Delight in Parenting with Dajana Yoakley

Empowering parents with peaceful & playful strategies to bring the delight back into parenting. 'Delight in Parenting with Dajana Yoakley' is your guide to a thriving family life.
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Welcome to Delight in Parenting Podcast. Let's into the essence of peaceful, playful and emotionally intelligent parenting, where I share the insights, expert advice & research, and support necessary to transform your parenting approach from struggling to delighting. Say goodbye to conflict and embrace cooperation, creating a more joyful home environment. Join me as we embark on a path to deeper connection and more peace & play within our families. I'm excited to connect and share this journey with you through each episode! delightinparenting.substack.com

  1. Sep 24

    78. The Voice You Use With Yourself Is Being Copied

    Think about the last time you tried to calm your child down and it went sideways. Maybe you crouched down and said, in your most measured voice, “Let’s take some deep breaths together,” and your child screamed louder. Maybe you tried every tool you’ve collected, and the meltdown grew anyway, and underneath your patience you could feel your own frustration rising. And afterward, did you find yourself wondering what you were doing wrong? Have you ever noticed that the things you know perfectly well when everyone is calm seem to vanish the moment your child falls apart? My guest this week knows that feeling from the inside, and her story surprised me. Jamie Lynn Tatera was already a mindfulness educator when her first daughter was born. Her daughter was a little sensory sensitive, and she had meltdowns whenever she got overloaded. So Jamie Lynn did exactly what her training told her to do. She used her mindfulness techniques. She helped her breathe. And she felt like she was making things worse. So she went to see a therapist, thinking that maybe something from her own childhood was getting in the way of her parenting. Her therapist listened, and then said something Jamie Lynn wasn’t expecting: “I think you need self-compassion.” That sent her to California to train with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer, the creators of the Mindful Self-Compassion program. And what she found there wasn’t a better technique for her daughter. It was something about herself. As she put it, she had a fix-it habit. When she was struggling, she would try to fix herself, to make herself better with all the tools she knew. Nothing wrong with those tools. But she had no practice with the other half. In her words: “I wasn’t so skilled at being with myself when I struggled. And therefore I was not so skilled at being with my daughter when she struggled.” Sit with that one for a second, because I did. Our kids don’t only need our strategies. They need us to be able to stay present with something hard without rushing to make it stop. And most of us can’t do that for our children because we’ve never once done it for ourselves. In our conversation, Jamie Lynn goes much deeper than I expected, and honestly, a few moments landed hard for me: * Why perfectionism in parenting comes from shame, and what that means for those of us who are trying so hard to do this right that we’ve made ourselves anxious. * Why she stopped calling it the inner critic when she works with families and started calling it “the unhelpful helper,” and what changes when you hear that voice and think, “I must be scared,” instead of believing what it says. * The two sides of self-compassion, the gentle and the strong, and why having only one leaves you off balance. * What happens in a child’s mind when a parent can’t show up consistently, and why children so often conclude that something is wrong with them rather than something is wrong with their parent. This part connects directly to how shame travels down through generations. * What to actually say to your child on the days your best is, in her words, two thumbs down. She gives the exact words she uses with her own kids, and they include the sentence most of us never heard growing up. * Why she says that when shame really has hold of her, she doesn’t try to practice self-compassion alone. She phones a friend. And why that counts. And her answer to the question I asked near the end, about the legacy we received and the legacy we’re choosing to leave. She also mentions that after more than a decade of teaching this work, she hasn’t mastered it. “If I start to think I’ve mastered it, I probably am losing it,” she told me, “because part of self-compassion is that I’m on the learning team.” That might be my favorite thing anyone has said on this podcast. Listen to the full conversation here. It’s worth your walk, your commute, or your folding-laundry hour. And if you’ve ever felt like you know exactly the parent you want to be and can’t quite reach her when it counts, I think you’ll hear yourself in this one. Jamie Lynn also shared a free resource with our listeners, her Feelings Habit Animal quiz, which you and your kids can take together. The quiz comes from Jamie’s Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, which my kids and I would highly recommend! Super fun read with lots of animal friends represented in the framework of self compassion! My kids and I also took Jamie’s course for Kids and Families on self compassion and my kids loved it! Want to go deeper than one conversation? Everything Jamie Lynn and I talked about in this episode comes back to one thing: knowing about self-compassion and being able to reach for it when you’re flooded, ashamed, or exhausted are two different experiences. The first one takes an hour of listening. The second one takes practice. That’s exactly why I trained to teach Mindful Self-Compassion, and I’m hosting a free live session where we’ll look at this together. Free Info Session: The Voice Your Child Will Carry for LifeWednesday, September 30th at 12pm CT/1pm ETWith me and my co-teacher, Ariane Arpels- Josiah In about an hour, I’ll walk you through the three parts of self-compassion and why most of us have only ever tried one of them, the reason being hard on yourself makes the next hard moment harder instead of easier, and what your child is quietly learning from the way you treat yourself when you fall short. We’ll do one short practice together so you can feel what this is like, and I’ll share the details of my upcoming 8-week Mindful Self-Compassion course for anyone who wants to keep going. No meditation experience needed. Bring your coffee and your questions. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    78. The Voice You Use With Yourself Is Being Copied

