Send us a text December can light up old wounds as quickly as it lights the tree. We invited Dr. Jake Smith Jr. of Plumline to help us turn holiday triggers into a plan for presence, connection, and real growth. Together we unpack why family dynamics can collapse time in the brain, why anger is never alone, and how the eight core feelings give you a simple language to name what’s true and meet your needs without handing your heart to the room. We walk through affect labeling step by step—name the feeling, find the need, choose a healthy action—and show how this loop cuts off codependency at the root. When emotions spike, you’ll learn the “window of tolerance” and the concept of charge, plus exactly what to do when you jump from a four to a ten. Hint: it’s not more thinking. It’s sensory grounding—slow walks in the cold, a long shower, doing the dishes, beginner yoga—and giving full attention to sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste until your body settles. We also talk about spiritual bypassing, why the opposite of addiction is connection, and how to make daily check-ins a gym for the heart. If you’re a loved one managing fear, we map out the three buckets of control to build protection, help, and refuge before the first party: what you fully control (lodging, exits, check-ins), what you partially control (clear expectations), and what you can’t control (someone else’s sobriety). We reframe boundaries as self-limits that protect connection, like shortening the visit or staying off-site, without trying to control the family system. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s presence. Smell the cider, feel the blanket, see the lights, and let attention do its healing work. Grab the free Eight Core Feelings resource at ValiantLiving.com/episode52, then listen, share with a friend who needs a steadier December, and leave a review so more people can find this conversation. Subscribe for more honest tools for recovery and relationships. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone. Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope. Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.
