Grit and Grace: Real Conversatons on Resilience, Growth and Living in Alignment

Aug 10

Self-Trust, Nervous System Regulation & the CORE Method for Lasting Change

Self-trust is the missing ingredient in personal development — and it's why you can do all the "right" work and still feel stuck. In this episode of Grit & Grace, Pam Rader and Erin Payne break down the exact methodology they use with coaching clients to create lasting, sustainable change: CORE — Create Safety, Observe Patterns, Restore Self-Trust, Embody & Integrate. Pam shares the real story behind her cold plunging practice — how she started building nervous system resilience months before she consciously knew a storm was coming, and how that practice carried her through the day her marriage ended. Erin opens up about choosing herself over a relationship, and the visceral nervous system backlash that showed up the moment she took that step — even though it was exactly what she wanted. Together they unpack why shame and self-blame block transformation, how unspoken expectations quietly sabotage relationships, and why the "terror barrier" — that gut-drop feeling right before you take aligned action — is actually a sign you're doing it right, not a sign to stop. You'll learn: The CORE method for creating lasting change in any area of your lifeWhy creating safety with yourself (not a toxic-free environment) is the real starting pointA 3-part inquiry to interrupt any pattern that isn't serving youWhy "this doesn't feel right" after a big decision is often your nervous system, not your intuitionHow to embody new behavior until it becomes identity, not just insightThis episode also introduces Become the Catalyst, Pam and Erin's six-month live coaching certification launching October 2026. Applications are open now. Connect with us: Pam Rader: https://pamrader.com | IG: @pamrader | YouTube: @coachpamrader Erin Payne: https://erinpayne.ca | IG: @erin_payne Apply for Become the Catalyst: pamrader.com If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it — and leave us a rating, it helps more people find the show.

Jul 31

Meet Your Safety Officer: Dopamine, Avoidant Attachment & Why Familiar Isn't the Same as Safe

Self-trust starts the moment you stop blaming your circumstances and start naming your patterns. In this raw, funny episode, Pam Rader sits down with co-host Erin Payne and returning guest Brian Thiessen ("the cowboy") to pull apart the invisible loops that keep smart, capable people stuck in the same relationship, business, or money pattern over and over again. They introduce the "safety officer" — the protective part of you (Pam calls hers Darlene, Erin's is Diane, Brian's is Dave) that hijacks your growth in the name of keeping you safe. It's not broken. It's not weak. It's a part of you doing exactly what it was built to do — and once you see it clearly, you can't unsee it. This episode breaks down the real differences keeping you stuck in the loop: Familiarity vs. Safety — Erin's key distinction: what feels "safe" is often just familiar chaos. Real safety feels different, and most people can't recognize it because they've never actually felt itDopamine vs. Oxytocin — the chemical of wanting vs. true bonding, and why we get addicted to "dopamine hunting" instead of real connectionDiscomfort vs. Wrong — why growth is supposed to feel uncomfortable, and why "this doesn't feel right" is often the exact sign you're finally doing something differentProtection vs. Prevention — every self-sabotaging pattern exists to protect, preserve, or prevent something, and why your safety officer isn't broken, it's just doing its job too wellAuthenticity vs. Performing — Erin's real-time experiment dating multiple people at once, and the moment she noticed she liked herself with one and was performing with the othersFalse Safety vs. Real Intimacy — Brian's story of building a 22-year "safe" relationship engineered to avoid the actual risk of real closenessPlus: Name Your Officer — a simple parts-work practice for identifying your own protector, thanking it for trying to keep you safe, and moving forward anyway. Quote of the episode: "Just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's wrong." Mentioned in this episode: Parts work / Internal Family Systems (IFS)Avoidant attachment and the dopamine-oxytocin cycleBob Proctor — "as within, so without"A previous episode on authenticity vs. performing a version of yourself Connect with us: Pam Rader — pamrader.com | IG @pamrader Erin Payne — erinpayne.ca | IG @erin_payne Watch on YouTube — youtube.com/@coachpamrader If this episode named something you've never had words for, share it with someone who needs to hear it, rate the show, and let us know what landed for you. Ready to go deeper? Join the waitlist for our Grit & Grace Retreat at pamrader.com/gritandgrace. Pam's book, Through the Cracks: A Gripping Story of Addiction and Rising: https://www.amazon.ca/Through-Cracks-Gripping-Addiction-Rising/dp/1777531608

