Turning the Fesshole Twitter account into other things is apparently what I do now. So far there's been two books and several live shows - so why not a podcast? The Fesshole novelty keyring is coming soon.At the simplest level, let's just pick some funny confessions and read them out and react to them. So that's what we've done here, a top ten in reverse order:10. "My wife is a police officer. Her name is Nina. She can never find out how obviously hilarious I find this."9. "After my husband cheated and left me his emails still popped up on my laptop. One day up popped a holiday he'd booked for him and her. I clicked on the link and it took me straight to the booking, whereupon I canceled the trip. He would have had no idea it was me."8. "Once I took a shower at a friend's house hoping his hot mum would walk in on me. Instead his dad did and not only did he not know I was in the shower but took a shit, stunk the bathroom out and then his hot mum found me walking out of the stinking bathroom."7. "I bought my house from a musician. Last Xmas, a package arrived for him. I don't have his contact info, so I sent him a Facebook message. Nada. I finally opened it & found a box of chocolates from Ringo Starr. They were exquisite, so this year, I didn't hesitate. Thanks, Ringo."6. "My husband's best friend is female. If we're having a fight, he tries to get her to back him but she always takes my side. I really like her."5. "Been running at the gym to lose weight. Last week, an athletic young woman was running next to me, 2 mph faster. Stupidly, I upped mine to 2 mph more than her thinking in my chimp brain it might have impressed her. It didn't. My Airpod fell out, and I tripped and broke my wrist."4. "This term, i've told my 5 yr old boy a joke to tell his friends at school every morning. It's become a big deal, with kids crowding around hear it. Realised after drop off today I'm craving the validation of 5 yr olds, and now I need to keep finding jokes for him to tell."3. "I manage a bar & I had enough of customers being rude while waiting for drinks. So I decided to create a 'c**t' button on the till where it adds £2.50 to their bill. Proceeds made from that button went to our Xmas do. Last year's button got us £12k."2. "Smoking is a dirty, disgusting, and expensive habit. I "helped" my girlfriend to quit smoking a few years ago by training her parrot to say "phewee! Smells like cancer," followed by a fake cough, every time she lit up a cancer stick. Thank you Jellybean the parrot, you legend."1. "Got invited to lunch with the "big boss" last year. I told him how 80% of the work was done by 20% of the people and we'd be better off without most of the team. He agreed, and 6 months later I was one of the many, many layoffs as part of an efficiency drive. Fair play."Having recorded this, my gut feeling is a top ten isn't the way to do it, but the chat was enjoyable, so tune in next time to see what we've come up with - we're on a journey to nail this format, and you're all invited. Producer: Will Fitzpatricktempotalker.com
