Let’s Have The Conversation

Desireé B Stephens
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Desireé B. Stephens, CSP-P, is an educator, counselor, and community builder who leverages her TikTok platform to advocate for anti-oppression, pro-liberation perspectives, and paths to holistic healing. As a public speaker and modern-day philosopher, Desireé invites us to reflect on the world’s complexities through a lens of intersectionality, dismantling constructs and binaries that hinder collective freedom. Her mission is to spark transformation—one conversation at a time. Join the movement to get free, together! https://desireebstephens.bio #makeshifthappen #decolonizeeverything #desireebstephens #letshavetheconversation #DEI #publicspeaker #rethinkingwhieness desireebstephens.substack.com

  1. What broke our brains this week

    May 22

    What broke our brains this week

    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit desireebstephens.substack.com/subscribe

    43 min
  2. What broke our brain this week: Feral Friday with Friends

    May 15

    What broke our brain this week: Feral Friday with Friends

    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit desireebstephens.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 1m
  3. Friday with Friends: Astrology of Liberation with Leah Tioxon

    Mar 27

    Friday with Friends: Astrology of Liberation with Leah Tioxon

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit desireebstephens.substack.com You Were Never Separate Before we begin… Take a breath. Not to center yourself.Not to “get grounded.”Not to do it right. Just notice that your body is already breathing for you. That rhythm?That pulse?That quiet, steady inhale and exhale? You didn’t create that. You are being lived. And that is where we begin. This Was Never About Astrology Let me tell you the truth about that Friday with Leah. We didn’t sit down to “learn astrology.” We sat down to remember something that was never supposed to be taken from us in the first place. Because before charts became content…Before birth data became algorithms…Before intuition became something you had to “prove”… There was knowing. There was relationship. There was a time when people understood themselves as part of the sky—not separate from it. And what I felt in my body as Leah began speaking wasn’t “Oh, that’s interesting.” It was: I know this. What Supremacy Culture Had to Sever Let’s be clear about something. Supremacy culture does not just operate through systems and institutions. It operates through disconnection. * Disconnection from body * Disconnection from land * Disconnection from intuition * Disconnection from cycles * Disconnection from spirit * Disconnection from each other Because if you are disconnected… You can be controlled. If you do not trust your body…You will look outside of yourself for authority. If you do not trust your intuition…You will wait for permission. If you do not understand cycles…You will believe urgency is natural. But it’s not. Urgency is trained. Disconnection is trained. And what I experienced on Friday was the opposite of that training. The Sky Is Not Above You One of the most harmful things we’ve been taught is that the sky is something “out there.” Something to observe.Something to study.Something separate. But that’s not how our ancestors understood it. The stars were not decoration. They were relationship. They were guidance.They were timing.They were reflection. And your chart? It is not telling you who to be. It is showing you the language your soul already speaks. Not a script. A mirror. What It Felt Like to Be Seen Leah didn’t “read” me. She reflected me. She named things I have lived.Things I have resisted.Things I have grown into. And what struck me wasn’t the accuracy. It was the recognition. Because your body knows when something is true. Not because it makes sense.But because it resonates. And that’s the part supremacy culture tries to override. It tells you: * “That’s not logical.” * “That’s not proven.” * “That doesn’t make sense.” But truth was never meant to live only in the mind. Truth lives in the body. And when she spoke, my body didn’t question. It softened. 🔒 For Paid Subscribers What My Chart Reflected Back to Me What became clear in that space is something I want you to sit with gently. I am not building a life from scratch. I am (re)membering one. (and you are too) A life where: * I don’t move from urgency * I don’t perform certainty * I don’t wait until I can explain something to live it I move when it’s true. Even when it doesn’t make sense yet. Even when I can’t articulate it. Even when it disrupts expectations. And if you’re reading this… There is somewhere in your life where you are already doing that. And somewhere else where you are still being asked to trust it.

