ADHD Mums

Jane McFadden
  • 4.2 (6)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Being a mum is hard enough. Being a mum with ADHD — or raising neurodivergent kids is a whole different level. ADHD Mums is the unfiltered, science-meets-reality podcast hosted by Jane McFadden, educational neuroscientist, advocate, and mother of three. This isn’t another polished parenting show with 'ten easy tips.' It’s real stories, confessions we’re not supposed to say out loud, and the research that explains why so many of us are running on empty. Every week you’ll hear: 🎙️ Confessions — raw, anonymous truths from mums navigating rage, burnout, and survival. 🧠 Expert insights — from neuroscientists, clinicians, and policy leaders on ADHD, autism, and mental health. 💬 Advocacy in action — exposing ADHD medication shortages, NDIS red tape, and the hidden costs mothers carry. With over 1 million downloads already tuning in from across the world, the podcast has already influenced ADHD reforms in Australia, been featured in national media, and pushed politicians to answer the questions mothers are asking. If you’ve ever screamed in the car, forgotten every form until the night before, or wondered if you’re the only one falling apart — this podcast is your proof that you’re not broken, you’re just telling the truth.

  1. 83. When ADHD Becomes the Reason You Stop Trying...

    6H AGO

    83. When ADHD Becomes the Reason You Stop Trying...

    You’re not lying on the couch saying ‘poor me.’You’re functioning. Packing lunches. Showing up. Holding it together. But quietly, inside, you’ve started believing: ‘This is just how it is for me.’ WHY THIS MATTERSADHD mums carry more correction, more visible mistakes, more invisible labour, more system friction. So when something goes wrong, it doesn’t land as ‘that was hard.’ It lands as proof. Proof you’re behind. Proof you’re failing. Proof this is who you are. And once shame becomes the explanation, your brain stops looking for options. Not because you don’t want change. Because the load is already too high. WHAT WE COVERThe difference between a victim moment and a victim identityWhy ADHD conditioning makes shame feel factualHow ‘nothing works in our house anyway’ protects you from hopeThe motherhood shame loop that quietly shrinks your lifeWhy waiting for fairness before you move will keep costing youResponsibility without blame — and why that mattersThe one question that reopens possibility without forcing action THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…You’ve stopped trying in one area because failing again feels unbearableYou feel resentful but also guilty for feeling resentfulYou avoid things before they even go wrongYou tell yourself you’re ‘just bad at this stage’Being validated feels relieving… but nothing changes afterwards RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES🎧 Hidden Cost of Being The Good Girl https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/goodgirlcost/ 🎧 When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ 🎧 The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ 📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice) Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead. https://www.speakpipe.com/ADHD_Mums ✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written) https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group For community, shared...

    14 min
  2. 82. Overstimulated Before 7am — And No One Sees the Work

    2D AGO

    82. Overstimulated Before 7am — And No One Sees the Work

    This episode is for ADHD mums who feel like they’re living inside a nervous system experiment. The kind where everything is technically ‘fine’… until the TV is on, someone’s making mouth noises, a child is asking 400 questions, another one is humming, and your body is trying to exit the situation through the nearest wall. We talk a lot about overstimulation like it’s a personal flaw. Like you should be calmer. More patient. Better regulated. But what if you’re not failing at regulation… you’re just carrying too much regulation load? In this conversation with Rachel Few, we get painfully practical about what actually helps when you’re at the edge. Not in an ideal world. In a real ADHD household, with real kids, real noise, real time pressure, and real limits. WHAT WE COVER– Why overstimulation is not a single moment, but a build-up across days – The ‘therapy taxi’ burnout cycle and how it dysregulates the whole family – Why regulation strategies fail when they become another to-do list – Nervous system mapping: learning your early warning signs before the snap – ‘Recipe building’ for families: planning around needs, not just appointments – Why yelling and snapping usually starts earlier than you think – PDA-aware approaches: when direct help makes things worse – Side-step regulation tools that don’t rely on compliance – Real-life resets (including the candle trick, which sounds unhinged until you try it) – Why acceptance is sometimes the missing strategy, not another technique THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…– you feel overstimulated before 7am and then blame yourself for it – your household escalates fast and you don’t know where it starts – you’re carrying the clean-up after every meltdown (emotional or literal) – you’re exhausted from scanning for hunger, sensory triggers, and ‘what could go wrong’ – you’re parenting a PDA-ish child and standard advice backfires – you keep thinking ‘once we get the right support, it will all be fine’ and then it isn’t – you want tools that actually work when you’re already at your limit RELATED EPISODESSurviving the Mental Load of the School Year https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/ When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ RESOURCES & REFERENCES– For more information on Rachel Few - see here -PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) is mentioned in the episode – Maternal mental health research is referenced (mum’s mental health as a key predictor for child wellbeing) LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITYSubmit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to...

