We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling

Dr. Darcy Sterling
  • 4.8 (23)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

The strengths that make you capable and successful can also sabotage your relationships. On We Need To Talk, Dr. Darcy Sterling helps you see where independence, honesty, high standards, and self-control start working against you in love. Each week, Dr. Darcy helps you take responsibility for the part that is yours—without taking responsibility for the whole relationship. If you are successful in most areas of life but do not like who you become in your closest relationships, this show is for you.

  1. 2d ago

    Your Partner Is Really Sorry. So Why Do They Keep Doing It?

    In relationships, a sincere apology can make you believe something finally changed. Then the same thing happens again—and now you are not only hurt, you are confused about what the apology was supposed to mean. That is where people can get stuck between remorse and repetition. In this episode: Why sincere apologies can keep resetting your hope What it means when your partner understands the impact but the behavior still repeats How you can mistake better conflict management for actual relationship improvement Why repeated hurt can make you question whether you are too sensitive, unforgiving, or expecting too much What to look at when you are trying to decide whether the relationship is actually changing I also get into one of the hardest relationship questions: what happens when the love is real, the remorse is real, and you are still not getting what you need? Because sometimes the most important thing to evaluate is not how sorry they are. It is what keeps happening next. Listen to Your Partner Is Really Sorry. So Why Do They Keep Doing It? and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, apologies, repeated hurt, forgiveness, and change. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  2. Nov 3

    Why Sex Gets Harder When You Care More — And What to Do About It

    In relationships, sex can get harder precisely because the relationship matters more. What once felt spontaneous can start carrying the weight of desire, rejection, connection, frequency, and what every encounter seems to mean. And once sex starts feeling like a measure of the relationship, pressure can build fast. In this episode: Why sex can start feeling less like an experience and more like a test What happens when one partner wants less pressure and the other is still sexually unfulfilled How couples get stuck between safety, desire, and resentment Why saying “I want things to improve” is not always the same as making movement What happens when both people do the work and the sexual relationship still is not enough for one of them I’m joined by psychosexual and relationship therapist Kate Moyle for a conversation about sexual pressure, mismatched desire, performance anxiety, sexless relationships, and what couples are really facing when intimacy starts carrying more meaning than either person can comfortably hold. Because sometimes the hardest question is not how to make sex easier. It is what happens when sex becomes the place where the relationship itself is being measured. Listen to Why Sex Gets Harder When You Care More — And What to Do About It and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, intimacy, desire, and conflict. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ The Science of Sex: Every Question About Your Sex Life Answered By: Kate Moyle CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  3. Oct 27

    Why You Panic Text at 1am — How to Stop Before You Make It Worse

    In relationships, a delayed text can turn into a full-body panic fast. You reread what you sent, check their social media, look for what changed—and start believing the next text will fix it.  Then the panic passes. And now you are left looking at the extra messages, the accusation, the escalation—and wondering why you became someone you barely recognize.  In this episode: Why a change in texting can make uncertainty feel intolerable What happens when reassurance does not actually reassure you Why the urge to reach can intensify after a cold, vague, or insufficient response How panic texting can turn into shame and self-distrust afterward The question to ask before you send the next message I also talk about the part most advice misses: sometimes the text itself is completely reasonable. The harder question is what you are asking that text to do for you. Because the real danger may not be one bad text. It may be how quickly another person’s response starts deciding whether you feel okay.  Listen to Why You Panic Text at 1am — How to Stop Before You Make It Worse and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, dating anxiety, texting, emotional regulation, and conflict. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  4. Oct 20

    Staying Quiet Feels Safe—But Here’s What It’s Costing Your Relationship (and How to Fix It)

    In relationships, staying quiet can feel safer than saying the thing out loud. You avoid the fight, the defensiveness, the risk of being misunderstood—and for a moment, that relief can feel like proof that silence worked.  But the thing you did not say does not disappear. It sits between you. Your partner feels the distance but may have no idea what caused it.  In this episode: Why silence can feel protective in the moment What happens to the partner who is left outside the conversation When shutting down starts changing the balance of power How old wounds can make speaking feel dangerous What a healthy pause looks like when you genuinely cannot keep talking I’m joined by Colette Jane Fehr, couples therapist and author of The Cost of Quiet, for a conversation about silence, shutdown, emotional overwhelm, conflict avoidance, and what happens when one partner keeps disappearing from the conversation.  Sometimes the hardest part is not admitting that speaking feels risky. It is facing what the silence is asking your partner to live with. Listen to Staying Quiet Feels Safe—But Here’s What It’s Costing Your Relationship (and How to Fix It) and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, conflict, shutdown, emotional safety, and hard conversations. REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ www.colettejanefehr.com The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  5. Oct 13

    Hate Dating but Still Want Love? The 4 Mindset Shifts That Make You Want to Try Again

