We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling

Darcy Sterling
  • 4.8 (22)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

For more than 25 years, Dr. Darcy Sterling has been helping people conquer their toughest relationship challenges. She is a New York City-based licensed therapist, the host of E! Network’s Famously Single, the former Global Ambassador to Tinder, and now she brings her no-nonsense advice to her new podcast, We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling. We Need To Talk is a dating and relationship podcast that will inspire and empower you with the tools and skills you need to love better so you can live better.

  1. 6H AGO

    Why People Pay to Be Punished — And Leave Feeling Better

    Listener Subscription https://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/ DESCRIPTION This episode examines why high-functioning adults sometimes seek out rigid, punishing structures—not for pain, but for the relief of temporarily surrendering responsibility in a world where nothing else feels cleanly resolved. In this conversation, I look at what draws people who carry constant pressure, authority, and decision-making into environments where the rules are fixed, the roles are clear, and the ending feels complete. My guest, a dominatrix, shares what she has observed over years of being paid to hold boundaries other people didn’t want to hold themselves — and why clients often leave feeling settled, resolved, and strangely lighter. This isn’t about sex. It’s about containment. We explore how intensity can create the illusion of resolution, why predictability can feel more regulating than comfort, and what this dynamic reveals about responsibility fatigue, control, and the human need for experiences that feel finished. In this episode, we discuss: Why clarity and fixed roles can feel psychologically stabilizing How structure can function as relief for high-responsibility people The difference between confrontation and containment What this reveals about control, avoidance, and emotional load REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescouneling.com www.mzhaze.com Instagram: @MzHaze5280 CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.  Listener Subscription https://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/

    55 min

  2. FEB 17

    When “Protecting Your Peace” Quietly Becomes Avoidance

    Listener Subscription https://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/ You didn’t outgrow the drama. You outgrew the discomfort — and now your life reflects it. If protecting yourself keeps costing you people, that’s not self-respect. In this episode, I examine how self-protection can quietly turn into relational withdrawal — not through dramatic exits, but through small, repeated acts of disengagement. Avoidance rarely announces itself. It disguises itself as maturity. As boundaries. As emotional intelligence. As “protecting your peace.” And in the moment, it works. Your nervous system settles. The tension drops. Relief arrives. But nothing replaces what you stepped away from. I’m talking about the unanswered text. The conversation you let die. The misunderstanding you didn’t correct. The moment you told yourself it wasn’t worth the energy. Over time, those small decisions accumulate — and your world gets smaller. Fewer invitations. Fewer conversations that matter. Fewer moments where you feel known. Not because people rejected you. Because opting out became your most practiced skill. In this episode, I break down: The difference between regulation and avoidance How short-term relief creates long-term disconnection Why discomfort is not the same as danger What staying present actually requires This isn’t about abandoning boundaries. It’s about asking whether “peace” has quietly become isolation. REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounsleing.com CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.  Listener Subscription https://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/

    24 min

  3. FEB 10

    The Hidden Cost of Estrangement That No One Warns You About

    Listener Subscription https://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/ Estrangement can bring peace and still leave a mark — this episode names what doesn’t disappear after no contact, even when the decision was necessary and right. In this episode we examine the psychological impact of family estrangement and the hidden emotional cost of going no contact. While estrangement often brings immediate relief—reducing conflict, stress, and daily friction—relief is not the same as closure. Attachment bonds do not automatically dissolve when contact ends, and unresolved dynamics can remain psychologically active long after the decision is made. Joined by Dr. Joshua Coleman, this episode explores the tension many people experience after estrangement: feeling certain about the choice while still carrying complex or unfinished emotions. Rather than debating whether estrangement is right or wrong, the conversation focuses on what happens internally once a relationship is severed. In this episode, we explore: Why no contact does not guarantee emotional resolution The role of ambiguous loss in family estrangement How attachment bonds persist after physical separation The long-term impact of parent–adult child estrangement The difference between boundaries and emotional avoidance This episode offers a clinically grounded look at estrangement, attachment, and the work required for true emotional integration. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties & How to Heal the Conflict CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   Twitter:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.  Listener Subscription https://weneedtotalkwithdrdarcysterling.supercast.com/

    41 min

  4. FEB 3

    I’m With Someone — So Why Do I Feel So Alone?

    Listener Subscription This episode is about the small moments when you decide not to say what you actually feel. The sentence you soften, the need you interrupt, the truth you edit to keep things smooth. And how, over time, those reasonable choices create distance inside a relationship that still technically works. Being partnered is often used as evidence that loneliness shouldn’t exist. In this episode, I talk about why that assumption keeps people stuck — and how loneliness can show up even inside a relationship that looks stable, consistent, and intact. I break down how emotional isolation is often created not by absence, but by a series of small, reasonable-seeming choices: staying agreeable instead of specific, staying regulated instead of exposed, and prioritizing stability over honesty. Over time, those choices quietly disconnect people from themselves and from each other. This episode looks at the difference between restraint and avoidance, why swallowing your truth can feel like maturity, and how loneliness often appears immediately after you choose not to say what actually mattered. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why loneliness can exist inside a relationship, not just outside of one. How prioritizing peace, stability, and being “reasonable” can slowly erode emotional presence. The moment where loneliness actually begins — and why it’s easy to miss. If you’ve ever felt alone while technically being with someone, this episode explains what’s happening underneath — and why that feeling isn’t random. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube. Listener Subscription

    19 min

  5. JAN 27

    You Understand Yourself. So Why Aren’t You Changing?