  2. Sep 3

    77. Bedtime Battles: What Anxiety Is Trying to Tell You

    Have you ever stood outside your child’s bedroom door at nine at night, completely done for the day, and thought, “Why is this still so hard?” If bedtime in your house comes with one more hug, one more story, one more “can you just stay a little longer,” this conversation is for you. I’m sitting down again with Clara Roulev, a Peaceful Parenting coach, mind-body coach, and the voice behind Share Peace Parenting. Clara found this work the way a lot of us do. She realized that everything she’d studied and believed about parenting wasn’t always available to her in the hardest moments, and that her own nervous system needed just as much attention as her kids’ did. Since then, she’s built her practice around helping parents understand what’s actually happening in the body during those tough moments, especially when anxiety shows up. And it shows up a lot at bedtime. In this episode, Clara and I talk about why bedtime asks so much of both you and your child. It’s completely normal to feel exhausted and touched-out by the end of the day, and it’s just as normal for your child’s nervous system to be running on empty too, just from a different angle. We walk through what’s really happening when a child who slept fine last week suddenly can’t fall asleep without you in the room: how separation, darkness, and a quiet, understimulated mind can all pull that need to stay close to you for protection. I know it’s hard when you’ve spent all day validating, connecting, and staying calm, only to hit bedtime and feel like none of it worked. Clara offers a reframe here that I think a lot of you will recognize yourselves in: calm and confidence are not the same thing. A child can learn to settle down and still walk away from hard moments believing they can only be okay once the scary feeling disappears. What you’re actually building toward is a child who can feel uncomfortable and still trust that they’ll be fine, and that takes something different than simply calming a child down in the moment. We also get into the practical side. Clara shares how she and her son came up with a plan together for the restless, wiggly energy that shows up right around bedtime, and why bringing your child into the problem-solving, instead of handing them a solution, makes such a difference. We talk about the difference between forcing a child through discomfort alone, which can leave a small trauma behind, and standing beside them while they do something hard. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to face something scary when you know someone’s right there with you? That’s the whole idea. By the end of this conversation, you’ll have a clearer picture of what’s underneath your child’s bedtime resistance, and a few real starting points for building your own plan together, one that fits your specific child instead of a one-size-fits-all script. Clara is sharing a free resource with the bedtime plan we talk about in the episode. Grab it using the link below. Want more support with bedtime struggles? Join us for the upcoming FREE Anxiety to Confidence webinar, where I’ll be sitting down with Dr. Christopher Willard to go deeper into why anxiety shows up the way it does in our kids and what actually helps. Save your seat at delightinparenting.com/anxiety. To learn more about Clara Roulev: https://www.sharepeaceparenting.com/ Connect with Dajana Yoakley Delight in Parenting Step #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult. https://www.delightinparenting.com https://www.delightinparenting.com/book-online Step #2 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfree Step #3- Follow me on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/ https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/ https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParenting https://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    77. Bedtime Battles: What Anxiety Is Trying to Tell You

