Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

Toni Thrash
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  • Self-Improvement
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I'm Toni and a certified Life Coach. Is there a major life transition benching you? Let’s create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure. Your life only seems to be over, however, there’s still time on the clock. Let’s get you off the bench to start your comeback.

  1. 6d ago

    You Raised Them to Leave with Brenda Seefeldt

    Dropping your child off at college isn't only a transition for them. It's a transition for you. In this final episode of the Shock portion of our empty nesting series, I'm joined by pastor, author, speaker, and longtime youth pastor Brenda Seefeldt, who has worked with teenagers and young adults since 1981. Brenda and I talk about what young adults are really experiencing as they leave home, why parents may be unintentionally preventing their kids from developing resilience, and why failure might be one of the greatest teachers we allow our children to have. We also talk about the natural separation that happens between young adults and their parents, the importance of trusted adults outside the family, how faith becomes personal during the college years, and why constantly rescuing our kids can make adulthood harder instead of easier. In this episode, we talk about: Why today's young adults may feel less prepared for independenceThe difference between protecting children from danger and protecting them from discomfortWhy middle school and high school are safe places to learn how to failHow failure develops resilience, grit, coping skills, and confidenceWhy ages 18–25 are naturally years of separation and identity formationHow a young adult's faith begins becoming their ownWhy your teenager needs trusted adults besides Mom and DadHow too much communication can make the college transition harderWhy parents must resist the instinct to rescueThe emotional growth happening in the parent after the child leavesWhy prayer becomes such an important part of letting goThe truth I want you to remember: Failure is survivable. Failure may change the plan, but it does not eliminate God's ability to redeem the story. Your child cannot fail so badly that they move beyond God's heart toward them. And neither can you. Connect with Brenda Seefeldt Brenda Seefeldt is an ordained pastor, speaker, author, longtime youth pastor, and lead pastor of Larger Story Church. Find more from Brenda at Bravester.com. Her books include: I Wish I Could Take Away Your PainTrust Issues with God Story of Two Lost SonsWhat's Coming Next This episode closes our Shock series. Next week we're stepping into Limbo—that strange middle space between what was and whatever comes next. Read along with the series on Substack and join me each Thursday on the Start Your Comeback podcast. And if you're walking through a transition of your own, grab a copy of Start Your Comeback and the Start Your Comeback Game Plan workbook. Links below. Your next chapter doesn't begin when everything makes sense. Sometimes it begins when you decide to take the next step anyway. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

  2. Aug 6

    They left Home, Not Your Life

    Dropping a child off at college can stir up more emotion than a mother expects. The drive home feels different. The house feels different. The relationship suddenly feels different. But different does not mean over. In this episode, Toni shares an important reminder for mothers walking through the shock of an empty nest: They left home. They did not leave your life. Your child is learning how to manage life without you handling every detail, and you are learning how to love them without managing every detail. Neither side of that transition is always easy. In This Episode Toni discusses: why sadness is a normal part of the empty-nest transitionthe difference between grieving a season and living permanently in sadnesshow to create a communication system without creating a surveillance systemwhy young adults need room to solve ordinary problemsthe importance of listening before offering advicewhy mothers must begin putting themselves back on their own calendarshow to step back without disappearing A Question to Use With Your Young Adult Before offering solutions, ask: “Do you want my advice, or do you just need me to listen?” That one question can create healthier communication and give your young adult the room to become more confident and capable. This Week’s Game Plan Companion Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things. This week’s paid-subscriber Game Plan Companion will help you: name what feels hardest about this transitioncreate a healthy communication rhythmidentify where you may need to loosen your gripchoose one meaningful activity to put back on your calendarcreate one practical comeback play for the week aheadThe Game Plan Companion is available through The Limbo Letters on Substack. Coming Next Week Next week, Toni will be joined by a young adult pastor to explore this transition from the other side. They will discuss: what young adults may experience when they leave homewhat they still need from their parentshow parents can stay connected without oversteppingwhat well-meaning parents may need to stop doing Resources Read The Limbo Letters and access the paid Game Plan Companion. Purchase Start Your Comeback and the Start Your Comeback Game Plan workbook. Learn more about private coaching with Toni. Visit tonithrash.com. Coaching Truth You are learning how to step back without disappearing, and they are learning how to step forward without leaving you behind. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

  3. Jul 30

    The Identity Inside The Noise: Finding Yourself After the Empty Nest

    When the house becomes quiet, many mothers begin asking a question they were not prepared to answer: Who am I now? For years, motherhood provided structure, responsibility, connection, and purpose. Then the children leave, the schedules change, and the daily noise disappears. In this episode, Toni explores why your identity was never actually lost, it simply became quieter while everyone else needed something. You do not need to invent an entirely new woman. You need to become reacquainted with the woman who was there all along. In This Episode Toni shares six practical ways to begin rediscovering and engaging your identity after the children leave home: Name what you miss beyond simply missing your children.Recognize the skills and strengths that remain.Notice which parts of yourself have been waiting.Experiment with new experiences before declaring a “new you.”Build evidence of who you are becoming.Allow motherhood to evolve from managing to supporting.You will also hear why identity is often discovered through action rather than endless thinking and why your years of raising children gave you valuable skills that can now be used in a different way. A Question to Consider What part of me has been quiet while I was busy raising everyone else? Write down whatever comes to mind. Then choose one small action that would allow that part of you to speak again. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

