Worth Following – Podcast by Adrian Stanek

Adrian Stanek
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Honest conversations on leadership, building teams, shipping real products, and creating a mission worth following. blog.adrianstanek.dev

  1. 6d ago

    The Waste of Being Right

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev Being right is useful when correctness changes the outcome. It matters when we are designing a system, diagnosing a failure, calculating a risk, or making a decision with real consequences. Yet many of the situations in which we fight hardest to be right are not really about truth. They are about identity. A discussion begins with a disagreement, but somewhere along the way the subject changes. We are no longer examining an idea. We are defending our competence, status, judgment, or self-image. The argument becomes personal even when neither person openly admits it. At that point, the desire to understand is gradually replaced by the desire to win. This is where being right becomes wasteful. You may win the argument while losing trust. You may prove the technical point while making future cooperation more difficult. You may force another person to concede without helping them understand anything. Correctness alone does not guarantee progress. For leaders, mentors, founders, and engineers, that distinction matters. Your responsibility is not merely to possess the better answer. Your responsibility is to create the conditions under which better thinking, better decisions, and better behavior become possible. The argument beneath the argument When a person resists an idea, we often assume that the idea has not been explained clearly enough. We repeat it, sharpen it, add evidence, or increase the pressure. Sometimes this is appropriate. More often, however, the resistance is not caused by missing information. The resistance may protect something. Perhaps accepting the idea would mean admitting a mistake. Perhaps it would undermine the person’s sense of competence. Perhaps the proposed change threatens a role, routine, belief, or identity that has been stable for years. The visible argument concerns the facts, but the underlying conflict concerns what those facts would require the person to change. This also applies to ourselves. We rarely experience our own resistance as ego. It usually appears to us as logic. We construct reasonable explanations for why the other person is wrong, why the timing is bad, why the proposal cannot work, or why our behavior was justified. The reasoning may even be partially correct. That is what makes the pattern difficult to recognize. Ego does not need to invent a complete lie. It only needs to select the facts that allow us to remain unchanged. From statement to question One of the most effective ways to interrupt this pattern is to replace the next statement with a genuine question. Statements tend to establish positions. Questions can create movement. A statement gives the other person something to defend themselves against. A good question invites them to examine the structure of their own thinking. This does not mean turning questions into concealed accusations. “Do you not understand the problem?” is not a question in any meaningful mentoring sense. It is a judgment with a question mark attached. A useful question must contain real openness. It should be asked with the willingness to hear an answer you did not expect. Questions such as these can change the direction of a conversation: * What makes this point especially important to you? * What would accepting the alternative mean? * Which part of the proposal are you actually resisting? * What evidence would cause you to reconsider your position? * Are we trying to establish who is right, or decide what should happen next? The final question is particularly important in leadership. Many discussions continue long after the decision-relevant information has been discovered. The remaining conversation serves only the emotional need for one side to receive recognition. Applying SOS-TL to conflict SOS-TL stands for Stoic Operating System for Tech Leads. I use it in coaching as a practical decision and behavior system that helps leaders create clarity, reduce drama, strengthen ownership, and act effectively under pressure. The SOS-TL framework can be used not only to communicate an insight, but also to diagnose a conflict while it is happening.

  2. Jun 28

    The Discipline of Defocus

    Intentional focus takes discipline, but focus isn't the default state. The real practice is being intentional across every mode: work, recreation, and deep rest. Most developers and founders grind through mental exhaustion without treating rest as a skill. That gap between knowing you need rest and actually taking it is where burnout takes root.Avoid the procrastination trap. Avoid the burnout cycle. When work, play, and rest become distinct intentional states, not a single blur — you stop mistaking exhaustion for progress.00:00 Defocus Director's Cut YouTube00:28 Part 1: Defocus04:52 End-of-Day Defocus07:26 The Practise---Stoic leadership for developers & founders. No hype.→ How to stay calm when everything's on fire→ How to think clearly when the noise gets loud → How to lead yourself — so you can lead others→ Practical Stoicism for tech, startups, and real life→ The Mirror Book — audit your own mind nightlyNew episode every Sunday. 15:00 CEST.Deeper thinking:https://blog.adrianstanek.devLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adrianstanek#Clarity #Discipline #Ownership #Reflection #Stoicism This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev/subscribe

  3. Jun 7

    Why Do I Keep Quitting?