    11 min
  4. The Day of Oaths, The New Year, and the Return to Practice

    Mar 26

    The Day of Oaths, The New Year, and the Return to Practice

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit desireebstephens.substack.com What I shared in the live wasn’t just about March 25th. It was about orientation. It was about telling the truth about where you actually are in your life… not where the calendar tells you you should be. Because the truth is… what you’ve been taught about time, about “new year,” about when you’re supposed to begin again… is not neutral. It was constructed. And once you see that, something in you starts to loosen. Because then the question becomes: If all of that was decided for me…what is actually true for my life? This moment right here —this threshold between renewal and becoming— is a true beginning. Not because I said it. Because you can feel it. Things are moving.Things are softening.Things are asking to come alive again. And for me… this is real in a way I can’t ignore. This is my first time returning to the garden since my separation. And now I’m back. Not the same.Not where I was. But here. And that matters. Because renewal isn’t instant. It takes time to come back to yourself. It takes time to rebuild capacity.To reclaim what was yours.To return to something with new awareness. So when I talk about this season, I’m not talking in theory. I’m talking about lived return. And this is where I want to shift you. Because this is not about resolution. This is not about fixing yourself. That’s supremacy culture. That constant hum that tells you:you’re not enough yetyou need to improveyou need to be better No. This moment is not asking you to fix anything. It is asking you to tell the truth. If you’re ready to go deeper into this—into actually working with this moment as a threshold, as a true new year, as a place of commitment instead of correction— I’ve opened up the full piece. Inside, we move into: A guided Oath practice you can walk with tomorrow Practice Your Praxis across Self, Home, and Work so this becomes lived—not just understood Journal prompts pulled directly from this conversation to help you name what you’re actually ready for And a deeper truth about how days like this were slowly reframed and absorbed—so you lost access without even realizing it This is not about information. This is about (re)orientation. Become a Paid Subscriber $10/month$100/year$150/year — Equity Partner (helps fund scholarships and expanded access) Scholarships are available:Scholarships@DesireeBStephens.com If you’ve been wanting to contribute something but don’t have enough for a subscription (and don’t feel aligned taking a scholarship) You can send what you can via Venmo:https://account.venmo.com/u/DBStephens Put your email in the note and I’ll add you to the paid subscriber list. And if you just want to tipI receive that too. This work is sustained through relationship, not extraction.

    4 min
  5. Renewal into Becoming

    Mar 23

    Renewal into Becoming

    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit desireebstephens.substack.com/subscribe

    22 min
  6. The Unfolding of Relationships in Community Building

    Mar 19

    The Unfolding of Relationships in Community Building

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit desireebstephens.substack.com The Unfolding. Not the outcome.Not the clarity.Not the resolution. But the space where relationships are still becoming. And if we’re honest, this is the space many of us struggle to stay inside of. Because we have been conditioned to believe that relationships should make sense quickly. That we should know what something is.Where it’s going.What it means. But relationships (real ones) don’t work like that. They unfold. And the way we respond to that unfolding… determines the kind of community we are actually capable of building. The Discomfort of the Unfolding One of the things that surfaced in the conversation is how quickly we try to resolve what feels uncertain. We want to define the relationship.Name the dynamic.Decide what something means. But often, what we are actually trying to do… is escape the discomfort of not knowing. Because uncertainty requires presence. It asks us to stay in something before it has revealed itself. And many of us were never taught how to do that. We were taught to: Fix it.Label it.Control it.Or leave it. But staying? Staying is a different kind of work. When Control Disguises Itself as Clarity Another layer that came forward is how often we call something “clarity”… when what we are really reaching for is control. We say we want answers. But what we often mean is: “I want this to resolve in a way that feels safe for me.” Control tries to move the relationship forward faster than it is ready to go. It tries to define something before it has had time to reveal itself. But when we do that… we limit what the relationship could have become. Because unfolding requires space. And control collapses that space. This work is sustained through community. If this reflection is supporting you…If these conversations are helping you think, feel, and practice differently…If you are building alongside this work… I invite you to step deeper into this space. Paid subscribers receive full access to companion articles, praxis tools, and deeper reflections designed to support your daily practice of liberation. $10/month$100/year$150 Equity Partner tier (helps sustain scholarship access for others) Scholarships are always available.You can reach out at Scholarships@DesireeBStephens.com And because I’ve heard so many of you say,“I want to contribute something, but I’m not quite there yet…” You now have another option. You can pay what you can via Venmo and include your email in the note.I’ll add you to the paid subscriber list. And if you simply want to tip to support the work, I receive that with gratitude as well. Venmo:👉 https://account.venmo.com/u/DBStephens This work is not built alone. It is built in relationship. Thank you for being here.

