Immersion

Pamela Carey
  • 5.0 (10)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

Immersion is a psychology podcast for curious people interested in how we live, what shapes us, and what we can change. We take an idea that gets repeated but rarely examined and look at what’s underneath it. That might mean what contempt does to a relationship, how photographing everything affects our memory, or what Sartre and Frankl each had to say about purpose. We pull from psychology, philosophy, history, and culture (and from guests who know more than I do). We stay with the complicated parts instead of rushing toward a tidy answer, then bring it back to something you can actually use. Sometimes we follow one larger theme (like self-worth, choices, or community) across a series of episodes. Topics include relationships, trauma and healing, identity, decision-making, existentialist philosophy, language, and the larger systems that shape our lives. Got a question, story, or take? Send us a voicemail. We love hearing from you. https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey Let's dive - 30 minutes beneath the surface, every Sunday. This podcast is a production of Bounding Husky LLC doing business as Pamela Carey Enterprises Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional or licensed psychologist

  1. Sep 20

    How Do You Know If You’re Successful? (Are You Playing the Right Game?)

    If you imagine 12 people lined up and ask each of them what it means to be successful, you may be surprised to realize that almost everyone is using a different scoreboard. Even two people who are both trying to become more intelligent could have completely different ideas of what intelligence (and success within it) actually looks like. We are all running different races or playing different games, so to speak. But what game are you playing? And did you consciously choose it? In this episode, we explore the invisible rubrics we use to measure our lives: from money, achievement, intelligence and beauty to kindness, humor, connection, freedom, creativity and dozens of others. We look at how our families, cultures and environments influence what we learn to value, how those standards can become internalized, and how to distinguish between something we simply want and something we’re actually using to measure our success. We also get practical: I share questions you can use to uncover your own rubric, a long list of the many ways people define success, and some clues hiding in where your attention, energy and idle thoughts naturally go. We’ll hear from a listener about the relationship between these "scoreboards" and self-esteem, and look at how the things we choose to optimize for ultimately shape our actions and the lives we build. Because our time is finite, we can't optimize for everything. So it may be worth asking: What are you keeping score of - and is it still the game you want to be playing? Chapters:  00:00 What game are you playing? 02:05 Micro vs. macro rubrics of success 03:24 Almost no one is playing the same game 05:05 Cultural capital & internalization 07:31 How to figure out your rubric of success 11:20 Listener voicemail: Internal vs. external measures of success 15:10 The many ways we define success 20:51 Where does your mind go when you’re doing nothing? 21:28 Your sub-rubric: How your definition of success shapes your actions 24:40 Four Thousand Weeks: Finite time & what we choose to optimize for 30:37 Choosing environments that reward what you value Write in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

  2. Sep 14

    How to Organize Life Into Categories When it Feels Overwhelming

    Life can feel like a lot of moving parts. Work, relationships, health, money, creativity, family, fun - when everything is swirling around at once, it can be hard to step back and see the whole picture. For more than a decade, I’ve used a simple practice to help with this: breaking my life into categories. The categories have changed as my life has changed, but I keep coming back to the framework when I want to regroup, set goals, or simply see where things stand. In this episode, I walk through my current categories, how they’ve evolved over the years, and some other ways we might think about mapping out a life. We get into: - Is life better represented as a list, a bar graph, a pie chart—or an interconnected web? - What happens when one area of life takes up more space than the others? - Diversification vs. seasons when we intentionally prioritize certain areas - Why taking stock of our lives can be especially useful during periods of transition - How you might create a framework that makes sense for your own life And we listen to a voicemail for the show about emotions and Inside Out 2! Video version here in case it helps to see some of this! https://youtu.be/ENFyTlno5bQ Write in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

  3. Sep 6

    The 5 character structures: How childhood wounds shape our patterns (and how we heal) | Somatic therapy interview

    Today we welcome Rebecca Stone to the podcast to talk about somatic therapy - the intersection of mind, body, and emotions. I had been wanting to speak to someone with this expertise because sometimes I feel like emotions are almost “trapped” in my body, and thinking my way out feels impossible. We hear a lot about the nervous system these days, but I wanted to speak to someone who works practically at the intersection of mind and body. Rebecca teaches us about Hakomi therapy and the bioenergetics and Core Energetics models. She shares a framework of five character structures and how they can develop in childhood based on when wounding occurs, how fragmentation can affect our core beliefs, and what healing can look like as we develop greater freedom of expression and new options for responding. We also explore how these strategies map onto other frameworks we know within psychology, such as attachment theory. Throughout the episode, we also discuss how intergenerational family trauma can impact all of this. So much can be passed down across generations, and Rebecca encourages us to expand the scope beyond looking only at our parents to consider what they may have inherited themselves - whether genetically or through learned behaviors, family patterns, and experiences. Timestamps:  00:00 Somatic therapy: mind, body, and emotions 01:30 “How did personality develop to protect pain?” - and the 5 character structures 13:45 What does healing look like? “What is the core belief that perpetuates the wound?” 16:20 “If we only talk about what we know, we are not going to get anywhere” - the body and trauma 19:31 What is healing? Expanding our window of tolerance Rebecca's practice at Brooklyn Somatic Therapy: https://www.brooklynsomatictherapy.com This episode was transformative for me, and I hope it will be for you too! Thanks for tuning in, and thank you Rebecca for coming on Immersion. Write in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