  3. Aug 27

    Why Mindful, Connected Parents Can Still Feel Stuck With Their Child’s Anxiety

    Have you ever done everything the books told you to do, and your child is still anxious anyway? You validate. You get low and slow. You say things like “I can see this is really hard” and “I’m right here.” You’ve read enough to know that shaming a scared kid never works, so you don’t shame them. You stay calm. You connect. And somehow, the anxiety is still there tomorrow. Sound familiar? I want to tell you about a mom I’ll call Sarah, because her story is the one that kept coming up as I recorded this week’s podcast episode. Sarah isn’t new to this work. She knows what co-regulation means. She knows behavior is communication. When her son gets anxious at bedtime and doesn’t want her to leave, she stays, because she doesn’t want him to feel abandoned. And it helps, in the moment. He calms down. So the next night, he needs her again. And the night after that. Then he doesn’t want to go to his friend’s house unless she stays close by. Then there’s a field trip he says he can’t do, and she doesn’t want to push, because she knows forcing him could backfire and rupture the trust she’s worked so hard to build. Every single thing Sarah is doing comes from love. From real, hard-won knowledge. And her son’s world keeps getting smaller anyway. It’s completely normal to feel confused by that. I know it’s hard when you’re doing everything “right” and the fear just keeps finding a new door to walk through. Bedtime. Then school. Then friendships. Then anywhere you’re not standing right next to him. Here’s what I’ve come to believe after years of sitting with parents like Sarah: this usually isn’t a knowledge problem. It’s a calibration problem. You already know how to validate. You already know how to regulate yourself before you react. What nobody quite tells you is what comes after the validating. Your child says “I still don’t want to go,” and now what? Do you encourage him forward? Do you let it go for tonight? Do you hold the moment a little longer? That gray zone right there is where the real work lives. And it’s where even the most conscious, connected parents get stuck. Because here’s a distinction that changed everything for me: calm and confidence are not the same thing. A child can become very good at calming down and still walk away from every hard moment believing, “I can only be okay once this feeling stops.” What we actually want for our kids is different. We want them to be able to say, “I’m anxious, I’m not sure how this is going to go, and I can still handle this.” That’s a whole different kind of strength, and it doesn’t come from comfort alone. Calm isn’t the goal. Confidence is. If any part of Sarah’s story sounds like your house right now, I don’t think you need more information about validation. I think you need help with the gray zone, the part in between “I hear you” and “now what do we do.” That’s exactly what Dr. Christopher Willard and I are covering in our free live workshop: → From Anxiety to Confidence We’ll walk through why the same fear keeps showing up in new forms, how family life can quietly start revolving around anxiety without anyone meaning for that to happen, and why so many mindful, connected parents still feel stuck. Most importantly, we’ll talk about what actually helps a child move from “I need you to make this go away” to “I can handle this.” This is live, and it isn’t getting recorded and sent out later, so if you want to be there, now’s the time to grab your spot. → Register free here: delightinparenting.com/anxiety When you register, you’ll also get the free Anxiety Pattern Finder, a quick check-in to help you notice where anxiety may already be showing up in your home in ways that don’t always look like fear on the surface. If you’ve been carrying that quiet question, “I should know how to do this by now,” I want you to hear this clearly: the problem was never that you don’t care enough or haven’t learned enough. You have. What you need now is the next layer, and that’s exactly where we’re headed together. Warmly, Dajana P.S. Connection matters. Regulation matters. And they were never meant to be the finish line on their own. The real goal is a child who can feel scared and still know, deep down, “I can handle hard things.” That’s what we’re building toward in this workshop. Save your seat: delightinparenting.com/anxiety This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    Why Mindful, Connected Parents Can Still Feel Stuck With Their Child’s Anxiety

