When Our Adult Children Walk Away

Dr. Janet Steinkamp, EdD

My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.  In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family. My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.  I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship. When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.  I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication. 

  1. Aligning Your Communication With Your Adult Child's Perceptions

    3D AGO

    Aligning Your Communication With Your Adult Child's Perceptions

    It’s natural to feel compelled to reach out to fix things at every level of estrangement. We’ve been taught to pursue, talk, challenge, and perhaps even expect certain aspects of a relationship with our adult child. You want closeness, but every “fix it” attempt seems to push your adult child farther away. The tension escalates, accusations worsen, and hurtful words or actions become more personal. It makes no sense, and the confusion turns to helplessness.  Well-intentioned friends, family, and therapists may advise you to walk away. To close the door. However, is that really what you want? What if there is another option? In this episode, Dr. Janet shows you how concrete self-reflection, neutral consideration of both perspectives, and humble authenticity can change that.  You will take the first step to see your communication style and behaviors through your adult child’s eyes. You will begin to consider your own communication patterns (e.g., tone, timing, word choice, and intensity) and the power of modifying your communication in real time. You will consider the importance of regulating emotions in the moment and the value of modeling actions that invite trust.  Remember, moving through estrangement to rebuild trust and establish healthier communication is at the heart of a new and healthy relationship with your son or daughter.  This isn’t a sprint; it’s steady, observable change your adult child can feel—even from a distance. If you’re ready to rebuild calm, clarity, and compassion, this is your starting line. Related Episodes Mom, Mentor, Grandma: Flexing Roles Without Fueling the Fire of EstrangementWhen the Green Monster Rears Its Head: Jealousy and EstrangementWhen Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting and Coercive Control6 Tips to Proactively Give Space to Your Adult Child and Avoid Misrepresentation#FamilyEstrangement #EstrangedAdultChild #ParentReconnection #ParentalAlienation #ReconnectionStrategist #EstrangementSupport #ParentAdultChildRelationship #EmotionalRegulation #Boundaries #TrustBuilding #CommunicationSkills #EstrangementGrief #MothersOfEstrangedDaughters #FathersOfEstrangedSons #RepairingRelationships Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    25 min
  2. JAN 31

    Dad and Grampa: Navigating Estrangement Across Generations

    Being a strong and steady father to an adult child and a grounded grandfather to their children matters deeply, especially in families experiencing tension or any level of estrangement. The importance isn’t about control or authority, it’s about regulations, emotional safety and continuity across generations. In this episode, you’ll better appreciate the challenges and importance of recognizing boundaries. This is the first step toward respectfully engaging with grandchildren when you and their parent(s) are in a strained relationship. Dr. Steinkamp helps you untangle the overlap between fatherhood and grandfatherhood, showing how clarity in each role can bring calm, confidence, and peace. You’ll learn why dads often feel powerless when distance sets in, how to strengthen your emotional anchor, and practical ways to repair or reestablish a trusting, respectful connection with your adult child. And, in sequence, with your grandchildren. You’ll also hear why knowledge truly is power on the path to a healthy, sustainable adult relationship.  #Family Estrangement #FatherhoodMatters #GrandparentEstrangement #Navigating Estrangement #CalmLeadership #RegulatedNoReactive #MenandEmotions #HealthAcrossGenerations #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway #HoldingHope Related Episodes 6 Mistakes Estranged Parents Make That Delay Re-Establishing CommunicationFather’s Day in Silence: A Heart-to-Heart for Estranged DadsIt’s Not Just About the Past: Why Adult Kids Stop Talking to DadHi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    19 min
  3. When Estrangement Shakes Our Faith: How loss, silence, and longing can impact spirituality.

    JAN 18

    When Estrangement Shakes Our Faith: How loss, silence, and longing can impact spirituality.

    When someone is living with any degree of estrangement, it can feel as though everything they once believed to be true about the relationship has shifted, including their faith. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores how estrangement from an adult child can unsettle long-held beliefs and erode spiritual confidence. Practices that once offered comfort, such as prayer, meditation, or worship, may feel hollow or met with painful silence. A person may feel grounded one day and shaken the next, sometimes drawing strength from faith while simultaneously questioning it. Whether someone feels deeply faithful, uncertain, spiritual but not religious, or somewhere in between, this conversation makes room for the full range of experience. This episode is not about what someone should believe. Instead, Dr. Steinkamp examines how belief itself is shaped by loss, longing, grief, and unanswered questions. She discusses how strength can emerge even during seasons of doubt and invites listeners to consider faith not as a solution or a way to fix estrangement, but as a companion—something that can help them hold what remains, endure another day, and stay open to hope, even when the pain and absence are still very real. #FamilyEstrangement #EstrangedAdultChildren #EstrangementAndFaith #EstrangementGrief #ParentsOfEstrangedAdults #ReconnectingWithMyChild #FamilyEstrangementPodcast Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    12 min
  4. The Unrest of Not Knowing: Letting Go of The Need for Certainty in Estrangement