  4. Aug 30

    How Do We Actually Heal From Trauma? A Psychologist on Self-Worth, Recovery & More

    I sat down with clinical psychologist Anita, who specializes in trauma work to talk about what working through trauma actually looks like, how trauma-focused therapy works, and what healing can look like in practice. Timestamps:  00:00  Meet Anita & What we cover in this episode  01:42 When Are You Ready to Work on Trauma? 03:08  What Is Trauma-Focused Therapy? 04:08  Avoidance: How Do We Avoid Looking at Trauma? 07:18  Trauma, Self-Worth & Bridging the Gap Between Knowing and Feeling 10:57  Cognitive Processing Therapy & Incremental Improvement 12:00  How Different Forms of Therapy Work Together 16:55  Corrective Experiences & Healing in Connection 18:50  How Do We Learn Who Is Safe to Trust? 22:01  How Do We Change Our Patterns? 23:57  How “The Pendulum” Shows Up in Our Patterns 25:40  What Are the Stages of Healing From Trauma? 31:05  What Is Trauma? What Is PTSD? 34:07  Stepping Away From Comparative Suffering: “Your Pain Is Your Pain” 35:39  Integrating Fragmented Memories & Building a Narrative of Our Lives 38:36  Moving Between the Stages: Healing Isn’t Linear 41:10  The Back and Forth Between Therapy & Life 42:00  What to Expect in Therapy If You’ve Never Been 43:04  Why Is Therapy a One-Sided Relationship? Referenced in this episode: Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT): https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments/cognitive-processing-therapy Anita's practice is currently full, but if anything changes, I will link more about her work here! Content note: This episode includes non-graphic discussion of trauma, PTSD, and abuse. Write in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

  5. Aug 23

    How to make your life feel bigger & more alive (When your routine has become a rut)

    How do we make our lives feel fuller, more alive, and packed with meaningful memories? Often we stick to the same routine - watching the same shows or scrolling the same apps - even if we would rather be at a book reading by a local author, jumping in to dance at a free salsa class, or taking part in a board game meetup group. It can be hard to know about the vast array of events happening in our cities and towns, and it can also be hard to then make ourselves go to them (assuming we even have the time or bandwidth to begin with). Here I want to lighten the load a little by giving ideas for how to find these events, and also dive into why they matter so much for our growth, creativity, community, and sense of possibility. In this episode we: Look at how seeking out new experiences can help with career success, including a few ideas from the book RangeExamine what we are really after - because often it is not simply “music” or “comedy,” but a sense of wonder, play, sensory experiences, physicality, or something else entirelyAcknowledge the privilege involved in being able to have this conversation, and explore ways to seek out new experiences within our current constraintsDive into the myriad ways these experiences can benefit us, from new ways of thinking and increased compassion, to better stories, a sense that time is slowing down, and feeling more alive and full of zest for lifeShare many thoughts on community specifically - which is such a big part of this, because we are getting out of the house and spending time with other humans!Timestamps:  00:00 How to make your life feel bigger 02:04 What are you looking for? Finding the right experiences for you 05:38 What’s stopping us from actually doing these things? 09:32 This is a no-guilt approach to making your life bigger 10:16 How to find things to do near you—and actually go 21:52 Why novelty, community, and this kind growth matter 30:34 More thoughts on community specifically Resources and potential follow up episodes:  How time slows down with novel experiences: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/17926814How to build community: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/16532349Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World book by David Epstein referenced The Artist's Way book / course by Julia Cameron referencedQuick relevant article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happy-trails/201607/activation-energy-how-it-keeps-happiness-distanceWrite in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

