In this episode, we explore what happens when the people closest to you start treating your autonomy like something they get a vote on. A woman becomes alarmed after learning that her boyfriend secretly put Benadryl in her drink before an eight-hour road trip because he wanted her to sleep rather than argue with him—an admission that takes on even more troubling dimensions alongside his efforts to control where she stays, whether she works, and her financial independence. As she begins to recognize the larger pattern behind what happened, the story becomes about much more than one tampered drink: it’s about coercive control, isolation, bodily autonomy, and the danger that can come with trying to reclaim it. Then, a man estranged from his family is asked to get tested as a kidney donor for his critically ill sister—the same sister who knowingly married the high-school bully who relentlessly targeted him after he was outed. Years of hurt suddenly collide with an urgent medical need, leaving one exceptionally complicated question on the operating table: does being family ever entitle someone to a piece of your body? — One commenter, Ebbie45, also shared important safety planning information for anyone leaving an abusive relationship: Ebbie45: OP, I don’t want to alarm you or overwhelm you, but in all honesty, the period after leaving an abusive relationship is one of pretty great risk, so please consider taking some of the following steps to protect yourself. This is because when the victimized partner leaves, the abuser feels that they are losing power over them, and they may escalate in some way to attempt to regain the power. You’ve taken some really great first steps, and kudos to you for doing so. Preserving evidence/documentation: If at all possible, you should cut contact with him to the fullest extent. Take screenshots of every message he sends you; document every date/time/detail of incidents, such as him coming by your house. Informing loved ones of potential stalking: Make sure your mom, brother, and any other houses or people whom he might contact are aware to be on the lookout for him if he shows up. Instruct them to call the police if he shows up at their places. Ask them to screenshot any messages he sends them also and to not respond. Requesting a police escort: You may be able to request a police escort to retrieve your belongings from his house, if this is an option in your location. However, ideally the police would be able to retrieve them for you without you present, and ideally he would not be present either. Safety planning: Please be careful about this. Leaving an abusive relationship is a time of heightened danger. Consider putting together one of the safety plans from Go Ask Rose*. Scroll to the “first 24 hours after leaving” safety plan and work from there. Do not assume that meeting in public will be safe, or safer. It is not. When an abuser feels that they have lost control over the victim, they may escalate. Documentation: The DocuSAFE app, developed by the National Network to End Domestic Violence, is an evidence collection app that allows survivors to document and store information about the abuse. Survivors can document abuse by logging individual incidents, including any photos, screenshots, or video documentation of threatening messages, harassing social media posts, unwanted repeat calls, or online impersonation, among other abusive behaviors. Only use this app if it is safe to do so. Orders for protection: Consider using any evidence you have to file for an order for protection. You can ask a domestic abuse advocate to assist you. Here is an international directory of domestic violence agencies. In addition, Women’s Law offers plain-language information about orders for protection and what they may entail, depending on location. Tech safety: Some suggestions — get a new phone and number. Disable location services. Consider using a secure messaging platform such as Signal instead of text for awhile. Ensure that your device storage is encrypted. See if you can switch your computer, if you have one, to Linux. * Editor’s Note: The Go Ask Rose website referenced in Ebbie45's comment is now defunct. For current safety planning resources, The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers an online tool to help individuals create a personalized safety plan. Send us Fan Mail Share your confessions with us on our website or on Instagram.