    Is your journey worth starting? Well, that would be a question in the rubbish category. Your journey is always worth starting; your journey literally represents your life. In that sense, we have already started it. The point is, more, that if we actually walk this journey with intention, and not driven by externals we have no control over. We don’t really quit our lives if we talk about quitting as an issue. We talk about failing to pursue our own intention, and by that, we don’t really create any potential reality, nor are we in any sort of progress. The result is a life that was not meant for us, far from who we could be, but exactly where our own Ego wants us to be. Ego is my declared enemy, not only my personal one. This is the reason why I embarked on the journey to understand the human condition, and its patterns deeply, in order to help others as well as myself, to recognize it and eventually get into control of one's own mind. What is success? When we talk about a journey, we assume we must be successful. At best, it’s defined in a goal or desired state. But is this success? We aren’t a business, so we cannot be measured by the same standards. Success is something you need to define for yourself. But it should never, ever depend on your emotions, or the confirmation of others, or worldly goods, which would be a dependency. If you ask me, you need to look into yourself. Beneath the habits and thoughts, into your deeper, inner Self. By honest introspection and reflection in discipline. There, you actually can control everything; no one can stop you from becoming successful on this level – no one, no matter your circumstances. The question is, are you willing to? If these reflections help you think more clearly about leadership, discipline, identity, and the human condition, consider subscribing. Free subscribers receive new essays, while paid subscribers support the continued development of this work. ❤️ Discipline Is Intent Put Into Practice If you do something every day because you promised it to someone, or because someone is in some way expecting it, it’s not discipline. At best, it’s a form of commitment, but moreover ends up being obedience and dependency. Your intentional act of repeating the daily practice to become better and learn is what we would call disciplina – the original meaning of what we call today discipline. Yet, we have culturally defined it as an “I-must” obligation. Not our own intention, but that of society or the people around us. The most famous example is if we commit ourselves to something in front of other people, like a gym membership as a New Year’s resolution. We keep the “discipline” up, since we obligated ourselves to. It wasn’t really our intention to actually become the changed person; it was a much lower intent driven by our own Ego. 👉 Discipline is your intention in action. * Discipline is not obedience. * Discipline is not external motivation. * Without discipline, potential remains unrealized. Personal Growth Has No Definition of Done Did you define goals for yourself? How many personal goals do you define, in which periods? Because that is what you would need to do in order to keep improving. There is no done, there will never be a state like this. You will never be in a specific state and stay there. Forget about goals, that is an I-must hustle mentality, but without actual substance. Who do I want to be today?Who am I today?What do I want to change tomorrow? And what is my potential? These questions and this loop lead you towards your potential, show you the signals you need to follow, and make you aware of the distractions. Without that pattern recognition, you will stay an unfinished project, a process never really started, and not shaped in your own intention. 👉 You aren’t a project, you're a process. * Projects have finish lines. * Teams need goals and definitions of done. * Human development is a practice. * Character is never finished. Identity Drives Behavior Who are you? You know you should go and practice today. What does the inner voice tell you? Are you happy to skip today? Or do you hate skipping it?Do you feel positive or negative about it? Well, you can shape this as well. If you don’t know yet who you are, I rephrase the question: Who do you want to become? Reflection Creates Self-Knowledge Learn the patterns of yourself and the people around you. It’s possible and less complicated than you might think. Study the nature of humans and things; it’s in its core very similar and comparable, in that it’s recognizable. You can sense other humans trying to trigger you. And you can spot specific habitual behavior in yourself that you might want to intervene in. * Reflection reveals patterns. * Patterns reveal strengths and weaknesses. * Awareness creates intervention points. * Journaling accelerates self-understanding. How can you actually navigate your own life and actions if you don’t know these patterns well? You Are Both the Marble and the Sculptor And the last set for today. If you aren’t willing to hit yourself to change something, you don’t seek transformation. It’s just decoration. Exactly what your Ego wants. You know the other name that people call Ego? Resistance to Change – your most personal enemy, you might not know, yet. Steven Pressfield put it well: Resistance is so smart, it lets you think it was your idea. * You shape yourself every day. * Growth requires discomfort. * Small improvements compound. * Character is built intentionally. —Adrian This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev/subscribe