    55 min
  3. 81. The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — How the Mental Load Became Ours

    FEB 11

    81. The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — How the Mental Load Became Ours

    This episode is for ADHD mums who have ever sat in a car park before an assessment and felt their whole nervous system start negotiating with the evidence. Because the paperwork looks fine. The report cards look fine. Your life looks fine. And you’re standing there knowing that ‘fine’ is exactly what disqualifies you. This is the ADHD myth as it actually lands. Not as a hot take online — but as a private internal audit that starts the second you consider asking for help. It’s the voice that says: ‘Everyone says they have ADHD now, don’t they?’ And the way your body believes it before you even get to answer back. WHAT WE COVER– The ‘good school report’ trap and why it makes women doubt themselves – Why visible competence is often just quiet compensation – How anxiety, eating disorders, burnout and depression get missed when you’re not disruptive – The internal investigation ADHD mums run before they ever ask for help – Why ‘you’ve managed this long’ lands as dismissal, not reassurance – How vigilance gets trained in childhood and then masquerades as personality – Why gender shifts the cost of impulsivity, mistakes, and social timing – How hypervigilance becomes the price of belonging – Why motherhood doesn’t create the load, it exposes it – The difference between being tired and constantly compensating – How media narratives about ADHD being a ‘trend’ reinforce silence and shame THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…– you have ‘good’ school reports and still feel like you’re drowning – you rehearse what to say before appointments so you don’t sound ‘dramatic’ – you minimise automatically and tell yourself other people have it worse – you’ve been called controlling when you’re actually doing risk management – you feel embarrassed even seeking an assessment – you relate to being ‘a pleasure to have in class’ while quietly falling apart – you’ve carried the mental load for years and only now it’s breaking through RELATED EPISODESYou Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ Making the Invisible Mental Load Visible (Partners) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-73-making-the-invisible-mental-load-visible/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ RESOURCES & REFERENCES– ADHD in women and girls: internalising presentations and delayed identification – Burnout, anxiety and depression as common outcomes of long-term compensation – The impact of social conditioning and gender expectations on symptom visibility LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITYSubmit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? a...

    28 min
  4. 80. The Invisible Coordination Load: Why ADHD Mums Carry the Work Systems Won’t

    FEB 9

    80. The Invisible Coordination Load: Why ADHD Mums Carry the Work Systems Won’t

    This episode sits right in the space where mental load, motherhood, and neurodivergence collide. It’s about the exhaustion that doesn’t come from doing one hard thing — but from having to remember everything, explain everything, repeat everything, and stay emotionally available while your own capacity is already gone. For many ADHD mums, the hardest part of advocacy isn’t the paperwork. It’s being the living filing cabinet. The one who holds every report, every strategy, every update, every change — and is expected to access it on demand, usually at the worst possible time. This conversation with Letitia from Understanding Zoe explores what happens when that load becomes unsustainable, why school pickup can feel like a threat to your nervous system, and how repetition and emotional labour quietly push mums toward burnout. WHAT WE COVER– Why repeated conversations and ‘quick questions’ drain capacity faster than admin – The invisible emotional cost of being the default advocate – School pickup as a nervous system stressor, not a social moment – Why mums freeze when asked for information they technically ‘know’ – How mental load is reinforced by systems, not personality – The guilt and self-blame that comes with forgetting details – How AI can act as a second brain instead of another demand – Using technology to reduce repetition without losing control or privacy THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…– school pickup makes your shoulders rise before you even get there – you dread being asked for strategies when your window of tolerance is closed – you’ve handed advocacy to a partner and it somehow comes back bigger – you feel like you’re supposed to know everything about your child, always – you freeze when asked questions because your brain has already hit capacity – you’re tired of being ‘so capable’ while quietly burning out When this load isn’t named, ADHD mums internalise it. They assume they should cope better. They blame themselves for forgetting. They keep tabs open because closing them feels risky. Over time, the nervous system never gets a break. Not because mums don’t rest — but because responsibility never fully leaves their body. This episode reframes that experience. Not as failure. Not as disorganisation. But as what happens when one person becomes the emotional interface between systems that don’t talk to each other. RESOURCES & REFERENCESUnderstanding Zoe platform - check it out here Why ADHD Mums Can’t Relax — Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/ ADHD Mums Energy Accounting Guide (Free) https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/ LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITYSubmit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. a href="https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

