Infidelity, Sexless & Tough Conversations | The Paradox of Change Podcast

Elliot, Fifi, Lottie
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We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.Meet Your Guides:Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationshipsLottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketingWhat You'll Discover:•⁠  ⁠How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery•⁠  ⁠Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust•⁠  ⁠Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication•⁠  ⁠Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development•⁠  ⁠Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting•⁠  ⁠Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationshipsOur Philosophy:Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.Content You Can Expect:•⁠  ⁠Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts•⁠  ⁠Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie•⁠  ⁠Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise•⁠  ⁠"I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together•⁠  ⁠Real stories of resilience and recovery•⁠  ⁠Practical tools you can use immediatelyWhether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth! https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

  1. 5h ago

    Why You Feel Like a Stranger to the Person You Love | POC 52

    What happens when the person you love stops making you feel like you exist? That quiet erosion can turn into anxiety, resentment, control, and a relationship that looks intact from the outside but feels deeply lonely on the inside. 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...] Here, we talk about the heart of relational pain: having your existence acknowledged. The speakers unpack how couples slide from intimacy into distance, how resentment turns into revenge behaviours, and why competitiveness, contempt, and emotional immaturity can make partners feel more like strangers than lovers. You’ll discover: Why “fitting in” is not the same as belonging How resentment silently rewires the way couples treat each other The difference between vulnerability and being emotionally unsafe How childhood attachment patterns show up in adult relationships Why secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachment styles matter more than most people realise Chapters 00:00 — What does it mean not to exist in a relationship? 00:39 — Why “having my existence acknowledged” resonates 01:11 — Fitting in versus belonging 01:56 — From devaluation to erosion over time 02:45 — Resentment as the first erosion point 03:26 — Immaturity and making someone else responsible for your pain 04:05 — What vulnerability really means in relationships 05:28 — How competitiveness turns couples into rivals 06:20 — Family of origin and sibling dynamics in adult conflict 07:29 — Belonging as safety and the roots of vulnerability 07:58 — Attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized 09:13 — Why familiar wounds get replayed in adult partnerships 10:43 — Psychoeducation instead of blame 11:36 — Both people can be unhappy, even when only one feels unseen 12:04 — Communication only works when safety exists first 12:51 — What chronic non-acknowledgment does to self-worth 14:04 — Waiting for permission to live again 15:23 — The “I before we” principle 16:04 — Why not every refusal to apologize is narcissism 17:35 — Labels, traits, and the sliding scale of behavior 18:25 — Lost passion, isolation, and seeking novelty instead of depth 19:18 — Limerence, fun, and the absence of responsibility 20:08 — How to start a hard conversation without blame 21:30 — Using empathy to prevent escalation and shutdown 22:20 — Control as a response to being let down 23:34 — Equality, safety, and why significance matters 24:46 — Looking at the evidence and asking for needs to be met 25:16 — Why vulnerability can feel dangerous when trust is low Key Takeaways Feeling acknowledged is a core relationship need. A person can feel profoundly unseen even when their partner is physically present. Repeated dismissal, silence, or contempt can erode their sense of mattering. Unspoken resentment often becomes retaliation. Swallowed grievances can surface as withholding, dismissal, or keeping score. Addressing smaller hurts early may prevent them from hardening into a cycle. Attachment patterns can shape conflict. Secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized patterns may influence how people respond to closeness and disagreement. Recognizing those patterns can help shift the focus from blame to understanding. Competitiveness makes partners opponents. When being right or winning takes priority, connection and repair suffer. Moving toward mutual understanding is different from simply giving in. Control may be connected to fear. A need to manage everything can arise from expecting to be let down. Understanding the fear beneath a behavior can help reveal the dynamic both partners are experiencing. Self-responsibility matters in relationships. Waiting for a partner to restore your joy or worth can leave you feeling stuck. The conversation emphasizes caring for yourself while building a partnership. Safety comes before vulnerability. “Just communicate” may not work when honesty feels risky or is met with anger. People need enough emotional safety to speak openly and listen without escalating. ───────────────────────────── THE PARADOX OF CHANGE 2 Therapists. 1 Honest Conversation. We believe there has to be an I before the We. ───────────────────────────── 📝 Take the Assessment: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questi... 📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 📱 Follow us: Instagram: [  / theparadoxofchange  ] Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...] 🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com 🌐 Other ways to connect with us: Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout... Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange #sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #couplestherapy https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