  4. Jul 23

    When The House Goes Quiet

    When the House Goes QuietThe empty nest is not difficult only because the house becomes quiet. It can be difficult because the noise, schedules, responsibilities, and routines of motherhood carried more of our identity than we realized. In this episode, Toni shares what it was like to move out of her family home, come home after basketball games with no one to talk to, and face weekends that seemed painfully long. She also explores why the empty nest can feel disorienting whether a woman is single or married. The quiet may initially feel like loss, but it can also become the place where we begin listening to our lives again. In This Episode Toni discusses: Why she came to dread Friday nightsThe connection between motherhood, routines, and identityWhy married women can also feel alone in an empty nestThe difference between support and being rescued from discomfortThe question that helped her move from helplessness to curiosityHow to separate truth, fear, grief, and old mental narrativesWhy the changing role of motherhood does not mean motherhood has endedA Question to Consider What is the quiet bringing to the surface in your life? Notice what arises before rushing to judge, avoid, or fix it. Write it down, pray about it, or share it with someone you trust. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

  5. Jul 16

    The First Goodbye: What If Shock Begins Earlier Than We Think?

    The First Goodbye: What If Shock Begins Earlier Than We Think? When do life transitions really begin? Most of us think Shock starts with divorce, retirement, losing someone we love, or becoming an empty nester. But what if it starts much earlier? In this episode, Toni shares the emotional story of dropping her oldest son off for his first day of kindergarten and the unexpected tears that followed. Looking back, she realized that every school year was quietly preparing her for one of parenting's biggest transitions: letting go. In this episode, you'll discover: Why Shock often arrives long before we recognize itThe "small griefs" that prepare us for life's bigger transitionsHow parenting is like shooting a basketball: Set your feet. Load your legs. Release the ball.Why naming Shock is the first step toward healingMentioned in this episode Start Your ComebackThe Limbo Letters on SubstackThis week's takeaway Shock doesn't always arrive with dramatic news. Sometimes it arrives quietly. Sometimes it looks like a kindergarten backpack that's too big. Next Week We'll continue our July series on Shock by exploring the unexpected emotions of becoming an empty nester in When the House Gets Quiet. If this episode encouraged you, please consider leaving a review on Amazon for Start Your Comeback and sharing this episode with someone who needs a little hope today. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

  6. Jul 9

    How to Heal After an Unexpected Divorce: Moving From Shock to Self-Respect with Elizabeth Jane

    What happens when a twenty-five-year marriage ends without warning? In this episode of Start Your Comeback, Toni talks with emotional well-being expert, artist, keynote speaker, and best-selling author Elizabeth Jane about rebuilding life after the sudden end of her marriage. Elizabeth shares how shock sent her into what she describes as emotional quicksand—and the practical tools that helped her begin climbing out. This honest conversation explores the rejection, abandonment, grief, fear, and loss of identity that can follow an unexpected divorce. Elizabeth also explains why healing requires more than staying busy or pretending everything is fine. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: Why an unexpected divorce can place your mind and body into shockHow a list of ten simple, joyful activities can help on difficult daysWhy returning to the present moment reduces regret and future-based fearHow busyness, shopping, food, alcohol, and other habits can become emotional numbingElizabeth’s ABC of Me method:Acknowledge, allow, and accept your emotionsPut boundaries in placeCommunicate honestlyWhy people pleasing makes boundaries especially difficultHow forgiveness can release you without excusing harmful behaviorWhy rebuilding after divorce is ultimately an inside jobHow self-respect becomes the foundation of your comebackA Question to Consider What is one small activity that helps you feel peaceful, grounded, or more like yourself? Create a list of ten activities you can turn to when grief, fear, or overwhelm begins pulling you into emotional quicksand. Connect With Elizabeth Jane Visit elizabethjane.com.au to learn more about Elizabeth, explore her interviews and resources, and find her book, Free and First: Unlocking Your Ultimate Life. Start Your Comeback Life transitions can leave you wondering who you are, what comes next, and how you are supposed to move forward. Start Your Comeback: Tackling What’s Next with a Winning Game Plan will help you understand the shock, limbo, and reentry that often follow major life change. Through personal stories, practical coaching strategies, and encouragement, Toni helps you begin building a life that is not simply different—but intentionally yours. The book is available on Amazon. The link is below.  Don’t Just Read the Book—Work the Plan The Start Your Comeback Game Plan is the companion workbook created to help you put what you are learning into action. Use it to process your emotions, identify what is keeping you stuck, clarify your priorities, and create practical next steps for your comeback. Find the workbook at tonithrash.com/book. Come Sit With Me Sometimes you know you need to move forward, but your thoughts are tangled and you cannot identify the next right step. Toni’s coaching provides a supportive place to sort through the shock, quiet the noise, establish priorities, and create a clear game plan for what comes next. Learn more about coaching with Toni at tonithrash.com. Listen, Share, and Subscribe Listen to the full episode of Start Your Comeback wherever you listen to podcasts. Subscribe so you do not miss future conversations, and share this episode with a woman who may be rebuilding after an unexpected ending. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