    27 min
  5. 79. Why Does My Partner Keep Asking Me Questions When My Brain Is Full?

    FEB 4

    79. Why Does My Partner Keep Asking Me Questions When My Brain Is Full?

    This episode is for ADHD mums who feel their nervous system spike over questions that look harmless on the surface. The kind of questions that arrive when the brain is already full, already tracking consequences, already holding the household together. What’s commonly said is that this is about tone, patience, or communication. What actually happens is that one brain becomes the default place where uncertainty is dropped, again and again, until even small interruptions start to hurt. The moment is familiar. A partner asks about milk, school times, or whether it’s ‘okay’ to do something. The question isn’t urgent. It isn’t unreasonable. But it lands as work. Not because the mum is controlling or irritable, but because her brain is already running the system. This episode names what that interruption really costs, and why it keeps getting misread as an attitude problem instead of a capacity one. In This Episode, We Cover– How everyday questions quietly route responsibility to the same person – Why being ‘just asked’ is not neutral when one brain is already saturated – The social script that frames overload as impatience or moodiness – How certainty-seeking in one partner becomes burnout in the other – Why ADHD mums become the household search engine without consenting to the role – The cumulative cost of interruption, not the content of the question This Episode Is For You If– You snap at small questions and immediately feel guilty – You’re praised for being flexible while your capacity keeps shrinking – You notice that decisions default to you, even when others could decide – You dread interaction because it so often turns into another task – You’ve been told you’re overreacting when your body is already at its limit When this pattern stays unnamed, ADHD mums adapt quietly. They answer questions they shouldn’t have to answer. They decide things prematurely just to stop the interruption. They carry responsibility they never agreed to carry. Over time, the brain never gets to rest. It stays on duty, waiting for the next drop. What looks like a communication issue is often a structural one. When every uncertainty is routed through the same nervous system, exhaustion becomes inevitable. Naming that isn’t withdrawal. It’s a refusal to keep absorbing costs that were never meant to be individual. 📬 Listener Questions & Community Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it. https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

    20 min
  6. 78. Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You with Dr Vanessa LaPointe

    FEB 2

    78. Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You with Dr Vanessa LaPointe

    There is a kind of grief that mums are not supposed to name. It could be called ungrateful.. but a lot of us feel it. So it stays private, carried quietly while life keeps moving and decisions keep getting made. This episode sits with the grief of the unlived motherhood — the version of parenting that was imagined, planned for, and socially rewarded, and then slowly dismantled by reality. Not because the mum did anything wrong, but because parenting did not arrive as promised, and the cost of adjusting was absorbed almost entirely by her. In This Episode, We Cover – Realising the life you planned no longer fits – Changing schools, routines, and priorities without calling it loss – Supporting children while privately missing your old life – Being told to be grateful while something keeps breaking – Noticing the grief surface long after the decision is made – Carrying expectations that don’t match daily reality This Episode Is For You If – Mornings don’t look how you thought they would – Your days are built around needs you didn’t anticipate – You’ve adjusted plans more times than you can count – You support your family while missing parts of yourself – You’re functioning, but something feels quietly unfinished Related Episodes You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ Curated Related Links The Orchid and the Dandelion — Thomas Boyce https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25614459-the-orchid-and-the-dandelion Dr. Vanessa LaPointe — Official Website https://drvanessalapointe.com The Unlived Life of the Parent — Carl Jung (concept reference) https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201112/the-unlived-life The Work — Byron Katie https://thework.com This isn’t weakness. This is adaptation under pressure. Mums are doing impossible things every day — and still standing.