    10 min
  7. Friday with Friends: Orienting to Someone’s Good

    Mar 13

    Friday with Friends: Orienting to Someone’s Good

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit desireebstephens.substack.com This morning during Friday with Friends, we sat with a phrase that has been unfolding throughout the conversations this week: Orienting toward someone’s good. Not the idealized version of love. Not the sentimental version. But the version that shows up when relationships are complicated. When communities hold different views. When people are still learning how to be in relationship with one another. The phrase comes from an older definition of love that I referenced earlier this week while reading Prentis Hemphill’s book What It Takes to Heal. In the final chapter, Hemphill references an older theological definition of love attributed to Thomas Aquinas: To love is to will the good of another. Hemphill expands on that idea with a line that stopped me in my tracks: “I think love is when you will another’s existence.” That definition stretches love far beyond romance. It shows up in parenting. In friendships. In community. In the daily decisions we make about how we will treat one another even when we disagree. Because love is not just something we feel. Love is the direction we face in relationship to another person. And that direction matters. Love Is an Orientation During the conversation I shared something that many of us were never taught: Love is not just an emotion. Emotion is fleeting. Emotion rises and falls depending on the moment. If love depended entirely on emotion, most relationships would collapse the moment conflict appeared. But love as orientation is different. Orientation is about the direction you choose to face. Even when you are frustrated. Even when you are disappointed. Even when the relationship is complicated. Orienting toward someone’s good means refusing to reduce someone to their worst moment. It means holding the possibility that a person is capable of growth. It means refusing to abandon someone’s humanity. That does not mean ignoring harm. It means refusing to dehumanize people in the process of holding accountability. This distinction is critical if we want communities that can survive conflict. Orientation Does Not Mean Access Another point I emphasized during the live conversation is something people often misunderstand. Orienting toward someone’s good does not mean they automatically get access to you. Repair does not always mean reconnection. Loving someone does not mean allowing them back into your life. You can orient toward someone’s humanity and still recognize that they are not safe for you. Boundaries are not the opposite of love. Boundaries are often what protect love from becoming harm. This is where many of us get stuck. We think compassion requires unlimited access. But real relational maturity requires us to hold both truths at the same time: You can wish someone well. And still choose distance. You can believe someone is capable of growth. And still recognize that growth may need to happen outside of your space. This is not cruelty. This is clarity. Community Requires This Practice The conversation then moved into something larger than individual relationships. Community. Because the truth is that community cannot exist without this orientation. If every disagreement leads to exile… If every mistake becomes permanent identity… If every conflict leads to abandonment… Then community becomes impossible. Real community requires people who are willing to stay oriented toward each other’s humanity long enough for growth to occur. Not blindly. Not without accountability. But with the understanding that relationships are living systems. They evolve. They change. They unfold. And if we rush to judgment before that unfolding has a chance to happen, we destroy the very thing we claim to want. Community is not built through perfection. Community is built through practice. Where Liberation Lives This is where this conversation connects directly to The Liberation Method. Liberation is not simply political theory. Liberation is relational practice. If we cannot remain oriented toward each other’s humanity, we will simply recreate the same punitive systems we claim to resist. Liberation requires something harder. It requires us to hold accountability without dehumanization. It requires us to create communities where growth is possible. It requires us to practice repair while still honoring boundaries. This is not easy work. But it is necessary work if we want to build communities capable of transformation. Support Liberation Education Liberation Education is sustained by readers who believe in this work and want to help keep these conversations accessible. There are several ways to support: Monthly Subscriber$10 / month Annual Subscriber$100 / year Equity Partner$150 / yearEquity Partners help make it possible for others to access this work through scholarships. Scholarships are always availableIf you would like access but finances are a barrier, simply email:Scholarships@DesireeBStephens.com No explanation required. Pay What You Can Many readers have told me: “I want to contribute something, but I don’t have enough for a subscription.”Or“I don’t need a scholarship, but I’d still like to support the work.” So now there’s another option. You can contribute whatever feels aligned via Venmo. 👉 https://account.venmo.com/u/DBStephens If you would like to be added to the paid subscriber list, simply include your email address in the Venmo note and I will add you manually. And if you just want to leave a tip to support the writing and conversations… I gratefully receive those too. Every contribution helps sustain the time, care, and energy required to hold these conversations and continue building Liberation Education.