  6. Aug 16

    The Most Dangerous Emotion in Connection: The Psychology of Contempt

    Contempt is one of the most damaging emotions in human connection - but what exactly is it, and why can it be so difficult to let go of? In this episode of Immersion, we explore the walls that are often built between ourselves and others, sometimes unspoken and sometimes maintained for decades. These walls can form between people in romantic relationships, workplaces, the political arena, group dynamics, and even within our relationship to ourselves. Some psychologists suggest that contempt doesn’t simply go away on its own - it persists unless we begin to break down the walls that keep us separated. So today, we’re asking: What are these walls made of? Finally, we explore how contempt can often be an attempt to get out in front of pain - to protect ourselves before we can be hurt. I hope this episode helps you dive deeper into the ways we can find healing through connection. I’d love to hear what you think. 00:00 The most dangerous emotion in human connection: contempt 00:44 What is contempt? An example 02:40 How different psychologists define contempt: primary vs. secondary emotions 05:13 When is contempt likely to occur? 7:00 Criticism vs. contempt 07:25 It’s not about if we have conflict, but how we have conflict 08:04 Why this emotion is so dangerous: resentment, walls, and disengagement 09:24 What does contempt look like? 10:20 Why doesn’t contempt just go away? 12:13 Group dynamics and contempt 15:29 Contempt directed at the self 16:44 Action steps and hope Resources:  - Paul Ekman on contempt: https://www.paulekman.com/universal-emotions/what-is-contempt/ - Vanessa Van Edwards speaking about contempt on The Psychology of Relationships podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-psychology-of-relationships/id1852111386?i=1000777054616 - The Gottman Institute on Contempt https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/ - Psychology today article quoted for group dynamics part: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-intergroup-conflict-and-reconciliation/202204/a-devil-in-disguise-how - Terry Real quote on contempt directed outwards vs inwards https://www.youtube.com/shorts/vgWJvcxZvxU Write in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

  7. Aug 9

    Do the 5 Love Languages Actually Work?

    Are the love languages actually still a useful tool in 2026? The original 5 Love Languages book was published by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992, but the framework is still talked about today - from long-term relationships to first dates and everything in between. In this episode, we take a nuanced look at the love languages and ask: What are the 5 Love Languages?What are the strengths and limitations of this framework?What is Truity’s updated version, the 7 Love Styles?What does the research actually say?What are some practical ways to apply these ideas in your relationships?How might the framework apply to friendships, family relationships, and other connections?What can we learn from other people’s experiences with the love languages? And, ultimately, how useful do I think this framework is?I also share some thoughts and tips I heard from people in my life when I brought up the love languages with them. Timestamps:  00:00 What we will cover 00:30 What are the 5 love languages? 02:49 A common complaint about these in the modern world 04:58 How this can look more specifically: examples to get more clear (physical touch and intellectual connection) 10:08 Does this apply in dating? Do people have the same love language they like to give and receive? 12:28 Digging into why this specific need or gesture matters to you 13:59 The 7 love styles by Truity 18:43 How might this apply to many relationships? (not only romantic ones!) 22:19 Does this change over time? 23:31 Action steps - making a list of how you want to receive your love language: specific actions 25:43 Rating this framework: what does the research say, and what are the limitations? 29:51 Are you able to receive your favorite love language? Resources:  Love Languages Quiz: To take the original love languages quiz.Truity’s 7 Love Styles Test: Truity’s updated framework for thinking about how we give and receive love.Related Podcast Episode - Psychology of Relationships hosted by Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, this is an episode featuring Molly Owens discussing the love stylesResearch Mentioned in the Episode by Sharon M Flicker and Flavia Sancier-BarbosaWrite in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

  8. Aug 2

    When Your Identity Becomes a Cage: How to Hold Your Story Lightly (Part 3)

    How do we balance our past experiences and tendencies with the freedom of who we can become? In this episode, part 3 of a mini-series on identity and self-concept, we explore how psychology and philosophy can help us use identity as a tool, without becoming trapped by the story we tell ourselves about who we are. In this episode, we discuss: The Zen concept of “selfing”Why we should not mistake the map for the territoryCBT principles and cognitive restructuring for examining our thoughts and beliefsA lesson from Atomic Habits on using identity to support behavior changeHow to develop a flexible sense of self while still maintaining a strong sense of who you are Mentioned in this episode:  Part 1 of this series through the lens of psychology: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/19515584Part 2 of this series on identity through the lens of philosophy: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/19551982Full Relationship to the self series playlist on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPJBR0a3Yz6vsH5TkuPFtd2b7YgbL11OGEpisode on The Artist's Way: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/14926488And the "selfing" post I was quoting from was by https://www.instagram.com/saragottfriedmd/?hl=en and https://www.instagram.com/elenabrower/Write in to the show here Leave a voice message here Newsletter sign up YouTube - channel  Instagram - we will be posting here soon

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About

Immersion is a psychology podcast for curious people interested in how we live, what shapes us, and what we can change. We take an idea that gets repeated but rarely examined and look at what’s underneath it. That might mean what contempt does to a relationship, how photographing everything affects our memory, or what Sartre and Frankl each had to say about purpose. We pull from psychology, philosophy, history, and culture (and from guests who know more than I do). We stay with the complicated parts instead of rushing toward a tidy answer, then bring it back to something you can actually use. Sometimes we follow one larger theme (like self-worth, choices, or community) across a series of episodes. Topics include relationships, trauma and healing, identity, decision-making, existentialist philosophy, language, and the larger systems that shape our lives. Got a question, story, or take? Send us a voicemail. We love hearing from you. https://www.speakpipe.com/pamelacarey Let's dive - 30 minutes beneath the surface, every Sunday. This podcast is a production of Bounding Husky LLC doing business as Pamela Carey Enterprises Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional or licensed psychologist

Information

  • Creator
    Pamela Carey
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    60
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Bounding Husky LLC doing business as Pamela Carey Enterprises
  • Show Website
    Immersion