We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling

Dr. Darcy Sterling
  • 4.8 (22)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

The strengths that make you capable and successful can also sabotage your relationships. On We Need To Talk, Dr. Darcy Sterling helps you see where independence, honesty, high standards, and self-control start working against you in love. Each week, Dr. Darcy helps you take responsibility for the part that is yours—without taking responsibility for the whole relationship. If you are successful in most areas of life but do not like who you become in your closest relationships, this show is for you.

  1. 4d ago

    Why You’ve Stopped Sharing Good News With Your Partner — And When That’s a Warning Sign

    In relationships, good news should feel good to share. But if your partner barely reacts, looks distracted, or points out the downside too fast, you can start wondering why you bothered telling them at all. At first, you still share the small wins. Then you start telling other people first. Eventually, your partner may stop being the person you want to bring your joy to. In this episode: Why a flat response can make a good moment feel worse What a supportive response actually sounds like in real life Why enthusiasm and follow-up questions matter more than a polite “That’s great” How repeated disappointment changes who you want to tell first When this stops being a communication problem and starts becoming a warning sign I’m joined by Dr. Harry Reis for a conversation about good news, responsiveness, feeling known, and what happens when the person closest to you stops feeling like the person who is most excited for you. Sometimes the warning sign is not that your partner ruined one good moment. It is that you stopped expecting them to celebrate the next one with you. Listen to Why You’ve Stopped Sharing Good News With Your Partner — And When That’s a Warning Sign and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, responsiveness, emotional connection, and feeling supported. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ How To Feel Loved by Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis http://howtofeelloved.com/ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  2. Sep 8

    The Real Reason Your Fights Never Get Resolved

    I’m bringing this episode back because recurring fights are one of the clearest places to see how quickly a relationship problem stops being about the thing you were originally trying to solve. In relationships, the same fight can keep coming back even when the topic changes. You think you’re arguing about money, chores, tone, or plans—but somehow the conversation keeps ending in the same place. One of you gets louder. The other shuts down. And the original issue never really gets resolved. In this episode: Why the same argument keeps repeating even when the surface topic changes What happens when both partners get emotionally escalated Why “powering through” a fight can make the next conversation harder How calm can feel like coldness when one partner is already activated What can help you recognize the cycle before it takes over the whole conversation I’m joined by Julie Menanno, author of Secure Love and host of the Secure Love podcast, for a conversation about recurring fights, emotional safety, shutdown, escalation, and why couples can get trapped in the same conflict even when both people want it to end. Sometimes the fight is not really about the thing you are arguing over. It is about what starts happening between you once neither person feels heard, safe, or connected. Listen to The Real Reason Your Fights Never Get Resolved and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, conflict, communication, and emotional safety. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ www.alternativescounseling.com Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

  3. Sep 1

    Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People — How to Break the Spell

    The hardest emotionally unavailable person to leave is often the one who keeps giving you just enough to hope. They disappear, come back, open up for one night, or give you one intimate moment that makes the whole relationship feel more meaningful than it usually is. You start waiting for the next sign. The next return. The next moment that seems to prove the relationship is finally becoming something more. In this episode: Why rare moments of closeness can outweigh a much bigger pattern How mixed signals keep hope alive Why repeated messages and check-ins can feel like progress when nothing is really changing How understanding someone’s reasons can keep you waiting longer What to look for when you are trying to tell real potential from a relationship stuck in place I’m joined by Amanda McCracken for a conversation about emotionally unavailable partners, mixed signals, limerence, waiting, and why intensity can start to feel like evidence. Sometimes the hardest part is not admitting the connection is real. It is admitting that the relationship may still not be becoming what you need. Listen to Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People — How to Break the Spell and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, emotional availability, mixed signals, and dating patterns. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ www.amandajmccracken.com  When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love: A True Story of Overcoming Limerence CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  4. Aug 25

    Why You Get Angrier When Your Partner Tries to Fix the Problem

    In relationships, you can come to your partner upset, hear a perfectly reasonable solution—and somehow feel even worse. You wanted them to understand what hurt. They started trying to make the problem go away. What started as one frustrating moment can quickly turn into a much bigger fight: “Do you even understand why this upset me?” In this episode: Why advice can make you feel more dismissed when you are already hurt How a small problem turns into “Do you even understand why this upset me?” Why an apology or solution can still feel too fast What makes listening difficult when the hurt is about something your partner did How to tell when understanding has actually happened before moving on I’m joined by Kim Polinder, author of Why We Fight, for a conversation about feeling unheard, getting defensive, offering advice too quickly, and what happens when one partner is still trying to be understood while the other is already trying to move forward. Sometimes the fight gets bigger not because the original problem was huge, but because you still do not feel understood. Listen to Why You Get Angrier When Your Partner Tries to Fix the Problem and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, conflict, communication, and feeling understood. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ https://kimpolinder.com Why We Fight: A Transformative Road Map to Healing Conflict in Any Relationship CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  5. Aug 18

