Episode Overview In this episode of All About Us, Carl Allen sits down with Rev. Dr. AShellarien Addison, an Army Chaplain, spiritual and trauma-informed practitioner, author, international speaker, mentor, and leader. Together, they explore what it truly means to live “unbothered on purpose” and how intentional pauses, prayer, self-awareness, boundaries, and planning can help us respond to life with greater peace and purpose. Rev. Dr. Addison introduces the PAUSE, PRAY, PLAN framework as a practical approach to managing emotions, recognizing triggers, processing trauma, strengthening faith, and making intentional choices. Key Takeaways You cannot always control what happens, but you can work on controlling your response. Being unbothered does not mean you do not care. A pause can prevent an emotional reaction from becoming a damaging action. Prayer can help create perspective and reconnect you with your faith and purpose. Planning allows you to prepare for situations that may trigger you again. Trauma may explain a reaction, but self-awareness can help you choose a different response. You are allowed to set boundaries and say no. You do not have to carry everything that belongs to someone else. Healing requires compassion and grace toward yourself. Sometimes peace comes from choosing who and what you allow into your life. “No is a whole sentence.” Your thoughts influence your emotions, and your emotions influence your behavior. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction 00:21 Guest name pronunciation 00:23 Meet Rev. Dr. AShellarien Addison 01:35 Breaking barriers as the first woman chaplain in the Delaware Army National Guard 02:07 Her current role and military service 02:29 What it means to live unbothered on purpose 03:11 Where the message of “Living Unbothered” came from 03:46 Recognizing patterns that disturb your peace 04:31 Being unbothered versus being indifferent 05:18 Red flags, boundaries, and taking emotional authority 05:50 PAUSE: The power of stillness 06:01 Why pausing matters before reacting 06:23 Creating space between a trigger and your response 07:01 Understanding emotional triggers 07:22 A simple practical pause technique 08:08 Trauma and learning to slow down 08:53 PRAY: Centering yourself through faith 09:45 Spiritual practices during difficult seasons 10:27 Faith under pressure 11:12 Moving from prayer as ritual to prayer as relationship 11:53 Finding a spiritual practice that works for you 12:39 Racial trauma and personal experiences 14:05 Race, gender, and changing goalposts in the military 14:58 PLAN: Turning reflection into intentional action 15:59 Why planning helps break unhealthy cycles 16:42 The importance of reflection after difficult experiences 17:10 Planning for clarity, resilience, and control 17:54 Balancing military service and ministry 19:02 Active-duty service and deployment experiences 19:40 Leadership under pressure 20:30 Knowing when to speak and when to stay in your lane 21:17 Helping people who feel overwhelmed 22:05 Generational and vicarious trauma 22:51 Understanding resilience 23:17 Writing as a tool for healing 24:01 Storytelling, truth, and identity 24:32 The message she wants readers to take away 25:01 Mentorship and the importance of having mentors and mentees 25:17 Flip Mode: Rev. Dr. Addison interviews Carl 25:22 How Carl maintains his peace 27:27 How Carl handles pain and personal trauma 28:35 What brings Carl joy 30:04 How trauma affects everyday interactions 31:06 Compassion, grace, and giving yourself room to heal 32:34 Faith communities and becoming more trauma-informed 33:16 Practices for restoring emotional and spiritual strength 33:22 End of timestamped section 🎧 Listen now on all major podcast platforms. 📲 Share this episode with someone who could use a little more peace in their life. Connect with Rev. Dr. AShellarien Addison Rev. Dr. Addison invites listeners to search her name online and connect with her through her platforms. Facebook: AShellarien Addison LinkedIn: Reverend Dr. Shellarien Addison Instagram: Dr. Shellarien Website: Please verify the exact website spelling before publishing, as the website name was unclear in the transcript. Reach Gospel Radio: Listen to her program on Sunday mornings at 9:45 AM through the Reach Gospel Radio app. Books: Her books are available through Amazon and her website. 🎧 Subscribe now: https://standupndosomething.podbean.com/ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/all-about-us-africa-diaspora/id1710942057 https://www.youtube.com/@AllAboutUsAfricaDiaspora