationships and daily life• The difference between emotional validation and believing every interpretation• How Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) supports emotional regulation• Building self-validation, emotional awareness, and self-trustFREE GUIDEIf you struggle to tell the difference between anxiety, a trauma response, and a genuine red flag, download my free “Anxiety or Red Flag?” guide here: [INSERT FREE GUIDE LINK]CHAPTERS00:00 What Causes Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?02:47 Marsha Linehan’s Biosocial Theory Explained06:02 Childhood Trauma and Invalidating Environments09:06 Emotional Dysregulation and BPD Symptoms11:54 How Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Helps BPD15:03 Healing, Self-Validation, and Building Self-TrustABOUT THERAPY KAYTherapy Kay explores mental health, relationships, trauma, and evidence-informed tools for building emotional awareness and healthier patterns. Subscribe for conversations about BPD, DBT skills, self-trust, and the complexities of healing.Instagram: @itstherapykayPodcast: Not So Dumb Blonde PodcastDISCLAIMERThis episode is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. BPD is a complex condition, and no single theory explains every person’s experience.#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #BiosocialTheory #DBT #Trauma #EmotionalDysregulation #MentalHealth

  4. Sep 3

    What It’s Really Like to Live With Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

    What does it actually feel like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with content creator Reilly for an honest conversation about living with BPD, emotional dysregulation, splitting, fear of abandonment, relationships, childhood trauma, and healing. BPD is one of the most stigmatized and misunderstood mental health diagnoses. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often labeled as manipulative, toxic, dramatic, or incapable of having healthy relationships—but those stereotypes can miss the complexity of what is actually happening underneath the behavior. Reilly shares his personal experience with BPD and explains what intense emotional dysregulation can feel like from the inside, including moments when emotions become so overwhelming that they feel like an emergency. Kaytlyn and Reilly explore the difference between emotional dysregulation and intentional manipulation, while also discussing why accountability still matters when behavior comes from a place of pain. They also break down splitting—the black-and-white thinking commonly associated with BPD—and how intense emotions can affect the way someone experiences another person, a relationship, or a situation. The conversation dives into childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse, empathy, boundaries, trust, self-sabotage, and fear of abandonment. Reilly reflects on how his past experiences shaped the way he approached relationships and how healing has required learning to distinguish intuition from trauma responses. Most importantly, this episode challenges the idea that a BPD diagnosis means someone is incapable of change. BPD is treatable, and self-awareness, accountability, emotional regulation skills, supportive relationships, therapy, and community can all play an important role in recovery. CONNECT WITH REILLY: Instagram and TikTok: @Splittingseason & @MyNarcissisticEXIN THIS EPISODE: • What Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like from the inside • Emotional dysregulation vs. manipulation • What splitting means in BPD • Black-and-white thinking in relationships • Fear of abandonment and self-sabotage • Childhood trauma and adult relationships • Narcissistic abuse and relationship patterns • Why setting boundaries can feel like grief • Empathy and emotional sensitivity • Intuition vs. trauma responses • Guilt and shame after emotional reactions • Accountability without stigmatizing mental illness • Developing self-awareness with BPD • Healing and building healthier relationships • Finding hope while living with BPD CHAPTERS: 00:00 What Is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? 03:02 BPD and Healthy Relationships 05:50 BPD Manipulation: Myth vs. Reality 09:07 Emotional Dysregulation vs. Manipulation in BPD 12:02 Intuition vs. Trauma Responses in BPD 14:49 BPD Emotional Dysregulation, Guilt & Shame 17:49 Setting Boundaries and Taking Accountability With BPD 20:49 BPD, Empathy & Emotional Sensitivity 24:10 Narcissistic Abuse, BPD & Relationship Trauma 27:11 How Childhood Trauma Affects Adult Relationships 30:11 BPD Fear of Abandonment & Self-Sabotage 33:07 Trust and Vulnerability in BPD Relationships 40:29 What BPD Emotional Dysregulation Feels Like 46:08 BPD Splitting Explained: Black-and-White Thinking 53:40 Healing From BPD & Finding Your Identity 59:51 Living With BPD: Coping, Healing & Self-Awareness 01:08:08 BPD Recovery: Hope for the Future If you live with BPD, love someone with BPD, work in mental health, or simply want to better understand emotional dysregulation and relationships, this episode offers a candid look at what can be happening underneath behaviors that are often misunderstood. #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth

  5. Sep 1

    Why Women Overthink: Anxiety, Relationships & Self-Trust

    Why Women Overthink: Anxiety, Relationships & Self-Trust Why do so many women struggle with overthinking, anxiety, people pleasing, relationship anxiety, and trusting themselves? I surveyed 100 women about their biggest mental health struggles — and the responses were incredibly consistent. Nearly 90% said they struggle with overthinking, while many also described anxiety, fear of abandonment, difficulty setting boundaries, people pleasing, relationship insecurity, and not knowing how to trust themselves. In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner breaks down what women are actually struggling with when it comes to mental health — and, more importantly, what we can do about it. We explore why overthinking can feel impossible to stop, how anxiety creates a constant need for certainty and reassurance, why people pleasing makes it harder to know what you actually want, and how to begin rebuilding self-trust. One of the biggest lessons? You cannot think your way into certainty. Instead of simply telling you to “stop overthinking,” this episode gives you practical therapy-informed tools you can use when anxiety, relationship fears, or intrusive thoughts start taking over. In this episode: • Why nearly 90% of surveyed women reported struggling with overthinking • Why overthinking is often an attempt to create certainty • Anxiety, reassurance seeking, and relationship anxiety • People pleasing and fear of abandonment • Why boundaries can feel so uncomfortable • How to separate facts from the stories your anxiety creates • Why delaying reassurance can help break the anxiety cycle • How to ask yourself, “What do I need?” • How emotional awareness helps build self-trust • The difference between understanding your triggers and actually changing your response • Practical emotional regulation and therapy skills you can use in real life If you struggle with anxiety, overthinking, people pleasing, boundaries, relationship anxiety, or trusting yourself, this episode is for you. CHAPTERS CHAPTERS: 00:00 Why Women Are Struggling With Mental Health 02:00 Overthinking, People Pleasing & Relationship Anxiety 04:00 Why Overthinking Is Really About Control 06:00 Anxiety or Red Flag? How to Tell the Difference 08:00 Trauma, Emotional Regulation & Communication 10:00 How to Stop Overthinking: Facts vs. Stories 12:00 Relationship Anxiety & Reassurance Seeking 14:00 People Pleasing, Boundaries & Asking What You Need 16:00 How to Build Self-Trust 18:00 DBT Skills for Anxiety & Emotional Regulation 20:00 Overthinking, Attachment & Fear of Abandonment KEY TAKEAWAYS 90% of the women surveyed reported struggling with overthinking. Overthinking is often the brain’s attempt to create certainty — but you cannot think your way into certainty. Learning to separate facts from the story you’re telling yourself can interrupt anxious thought spirals. Delaying reassurance can help you learn to tolerate uncertainty instead of immediately trying to eliminate it. Asking “What do I need?” can shift your attention from controlling an outcome to taking care of yourself. Self-trust develops when you learn to notice your feelings, identify your needs, and respond to yourself consistently. Understanding your triggers matters — but awareness alone doesn’t create change. Practicing new responses does. #WomensMentalHealth #Overthinking #Anxiety #SelfTrust #MentalHealth