    In relationships, dating burnout can make you want love while dreading the process of finding it. You start with more rules, more filters, and less patience because you are tired of getting your hopes up and getting so little back.  First dates start feeling like interviews. You scan for red flags. You rule people out faster. And eventually you may not know whether you are protecting your standards—or protecting yourself from being disappointed again.  In this episode: Why dating can start feeling like work instead of possibility How exhaustion changes the way you evaluate new people When standards and discernment start functioning like self-protection Why expecting disappointment can change what you notice on a date How to know when dating burnout means it is time to pause I’m joined by Ilana Dunn, host of Seeing Other People, for a conversation about modern dating, burnout, red flags, first dates, disappointment, and what dating itself may be training you to do.  Sometimes the hardest part is not admitting that dating has worn you down. It is noticing what exhaustion has started deciding for you. Listen to Hate Dating but Still Want Love? The 4 Mindset Shifts That Make You Want to Try Again and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, dating burnout, standards, vulnerability, and connection. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ https://www.instagram.com/ilanadunn/ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  6. Oct 6

    You Are Being Misled About Menopause — And Your Sex Life Is Paying the Price

    In relationships, menopause can change sex in ways neither partner understands at first. Pain, lower desire, slower arousal, or changes in orgasm can start getting interpreted as rejection, lost attraction, or proof that something is wrong between you. You may start blaming yourself. Your partner may start taking it personally. And both of you can build a relationship story around a body change that has not been properly assessed yet. In this episode: Why sexual changes in midlife are not always “just aging” How menopause can affect pain, desire, arousal, and orgasm Why spontaneous desire and responsive desire are not the same thing What couples may need to change in the bedroom when sex stops working the way it used to Why “this is normal” can become a dead end when the symptoms are disrupting your life I’m joined by Dr. Somi Javaid, a physician specializing in menopause and women’s sexual health, for a conversation about what is actually happening in the body—and what couples can miss when they start turning those changes into a story about the relationship. Sometimes the most damaging part is not the change itself. It is deciding what the change means before you understand what is causing it. Listen to You Are Being Misled About Menopause — And Your Sex Life Is Paying the Price and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, menopause, sexual health, desire, and intimacy. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ www.drsomi.com www.askdrdarcy.com/references-2/ www.askdrdarcy.com/products/ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  7. Sep 29

    Are You Parenting Your Child — Or Managing Your Anxiety?

    In relationships with our kids, helping can start to look a lot like stepping in too fast.Your child is upset, excluded, overwhelmed, or has failed at something—and every instinct in you says: fix it. You email the teacher. You smooth over the disappointment. You solve the conflict before they have to sit in it. In this episode: Why some kids may be getting fewer chances to build distress tolerance How over-involvement can unintentionally weaken confidence When structure supports a child—and when it starts serving the parent’s need for control Why achievement pressure can start shaping a child’s sense of worth How to tell whether your child needs help or you need relief from watching them struggle I’m joined by Dr. Shefali Tsabary for a conversation about parenting anxiety, over-involvement, resilience, independence, and what happens when protection gets dialed up too high. Sometimes the hardest part of parenting is not knowing what to do. It is knowing when not to do it for them. Listen to Are You Parenting Your Child — Or Managing Your Anxiety? and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, parenting, anxiety, resilience, and emotional development. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ https://www.drshefali.com/raisingconscious-daughters-sons/ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  8. Sep 22

    Your Partner Has ADHD. Why Are You the One Drowning?

    In relationships, ADHD can explain why ordinary things are harder for your partner. It does not explain why you became the reminder system, the backup plan, and the person who keeps everything from falling apart. You remind. You track. You compensate. And eventually part of your brain is always on call for theirs. In this episode: Why understanding ADHD can quietly turn into managing it for your partner How repeated rescuing can keep your partner from feeling the full consequence Why love can start feeling like supervision What real ownership sounds like after something falls through the cracks How to tell whether a “system” is helping your partner carry more—or drafting you into carrying it for them I break down ADHD, mental load, resentment, responsibility, and the difference between partnership and compensation. Sometimes the hardest part is not admitting that ADHD is real. It is admitting that you have become responsible for making sure it does not become anyone else’s problem. Listen to Your Partner Has ADHD. Why Are You the One Drowning? and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, ADHD, mental load, resentment, and emotional responsibility. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

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4.8
out of 5
23 Ratings

About

The strengths that make you capable and successful can also sabotage your relationships. On We Need To Talk, Dr. Darcy Sterling helps you see where independence, honesty, high standards, and self-control start working against you in love. Each week, Dr. Darcy helps you take responsibility for the part that is yours—without taking responsibility for the whole relationship. If you are successful in most areas of life but do not like who you become in your closest relationships, this show is for you.

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