Jul 17

The Shadow side of Grace, Boundaries and Self-Love

An Instagram reel sparked this one — a rapid-fire list of "therapy speak" turned into spiritual bypass. Pam and Erin take it further, unpacking the idea that a shadow isn't the bad stuff — it's the stuff getting a standing ovation. If it's being applauded, you can't see the pattern that's keeping you stuck. This episode breaks down the real difference between healthy behavior and its shadow twin: Giving grace vs. having no standards — and why "I'm just giving them grace" is often just tolerating bad behavior on repeatAuthenticity vs. an excuse to stay fixed — "that's just who I am" as a way to avoid becoming someone newBoundaries vs. avoidance — the two-part structure every real boundary needs, and why cutting people off isn't oneSelf-love vs. becoming uncoachable — when self-compassion turns into an excuse to dodge the mirrorNervous system regulation vs. avoidance in disguise — Erin unpacks how "protecting my peace" can quietly become "avoiding connection"Being triggered as a lifestyle — and why some people get triggered recreationallyThe healing shadow — if you've been healing the same thing for seven years, you're either being ripped off or you're the problemAbundance vs. accountability — Pam gets personal about the one area she's avoided being accountable inCommunity vs. validation for your excusesPlus: the "Standing Ovation Audit" — a four-step tool to find out where your praised traits might be costing you connection, growth, or self-trust, and one honest action you can take this week that doesn't need an audience. Quote of the episode: "The shadow is usually the thing in your life that's getting the standing ovation." Mentioned in this episode: Samskara / neuroplasticity — how old patterns get grooved in, and how new ones get builtThe snake and the rope metaphor (referenced from a previous episode)Tapas — the yogic concept of disciplined fire, and why real self-love requires itWork with us: Grit & Grace Retreat waitlist: pamrader.com/gritandgraceCoach with Pam: pamrader.comCoach with Erin: erinpayne.caIf this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it, rate the show, and let us know what landed for you. Pam's book, Through the Cracks: A Gripping Story of Addiction and Rising: https://www.amazon.ca/Through-Cracks-Gripping-Addiction-Rising/dp/1777531608/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=through+the+cracks&qid=1628019474&s=books&sr=1-2

Jul 6

"The Belief You Didn't Know You Had" — Money, Love & Being Chosen

The beliefs running your life are rarely the ones you'd say out loud. In this episode, Pam Rader and Erin Payne pull back the curtain on the beliefs hiding beneath the surface — the ones disguised as gratitude, independence, or "good enough" — and hand you a real framework for finding them. This is self-trust in action: instead of borrowing someone else's story about money, love, or worthiness, you learn to investigate your own mind and find out what's actually true for you. Pam shares the belief she thought she'd already solved — "there's always enough" — and how it quietly became a ceiling: "there's always just enough." When she asked herself what she really believed about wealthy people, she uncovered a hidden judgment that was keeping her stuck. Erin brings her own thread — the belief that not landing a client meant she wasn't chosen, and wasn't lovable — and how she caught herself in real time. Together they walk through the full six-step framework: Find the pattern — not the belief. Look for where you keep hitting the same wall.Find the judgment underneath — what do you secretly believe about people who already have what you say you want?Name the cost — specifically. Years, income, relationships, opportunities.Flip it — articulate the precise opposite belief, in your own words.Gather evidence deliberately — go hunting for proof the new belief is already true, in your life and in the world.Take consistent action from the new identity — not the old one. A belief becomes real through repeated action, not a single affirmation.They also get into: Why "I've already done this work" is often a resistance itselfThe difference between appreciation (an action) and gratitude (a state that follows it)How resistance shows up in the body before it shows up as a thoughtWhy exceeding your parents' success can quietly feel disrespectfulThe "socks on the floor" example — how a small daily irritation can reveal a much deeper belief about control and being seen as capableWhy manifestation isn't on a fixed timeline, and what to do when old patterns resurface after you've already shiftedIf you're ready to stop outsourcing your answers and start trusting your own ability to find them, this episode gives you the tool to do it. Reflect on this for yourself: Where do I keep hitting the same wall?What do I secretly believe about people who already have what I want?What has this belief cost me — specifically?What's the precise opposite belief, in my own words?Who is already living proof this new belief is true?What would someone who believes this do this week that I haven't done yet? Ready to go deeper? Explore Become the Catalyst, our six-month coaching certification launching Fall 2026, or join the waitlist for the Grit & Grace retreat at pamrader.com/gritandgrace. Connect with Erin at erinpayne.ca or @_epayne_ and with Pam at pamrader.com or @pamrader. If this episode gave you something, rate the show, leave a comment, and share it with someone who needs it. That's how we take life's grit and turn it into gold.