  4. Aug 20

    76. When Mealtime Becomes a Battlefield: The Anxiety Hiding Behind Your Picky Eater

    Have you ever stood at the stove making a third different dinner, wondering if you’re the only parent whose kid survives on the same five foods? You’re not doing anything wrong. And I promise, that scene at your table is more common than you think. This week I’m bringing back my most downloaded episode ever, my conversation with Katie Kimball, a former teacher, two-time TEDx speaker, and mom of four who created Kids Cook Real Food and writes at Kitchen Stewardship. I recorded it a while back, and I keep coming back to it, because what she says about picky eating is really the same thing I keep saying about anxious kids in general. It just shows up at the dinner table instead of at drop-off or bedtime. I wanted to resurface it now, right before September 10th, because if you’ve got a child who struggles with worry anywhere in their life, this episode will help you see the pattern clearly before we dig into it together live. Here are three shifts from our conversation that I haven’t stopped thinking about. 1. It’s rarely about the food. I know it’s hard not to take it personally when your child pushes the plate away again. Katie’s perspective on this stuck with me. A lot of what gets labeled picky eating is actually something physical hiding in plain sight, a child who hasn’t built the jaw strength to chew tougher foods, an undiagnosed food sensitivity, even constipation. And when it isn’t physical, it’s often anxiety wearing a disguise. Eating, sleeping, and using the bathroom are some of the only places a child has real control over their own body. When the rest of life feels unpredictable, that control shows up at the table. It’s completely normal to feel like your child is doing this on purpose. Almost always, they’re not. 2. Zero pressure to eat doesn’t mean zero boundaries. This is the part that connects directly to what I teach about anxiety more broadly. Katie was clear that pressuring a child to eat backfires, because it’s a promise you can’t actually keep unless you’re willing to force feed, and kids learn fast when a parent doesn’t mean what they say. But she was just as clear that removing all boundaries creates its own kind of anxiety. A child with no structure around food, no expectation to at least sit at the table, doesn’t feel free. They feel unmoored. There’s a specific line she shared for holding that middle ground, one that’s honest enough for a child to trust and firm enough to actually mean something. I won’t spoil it here, but it’s a phrase I’ve started using myself. 3. Confidence gets built through ownership, not outcome. I know it’s hard to celebrate a meal that ends in three bites and a lot of pushed-around peas. But Katie made a point I keep returning to: what you praise matters more than what gets eaten. She also talked about getting kids into the kitchen itself in small, doable ways, and how that changes a child’s relationship with food in a way the dinner table alone never could. She also shared her go-to approach for what to actually put on the plate and in what order, something she calls “leading with your ace.” It’s simple once you hear it, but it’s the kind of thing that’s easy to get backwards without knowing why it works. None of this means every meal needs to be a production, and Katie was honest about that too. Some nights you just need everyone fed. Click below to listen to the full conversation with Katie, including her take on picky eating in teenagers, the boundary she calls “leading with your ace,” and the free five-day picky eating challenge she offers listeners of this podcast. I’ve had a lot of you tell me this one changed how you think about your table. If you haven’t heard it yet, or it’s been a while, this is a good week to give it a listen. Want more support with the anxiety underneath the surface, whether it shows up at meals, bedtime, or drop-off? That’s exactly what Dr. Christopher Willard and I are digging into together in a free live workshop called From Anxiety to Confidence, on Thursday, September 10th. I’ll be honest with you: calm isn’t the goal. Confidence is. Helping your child feel better in the moment isn’t always the same thing as helping them believe they can handle hard things later. We’ll talk about why anxious patterns keep repeating even when you’re doing everything right, and how to interrupt that cycle while it’s still this easy to change. If you’ve got a child who struggles with worry, whether that’s around food, sleep, school, or something else entirely, I’d love to have you there. Join us for From Anxiety to Confidence To learn more about Katie Kimball & Kitchen Stewardship: https://www.kitchenstewardship.com/ Connect with Dajana Yoakley Delight in Parenting Step #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult. https://www.delightinparenting.com https://www.delightinparenting.com/book-online Step #2 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfree Step #3- Follow me on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/ https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/ https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParenting https://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    76. When Mealtime Becomes a Battlefield: The Anxiety Hiding Behind Your Picky Eater