  4. May 24

    Know Yourself, or You Become the Problem

    There is a simple loop that teaches you who you are: commit to something, practice it, reflect on the result, accept what happened, and adapt for the next day. It sounds almost too simple, but that is usually where the useful things hide. You do not understand yourself by thinking about yourself in theory. You understand yourself by watching what happens when you act. A commitment reveals intention. Practice reveals character. Reflection reveals truth. And here we can learn to become honest with ourselves. Even today, I realize how easily I get tricked by my own mind sometimes. The difficult part is not the commitment itself. Many people can decide something in the morning. The difficult part is looking honestly at the result in the evening. Did I do what I said I would do? Did I act the way I wanted to? Did I become more useful to the people around me, or did I create more noise, more pressure, more confusion? If the result was good, you have evidence. You learned something about yourself that is worth repeating. If the result was bad, you have a signal. Not a reason for shame, not a reason for self-hate, but a reason to change something. In both cases, the day gives you material for the next day. That is why this cannot be a once-in-a-while exercise. It has to become daily. Not because every day needs to be dramatic, disciplined, optimized, or heroic. You do not need to run every morning, take cold showers, or copy someone else’s routine. But you do need some form of honest contact with yourself. Without that, you slowly lose the ability to see your own patterns. And when you cannot see your patterns, other people have to live with them. That is where self-reflection becomes more than personal development. It becomes a moral responsibility. If you do not know how your actions affect your mind, your emotions, your decisions, and the people around you, then you are moving through life half-blind. You may still be productive. You may still be intelligent. You may still be successful from the outside. But you are not necessarily becoming someone worth following. That question matters to me: am I a person worth following? Not in the cheap social media sense. In the human sense. Am I someone who makes the room clearer? Am I someone who contributes? Am I someone who can be trusted under pressure? Or am I someone others need to manage, tolerate, or recover from? This is why I use my Mirror-Book. It is a simple journaling technique I use in the morning and in the evening. Sometimes I use it outside, after running or walking, because movement often brings thoughts to the surface. But the important part is not where I write. The important part is that I write honestly. The book is only for me, and because of that, I can be brutally honest in it. I can write down where I acted badly. I can write down where I was unfair, reactive, arrogant, avoidant, or weak. Not to punish myself, but to recognize the pattern. Once the pattern is visible, it becomes possible to intervene earlier the next time. That is the real value of reflection. It turns vague discomfort into language. It turns language into recognition. It turns recognition into a different action. Digital tools can help with this. I have built apps for this myself. But writing by hand still has a different weight for me. A 2024 EEG study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that handwriting produces stronger brain connectivity than typing, particularly within networks associated with learning and memory. That does not make handwriting magic, but it supports something practical: when we write by hand, we process differently. The thought slows down. The body is involved. The sentence becomes harder to escape. And that is what good reflection does. It removes the hiding places. “Know thyself” is an ancient phrase, but it is not decorative. It is not something to put on a wall and admire. It is a practice. You know yourself by committing, practicing, reflecting, accepting, and adapting. Again and again. Because if you do not understand yourself, you will never truly understand others. And if you never look at what you are becoming, you may become the problem without noticing it. —Adrian This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev/subscribe

  5. Apr 29

    Clarity Is a Practice, Not a Feeling

    There are mornings when you wake up, and your mind is already full before the day has even started. Messages, expectations, open loops, unfinished ideas, half-made decisions, things you should do, things you want to do, things you are afraid you are avoiding. And somewhere inside all of that noise, you ask yourself: “What am I actually supposed to do today?” That is the moment where people often say they need clarity. But I think clarity is often misunderstood. Clarity is not a permanent mental state. It is not the absence of uncertainty. It is not the magical moment where your whole future becomes visible and every next step feels safe. That version of clarity is mostly fantasy. For me, clarity is more operational. It is the point where you can see the next right action clearly enough to commit to it. Not forever. Not perfectly. Just enough to move. That distinction matters. Because if you expect clarity to remove uncertainty, you will wait too long. You will keep thinking, planning, consuming, asking, comparing, and preparing. But life does not become clear before you act. Often, it becomes clearer because you act. The Stoics understood this very well. Epictetus said: “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” Simple, yet challenging... That is a very easy sentence, but it contains a whole operating system. Identity first. Action second. Not mood first. Not certain first. Not external permission first. This work is reader-supported. If these reflections help you think, act, and lead with more clarity, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ Your energy is limited; use it wisely This is why I bring mentoring back to the day so often. Your mission matters. Your vision matters. Your potential matters. But none of these things are completed today. They are direction, not a daily workload. Today you only have today’s energy, today’s attention, today’s discipline, today’s resistance, and today’s opportunity to act. So the better question is not: “Where will I be in the future?” The better question is: “Who must I be today, and what is the next action that proves it?” That is where the Mirror-Book idea comes in for me. The page becomes a mirror. Not a place to perform, not a place to write endless thoughts, not a place to drown in emotion. A mirror. * What is true? * What is in my control? * What is in my influence? * What is not mine at all? * What is the signal for today? * What will I not do, so that the important thing has room to happen? This is not productivity theater. It is baseline work. Because clarity without a baseline does not hold. You can have one inspired evening, one strong conversation, one great insight, and by Wednesday, the old pattern returns. That is homeostasis. The system pulls you back to what is normal. Your old habits, old avoidance, old distractions, old emotional reactions, and old level of self-trust. So the work is not to chase peak clarity. The work is to raise the baseline. In the morning, you define the signal. In the day, you practice. In the evening, you review. What did I actually do? Where did I drift? What was a fact, and what was only a story? What did I learn from today’s action? What is the smallest next action for tomorrow? That loop is where clarity is rebuilt. Not once. Daily. And this is also why clarity is connected to courage. A vague day is easy to escape from. A clear signal creates responsibility. When you write down what you commit to, you remove some of your own hiding places. You can no longer pretend that the problem was only confusion. Sometimes the problem was that you saw the next step, but did not want to take it. That is not a moral failure. That is resistance. And resistance loses power when it is made concrete. So clarity is not knowing everything. Clarity is reducing the day to something you can actually own. One signal. One boundary. One next action. One honest evening review. Before you demand clarity for your whole life, get it clear today. Because today is where your character is practiced. And tomorrow will not become clearer by avoiding today. —Adrian This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev/subscribe