    Are You Talking Your Sex Life to Death? Why Trying to Fix It Can Kill Desire

    In relationships, talking about sex is supposed to bring you closer. But when the same conversation keeps happening and nothing changes, sex can start to feel more like pressure than intimacy. One of you feels rejected. The other feels evaluated. And eventually even affection can start carrying the weight of what might happen next. In this episode: Why “I want more sex” can land as “you’re failing me” What happens when the same sex conversation keeps repeating Why kissing, touching, and flirting can start to feel loaded When date night becomes the same relationship dynamic in a nicer setting What a sex conversation needs to produce if it is actually going to help I’m joined by Jordyn Hakes, host of The Horny Housewife, for a candid conversation about mismatched desire, sexual pressure, resentment, affection, and what happens when trying harder starts making intimacy feel even harder. Sometimes the problem isn’t that you’re avoiding the conversation. It’s that the conversation itself has become part of the problem. Listen to Are You Talking Your Sex Life to Death? Why Trying to Fix It Can Kill Desire and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, sex, desire, intimacy, and emotional connection. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ www.TheHornyHousewifePodcast.com CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  6. Aug 11

    Why You Read Into Everything Your Partner Does — And How to Stop

    In relationships, a short text, flat tone, or delayed reply can start to feel like evidence that something is wrong. Nothing may have actually happened yet—but your mind has already filled in the blank. You start replaying the moment. Your mood changes. And before long, you are reacting to an interpretation your partner may not even recognize. In this episode: Why ambiguous behavior can quickly start to feel personal How suspicious questions can change the mood between you Why reassurance may calm you briefly without actually making you feel safer How to test whether your questioning is protecting you—or only relieving anxiety What to practice instead when there is no real evidence that something is wrong Dr. Darcy breaks down reassurance-seeking, suspicion, and the difference between information that helps you see clearly and fear that makes you feel more in control. Because the hardest part may not be stopping the first negative thought. It may be learning not to treat that thought like proof. Listen to Why You Read Into Everything Your Partner Does — And How to Stop and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, trust, reassurance, and emotional safety. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.  ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  7. Aug 4

    Too Picky or Avoiding Another Bad Relationship? How to Tell Without Settling

    Dating after a painful relationship can make every standard feel urgent. You want better relationships—but you may not know whether you are choosing carefully or protecting yourself from getting hurt again. You meet someone kind, consistent, and emotionally available. Nothing is obviously wrong. And still, you start looking for the reason it will not work. In this episode: Why calm can feel less convincing than chemistry How “good on paper” can still leave you unsure When a preference is protecting a real need How flexibility differs from slowly training yourself to need less What to examine before ruling someone out or staying too long Dr. Darcy breaks down dating standards, attraction, emotional availability, self-protection, and the difference between compromise and self-abandonment. Because sometimes leaving protects your self-respect. And sometimes it protects you from discovering that healthy love does not feel like your old pattern. Listen to Too Picky or Avoiding Another Bad Relationship? How to Tell Without Settling and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, dating standards, attraction, and emotional safety. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

  8. Jul 28

    My Partner Has a “Friend.” Is It Jealousy—or Is It Crossing a Line?

    A close friendship can become one of the most destabilizing things in relationships when you cannot tell whether you are feeling insecure—or noticing something real. Your partner has history with this person, access you do not have, and a bond that can make you feel like the third person in your own relationship. You start watching more closely. Asking more questions. Trying to find the answer that will finally tell you whether you are safe—or being played. In this episode: Why reassurance can lead to even more questions What it feels like to become the plus-one to your partner’s friendship Which behaviors may actually signal that a line is being crossed When jealousy starts turning the friendship into the center of your relationship The question to ask before confronting your partner again Dr. Darcy breaks down relationship jealousy, close friendships, emotional boundaries, reassurance-seeking, trust, and the difference between paying attention and building a case. Because the hardest part may not be knowing whether the friendship is harmless. It may be knowing whether you can trust what you are seeing. Listen to My Partner Has a “Friend.” Is It Jealousy—or Is It Crossing a Line? and follow We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more conversations about relationships, jealousy, trust, and emotional boundaries. REFERENCES/RESOURCES ⁠Monmouth Plastic Surgery⁠ ⁠⁠www.alternativescounseling.com⁠ jealousyquiz.com CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    ⁠DISCLAIMER⁠ ⁠Instagram:@drdarcysterling ⁠ ⁠Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling⁠ ⁠Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  ⁠ X⁠:@DrDarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠YouTube:@DarcySterling   ⁠ ⁠Threads:@drdarcysterling⁠ ⁠Watch this episode here on YouTube. ⁠

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4.8
out of 5
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About

The strengths that make you capable and successful can also sabotage your relationships. On We Need To Talk, Dr. Darcy Sterling helps you see where independence, honesty, high standards, and self-control start working against you in love. Each week, Dr. Darcy helps you take responsibility for the part that is yours—without taking responsibility for the whole relationship. If you are successful in most areas of life but do not like who you become in your closest relationships, this show is for you.

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