  5. Aug 14

    75. Calm isn't the goal. Confidence is.

    What if helping your child feel better right now isn’t the same thing as helping them become confident over time? Because when your anxious child is spiraling, every instinct in your body says the same thing. → Make this easier→ Help them calm down→ Get them through the moment→ Whatever it takes, just make the fear stop And of course it does. That instinct comes from love. In my latest podcast episode, I sat down with Dr. Christopher Willard, a clinical psychologist and author of twenty books on mindfulness and self-compassion, and he gave me a way of thinking about anxiety that I haven’t stopped turning over since we recorded it. He compares your child’s anxiety to a smoke alarm. Not a fire alarm. A smoke alarm. It’s completely normal for that alarm to go off when there’s no actual danger in the room. That jolt of panic or dread your child feels doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. Their nervous system is doing exactly what it was built to do. It’s trying to protect them. Here are three shifts from our conversation. 1. You are the tool, not the technique Dr. Willard put it plainly. When kids are anxious, or panicking, or shutting down, the best resource in the room isn’t a breathing exercise or a script. It’s you, staying present and steady, even while they’re dysregulated. I know it’s hard to hear that when you’re already stretched thin. It doesn’t mean you have to be calm all the time. It means your presence matters more than your perfect response. 2. Repair matters more than the rupture We talked about what happens when you lose your patience, and he shared a story about snapping at his own wife in front of his kids that made me feel a lot less alone in my own imperfect moments. His point wasn’t that the outburst was fine. It’s that what your child actually learns from is watching you come back afterward. How do you apologize? How do you reconnect? That’s the part that shapes them, not the mistake itself. 3. Relief and confidence aren’t always the same thing This is the part that stuck with me most. Sometimes a child feels calmer because the hard thing went away. Because the plan changed. Because someone stepped in. Because the uncertainty disappeared. That relief is real. But confidence grows from something different. It grows when a child starts discovering, “This feels hard, and I can still handle it.” Click here to listen to the full conversation with Dr. Willard, including his thoughts on teaching kids self-compassion through play, why conflict with your child isn’t the problem, and the three-breath practice he gives to parents who feel like they’re about to lose it the second they walk in the door. To learn more about Dr. Christopher Willard:https://www.drchristopherwillard.com Want more support? That conversation with Dr. Willard really stuck with me, especially the part about the alarm system in our brains. When you see your child spiraling, everything in you wants to make it easier, help them calm down, get them through the moment. And that instinct comes from love. But here’s the question I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Is helping my child feel better right now the same thing as helping them become more confident over time? Not always. That’s why I keep coming back to this idea: calm isn’t the goal. Confidence is. This is exactly what Dr. Willard and I are digging into together in a free live webinar called From Anxiety to Confidence. We’re going to talk about why anxious patterns can keep repeating even when you’re doing everything you can to help, why immediate relief and lasting confidence aren’t always the same thing, and how anxiety can start quietly organizing more and more of family life. If you’ve got a child who struggles with worry, whether that shows up as separation anxiety, bedtime struggles, school avoidance, social anxiety, reassurance-seeking, control, or a nervous system that seems to be on high alert more often than you’d like, I’d really love to have you there. Join us for From Anxiety to Confidence Connect with Dajana Yoakley Delight in Parenting Step #1: Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide. Step #2: Connect With The FREE Facebook Community.Step #3: Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    75. Calm isn't the goal. Confidence is.