    Clarity Is a Practice, Not a Feeling

  6. Apr 26

    Maybe Your Potential Did Not Disappear

    Show Notes: Maybe Your Potential Did Not Disappear Many of us already know enough to take the next step, but still wait for more clarity, confidence, proof, or better timing. This reflection is about potential, resistance, and the quiet ways we hide behind preparation. Sometimes strategy is useful. Sometimes it is fear wearing better clothes. Core question: What is still in my control today, and where am I already capable but still acting like I need permission? Also includes a short note on the Mirror-Book technique and how daily reflection can turn potential into evidence. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev/subscribe

    Maybe Your Potential Did Not Disappear

  7. Feb 23

    Monday Is Coming – Why Tech Professionals Dread Mondays

    Journaling for Self-Reflection: Separate Reality From Your Subconscious Stories The script argues that journaling is the best tool for self-reflection, manifesting, and understanding thoughts and emotions. It explains how journaling helps identify the “lower self” as not the controlling self and emphasizes that you can take action once you see things clearly. The episode recommends using paper or a smartphone to create a two-column table: one column for the week’s realities and actual challenges, and a second column for the stories and projections likely coming from the subconscious. It concludes that you must first gather data and analyze your thoughts before you can accept them, adapt, or act on them. 00:00 Why Journaling Works: Self-Reflection, Emotions & Manifestation 01:05 The Simple Two-Column Journal Setup 01:10 Column 1: Write the Week’s Reality & Real Challenges 01:20 Column 2: Spot the Stories Your Subconscious Projects 01:31 Collect the Data First, Then Analyze and Take Action 01:34 Conclusion: Accept, Adapt, and Act on What You Find This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev/subscribe

  8. Feb 16

    Stop Letting Deadlines Hijack Your Nervous System

    Stoicism, Discipline, and Burnout: A Tough Week Reflection The speaker reflects on a stressful, poorly planned week with shifting appointments and sudden obligations, using a practical, personal approach to stoicism to stay calm and functional. They explain the stoic idea of separating what you can control, influence, and cannot control, and argue that real challenge should hurt because discomfort is what drives change. Their goal is to do everything possible to sway outcomes on commitments, so they can live without regret, even if results or timing don’t work out. As a tech leader and mentor, they criticize deadline culture in the tech space, calling many deadlines fictional milestones that push people into a no-control zone and lead to burnout, especially when marketing or investors force schedules before a product is ready. They define discipline as self-driven commitment (“I will do that”) rather than obedience to an external agenda (“I must do that”), and emphasize committing to getting work done rather than committing to specific dates. The speaker describes coping strategies like daily exercise, including jogging with weights to test limits, and contrasts their current resilience with past habits like retreating into games, junk food, soda, or alcohol (which they no longer drink). They end by reaffirming that pushing through hard weeks builds self-worth and self-confidence, and they continue their uphill run with a 10 kg pack. 00:00 — Challenge Must Hurt: Why Discomfort Drives Real Change 01:16 — Stoic Week Reflection: Stress, Planning Chaos, and When to Intervene 02:32 — Control vs Influence vs No Control: The 3 Circles to Stay Sane 04:15 — Pushing Through Without Regret (Even When You’re Exhausted) 05:50 — Training as Therapy: Weighted Jogging, Limits, and Self-Knowledge 06:42 — Commitment Over Deadlines: Why Most Timelines Are Fiction 09:25 — Discipline Isn’t Obedience: Avoiding Burnout and External Agendas 11:13 — Proving It to Yourself: Self-Confidence Built in Hard Weeks 12:34 — Wrap-Up: Keep Moving, Uphill Finish, and Goodbye This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blog.adrianstanek.dev/subscribe

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Honest conversations on leadership, building teams, shipping real products, and creating a mission worth following. blog.adrianstanek.dev

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