Lights On with Carl Lentz

B-Side
  • 4.8 (756)
  • SOCIETY & CULTURE
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Lights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives. Turn on the lights with us!

  1. 2D AGO

    My Husband Looks At Women On Instagram. Is That Cheating?

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com — In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle five questions most couples are too afraid to say out loud: Is watching pornographic Instagram accounts cheating? What do you do when your husband's porn addiction has shut down your sex life completely? How do you find a godly partner after everything you've been through? Is your wife overreacting after an emotional affair – and can you even ask that? And does it really take this long to be fully honest after betrayal? The answer to all of them will challenge everything you think you know about loyalty, intimacy, and what real honesty actually costs. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: most couples aren't fighting about the wrong things. They're avoiding the right conversation entirely. Whether it's a husband defending his Instagram habits, a wife starving for physical closeness while her husband battles porn-induced erectile dysfunction, or a betrayed spouse wondering if her reaction is too much – the pattern is always the same. Clarity gets delayed. Pain gets prolonged. And both people slowly stop trusting. Laura shares what it's like to carry shame you didn't earn, and why a wife's confidence has nothing to do with her husband's addiction. Carl delivers the message most betraying spouses need to hear: you don't get to decide what your partner can handle. Full disclosure isn't a punishment. It's the only road back. From the "If it's not a big deal, stop doing it" challenge that silences every deflection, to why two weeks is approximately enough time to finish a Netflix show – not repair a marriage – to the 24-hour honesty rule that rebuilt theirs, this episode delivers practical truth for anyone willing to stop surviving and start connecting. This episode will challenge any couple still negotiating how much truth is enough. — Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ — Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    47 min

  2. FEB 11

    We Answered Your Hardest Marriage Questions. Nothing Was Off Limits.

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura do something brand new: they open the inbox and answer real questions from real people navigating the hardest seasons of their marriages. No scripts. No filter. Just honest, experience-backed responses to the emails and DMs that have been flooding in for years. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura tackle four gut-wrenching listener questions—and don't hold back. From a wife whose husband is weaponizing scripture after years of infidelity, to a man whose wife refuses to cut off the affair partner, to a woman whose unfaithful husband expects love after doing the bare minimum—this episode exposes the patterns that keep broken marriages stuck and the truths that set people free. Laura shares the exact daily check-in framework—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually—that became a cornerstone of their rebuilding process, including the words that were completely off the table. Carl delivers the standard every betrayer needs to hear: not cheating anymore doesn't earn you credit. That's the minimum. The minimum is over and above. From why "God hates divorce" is not a weapon, to the "two truths" tool that has carried Laura through five years of healing, to why consistency over years matters more than heroic effort over months—this episode delivers the kind of counsel most people can't find anywhere else. This episode will challenge anyone who believes change is proven by words instead of time, fruit, and evidence. — Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ - Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ — Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ - Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com — CHAPTERS: 00:00 We're Doing Something New 02:17 What Are Daily Check-Ins After Betrayal? 05:58 The Words We Banned From Our Check-Ins 09:30 When Should Reconciliation Stop Being An Option? 13:04 How Do You Actually Know Someone Has Changed? 17:06 God Behind Bars Partnership 17:39 Should Contact With The Affair Partner Be Cut Off? 23:40 Feelings Don't Lead – Principles Do 25:41 My Husband Isn't Going Above And Beyond 30:11 Plana Partnership 30:33 Is There Hope For Change After Betrayal? 35:43 The Two Truths Tool That Changed Everything 39:18 Consistency Is The Only Proof That Matters 46:54 Final Thoughts: Nobody Is Too Far Gone See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    48 min

  3. FEB 4

    Stop Waiting For Your Spouse To Read Your Mind. They Can't.

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com — In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question most couples never ask out loud: Do I even know what I need anymore? And have I actually told them? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about needs, resentment, and why so many marriages slowly drift apart. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura couldn't name a single personal need for months, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: couples don't fail because they have needs. They fail because needs go unspoken, then assumed, then resented. And that quiet drift is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could. Laura shares what it took to finally identify her own needs after years of putting everyone else first and why it took months before she felt safe enough to voice them. Carl delivers the challenge most husbands avoid: if you're waiting for your wife to validate you but you haven't validated yourself, you're handing her a weight nobody was meant to carry. From why your needs must be updated like an iPhone, to the definition of validation that changes everything, to why withholding encouragement from your spouse leaves them vulnerable to hear it from someone else, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting. This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on old information while wondering why nothing feels right anymore. — Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ —- Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com — CHAPTERS: 00:00 Am I Too Needy? Maybe That's The Point 01:16 Why "You Complete Me" Is A Terrible Operating System 03:34 Half Your Fights Are Really About This 05:00 Your Needs Must Be Updated Like An iPhone 07:12 Couples Don't Fail Because Of Needs 09:22 Laura Couldn't Name A Single Need For Months 11:51 God Behind Bars Partnership 13:07 Own Your Needs First Then Share The Remainder 19:23 How Do We Handle The Need For Validation 19:54 Plana Partnership 22:45 Why A Wife's Voice Is Uniquely Powerful 27:10 The Connection Between Empty Tanks And Affairs 31:37 Final Thoughts: Become The Needy Couple See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    33 min

  4. JAN 28

    I Lost Myself In My Marriage. Then I Made One Decision That Changed Everything.