  6. Aug 27

    How to Rewire Your Brain After Trauma with Neurofeedback

    How to Rewire Your Brain After Trauma with Neurofeedback Can neurofeedback help change brain patterns associated with childhood trauma, anxiety, and ADHD? And what can a brain map actually tell us about our mental health? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with neurofeedback specialist Brooke Patton with Brain Code Centers to explore neurofeedback for childhood trauma, brain mapping, ADHD, anxiety, neuroplasticity, and emotional healing. Kaytlyn also shares her own brain maps from 2023 and 2026 and explores the changes seen after years of therapy, lifestyle changes, and intentional work on her mental health. Brooke explains how neurofeedback works, what qEEG brain mapping measures, and how brain-wave patterns can relate to cognitive and emotional functioning. They also discuss trauma and the brain, emotional regulation, attachment and relationships, ADHD brain patterns, and how neurofeedback may be used alongside traditional therapy. Most importantly: Can you actually change your brain? Through the science of neuroplasticity, Brooke explains how the brain continues to learn and adapt throughout life—and what that may mean for people working to change long-standing patterns related to trauma, anxiety, ADHD, and emotional regulation. IN THIS EPISODE: • Neurofeedback for childhood trauma and mental health• What neurofeedback is and how it works• Brain mapping and qEEG explained• Kaytlyn’s brain map results: 2023 vs. 2026• Childhood trauma, anxiety, and brain-wave patterns• ADHD and the brain• Attachment styles, relationships, and the brain• Neuroplasticity and changing learned brain patterns• Therapy, emotional healing, and brain change• Using neurofeedback alongside traditional therapy• What to expect during neurofeedback CHAPTERS: 00:00 What Is Neurofeedback & Brain Mapping?03:08 How Neurofeedback Therapy Works06:14 Brain Mapping Results: 2023 vs. 202609:08 How Therapy, Trauma & Healing Change the Brain12:05 Attachment Styles, Relationships & the Brain15:13 Can Neurofeedback Retrain Your Brain?18:04 ADHD, Brain Waves & Neurofeedback21:14 Can You Change Your Brain at Any Age?24:11 Neuroplasticity: How the Brain Changes & Heals27:06 Neurofeedback for ADHD, Anxiety & Mental Health30:08 Neurofeedback Results & the Healing Process CONNECT WITH BROOKE: BrainCode Centershttps://braincodecenters.com/about-local-neurofeedback-specialists/partners/ FREE RESOURCE: Is It “Anxiety or Intuition?” Free Guidewww.therapykay.com/freebie #Neurofeedback #ChildhoodTrauma #BrainMapping #Neuroplasticity #ADHD #TraumaHealing #MentalHealth

  7. Aug 25

    How Childhood Trauma Affects Who You Choose in Relationships

    Emotional Availability in Relationships: Trauma, Safety & Compatibility How do you know if someone is emotionally available — and what happens when past trauma affects the relationships you choose? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, we explore emotional availability in relationships, the difference between safety and compatibility, and how childhood trauma and family dynamics can influence who we choose as romantic partners. If you grew up in a chaotic, unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe environment, finding someone who feels safe can be incredibly important. But is feeling safe enough to create a healthy, fulfilling relationship? We discuss why people with trauma backgrounds may prioritize emotional safety in relationships, sometimes at the expense of compatibility, attraction, shared values, or other important relationship needs. We also explore how self-regulation, secure attachment, DBT skills, healthy friendships, and trauma healing can help you make healthier relationship choices. In this episode, we discuss: Emotional availability in relationships Signs of an emotionally available partner Emotional safety vs. relationship compatibility How childhood trauma affects adult relationships How trauma influences the partners we choose Secure attachment and healthy relationships Nervous system regulation and self-regulation Why feeling safe isn't always the same as being compatible Building healthy friendships and support systems Healing from toxic family dynamics Setting boundaries with unhealthy family relationships DBT skills for emotional regulation Personal growth after trauma Learning to find emotional safety within yourself Choosing a partner instead of settling for one If you grew up around chaos, instability, or emotional unpredictability, you may naturally prioritize safety when choosing romantic partners. But emotional safety and compatibility are not the same thing. A healthy relationship ideally gives you both: someone who feels emotionally safe AND someone whose values, goals, communication style, emotional availability, and vision for the future are compatible with yours. Developing self-regulation and emotional safety within yourself can also make it easier to evaluate relationships without allowing fear, trauma responses, or attachment wounds to make the decision for you. Healing can also mean examining the environment around you. Supportive friendships, healthy boundaries, and sometimes creating distance from toxic family dynamics can give you the space necessary for personal growth. Your past may influence the relationships you choose, but it doesn't have to determine the relationships you build in the future. 00:00 Childhood Trauma, Relationship Compatibility & Feeling Safe02:55 Emotional Regulation, Anxiety & Safety in Relationships05:47 Healthy Relationships, Friendships & Secure Attachment09:04 Toxic Family Dynamics & Healing Childhood Trauma11:49 Personal Growth, Self-Worth & Healing After Trauma “DBT is a great place to start healing.” “I want to know what you really think.” emotional availability, emotional availability in relationships, emotionally available partner, emotionally unavailable partner, trauma and relationships, childhood trauma and adult relationships, emotional safety in relationships, safety vs compatibility, relationship compatibility, healthy relationships, secure attachment, attachment styles, trauma healing, childhood trauma healing, nervous system regulation, self-regulation, DBT skills, emotional regulation, toxic family dynamics, family trauma, healthy friendships, personal growth, mental health, healing from trauma #EmotionalAvailability #TraumaHealing #Relationships #MentalHealth #AttachmentStyles