  2. Sep 28

    The Reality of Living in a Sexless Partnership | The Comments POC 51

    Real listener comments on sexless marriage reveal the pain of feeling unseen. Let's unpack the silence in relationships. Therapists Elliot and Lottie read real audience reflections to explore why intimacy issues often stem from repeated rejection and unmet needs. This conversation addresses the hope gap where one partner expects change while the other remains silent, and how this dynamic can lead to a sense of betrayal in long-term partnerships. His Mindset & Her Mindset matter! We examine the complex reality of physical and emotional disconnection, covering factors from medical issues to the impact of mental load. By understanding these relationship therapy insights, you can learn to navigate the pain of being shut out and find new ways to communicate honestly about your needs for emotional connection. Key topics Elliot and Lottie discuss a listener’s desire for non-sexual touch, connecting it to the need for affection, acknowledgement, and feeling seen. They explore the “hope gap”: one partner keeps expecting change while the other may have no intention of following through. They talk about how repeated rejection can lead a partner to shut down, making later repair feel too late. They examine why a sexless marriage can feel like infidelity when one partner feels excluded from intimacy and the other stays silent. A comment about a 22-year marriage raises questions about pain, foreplay, and whether both partners are genuinely in agreement. The hosts explain how relationship dynamics—including criticism, stonewalling, and mental load—can affect sex and arousal. They discuss medical and relational factors that can contribute to sexual difficulties, including erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, vaginismus, atrophy, and menopause. A listener who feels “too old to start all over again” prompts a conversation about long-term unmet needs and the ties that can keep couples together. They consider why being given permission to seek sex outside a relationship can feel like a trap, a rejection, or a way of avoiding responsibility. Timestamps: 00:00 - Opening on the meaning behind the comments and why they matter 02:19 - A listener wants touch, not just sex, and the need to feel significant 04:07 - How repeated rejection can look like infidelity in slow motion 06:17 - The “hope gap” in a 22-year sexless marriage 09:49 - How sexual shutdown can have different causes 11:50 - The car analogy and the grief of losing what the relationship used to be 16:09 - Why untreated health issues become relationship issues 21:00 - The sadness of realizing intimacy may have been duty, not desire 24:04 - Why repair, oxytocin, and intentional touch can matter after rupture 27:08 - A 70-year-old listener says sexlessness is dimming her personality 28:57 - The dilemma of being told to find sex outside the marriage 33:27 - A request for help understanding men trapped in sexless marriages 37:13 - Small changes, vulnerability, trust, and speaking without weaponization 40:09 - Closing thanks for the comments and acknowledgement of how heavy the topic is 📝 Take the Relationship Assessment TEST: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questi... 📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 📱 Follow us: Instagram: [  / theparadoxofchange  ] Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...] 🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com 🌐 Other ways to connect with us: Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout... Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange #sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #couplestherapy How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

  3. Sep 14

    His Bills. Her Load. No Sex. Who Is Right?

    We unpack why the “mental load” debate hits so hard in a sexless marriage, and why one partner’s silence is not the absence of responsibility. She often carries the micro load: noticing, planning, remembering, anticipating what might go wrong. He often carries the macro load: work, money, safety, the pressure he never names. Both can be anxious. Both can feel unseen. And when criticism, control, and withdrawal take over, intimacy has nowhere to land. This episode is not about picking a villain. It is about the cycle: she anticipates he will forget → she takes over → he feels controlled → he withdraws → she resents him more → trust erodes → the bedroom goes quiet. If you have ever thought “I do everything” or “I can never get it right,” this conversation is for you. ⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Cold open: the cycle that kills closeness 0:36 Why “mental load” hit a nerve in our comments 1:00 What mental load actually means 3:49 Is the mental load also control? 5:18 Anxiety, perfection, and the self-perpetuating load 8:00 Criticism, withdrawal, and why he shuts down 10:14 Projection and the suitcase trap 13:48 His load too: work, money, safety, silence 18:41 What this has to do with a sexless relationship 19:10 The trust cycle behind no intimacy 20:03 Vulnerability (and when it backfires) 21:18 Be kind: the 10-minute reset 23:00 Boundaries without control 24:31 Sponsor: OurBiz 25:10 “Who asked you to hold all of that?” 29:00 Micro load vs macro load (both are real) 30:41 Make it a joint project, not her project 33:13 Two questions that change the dynamic 34:24 The chore list (so therapy can go deeper) 36:05 Control, safety, and why the bedroom goes quiet 42:21 Relationship MOT / check-ins 44:26 Chores, pleasure, and getting back on the list 46:53 The two questions + comment CTA 🔑 In this episode • Mental load vs silent responsibility • Why criticism kills contribution • Macro load (bills, work, safety) vs micro load (details, planning) • How resentment blocks sex and tenderness • Shared lists, chore agreements, and relationship check-ins • Bringing pleasure back when anxiety runs the home 📝 Take the Assessment: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questi... 📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 📱 Follow us: Instagram: [  / theparadoxofchange  ] Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...] 🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com 🌐 Other ways to connect with us: Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout... Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange #sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #couplestherapy #mentalload #relationshipadvice #deadbedroom #marriageadvice #intimacy #couplestherapy https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