  6. Jun 4

    74. You Don't Have to Be Calm to Be a Good Parent

    Have you ever snapped at your kid, walked away feeling ashamed, and thought, “I just need to be calmer. Why can’t I just be calm?” It’s completely normal to feel that way. The message we get everywhere in the peaceful parenting world is that calm is the goal — that if you could just regulate yourself, everything would go smoother. And while there’s real truth in that, I had a conversation recently that made me stop and rethink the whole thing. I sat down with Thanna Vickerman, a Certified Peaceful Parenting Coach, and what she said in the first few minutes genuinely shifted something for me. She said the goal isn’t calm. The goal is presence. I know that might sound like a small difference, but stay with me. When Thana’s son Hugo was about 13 months old, he pulled a toilet paper roll off the wall and she heard herself say his name in a tone she’d never used before. And in that split second, she heard her own mother’s voice come out of her mouth. That was the moment she knew she wanted to do this differently — not just for Hugo, but for herself. That single moment sent her on a search that eventually led her to Dr. Laura Markham’s work, to becoming one of 15 coaches in Dr. Markham’s very first training program, and ultimately to the work she does now helping parents rebuild their capacity from the inside out. What I love about Thana’s perspective is how much grace she brings to the whole conversation. She’s not telling you to breathe through your anger and get back to baseline. She’s saying something much kinder than that. She’s saying your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. When you feel threatened — even in a low-stakes parenting moment that somehow doesn’t feel low-stakes at all — your brain is protecting you. That’s not a flaw. That’s how you’re wired. And the anger, the frustration, the tears, the overwhelm? Those emotions aren’t the enemy. Trying to suppress them is what gets us into trouble. The real goal is to feel safe enough inside yourself to be present with whatever you’re actually feeling — not to fast-forward past it into a performance of calm. I know it’s hard when you’re running on empty. Thanna talks so honestly about this — the parents who are living on fumes, not enough sleep, not enough support, managing everything at once. She says, when something bumps into you, what’s gonna come out is whatever you’ve been filled with. And if you’ve been filled with exhaustion and stress and worry, that’s what spills onto your kids. Not because you’re broken. Because you’re human and you need more support than you’re getting. She also said something that I’m still thinking about. She talked about how most of us weren’t allowed to have big feelings growing up. We didn’t get to practice sitting in discomfort. So now, when our child is uncomfortable, our nervous system reads it as an emergency — and we scramble to fix it, stop it, or make it go away. Sound familiar? That’s not a character flaw. That’s a nervous system that never learned it could survive hard feelings. The good news? That’s something you can actually change. Not by white-knuckling your way to calm, but by slowly, gently building your capacity to hold more — through somatic practices, through community, through being in relationship with people who can co-regulate with you while you learn to do it with yourself. And here’s the piece that genuinely relieved me: Thanna reminded me of Ed Tronick’s research showing that you only need to be attuned and responsive with your child about 30% of the time to build secure attachment. Thirty percent. The other 70% is where repair lives — and repair is doing its own important work. That means you don’t have to get this right most of the time. You just have to keep coming back. Thanna has a program coming up this summer that you might want to hear about. She’s co-leading it with somatic therapist Crystal Harris, and they’re calling it Summer School. It combines Crystal’s self-paced nervous system capacity program — with over 32 different somatic practices to explore — with four live sessions with Thanna covering connection, secure attachment, brain development, and playful parenting tools like roughhousing. The doors close Monday, June 8th, and it starts June 9th through the 13th. If you’ve been feeling like you can’t even get to that 30% — or you’re there and want more — this is the kind of support that actually builds capacity from the ground up. Check the link below for all the details. Because the question isn’t “why can’t I just be calm?” The question is — what do you need right now to actually take care of yourself? More support is always the answer. And this might be one beautiful step in that direction. 🎙️ Click above to listen to the full episode. To Learn More About Thanna Vickerman: https://chooseloveparenting.com/ 🌞 Summer can be one of the most joyful times of the year—but it can also bring more sibling conflict, bigger emotions, screen-time battles, boredom, and parenting challenges. That’s why I’ve gathered 15 leading parenting experts for the FREE Calm the Chaos This Summer Parenting Summit, happening June 22–26, 2026. Join us for practical, science-backed strategies to help you support big feelings, reduce power struggles, navigate ADHD and highly sensitive children, build stronger family connections, and create a calmer, more connected summer. Register free today at https://www.delightinparenting.com/calm-summer Connect with Dajana Yoakley Delight in Parenting Step #1: Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide. Step #2: Connect With The FREE Facebook Community.Step #3: Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    74. You Don't Have to Be Calm to Be a Good Parent