    10 min
  8. The Unfolding of Love in Community Building

    Mar 12

    The Unfolding of Love in Community Building

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit desireebstephens.substack.com During today’s conversation we explored something many people say they want, but few of us are actually taught how to practice. Community. Not the idealized version. The real version. The version that includes repair, tension, growth, and people learning how to stay in relationship with one another while things are still unfolding. Community building sounds beautiful in theory. But in practice, it asks something much more difficult of us. It asks us to remain in relationship long enough for transformation to occur. It asks us to leave space for repair. And sometimes, it asks us to orient toward someone’s good even when the relationship itself is complicated. The conversation opened with a reflection from Prentis Hemphill’s book What It Takes to Heal and a line that landed deeply in my body. “I think love is when you will another’s existence.” That definition of love stretches far beyond romance. It shows up in parenting. In friendship. In community. And in the ways we decide whether or not we are willing to make space for someone’s becoming. Even when the relationship itself is still unfolding. Leaving Space for Repair During the live conversation, I shared a story from Shady’s birthday party. Her father and I have a complicated history. Separation, divorce, and new family structures often bring tension and unanswered questions about what relationships are supposed to look like afterward. But during the party he video called her. And when she saw his face, her whole energy shifted. She lit up. That moment did not erase the complicated parts of our history. But it reminded me of something important. Repair does not always arrive in perfect form. Sometimes repair simply begins with leaving space for it to happen. Leaving space does not mean ignoring harm. It means recognizing the difference between being responsible for someone’s work and being responsible to the relationships that still exist. I am not responsible for another adult’s healing or growth. But I am responsible to my children. Responsible to leave space for them to navigate what repair might look like in their own relationships. That distinction changes everything. 🔒 Continue Reading The rest of this piece explores: • why orienting toward someone’s good changes how we approach community• the difference between responsibility and control• how matriarchal frameworks invite children into accountability and repair• and why liberation work must live in Self, Home, and Work Paid subscribers help sustain the time and care required to hold these conversations. If you need a scholarship, please email Desiree@desireebstephens.com

    7 min
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About

Desireé B. Stephens, CSP-P, is an educator, counselor, and community builder who leverages her TikTok platform to advocate for anti-oppression, pro-liberation perspectives, and paths to holistic healing. As a public speaker and modern-day philosopher, Desireé invites us to reflect on the world’s complexities through a lens of intersectionality, dismantling constructs and binaries that hinder collective freedom. Her mission is to spark transformation—one conversation at a time. Join the movement to get free, together! https://desireebstephens.bio #makeshifthappen #decolonizeeverything #desireebstephens #letshavetheconversation #DEI #publicspeaker #rethinkingwhieness desireebstephens.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Desireé B Stephens
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    187
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Desireé B Stephens
  • Show Website
    Let’s Have The Conversation