  4. Sep 14

    Can an Affair Be Understandable in a Sexless Marriage? A Therapist Deep Dive

    Can infidelity be wrong but understandable is a complex question that therapist Elliot Burgess and Lottie Passell-Syms delve into in this deep dive discussion. For men in a sexless marriage, the lack of intimacy can lead to emotional disconnection and touch deprivation, also known as skin hunger. This can have a profound effect on the husband, leading to feelings of rejection and low libido. In some cases, this can even lead to infidelity, as individuals may seek physical connection and intimacy outside of the marriage. However, cheating is not always a straightforward issue, and couples therapy can help to address the underlying issues, such as forced celibacy and sexual rejection, that may be contributing to the problem. Marriage counselling can provide a safe space to explore these issues and work towards rebuilding intimacy and connection in the relationship. By examining the complexities of infidelity and its relationship to sexless marriages, Elliot Burgess and Lottie Passell-Syms offer valuable insights and relationship advice for men and women navigating these challenging issues. Their discussion sheds light on the importance of addressing emotional disconnection, low libido, and touch deprivation in marriages, and provides guidance on how to overcome these problems and cultivate a more fulfilling and intimate relationship. 00:00 Introduction to the relationship dynamic 00:55 Can an affair be wrong but understandable? 02:04 Why couples need listening, not just strategies 04:02 Reconnecting after years of disconnection 06:25 From blame and shame to a couple problem 08:16 The “three A’s”: aggression, agenda, attitude 09:54 The importance of slowing conversations down 11:33 Understanding the shock of infidelity 14:59 Consistency, accountability, and repair 16:24 Differentiation: becoming an “I” again 19:29 “I love you, but I didn’t sign up for this” 21:12 Why hope gaps stay open for years 22:36 Pursuer and avoidant dynamics explained 27:22 Abuse, punishment, and responsibility in relationships 29:38 Two voices, two choices, and the truth process 35:03 Having hard conversations before betrayal 36:09 Attachment styles and childhood wounds 43:57 Why disconnection often happens long before an affair 45:38 One small shift can change the relationship 46:58 The hardest conversations in therapy 49:47 Viewer comments and relationship expectations 53:25 Attachment styles made simple 57:18 Rebuilding after betrayal and finding the “I” and “we” again 58:13 Why therapy goes deeper than quick AI answers 59:41 Final listener feedback and closing thoughts Key Takeaways An affair can be wrong and still have deeper relational causes worth understanding. Infidelity is often a couple problem, not just an individual problem. Listening properly is essential; many couples are talking but not truly hearing each other. Long-term disconnection, criticism, and withdrawal often build up long before betrayal happens. Healing requires consistency, accountability, and honest repair from both people. Differentiation matters: each person needs to know who they are as an “I,” not only as part of a “we.” Pursuer/avoidant dynamics can keep relationships stuck in painful cycles. Hard conversations about intimacy, desire, and expectations need to happen before things break down. Attachment styles from childhood can strongly shape adult relationship patterns. Therapy helps couples slow down, understand the root cause, and decide whether repair is possible. 📝 Take the Assessment: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questionnaire (UPDATED) 📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 📱 Follow us: Instagram: [  / theparadoxofchange  ] Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...] 🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com 🌐 Other ways to connect with us: Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout... Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange #sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #couplestherapy https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange Get vidIQ to grow your channel faster! 🚀 https://vidiq.com/TheParadoxofChan How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