    Listener Subscription This episode is about why insight creates clarity but not change — and what actually has to happen for your brain to stop knowing better and start doing better. Most people can explain their patterns. They know their attachment style, their triggers, their history, and why they react the way they do. In this episode, I look at why all of that insight so often fails to produce real change — and why understanding yourself can feel productive while keeping you stuck. I break down the difference between insight and evidence, why the brain doesn’t update from awareness alone, and how real change actually happens: through doing something different first, and letting your nervous system learn from what follows. I’m joined by Emma McAdam, who has helped millions of people make sense of their emotional world, to talk about what happens after insight — the part where most people stop — and what it really takes to move from knowing better to doing better. We talk about why people repeat the same reactions even when they know they don’t work, how “later” becomes a way of never changing, and why the feeling people are waiting for doesn’t come from thinking — it comes from acting. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why insight and self-understanding don’t automatically lead to behavior change. How the brain actually updates through evidence created by new actions. What it takes to move from analyzing your patterns to doing something different in real time. If you’ve ever felt like you understand yourself but keep repeating the same reactions, the same conflicts, and the same outcomes, this episode explains what’s missing between knowing and changing. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com www.therapyinanutshell.com CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

    42 min

  6. JAN 20

    What Happens To Us When Mental Health Goes Viral?

    Listener Subscription When mental-health language becomes content, it can start teaching us how to leave discomfort elegantly instead of how to stay long enough to actually change. Most of us assume that consuming mental health content is making us more emotionally intelligent. In this episode, I look at a different possibility: that the way platforms reward and distribute this content may be teaching us how to avoid discomfort more elegantly, not how to stay in it long enough to grow or repair. I break down how algorithms shape what kinds of emotional messages spread, why content that encourages exit and self-protection travels farther than content that asks for accountability, and what happens when therapy language becomes optimized for performance, shares, and watch time. I’m joined by Kati Morton, a licensed therapist and one of the largest mental health creators on YouTube, to talk about what happens not just to audiences, but to mental health itself, when therapeutic ideas become content at scale. We talk about how emotional vocabulary shifts from being a tool for repair to a tool for image management, why discomfort is increasingly framed as toxicity, and what that means for relationships, responsibility, and emotional development. In this episode, you’ll learn: How social media algorithms shape which mental health messages spread and which ones disappear. Why viral therapy content often teaches emotional exit instead of emotional endurance. What it means for relationships and accountability when therapeutic language becomes optimized for performance. If you consume a lot of mental health content and have ever wondered why it sometimes makes things feel easier but not actually better, this episode explains the tension underneath. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com www.KatiMorton.com  Why Do I Keep Doing This?: Unlearn the Habits Keeping You Stuck and Unhappy CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.  Listener Subscription

    52 min

  7. JAN 13

    Weaponized Healing: How Emotional Language Became the New Avoidance

    ⁠Listener Subscription Before sadness, guilt, or hurt can register, accountability lands—and therapy language rushes in to protect how we see ourselves instead of staying in the relationship. We like to think emotional language makes relationships safer. In this episode, I examine how words like boundaries, triggered, and protecting my peace are often used to avoid accountability without looking like avoidance. I break down how conflict quietly gets reframed from “what happened between us” to “how you made me feel by bringing this up,” how this shift changes the power dynamic in a relationship, and why it trains partners to stop telling the truth over time. This pattern doesn’t usually end relationships through big fights. It erodes them through silence, hesitation, and conversations that never happen — until distance becomes the default. This episode looks at what “staying” actually means in real conflict: not performing calm, not using language to exit, but remaining present long enough to hear impact instead of protecting your position. In this episode, you’ll learn: How emotional and therapy language can function as an avoidance strategy in conflict Why choosing “peace” over repair slowly drains intimacy from relationships What it practically means to stay in a hard conversation instead of exiting it If you’ve ever felt like your relationship is calm but distant, or like hard conversations keep disappearing instead of getting resolved, this episode explains the pattern underneath. Xxoo Darcy Listener Subscription REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.  Listener Subscription

    20 min

  8. JAN 8

    The Part of You That Breaks the Relationship — And The Part That Can Fix It

    Listener Subscription In the season opener of We Need To Talk, I sit down with bestselling therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy, Terry Real, to expose the part of you that’s actually running your relationships. We talk about the “younger part” that learned to survive in your family, how it hijacks your adult brain in conflict, and what it takes to get your wise adult back online when all you want to do is fight, flee, or fix. Terry doesn’t just explain the model—he uses me and my marriage as the live example. If your relationships keep looping the same arguments, this episode is the map. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com Terryreal.com Relationallife.com www.instagram.com/realterryreal/ Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship  CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.  Listener Subscription

    55 min
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Trailer

4.8
out of 5
22 Ratings

About

For more than 25 years, Dr. Darcy Sterling has been helping people conquer their toughest relationship challenges. She is a New York City-based licensed therapist, the host of E! Network’s Famously Single, the former Global Ambassador to Tinder, and now she brings her no-nonsense advice to her new podcast, We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling. We Need To Talk is a dating and relationship podcast that will inspire and empower you with the tools and skills you need to love better so you can live better.

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