    12/07/2025

    The Unrest of Not Knowing: Letting Go of The Need for Certainty in Estrangement

    You’re not crazy for wanting answers—you’re human. It's human nature to want to know how and why things happen. In estrangement, too often the answers don't come, and we are challenged to find closure amid ambiguity. In this episode, I'll walk you through the unrest of not knowing in parent–adult-child estrangement.  You’ll hear why many adult children don’t offer explanations (overwhelm, failed attempts to be heard, self-protection, different views of obligation, and shame/guilt).  When we're submerged in uncertainty, there can be consequences for our minds, bodies and souls. So, can you move forward without answers? Listen in to hear 6 aspects of ambiguity and practical tools: mindset reframes, survival strategies and a simple step toward acceptance.  If you've ever found yourself stuck in the 'why' or 'how could you' loop, this conversation will help you breathe again, slow the ruminating, and refocus on the present. Remember that reconnection starts with you. If today’s episode helps, share it with a friend who needs hope. Learn more or schedule coaching at whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com, or email janet@jesteinkamp.com—and remember, you are not alone. Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    27 min
  5. When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of Holidays

    11/24/2025

    When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of Holidays

    The winter holidays can turn a soft ache into a sharp pain when you’re estranged from your adult child. That can be true of any holiday.  We're so glad you stopped by to listen and learn with me on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast. In this episode, you’ll learn why the winter holiday season feels so intense in the face of estrangement. When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of  Holidays  By the end of this episode, you'll know why holidays matter and how important it is to embrace the aspects of holidays that bring you joy. We’ll walk through practical, permission-based strategies to protect the happiness of the season, ways to keep the meaning of connection without replicating the past and how to prepare for small, cautious moments of reconnection when they arise.  It is my intention that by the end of this episode, you'll feel some relief from the pressure and anxiety many face during this holiday season. With flexible planning, you can find a path to moments of joy and a sense of gratitude for all that is good in your life.  Happiest of holidays to you and yours. Previous and Related Episodes Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting BoundariesHow Do You vs Your Adult Child - Decide Whether to Attend Social Events on High Risk Days?5 Ways High Risk Days Feel Different for Parents and Adult ChildrenHi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    25 min
  6. 8 Ways To Be a Supportive Mom and Loving Grandma Without Overstepping or Being Taken for Granted

    11/02/2025

    8 Ways To Be a Supportive Mom and Loving Grandma Without Overstepping or Being Taken for Granted

    Hi Listeners,  Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, you'll find encouragement and reassurance.  If you’ve ever wondered how to move between being a mom to your adult child and a grandma to their children—especially when estrangement or tension is involved—this episode is for you. I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and in this episode I will help you understand and explore the powerful differences between your role as a mom to your adult child and your role as grandma.  I'll provide reassurance that each role matters and how clear boundaries can actually strengthen family bonds. You’ll learn how to move (flex) back and forth between supporter and emotional anchor to a safe haven for grandchildren. We explore ways to rebuild trust after distance seeps in or silence becomes a fact. Finally, we learn how to nurture relationships with your grandchildren without undermining your adult child’s confidence and trust. And! Not feel exploited or taken for granted. Grab your notebook, get comfortable, and let’s unpack what it means to love well in both roles—so you can grow stronger and find comfort knowing you're not alone. Related Episodes: When Our Adult Children Ask for Space: What It Really MeansUnderstanding Emotional Boundaries with Estranged Adult ChildrenHealing the Hurt: How to Rebuild Trust After EstrangementHow to Communicate Without Pushing Your Child AwaySupport the show For more information, please visit:  https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies, and tips to prepare for repair! I'd love to hear from you directly. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp.  ***It is not possible for me to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. #FamilyEstrangementPodcast #ParentReconnection #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentChildReunification #ReconnectingWithMyChild #EstrangementExpert The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement. The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    13 min
  7. Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1): Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement

    09/21/2025

    Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1): Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement

    In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work. You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and why it is so pervasive in parental estrangement, why it’s so hard to detect, and the seven key warning signs to watch for—like social isolation, gaslighting, and control over daily life. More importantly, you’ll gain encouragement and practical strategies for keeping the light on in your relationship without fueling the coercive partner’s power. This is about giving you clarity and hope as you navigate the painful reality of estrangement while still holding space for love, trust, and reconnection with your child. Mentioned Episodes When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting & Coercive ControlFuture mini-series: Seven Aspects of Coercive ControlSuggested Reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-is-all-coercive-control/202508/when-estrangement-masks-abuse  #familyestrangement, #estrangedadultchild, #coercivecontrol, #parentreconnection, #estrangementexpert, #parentalalienation, #adultestrangement, #repairingrelationships Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    12 min
  8. Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries

    08/10/2025

    Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries

    When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught.  In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren.  Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation.  By responding with positivity, honesty and gratitude, all parties concerned can feel they've done their part to support us, to show concern, and we feel like we're keeping the light on.  When a busybody comes with questions, we handle them differently. To learn more about managing busy bodies without causing conflict or increasing their curiousity check out the episode titiled Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message Episodes referenced in this episode: Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message  Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

    12 min

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About

My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.  In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic. After several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family. My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how to strengthen their communication styles and interpersonal behavior to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education and communication to work with families.  I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship. When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you.  I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication. 

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