  5. Jul 12

    The Comments That Stopped Us In Our Tracks | SEXLESS MARRIAGE POC47

    You responded to our last few episodes about Sexless Relationships, in a way we didn't expect. Thousands of comments. Hundreds of stories. Some of them stopped us mid-session.This week, Elliot and Lottie sit down to read and respond to YOUR comments - the ones that were raw, unfiltered, and at times, devastating. Men who have been living in sexless marriages for 10, 20, even 30 years. Women reflecting on their own role in the breakdown. People asking the question they've never been able to ask out loud.We respond as therapists.  Honestly. Without judgment. In this episode: Why "you get what you tolerate" cuts deeper than it sounds The difference between guilt and shame in intimate rejection When infidelity becomes the conversation a couple never had What it means for a man when sex becomes a transaction How one person changing can shift the entire relationship dynamic The question that changes everything: "Who have I become in this relationship?" This is not a blame episode. This is not a fix-your-partner episode. This is a real conversation about what happens to good people inside broken intimacy dynamics - and what the path forward actually looks like.Leave a comment below. We read every single one.Subscribe for new episodes every week. 3 Therapists. 1 Honest Conversation.Watch POC 46 - She Wants Everything But Gives Nothing: THE PARADOX OF CHANGE 3 Therapists. 1 Honest Conversation. We believe there has to be an I before the We. Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/ ⁨@theparadoxofchange⁩  CHAPTERS 00:00 The Comments That Stopped Us 00:35 Why We're Reading Your Comments Live 01:51 "Men Need More Than Just Sex" - Mike's Comment 03:29 "She Made Me Feel Like a Sex Pest in My Own Marriage" 04:22 Guilt vs Shame - What's the Difference? 06:09 "I Lost Her and All My Friends in a Single Minute" 10:00 How to Set a Boundary Without Showing Weakness 12:16 "Never Forgive a Cheater" - Zero Tolerance vs Reality 14:31 When You Stop Wanting Sex With Your Own Partner 16:19 Dissolve or Evolve - Therapy as the Decision Point 17:55 "I Want Sex - But Not With You" 21:42 If She Takes Sex Off the Table, What Happens to Monogamy? 25:00 "The Sexless Is Literally Killing Me" - 30 Years 27:20 You Get What You Tolerate - Who Have You Become? 31:44 The Female Perspective - Trauma, Shame and Blockage 34:23 "Who Have I Become in This Relationship?" 36:43 Height, Self-Worth and the 5'7" Speech 39:32 "She Let Herself Go" - Is Physical Attraction an Excuse? 40:27 It Only Takes ONE Person to Change a Relationship 42:23 Subscribe and See You Next Episode 📝 Take the Relationship Assessment TEST: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questi... 📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 📱 Follow us: Instagram: [  / theparadoxofchange  ] Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...] 🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com 🌐 Other ways to connect with us: Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout... Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange #sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #couplestherapy https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

    The Comments That Stopped Us In Our Tracks | SEXLESS MARRIAGE POC47

  6. Jul 7

    Is she pulling away, but wants ALL the benefits? Hits different when you're a Therapist!

    We explore the painful reality of "forced celibacy" and the emotional distance that often precedes a sexless relationship. Using a classic scene from American Beauty as a jumping-off point, we discuss how couples often lose their connection to each other long before the intimacy stops. You may also like our last episode: https://youtu.be/_qCEI1ONAPw We dive into the complex reasons why individuals might stay in a relationship that has lost its spark—whether it's for the comfort of the lifestyle, the home, or the fear of starting over. Most importantly, we talk about how to bridge that gap through "safety" in communication, sensate focus, and reclaiming your own identity within the partnership. In this video, you’ll learn: Why "freedom to touch" is the foundation of reconnection. The dangers of "negative reassurance" from friends and social groups. How competitive behaviors and "death by a thousand cuts" ruin intimacy. Practical steps to move from surviving to thriving in your relationship. Chapters 00:00 - The "American Beauty" Scene: When the couch becomes more important than the partner. 00:48 - What is disengagement? Reevaluating the desire to reconnect.  01:34 - Forced Celibacy: Living in a sexless relationship for the wrong reasons.  02:14 - The Pain of Restricted Touch: When a back rub feels like a reprimand.  03:22 - The Freedom to Touch: Creating safety before intimacy.  04:18 - Offering Solutions, Not Just Negatives: How to ask for what you need.  05:01 - Investing in Relationships: Moving past the cycle of resentment.  06:46 - The Human Connection: Why we stay in "purgatory."  07:28 - The Evolution of Change: Why your needs at 20 aren't your needs at 40.  08:35 - Deep Dive: Seeking benefits without the connection.  09:55 - Intimacy First: Eye gazing, hand-holding, and rebuilding arousal.  11:18 - Death by a Thousand Cuts: The "Ratchet" effect on relationships.  12:51 - The Loyalty Gap: Why talking to friends can sometimes make things worse.  14:14 - How Men vs. Women Process Emotional Depth.  16:44 - The Role of Trust: Identifying "High Libido vs. Low Libido" scripts.  20:44 - Character Assassination: When contempt enters the room.  22:15 - The Willingness to Repair: Can your relationship be saved?  23:51 - Competition in Relationships: Why two winners don't make a right.  26:35 - Curiosity vs. Defensiveness: Slowing down the triggers.  27:26 - Respect and the "Man Cave": Where do men fit in the modern home?  28:40 - Reassurance and Monogamy: Navigating inconsistent affection.  30:30 - Infidelity and Emasculation: Taking accountability for the shutdown.  32:44 - Diversifying Intimacy: Using Tantra and novelty to liven things up.  35:10 - Shifting the Dynamic: What happens when one partner starts to change? 📺 Watch an earlier Walk and Talk (POC 43): https://youtu.be/_qCEI1ONAPw to Ep 43] 📝 Take the Assessment: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questionnaire 📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetTherapy] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 📱 Follow us: Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/theparadoxofchange/] Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout.com/] 🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com 🌐 Other ways to connect with us: Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout.com Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 💬 Community Question: Many of you have shared that intimacy didn't just 'stop' overnight, it was a slow fade. Looking back, what was the very first sign you noticed that the emotional connection was starting to drift? Was it a lack of touch, a change in how you talked, or something else?" Let us know in the comments below! ⬇️ #sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #affairrecovery #intimacy #marriageadvice #therapist #communication #theparadoxofchange #deadbedroom #skinhuger How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

