Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus

Freidom Fighter
  • 5.0 (11)
  • Personal Journals

Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus is a podcast by Freidom Fighter that explore the personal journeys and experiences of people who have left fundamentalist religions. Hear from people who have deconstructed their region, high-control upbringing, and dogmatic beliefs, hailing from Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist denominations. Raw and unedited, the podcast is an invitation for you to share your story as you are, with a focus on your journey around healing, making sense of your past, and finding meaning outside of religion. Learn more at freidomfighter.com/podcast

  1. 4d ago

    Dov: Former Yeshivish Jewish

    Dov grew up in a deeply Yeshivish family in Baltimore, moving through increasingly intensive Orthodox institutions and eventually studying at the Mir in Jerusalem. Despite struggling in school with ADHD and receiving little accommodation, he was intensely curious and had long dreamed of studying engineering. As he became more immersed in Torah learning, he also began noticing contradictions between the values he had been taught and the institutions and religious leaders around him. Experiences with controlling rabbis, the expectation to remain in yeshiva indefinitely, and the rigid structure of Haredi life gradually changed the way he understood religious authority. At the Mir, Dov began doing something that would ultimately transform his life: questioning not just religious questions, but the answers he was given. Moral questions about Torah, the treatment of biblical texts, the shidduch system, and the pressure to abandon his educational ambitions accumulated until he eventually left yeshiva and began community college on his own. Starting with roughly a tenth-grade secular education, he worked his way from remedial classes toward an engineering degree while slowly leaving Orthodox practice behind. Dov also discusses religious trauma therapy, the support he found through Footsteps, and the difficult process of learning that life, pleasure, curiosity, and meaning do not need to serve a religious purpose in order to have value. Timestamps 00:01:40 - Growing up Yeshivish in Baltimore00:05:00 - ADHD, learning disabilities, and being denied accommodations00:15:20 - Choosing yeshiva despite a lifelong interest in engineering00:24:09 - A controlling Rosh Yeshiva and the first cracks in rabbinic authority00:34:20 - Going to the Mir in Jerusalem00:45:12 - "You can ask the questions, but you can't question the answer"00:57:37 - Moral problems in Tanakh and questioning religious explanations01:04:28 - Wanting college and facing pressure to remain in yeshiva01:14:39 - Leaving yeshiva and eventually losing belief01:21:44 - Religious trauma therapy, Footsteps, and learning how to enjoy life

    Dov: Former Yeshivish Jewish

  2. Oct 18

    Malka: Former Hasidic Jewish

    Malka grew up as one of twelve children in a Hasidic family in Borough Park, in a childhood she describes as largely happy and loving. But even as a young girl, she was deeply bothered by the gender roles surrounding her and by teachings that placed Jews at the center of the world while diminishing the lives of outsiders. As she entered her teenage years, those tensions became harder to ignore. At 15, lying in bed and imagining what her life might have looked like in a different family, she had a simple realization: it was her life, and she could leave. From there, she began deliberately pushing boundaries, first by rolling up her sleeves, then through secret books, an illicit library card, internet access, jeans, and increasingly open rebellion. Malka eventually left the Hasidic world before marriage, attended community college, and built a life that took an especially unexpected turn when she joined the U.S. Army Reserve. She now balances military service with civilian work as an EMT, including working back in Borough Park from the perspective of an outsider. She reflects on the remarkable support her family ultimately gave her, the lifelong process of deconstructing Hasidic assumptions, and the importance of finding other people who have left closed religious communities. The conversation also examines darker systemic issues, including mesirah, Beis Din, social coercion, and the ways closed communities can use schools, jobs, housing, and family relationships to enforce conformity. Malka closes by describing her departure not as a tragedy or failure, but as one of the most important decisions she ever made. Timestamps 00:01:50 - Growing up Hasidic in Borough Park00:02:26 - Misogyny, gender roles, and wanting to be a boy00:09:25 - Jewish exceptionalism and the tsunami story00:15:00 - Discovering that the sexism was also in the doctrine00:17:21 - The realization at 15: "It's my life. I can just leave"00:21:05 - Rolling up her sleeves and beginning to rebel00:22:32 - Secret books, the library, the internet, and finding ex-Hasidic stories00:35:00 - Trying to join the military and her family's unexpected turnaround00:45:44 - Building an adult life outside Hasidism and ongoing deconstruction00:54:47 - Mesirah, Beis Din, and coercion inside closed communities