Jun 23

How to Stop Following Someone Else's Map and Start Trusting Yourself

Are you actually living your life — or just checking off someone else's itinerary? In this episode, Pam and Erin unpack Sadhguru's powerful Tourist vs. Traveler teaching and ask the question most of us have never dared to answer honestly: whose map am I following? Tourists go where everyone says to go. They gather evidence they were there, post the photo, and move on. Travelers slow down, follow the pull, and let the experience itself be the point. Most of us have been tourists in our own lives — in our careers, our relationships, even our parenting — without ever realizing it. Pam shares a spontaneous moment in a Naples deli that became her favorite memory of an entire Italy trip. Erin gets real about a recent work weekend she didn't want to do — and what the exhaustion was actually telling her. Together, they trace the deeper pattern: outsourcing the itinerary of your life to parents, culture, Instagram algorithms, and influencers. In this episode: The Tourist vs. Traveler metaphor and what it reveals about self-trustWhy social media has supercharged the borrowed-map problemHow to know if you're performing your life vs. actually inhabiting itThe one question to ask when you're stuck or procrastinating (it's not what you think)The brain science behind rewiring limiting beliefs — and why affirmations don't workPsycho-Cybernetics, neuroplasticity, and recalling success as a reprogramming toolPractical tools: whose map, trade the destination for a direction, presence audit, better questionsWhether it's how you parent, how you work, how you love, or how you spend a Sunday — this episode will make you pause and ask: Am I here, or am I just collecting evidence that I was? Ready to go deeper? 🎙 Work with Pam: https://pamrader.com/ 🌿 Work with Erin: https://erinpayne.ca 📲 Pam on IG: @pamrader | Erin on IG: @erin_payne 🎬 YouTube: @coachpamrader 🏔 Grit & Grace Retreat Waitlist: https://pamrader.com/gritandgrace

Jun 11

The Freedom Trap: Why You're Already Free (And Don't Know It)

Are you chasing freedom — or running from fear? In this episode, Pam and Erin are joined by returning guest Brian Thiessen 🤠 for a raw and real conversation about one of the most misunderstood concepts in personal growth: freedom. Most of us treat freedom like a destination with a locked gate — something we'll finally reach when the debt is gone, the relationship changes, the kids grow up, or the job improves. But what if that relentless pursuit of freedom is itself the trap? Drawing on Brian's years on the rodeo circuit — the ultimate symbol of the "freedom lifestyle" — the three of them unpack what it actually feels like to chase freedom on the road and discover loneliness waiting at the finish line. It turns out the cowboy riding off into the sunset is just as imprisoned as everyone else, just by different chains. In this episode, you'll explore: Why the people most obsessed with being free are often the least free — and how the fear of losing freedom becomes its own prison The crucial difference between freedom and relief — and why confusing the two keeps us running in circles How shame, "shoulds," and acquired values become invisible shackles — and what it looks like to start loosening them Why discipline equals freedom — and how running away from responsibility is actually the opposite of what we're seeking The somatic experience of feeling "not free" — and why the cage is in the nervous system, not the circumstances The God Space — that gap between stimulus and meaning where real freedom lives A simplified version of Mooji's Invitation to Freedom meditation you can do in 60 seconds Why commitment, connection, and responsibility are not the opposite of freedom — and what actually isHow to tell the difference between your walls going up for protection versus genuinely needing to walk away The snake and the rope shows up here too. Most of what we're trying to escape isn't a real threat — it's old data, pattern-matched in the dark. The belief that "I'm not free" is often itself a rope seen in the dusk. The closing invitation from Pam: What if you're already free — and the only thing standing between you and that experience is the story you're believing about why you're not? Practical tools from this episode: The Freedom Audit — three questions to find out if you're actually constrained or just in a storyThe 60-Second Mooji Practice — set down every label and notice what's underneathThe Present Moment Check-In — right now, what do you actually have control over?Movement as medicine — how getting in your body is one of the fastest routes to presence and freedomGratitude for the present moment (not the past) as a daily freedom practiceConnect with us: Pam: https://pamrader.com/ | IG: @pamrader Erin: https://erinpayne.ca | IG: @erin_payne YouTube: @coachpamrader Loved this episode? Leave a rating and share with someone who needs to hear it. Your support helps us reach more people and grow the show.