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com - In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question that arrived in their inbox and it's one millions of women are silently asking: What happened to me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about marriage, identity, and what it really means to put others first. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura lost herself in the role of "first responder" to their family, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: many women haven't lost their voice. They've learned it wasn't safe to use it. And that quiet disappearance is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could. Laura shares the moment everything shifted, standing on a beach telling Carl she was done waiting for him to change. Carl delivers the hard truth most husbands avoid: if you say you want a strong wife but shut her down when she speaks, you don't want a partner. You want a convenience. From rethinking what it means to put others first, to the three questions that reveal whether you're actually growing, to the warning label every husband needs before saying he wants an empowered wife, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want both people to thrive. This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on one person's dreams while the other quietly disappears. ----- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com ----- CHAPTERS: 00:00 The Question That Broke Us Open 02:41 The Cocktail That Makes Women Disappear 06:13 Empowered Woman First, Wife And Mother Flows From It 09:00 The Beach Moment That Changed Everything 11:22 Rethink What Putting Others First Really Means 15:50 Where To Actually Start 18:08 God Behind Bars Partnership 21:32 Three Ways To Measure Your Growth 24:10 Do You Really Want An Empowered Woman 27:32 Warning Label For Husbands 30:07 Final Thoughts: Build A Marriage You Both Enjoy See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    33 min

  5. JAN 21

    My Husband Hasn't Touched Me in 12 Years – Here’s what to do

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question most couples are too afraid to ask out loud: What do you do when your spouse hasn't initiated sex in over a decade? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about intimacy, desire, and what's really going on beneath the surface. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after devastating betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: a sexless marriage isn't actually about sex. It's about safety, avoidance, and what the nervous system has learned to protect itself from. And those patterns are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could. Laura shares why women often fear initiation and what that internal dialogue actually sounds like. Carl delivers the conversation most couples avoid: if your spouse has shut down sexually, their nervous system has learned avoidance as protection—and shaming them won't fix it. From the three avenues every couple must explore (invisible hurdles, relational disconnect, and the meaning of sex in your marriage) to the two-month "pressure reset" that rebuilt their own intimacy—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop surviving and start connecting. —- This episode will challenge any couple who believes the problem is just about frequency when it's really about safety, honesty, and friendship. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com — CHAPTERS: 00:00 The Sexless Marriage Epidemic 01:57 Why We're Not Marriage Experts 03:14 The Question That Started It All 04:44 Why The Church Doesn't Talk About This 08:05 Redefining What's "Normal" For Your Marriage 12:48 Three Questions That Actually Unlock Answers 14:24 God Behind Bars Partnership 15:59 Why Your Spouse Stopped Initiating 17:22 Go Higher Than Sex 18:52 How To Start The Conversation (Without Accusations) 21:49 Avenue 1: The Invisible Hurdles 24:52 Avenue 2: The Relational Disconnect 27:32 Be Kinder, Get More Action 29:11 Plana Partnership 30:24 Avenue 3: What Sex Means To You 33:45 The Two-Month Pressure Reset 37:16 When Your Needs Aren't The Priority 40:55 Why Having This Conversation Makes You Brave See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    43 min

  6. JAN 14

    Why Assuming You Know Your Partner Is Destroying Your Marriage

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question every married couple avoids: What is my spouse not telling me—and what am I afraid to ask? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about knowing your partner. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding trust, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the moment curiosity dies, assumptions take over. And those assumptions are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could. Laura shares what she discovered when Carl checked her phone algorithm—and why the things we linger on reveal more than the things we say. Carl delivers the challenge most couples avoid: if swapping phones with your spouse sends a jolt through your body, that's not about technology. That's about distance and secrecy. From the power of staying curious about someone you've known for decades, to why the unsaid things don't disappear—they just show up in ways you don't want—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting. This episode will challenge any couple who believes they already know everything about each other. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com CHAPTERS: 00:00 One Way To Shift Your Marriage Fast 01:57 The Gift Of Not Fully Knowing Your Spouse 03:45 Laura's Australian Childhood 06:05 When Curiosity Dies Assumptions Take Over 07:00 God Behind Bars Partnership 07:45 The Algorithm Discovery That Started It All 10:17 The Phone Swap Challenge 13:15 Why This Game Scares People 15:01 The Thing You've Never Said Out Loud 17:04 What The Unsaid Does To Your Marriage 19:14 How To Create Safety For Vulnerability 21:08 Why Men Struggle To Open Up 22:17 Falling In Love With The Work 23:16 Plana Partnership 25:00 Why You Should Fight More Not Less 27:28 Fighting For Clarity Not Victory 29:24 Final Thoughts For Couples Ready To Go Deeper See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    31 min

  7. JAN 7

    3 Small Things That Will Make This Your Most Peaceful Year (Just Do 1)

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com --- In this solo episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz challenges everything you think you know about New Year's resolutions and personal growth. The secret to a powerfully peaceful year is not doing more. It is doing less. Drawing from his own experience in rehab, Carl shares the moment a therapist told a room full of successful men one simple instruction. Make your bed. If you cannot do that, book your ticket back. That one idea reveals the truth about keystone habits and why one small thing done consistently raises every area of your life. Carl delivers three powerful shifts anyone can make right now. Pick one habit to build. Pick one avoidance to embrace. Pick one grievance to release. He unpacks the neuroscience showing that approaching feared things reduces anxiety by 70 percent within days, and why holding bitterness only punishes you while the person you resent has already moved on. This episode will challenge anyone who believes real change requires a hundred new commitments. --- Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ --- Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    17 min

  8. 12/31/2025

    Living a Lie for 23 Years: How a Pastor Lost His Wife, Kids, and Church in One Day

    In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/ Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/ CHAPTERS: 00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught" 01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success 05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed 09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him 14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle 20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy" 23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership 25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission 32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem 36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything 38:17 - Plana Partnership 41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide 47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets 56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred Rituals See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    1h 6m
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Hosts & Guests

4.8
out of 5
756 Ratings

About

Lights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives. Turn on the lights with us!

Information

  • Creator
    B-Side
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    84
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2024 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Lights On with Carl Lentz

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