    30 min
  7. 77. Turning the Car Around for the Hat — So It Must Be Me

    JAN 28

    77. Turning the Car Around for the Hat — So It Must Be Me

    Responsibility’s already on me. If this tips, it’ll be because I waited too long. That’s how the morning starts. There’s a clock running. Shoes half on. Bags not where they should be. One kid slowing down, another winding up. Nothing’s happened yet, but the margin’s already thin. I step in early, before anyone else thinks it’s necessary, and it gets read straight away as 'being grumpy.' In This Episode, We CoverThe internal belief that responsibility defaults inward before the day beginsHow a single morning escalation under time pressure is interpreted differently by those around youWhat it’s like to step in early and have that read as impatience or controlThe moment intervention happens before anything has officially gone wrong This Episode Is For You IfMornings feel loaded before the first decision is madeYou act early because the margin already feels thinYour responses are misread in real time by othersYou carry the sense that if it falls apart, it’s on you Related EpisodesWhy Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/ You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ The morning doesn’t resolve. There’s no clean ending attached to it. Just the moment being seen while it’s still happening. Not as overreaction. Not as a set of steps. As regulation under load, in real time, with the clock already ticking. 📬 Listener Questions & Community Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option) If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 Share Feedback or Topic Requests Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it. https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

    16 min
  8. 76. Always Leaving First — The Social Cost for ADHD Mums

    JAN 26

    76. Always Leaving First — The Social Cost for ADHD Mums

    You can feel it tipping before anyone else does. Everyone’s still chatting, still comfortable, and your body’s already tightening. You know if you stay, you’ll be the one dealing with what comes next. It’s that familiar moment where nothing’s happened yet, but you’re already bracing for the clean-up. In This Episode, We CoverWhat it’s like to step in early when you’re the one who ends up carrying the falloutHow being told to ‘relax’ or ‘let it play out’ misses where the cost actually landsWhy stepping in early often gets read as control from the outsideThe difference between reacting to what’s happening and knowing what usually comes nextHow early exits, early no’s, and early decisions reduce the total load This Episode Is For You IfYou’re usually the one calling it before things tipYou leave events early and feel judged for itYou’re told nothing has happened yet, but you know what comes afterYou’re the one left carrying the aftermathYou’re tired of second-guessing what you know because you’ve lived it Related EpisodesWhy Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/ Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/ When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/ You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/ The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset) https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/ This isn’t about being better at sitting with uncertainty. It’s about exposure. Some people only experience the moment. Others are the ones who absorb what comes after. Leaving early doesn’t look necessary when you’re not the one managing the fallout. What looks like overreaction from one place is actually load reduction from another. You’re not creating problems too soon. You’re carrying the cost so it doesn’t land later. 📬 Listener Questions &...

    11 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4.2
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

Being a mum is hard enough. Being a mum with ADHD — or raising neurodivergent kids is a whole different level. ADHD Mums is the unfiltered, science-meets-reality podcast hosted by Jane McFadden, educational neuroscientist, advocate, and mother of three. This isn’t another polished parenting show with 'ten easy tips.' It’s real stories, confessions we’re not supposed to say out loud, and the research that explains why so many of us are running on empty. Every week you’ll hear: 🎙️ Confessions — raw, anonymous truths from mums navigating rage, burnout, and survival. 🧠 Expert insights — from neuroscientists, clinicians, and policy leaders on ADHD, autism, and mental health. 💬 Advocacy in action — exposing ADHD medication shortages, NDIS red tape, and the hidden costs mothers carry. With over 1 million downloads already tuning in from across the world, the podcast has already influenced ADHD reforms in Australia, been featured in national media, and pushed politicians to answer the questions mothers are asking. If you’ve ever screamed in the car, forgotten every form until the night before, or wondered if you’re the only one falling apart — this podcast is your proof that you’re not broken, you’re just telling the truth.

Information

  • Creator
    Jane McFadden
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    249
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2025 Jane McFadden
  • Show Website
    ADHD Mums

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