Shades of Pleasure Podcast

Shades of Pleasure Hosts Mou, Melissa, Kelly, Wayne
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Podcast dedicated to the variations within relationships, with a special focus on non-monogamy, hosted by Moushumi Ghose, Melissa LeSane, Wayne LeSane and Kelly Jones, four American sexologists from Los Angeles Sex Therapy pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

  1. FEB 24

    23 - Emotional Labor: How it Slowly But Surely Kills Intimacy

    Welcome to Episode 23, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. Welcome to Episode 23 of Shades of Pleasure Podcast, where four sex & relationship professionals open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual relationship practices. In this episode of Shades of Pleasure, Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly explore the often-unspoken imbalance of emotional and mental labor in relationships, and how it directly impacts desire, libido, attunement, and overall satisfaction. Mental labor isn’t just about doing tasks. It’s the cognitive and emotional energy required to plan, anticipate, schedule, initiate, and execute them. And while this imbalance isn’t always strictly gendered, many cisgender women in heterosexual relationships report feeling chronically exhausted from carrying the bulk of this invisible labor, while many cisgender men report feeling confused, disconnected, or unsure how to repair the growing distance. So, what role does communication actually play? What does real attunement look like in the day-to-day rhythms of partnership? How do we cultivate presence, reciprocity, and embodied connection in ways that create space for relaxation, pleasure, intimacy, joy, and mutual desire? Tune into the full episode below to hear the answers to all these questions and more. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    49 min

  2. FEB 6

    22 - Would You Work with a Sex Surrogate?

    Welcome to Episode 22, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. Welcome to Episode 22 of Shades of Pleasure Podcast, where four sex & relationship professionals open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. In this episode, Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly explore the nuances, benefits, and stigmas surrounding surrogacy partner therapy. We’ve heard the term “hands on work” in the realm of therapy or coaching, but what does that really mean? One type of hands- on work, known as surrogate partner therapy, is a modality where people generally work in tandem with a sex coach or therapist and psychotherapist to experience the stages of a relationship: warming up, building trust, practicing consent, and exploring different forms of sexual and non-sexual intimacy. A client processes their emotional responses with a psychotherapist and engages in various intimate experiences with a surrogate partner, from talking about sex, cuddling, going on dates, etc. while the coaches and therapists collaborate on helping to establish goals, and ensuring there is no harm done to the client, as its very common for clients to experience activation, triggers, or even attachment through this work. Who generally seeks out surrogate partners? How do practitioners and clients transition out of this process and end a relationship? How does surrogacy therapy offer people unique correct experiences and templates to follow towards healthier relationships and intimacy? How do people overcome the shame and stigma of paying for sex and give themselves permission to seek out the support they need? Regardless of your relationship style, structure, or status, surrogacy partner therapy can offer opportunities for people to get trained professionals to walk through building relationships and cultivating skills, like asking for what they want and need, or setting boundaries, skills that most people don’t learn along the way when it comes to either talking about or engaging in sex or intimacy. Whether it’s feeling more comfortable talking to men or women, initiating intimacy, or engaging the body beyond a talk-based approach, surrogacy partner therapy can help broaden the work and open the doors for deeper integration and healing for the client on their terms. Tune into the full episode to learn more about the nuances and benefits, how to break through the stigmas of surrogacy partner therapy, and the various ways this form of therapy can offer corrective experiences, healing, and cultivating essential skills for relationships, intimacy, and sex. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    42 min

  3. JAN 20

    21 -What is a "Messy List?"

    Welcome to Episode 21, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. In this episode, The Crew, Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly, explore the differences between a "messy list" and veto power. Have you ever heard the term “messy list”? A “messy list” is a concept that shows up primarily in polyamorous communities. It refers to a list of people, often family members, coworkers, or close friends, who partners agree to avoid dating because of the potential for excessive drama, complication, or harm to existing support systems. But here’s where things get nuanced. If a messy list is about care and safety, what happens when it starts to teeter into control? When boundaries and agreements begin to resemble life rules? What role do our own insecurities play in these moving goalposts? How much of that discomfort is rooted in monogamous conditioning rather than present-day reality? At what point does a messy list become veto power, when “no” turns into deciding who our partners are allowed to desire or pursue? In this week’s episode, we explore the nuances of agreements, boundaries, and negotiation, and how those differ from control, rules, or demands. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    38 min