  7. Jul 5

    No SEX but wants ALL the Marriage benefits? | A Therapists DeepDive

    If sex is off the table but the loyalty, the dinners, the emotional  availability are still expected - something in your relationship has  fundamentally broken down. And nobody is talking about it honestly. In this episode, therapists Elliot and Lottie go deep on one of the  most painful dynamics in modern marriage: when one partner pulls away  from intimacy but still wants all the benefits. This is Part 2. Watch  Episode 45 first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beKbh19gICw&feature=youtu.be What we cover in this episode: - Why she pulls away - and what she's actually moving toward - The psychological impact of forced celibacy on a man's self-esteem,    confidence, and identity - Why removing sex without conversation is a form of control - The six types of intimacy - and why when sex leaves, emotional    connection walks out with it - Skin hunger, touch deprivation, and what chronic rejection does to    the body and mind - Why "it's my body, my choice" needs a conversation behind it - What the I before We principle looks like when you're stuck in a    sexless marriage - How to stop chasing the why and start navigating toward a real answer 00:00 Opening: the core conflict 00:59 Why sex gets removed from the relationship 04:12 Hidden influences, roles, and unmet needs 06:12 Silence, control, and emotional damage 08:22 Rejection, grief, and transactional dynamics 11:45 What intimacy really means 16:56 Relationship creeds, reviews, and growth 21:09 Men’s fear, boundaries, and self-respect 30:09 Why the “why” matters less than the response 33:07 Men’s needs, masculinity, and accountability 36:20 Closing: safety, vitality, and connection This isn't a takedown of women or a validation of bitterness. It is  three therapists having the honest conversation that nobody in your  life is willing to have with you. If this resonated, tell us in the comments. We read every single one. ───────────────────────────── THE PARADOX OF CHANGE 3 Therapists. 1 Honest Conversation. We believe there has to be an I before the We. Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/@TheParadoxofChange ───────────────────────────── 📝 Take the Assessment: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Questi... 📖 Knowledge Article: https://theparadoxofchange.com/Knowledge 📌 Work with us: Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange 📱 Follow us: Instagram: [  / theparadoxofchange  ] Podcast: [https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout...] 🤝 Sponsor: This episode is supported by www.ourbizz.com 🌐 Other ways to connect with us: Book Therapy with Elliot, Lottie or Fi & Access Resources: https://theparadoxofchange.com Listen to the Podcast: https://theparadoxofchange.buzzsprout... Follow on Instagram: @theparadoxofchange Explore All Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange #sexlessmarriage #relationshipadvice #couplestherapy How to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

  8. Jul 4

    I Want Sex but NOT with YOU | Deep Dive POC 44 - Audio

    This video is about POC 44 I Want Sex but NOT with YOU | Deep DiveHow to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

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About

We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.Meet Your Guides:Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationshipsLottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketingWhat You'll Discover:•⁠  ⁠How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery•⁠  ⁠Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust•⁠  ⁠Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication•⁠  ⁠Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development•⁠  ⁠Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting•⁠  ⁠Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationshipsOur Philosophy:Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.Content You Can Expect:•⁠  ⁠Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts•⁠  ⁠Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie•⁠  ⁠Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise•⁠  ⁠"I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together•⁠  ⁠Real stories of resilience and recovery•⁠  ⁠Practical tools you can use immediatelyWhether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth! https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

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