  7. May 15

    73. Why Your Deeply Feeling Child Goes from 0 to 100 — and What to Do About It

    Have you ever watched your child completely fall apart over something that seemed so small — and found yourself thinking, “What just happened? Why is this so intense every single time?” It’s completely normal to feel confused, exhausted, and honestly a little defeated when your child’s reactions feel so out of proportion to the moment. You’re doing your best, and yet you walk on eggshells through every transition, every no, every ordinary Tuesday. I know it’s hard when you love your child so deeply and still feel like you’re constantly one wrong move away from a full-blown meltdown. There’s actually a really important reason these kids experience the world the way they do — and it has nothing to do with bad parenting or a broken child. In my latest episode, I sat down with Megan Robertson, founder of New Leaf Parent Coaching and a certified Peaceful Parenting coach. Megan works specifically with families of kids ages 4 to 8 who would be described as deeply feeling, highly sensitive, or explosive — and she came to this work the same way so many of us did. Through her own family. She thought parenthood would be rainbows and butterflies. It wasn’t. Her daughter struggled intensely with big feelings, and the family spent a lot of time and money trying to “fix” the child — until Megan realized the child wasn’t the one who needed fixing. What needed to change was the way the whole family understood what was happening, and how they responded. That shift changed everything. And she’s been helping other families find that same shift ever since. What I love about the way Megan explains deeply feeling kids is how clearly she separates them from kids who just have a hard time sometimes. Sound familiar? Have you noticed that validating your child’s feelings in the moment sometimes makes things worse, not better? That’s actually not a failure on your part. Megan explains that for deeply feeling kids, the feeling itself puts them in a state of perceived threat — they don’t just feel frustrated, they go straight to “I am a bad kid,” and from there, their nervous system responds like survival is on the line. That’s why the behavior can look so extreme. She also introduced something that stopped me in my tracks — the concept of the shame spiral that deeply feeling kids get caught in, and how our instinct as parents to either make the behavior stop or teach a lesson in the moment is the exact wrong move for these particular kids. So what do we actually do? Megan walks us through the three-part framework she uses with families: In the moment of dysregulation, less is more. Your only job is to stay calm and keep people safe. Any words you say are more for you than for your child at that point. She talks about what that looks like practically, including when a child is physically aggressive. Hours outside the moment, you build skills — but indirectly. One of my favorite strategies she shares is what she calls emotional vaccination: preparing your child for a difficult feeling before it arrives, and doing it in a way that makes them feel like they’re not alone in it. You’ll want to hear the specific example she gives, because it’s something you could try tonight. And then there’s the connection piece, which I know can feel impossible when you’re running on empty and honestly feeling some resentment toward a child who seems to reject every overture you make. Megan is so real about this, and she offers the most doable, low-effort way to start building connection back — even when you have nothing left to give and even when your child pushes you away. We also got into something that I think every parent of a deeply feeling child needs to hear: you are not broken, and neither is your child. Megan says that every single parent she works with has found some specific reason that it’s their fault their child is this way. Every one. And responding from that shame keeps us from responding in the ways that actually help. We talked about how to start offering yourself the same compassion you’re trying to give your child — because the two really are inseparable. I promise you this conversation will bring you clarity, and maybe even some relief, about why your child is the way they are and what you can actually do about it. 🎙️ Click below to listen to the full episode. To learn more about Megan Robertson and New Leaf Parent Coaching: https://www.newleafparentcoaching.com http://www.newleafparentcoaching.com/delight Before you go — something is coming up on May 28th that I really want you to know about. If sibling conflict is making you feel like a full-time referee in your own home — the constant bickering, the fighting over nothing, the tattling that echoes through every room — I’m hosting a free live workshop just for you. I’ll walk you through what’s really going on underneath all that sibling rivalry, why kids get stuck in those patterns, and exactly what to say and do in those moments so you can stop managing the drama and start helping your kids actually work things out. It’s completely free to attend, and I’d love to see you there. 👉 Register for the Sibling Workshop — May 28th Connect with Dajana Yoakley Delight in Parenting Step #1: Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide. Step #2: Connect With The FREE Facebook Community.Step #3: Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    73. Why Your Deeply Feeling Child Goes from 0 to 100 — and What to Do About It