Jun 6

Snake or Rope? How to Stop Making Decisions from Fear and Find Clarity

Have you ever sent a text, gotten silence back — and immediately decided it meant the worst? That gap between what actually happened and the meaning you assigned it? That's where most of our suffering lives. And it might be costing you some of the most important relationships in your life. In this episode, Pam Rader and Erin Payne unpack a powerful yogic teaching — the Snake and the Rope — and explore what it really means to make decisions when you're flooded with fear, anxiety, or self-protection. What you'll discover in this episode: 🐍 The Snake and the Rope parable — why your mind mistakes harmless "ropes" for dangerous "snakes," and how that one error drives reactive decisions that damage relationships 🌑 What "dusk" really means — the flooded, in-between state where your nervous system is predicting danger from the past and projecting it onto the future — and why this is the worst time to decide anything 🧠 The sophistication trap — how the smarter you are, the more convincing your snake story becomes (and why that's dangerous) 💡 The God Space — the gap between sensation and verdict where your freedom lives and where you get to choose the meaning you assign 🔦 3 practical tools to move from dusk into the light: Check your light level: Am I flooded right now? Can I even trust this story? Name the storm: This is my nervous system — not a verdictAsk "What else could this mean?" — and let it be a hypothesis, not a conclusion Pam shares a raw, personal story about navigating relationship uncertainty and a returning PTSD response — and how naming the experience (instead of acting on it) changed everything. Erin shares what happened when she almost ended a friendship over a conversation that was actually an act of love. The bottom line: Your mind doesn't experience events — it experiences its interpretation of events. Patience isn't a cliché. It's a nervous system skill. As Pam's grandpa used to say: "You can have a situation and get yourself bent out of shape — but then you have the same situation AND you're bent out of shape." Don't make decisions in the dusk. Resources & Links: 🌐 Pam: pamrader.com | 📲 @pamrader 🌐 Erin: erinpayne.ca | 📲 @erin_payne 📺 YouTube: @coachpamrader ✨ Become the Catalyst — Pam's 6-month coaching certification, launching Fall 2026 → pamrader.com 🏕️ Grit & Grace Retreat — Join the waitlist → pamrader.com/gritandgrace If this episode helped you see something differently, share it with someone who's stuck in the dusk right now. And if you love the show, a rating or review helps more people find these conversations. 🙏

Jun 1

You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're Becoming

You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're Becoming Have you ever caught yourself leading with your hardest chapters — the divorce, the breakdown, the business that fell apart — as proof you've earned the right to be taken seriously? In this episode, Pam Rader and embodiment coach Erin Payne pull apart a pattern that shows up in even the most self-aware people: the story we keep telling about ourselves that masquerades as inspiration but quietly keeps us tethered to the past. Pam shares the moment her partner challenged her: Why do you keep leading with everything you've overcome? What followed was an uncomfortable and liberating discovery — beneath the desire to serve was a quiet thread of victimhood, a blind spot around self-worth dressed up as street credibility. Erin opens up about her own version: the "enlightenment loop" — doing so much healing work that the work itself becomes the identity. In this episode: How to tell the difference between victimhood and inspirationThe "managed survivor" vs the "conscious creator" — and how to shiftMooji's invitation: stop telling your story for one minute and see what remainsHow your body knows whether a story is healing you or holding you backBorrowing belief when you don't yet have enough of your ownWork with Pam or Erin: https://pamrader.com https://erinpayne.ca Connect with us: Instagram: instagram.com/pamrader | instagram.com/erin_payne YouTube: youtube.com/@coachpamrader If this episode stirred something in you, share it with someone who needs permission to set their story down. A 30-second rating helps new listeners find us — thank you! 💛 Keywords: you are not your story, identity shift, letting go of the past, victim mentality, personal reinvention, conscious creator, self-worth, trauma identity, managed survivor, embodiment coach, Mooji, personal growth podcast, Grit and Grace podcast

Grit and Grace: Real Conversatons on Resilience, Growth and Living in Alignment

Self-Trust, Nervous System Regulation & the CORE Method for Lasting Change

Meet Your Safety Officer: Dopamine, Avoidant Attachment & Why Familiar Isn't the Same as Safe

The Shadow side of Grace, Boundaries and Self-Love

"The Belief You Didn't Know You Had" — Money, Love & Being Chosen

How to Stop Following Someone Else's Map and Start Trusting Yourself

The Freedom Trap: Why You're Already Free (And Don't Know It)

Snake or Rope? How to Stop Making Decisions from Fear and Find Clarity

You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're Becoming

About

Information

Grit and Grace: Real Conversatons on Resilience, Growth and Living in Alignment

Episodes

Self-Trust, Nervous System Regulation & the CORE Method for Lasting Change

Meet Your Safety Officer: Dopamine, Avoidant Attachment & Why Familiar Isn't the Same as Safe

The Shadow side of Grace, Boundaries and Self-Love

"The Belief You Didn't Know You Had" — Money, Love & Being Chosen

How to Stop Following Someone Else's Map and Start Trusting Yourself

The Freedom Trap: Why You're Already Free (And Don't Know It)

Snake or Rope? How to Stop Making Decisions from Fear and Find Clarity

You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're Becoming

About

Information