  8. Aug 20

    Speak Up Without the Panic Attack

    SPEAK UP WITHOUT THE PANIC ATTACK How do you know if your anxiety is talking — or if you’re actually noticing a red flag in your relationship? And how can childhood experiences shape the way we handle anxiety, relationships, work, and self-advocacy as adults? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with Olivia Jewell Love, producer of City Cast Denver, for an honest conversation about women’s mental health, anxiety, childhood experiences, self-advocacy, relationships, love bombing, and reassurance seeking. Olivia opens up about her experiences with anxiety and the impact of growing up with parents who believed and supported her mental health struggles. Kaytlyn and Olivia talk about how parental support can shape a child’s mental health journey — and what it looks like to learn to advocate for yourself as an adult. They also dive into the complicated intersection of anxiety and romantic relationships: • How do you tell anxiety from an actual relationship red flag?• What does love bombing really look like?• Why do we seek reassurance when we feel anxious?• How do you learn to trust yourself when your brain is constantly searching for certainty? The conversation also explores mental health in the workplace, vulnerability, asking for help, and why creating environments where people feel safe talking about their mental health matters. If you’ve struggled with relationship anxiety, childhood trauma, anxious attachment, reassurance seeking, people pleasing, self-advocacy, or trusting your own intuition, this episode is for you. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE • Women’s mental health and anxiety• How childhood experiences affect adult mental health• Childhood anxiety and parental support• Learning to advocate for yourself as an adult• Workplace anxiety and vulnerability• Anxiety in romantic relationships• Anxiety vs. relationship red flags• Love bombing and unhealthy relationship patterns• Anxious attachment and reassurance seeking• Learning to trust yourself and your emotions• Normalizing conversations about mental health ⏱️ CHAPTERS 00:00 — Women’s Mental Health, Anxiety & Relationships06:55 — Childhood Anxiety & Parental Support11:44 — How to Advocate for Yourself as an Adult18:16 — Workplace Anxiety & Vulnerability29:44 — Anxiety vs. Relationship Red Flags37:57 — Love Bombing & Anxious Attachment46:03 — Reassurance Seeking & Managing Anxiety 🎙️ ABOUT THE NOT SO DUMB BLONDE PODCAST Conversations about mental health, relationships, anxiety, trauma, DBT, attachment, self-trust, dating, emotional regulation, and personal growth. #MentalHealth #WomensMentalHealth #Anxiety #RelationshipAnxiety #LoveBombing #ChildhoodTrauma #AnxiousAttachment #PeoplePleasing #Relationships #MentalHealthPodcast #NotSoDumbBlonde

See All (95)

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

Not So Dumb Blonde is a women’s mental health podcast hosted by Kaytlyn, an MSW student and mental health advocate passionate about trauma healing, emotional regulation, DBT, relationships, attachment styles, and women’s empowerment. This podcast explores the real psychology behind anxiety, BPD, people pleasing, trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, self-worth, boundaries, family systems, and modern relationships — in a relatable, honest, and easy-to-understand way. Episodes include conversations with therapists, mental health professionals, trauma survivors, authors, and experts, along

Information

  • Creator
    Kaytlyn Gilner
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    95
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Kaytlyn Gilner
  • Show Website
    Not So Dumb Blonde

You Might Also Like