  8. May 7

    72. Why You Keep Parenting Like Your Parents — Even When You Don't Want To

    Why you keep reverting to the parenting you swore you’d never do Have you ever caught yourself responding to your child in a way that sounds exactly like your own parents — and immediately thought, “Where did that come from? That’s not who I want to be”? It’s completely normal to feel frustrated and confused by this. You’ve done the reading. You’ve listened to the podcasts. You genuinely want to respond differently. And yet, in the middle of a hard moment, something old just... takes over. I know it’s hard when you feel like you’re working so hard and still sliding back. There’s actually a really important reason this keeps happening, and it has almost nothing to do with willpower or how committed you are. In my latest episode, I sat down with Olivia Bergeron — a psychotherapist, parent coach, and speaker who founded Mommy Groove Therapy — and she introduced a concept that stopped me in my tracks. After over 20 years of working with parents, she noticed a pattern: parents would come in motivated, learn the tools, start using them... and then gradually stop. Not because the strategies weren’t working. Something deeper was getting in the way. She calls it the loyalty bind. Here’s what that actually means in everyday terms. When you choose to parent differently from how you were raised, some part of you — usually a part operating completely below the surface — registers that as a kind of betrayal. Like you’re pointing a finger at your own parents and saying, “What you did wasn’t good enough.” And for most of us who love our parents, even imperfectly, that feeling is deeply uncomfortable. So the unconscious mind quietly resists the change. You find yourself thinking, “I turned out okay. It wasn’t that bad.” And slowly, the old patterns creep back in. Sound familiar? I think for most of us, it will. What I love about the way Olivia frames this is that she’s not asking you to condemn your parents or tear apart your childhood. Quite the opposite. She talks about holding two things as true at the same time: your parents did their best with what they had, and you get to choose something different going forward. That’s not disloyalty. That’s the next generation carrying the work forward. We also talked about what to do when your partner is the one stuck in the loyalty bind — when they’re not yet willing to question how they were raised, and you’re parenting from two completely different places. This is one of the most common struggles I hear from parents, and Olivia offers such a thoughtful, non-confrontational way to approach it. The key, she says, is getting curious rather than coming in with your research and your argument. Asking questions like, “What was it like for you when you were 8 and something went wrong at home? How did your parents handle it? How did that feel?” That kind of gentle curiosity can open doors that a debate never could. And then there was the piece I really didn’t want to skip over: grief. Olivia is clear that until we actually grieve what we didn’t get as children — the validation, the attunement, the emotional safety — it’s really hard to make lasting change. The strategies are important, and they are not enough on their own. The inside work has to happen alongside the outside tools. This is the work I talk about constantly, and it was so affirming to hear a therapist with decades of experience say the same thing: you are not broken, and neither are your parents. You’re just the generation that got the new information. Now you get to decide what to do with it. I promise you this conversation will bring you a lot of clarity — and maybe even a little relief about why change has felt so hard. 🎙️ Click below to listen to the full episode. To Learn More About Olivia Bergeron, click here: https://mommygroove.com/ https://mommygroove.thrivecart.com/the-good-mom-reset/ Before you go — I have something coming up that I think you’ll really want to know about. If sibling conflict is a regular feature of life in your home — the bickering, the fighting over everything, the “she started it” that echoes down the hallway every single day — I have a free live workshop coming up on May 28th just for you. I’ll be walking you through why sibling rivalry happens, what’s really going on underneath all that conflict, and what you can actually do and say in those moments to stop playing referee and start helping your kids work things out in a way that actually sticks. It’s completely free, and I’d love to have you there. 👉 Register for the Sibling Workshop — May 28th Connect with Dajana Yoakley Delight in Parenting Step #1: Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide. Step #2: Connect With The FREE Facebook Community.Step #3: Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

    72. Why You Keep Parenting Like Your Parents — Even When You Don't Want To
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About

Welcome to Delight in Parenting Podcast. Let's into the essence of peaceful, playful and emotionally intelligent parenting, where I share the insights, expert advice & research, and support necessary to transform your parenting approach from struggling to delighting. Say goodbye to conflict and embrace cooperation, creating a more joyful home environment. Join me as we embark on a path to deeper connection and more peace & play within our families. I'm excited to connect and share this journey with you through each episode! delightinparenting.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Empowering parents with peaceful & playful strategies to bring the delight back into parenting. 'Delight in Parenting with Dajana Yoakley' is your guide to a thriving family life.
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    79
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Dajana Yoakley
  • Show Website
    Delight in Parenting with Dajana Yoakley

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