  7. Jul 2

    From Survival Mode to Calm Confidence with Katharine Chestnut

    What happens when you have been holding everything together for so long that you no longer know how to simply be still? In Episode 141 of the Start Your Comeback podcast, Toni sits down with author, entrepreneur, and meditation teacher Katherine Chestnut for an honest conversation about survival mode, divorce, mindfulness, and rebuilding a life filled with joy. After spending 30 years in corporate America, Katherine knew how to get things done. She appeared successful and capable on the outside—but behind the scenes, she was living in a deeply unhealthy marriage, becoming increasingly isolated, and slowly losing her confidence. When she finally walked away, she realized she had been crying every day for six years. Katherine began rebuilding her life through small but powerful practices: journaling, meditation, breathwork, walking, reading, and learning how to become a human being again instead of constantly operating as a “human doing.” In this episode, Toni and Katherine discuss: Why survival mode does not always look dramaticHow high achievement can disguise anxiety and exhaustionThe difference between being prepared and being constantly tenseSigns that you may be running on emptyWhy being tired but wired is a warning signHow journaling helps clear mental and emotional clutterWhy stillness can feel unsafe after prolonged stressThe power of pausing before respondingHow to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionallyWhat “calm confidence” looks like in real lifeHow Katherine slowly rediscovered joy after divorceWhy a comeback is often an ongoing process rather than one dramatic momentKatherine describes calm confidence as regulated power. It does not mean pretending that nothing bothers you. It means trusting that you can handle what comes next without losing yourself in the process. One Thing You Can Do Today Take one slow, intentional breath. Breathe in deeply, pause, and allow your exhale to last longer than your inhale. This simple practice can help your body begin moving out of a stress response and into a calmer state. You do not have to rebuild your entire life today. You only need to take the next steady breath—and then the next step. Connect with Katherine Chestnut Visit Katherine’s website and take her mindfulness quiz to discover which practices may best support you. You can also find her meditations, breathwork sessions, and courses on: Insight TimerYouTubeSpotifyKatherine also hosts a free live breath work practice on Sunday mornings through Insight Timer. Here are the links to Katherine’s website, quiz,  Start Your Comeback Are you walking through divorce, empty nesting, retirement, loss, or another unexpected life transition? Start Your Comeback: Tackling What’s Next with a Winning Game Plan will help you move through shock, navigate limbo, and prepare for reentry with courage and a practical plan. The book is available on Amazon, and the companion workbook is available at ToniThrash.com. Already read the book? Please take a moment to leave an honest review on Amazon. Your review helps other women who are searching for encouragement and a way forward find the book. And remember: listening is a great beginning, but your comeback starts when you put the work into action. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

  8. Jun 25

    The Junk Drawer: 5 Things Keeping You Stuck in Transition

    Every home has one. The junk drawer. A place where random items collect over time until we can barely find what we're looking for. The same thing happens in our lives. During seasons of divorce, empty nesting, retirement, loss, or major life transitions, we often accumulate emotional clutter that keeps us from moving forward. Fear. Comparison. Old stories. The need for certainty. Waiting until we feel ready. In this episode, Toni shares her top five pieces of "junk" that keep women stuck in Shock, Limbo, and Reentry. While this isn't an exhaustive list, these are some of the most common obstacles standing between where you are and where you're meant to go. In This Episode: Why certainty can become a trapHow comparison steals your momentumThe fear of making the wrong decisionThe stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuckWhy waiting to feel ready may be holding you backA practical challenge to identify what's in your own emotional junk drawerYour Comeback Challenge: Take 10 minutes this week and identify one piece of emotional clutter that's preventing you from moving forward. Write it down and choose one action step to begin clearing it out. ✍️ Subscribe to Toni's Substack, The Limbo Letters: Between What Was and What's Next After Divorce and Empty Nesting, for weekly encouragement, insights, and practical tools for navigating life's transitions. 🎯 Interested in one-on-one coaching? Toni works with women navigating divorce, empty nesting, retirement, and major life transitions. Learn more about coaching opportunities at ToniThrash.com. A Small Favor If the book has encouraged you, would you leave a review on Amazon? Reviews help more women discover hope and practical tools for their own comeback journey. And if you own the workbook, don't just read it—use it. Transformation happens when awareness meets action. Remember: Your story isn't over. Your comeback is still being written. Let's create your transition gameplan: Book your discovery call You can find me at: Book: Start Your Comeback Workbook: The Game Plan Website Instagram Facebook Shock Limbo Re-Entry ...

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I'm Toni and a certified Life Coach. Is there a major life transition benching you? Let’s create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure. Your life only seems to be over, however, there’s still time on the clock. Let’s get you off the bench to start your comeback.

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