  4. JAN 9

    20 -The Nuance of Nonmonogamy-Shades of Pleasure Podcast

    Welcome to Episode 20, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. In this episode, The Crew, Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly, continue the conversation around the evolution of nonmonogamy and the many ways it can unfold. They explore what it means to define your nonmonogamy as your relationships evolve, how it can shift as it expands into extended family, and how it can become an integrated fabric of your life beyond the immediacy of a primary partnership. Navigating other people’s assumptions, expectations, and reactions to your choices can be challenging. Living a life of nonmonogamy can be triggering for others, whether rooted in jealousy, lack of understanding, or because it fundamentally disrupts the deeply embedded norms of monogamy within our values and social frameworks. At a certain point, people may never fully grasp the complexities and nuances of our relationships, and their projections may not actually serve us. We are left to ask whether their understanding and acceptance is necessary for our own. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    49 min

  5. 11/26/2025

    19 - Navigating Nonmonogamy During the Holidays- Shades of Pleasure Podcast

    November 26, 2025 Welcome to Episode 19, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. In this episode, The Crew — Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly — dive into navigating nonmonogamy during the holidays, coming out to your children, and how to introduce new partners to your family. Navigating nonmonogamy—and especially introducing new partners to family members or children—can stir up a lot of anxiety. For many, the fear isn’t just about the moment of disclosure. It’s the worry about the subtle questions, projections, opinions, or judgments that may follow. People often assume that nonmonogamous structures involve intimidation, coercion, or manipulation, when in reality much of that discomfort comes from deeply ingrained cultural conditioning: rampant allonormativity and mono-normativity that frames anything outside monogamy as suspicious or unsafe. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    45 min

  6. 11/19/2025

    18 - Poly Under Duress- Shades of Pleasure Podcast

    November 19, 2025 Welcome to Episode 18, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. In this episode, The Crew — Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly — dive into poly under duress. “Poly under duress” is a term used in consensual non-monogamy communities to describe a dynamic where one partner feels pressured—implicitly or explicitly—to open the relationship, often because the relationship feels at risk if they don’t agree. When that pressure is present, even subtle reluctance around agreements can create power imbalances, coercive undercurrents, and emotional fallout that’s hard to name but easy to feel. So, what does enthusiastic consent look like when we’re talking about relationship structures, not just sex? And what happens when “agreements” drift into control rather than connection? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    52 min

  7. 11/12/2025

    17 -We're Here for the Lessons - Shades of Pleasure Podcast

    November 12, 2025 Welcome to Episode 17, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. In this episode, The Crew — Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly — dive into the beauty, struggle, and complexity of relationships. We can’t be happy all the time, and relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or intimate in other forms, can be challenging. In them, we’re often invited to confront our own healing journeys, because healing doesn’t happen in isolation; it happens in relationship, in community. Modern individualism has pulled us away from communal ways of relating, leaving many of us disconnected from the very systems that help us heal. When we retreat into our own bubbles, we become under-resourced, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And for many, reaching out to family or community isn’t always safe or supportive, especially when living authentically or stepping outside societal norms. Get full access to Shades of Pleasure Podcast at shadesofpleasure.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    46 min
  8. 16 - Nonmonogamy Takes You Out of Complacency- and It Takes Work - Shades of Pleasure Podcast

    10/18/2025

    16 - Nonmonogamy Takes You Out of Complacency- and It Takes Work - Shades of Pleasure Podcast

    October 18, 2025 Welcome to Season 2, Episode 6, Shades of Pleasure Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy. The crew — Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly — remind the listeners that sharing information with your partners and “frontloading” can be complex. Often, we approach communication from a place of wanting to protect our partners or ourselves, being cautious about what we say, trying to prevent hurt, or manage outcomes. But in doing so, we can unintentionally rob others of their agency. Many of us are also navigating the pull of codependency, patterns deeply baked into our society and reinforced by monogamous conditioning and romantic myths. When people begin opening their relationships for the first time, these layers start to surface: the need to appear “perfect,” the tendency to mask, the instinct to protect rather than to trust. Nonmonogamy, at its healthiest, calls us toward interdependence, a space where autonomy and connection can coexist. How do we redirect fear, dysregulation, and worry and accept that we can’t control our partner’s other relationships, and instead, focus on ourselves and the relationship we have with our partner(s)? How can we learn to listen to our partners outside of our fear, assumptions, or blind spots? Nonmonogamy is hard, and it will tap into your unresolved trauma, and the work is on-going, but it takes you out of complacency and false pretenses that monogamy often presents. Get full access to Shades of Pleasure Podcast at shadesofpleasure.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

    49 min
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About

Podcast dedicated to the variations within relationships, with a special focus on non-monogamy, hosted by Moushumi Ghose, Melissa LeSane, Wayne LeSane and Kelly Jones, four American sexologists from Los Angeles Sex Therapy pleasureforthemasses.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Shades of Pleasure Hosts Mou, Melissa, Kelly, Wayne
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    23
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Los Angeles Sex Therapy (LAST)
  • Show Website
    Shades of Pleasure Podcast