    Malka: Former Hasidic Jewish

  3. Oct 11

    Yoily: Closeted Former Hasidic Jewish

    Yoily is still visibly and socially embedded in the Hasidic community - but internally, he no longer believes. In this episode, he describes what it means to live between those two realities: raising children in a world he increasingly questions, concealing his beliefs from almost everyone around him, and weighing the enormous personal and family consequences of ever leaving. He traces his doubts from childhood questions and communal conflict to discovering the internet, other former believers, and the possibility that there were people like him who were neither broken nor alone. The conversation explores the educational and financial pressures Yoily says shaped his life, his determination to pursue higher education despite resistance from family and community figures, and the strain of trying to build a different future while remaining present for his children. He and Shalom discuss conformity, public image, the difficulty of questioning authority, and why leaving can become dramatically more complicated after marriage and children. Yoily ultimately speaks directly to people inside the community who may already be questioning, sharing the warning he wishes he could have heard earlier. Timestamps 00:00:24 - Living secretly without belief while remaining inside the Hasidic community 00:04:17 - Yoely’s childhood, isolation from secular education, and growing up without basic computer skills 00:10:22 - Marriage, communal conflict, and the doubts that began unraveling his faith 00:16:24 - The internet gathering, discovering outside information, and realizing other people had left 00:20:41 - Finding Footsteps and confronting how difficult either staying or leaving could be 00:25:30 - Telling his wife he had lost his faith and establishing a “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangement 00:32:55 - Pursuing higher education despite pressure from his father, mentors, and community 00:50:06 - The emotional cost of staying for his children while questioning the rules they are being taught 01:10:01 - Could he ever actually leave? Yoely discusses age, family, grandchildren, and feeling permanently trapped 01:26:05 - Yoely’s final message to people who are questioning before marriage I kept the notes descriptive rather than making claims in Yoely’s voice sound like independently verified facts.

    Yoily: Closeted Former Hasidic Jewish

  4. Oct 2

    Shayna: Former Modern Orthodox

    Shayna Sragovicz grew up in a family that became Orthodox when they were seven, moving from a largely secular Jewish childhood into Chabad schooling and eventually Modern Orthodoxy. In this episode, Shayna traces the contradictions they began noticing in seminary and college, how COVID disrupted the religious structures that had sustained their life, and how small acts of questioning eventually became a much broader process of deconstruction. That process expanded beyond religion into gender, sexuality, career, family, spirituality, and community. Now a life coach working with people rebuilding their lives after religion, Shayna discusses self-trust, the difference between deconstruction and reconstruction, therapy versus coaching, and the challenge of figuring out what you actually want once the old rules are gone. Resources Shayna's coaching website: https://kacoachingmethod.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shayna.kacoaching/ Email: shayna@kacoachingmethod.com Books: Childfree by Choice - Dr. Amy Blackstone The Origins of You - Vienna Pharaon, LMFT The Power of Ritual - Casper ter Kuile Timestamps 00:00 — Growing up as the child of baalei teshuva05:40 — Entering public school and experiencing life outside the Orthodox bubble11:18 — Why Shayna calls “Modern Orthodoxy” an oxymoron16:01 — Seminary, women learning Gemara, and the beginnings of doubt21:48 — COVID breaks apart the structures sustaining religious life30:13 — Why leaving religion requires self-forgiveness and patience32:37 — Queerness, gender, and deconstructing expectations beyond religion45:03 — Rethinking career, children, and the life Shayna was “supposed” to build48:56 — Becoming a coach: inner critics, intuition, therapy, and reconstruction1:00:23 — Absolute truths, spirituality, community, belonging, and what comes next

    Shayna: Former Modern Orthodox

  5. Sep 13

    Daniel: Former Religious Zionist

    Daniel grew up deeply embedded in the religious Zionist world, raised in Efrat and moving through religious schools, yeshiva, a pre-military academy, and service as a tank commander. Yet from childhood, he remembers noticing cracks in the systems around him - from his early fear of breaking Shabbat to questions about theology, authority, conformity, and the pressure to maintain an acceptable external identity. What followed was not one dramatic break, but a decades-long process of questioning Judaism, Zionism, family expectations, relationships, and ultimately the identity he had constructed to survive within them. In this conversation, Daniel and Shalom explore the psychological and spiritual dimensions of deconstruction: fear and control, violated boundaries, institutional power, military disillusionment, marriage and radical honesty, and Daniel’s unexpected relationship with Christ outside conventional Christianity. Daniel also reflects on Zionism as part of a wider system of separation and conflict, his relationship with his children and family, and the practices that helped him rebuild his life. The episode ultimately circles back to a central theme: moving from externally imposed identity toward an unmediated relationship with truth, spirituality, and the self. Timestamps: 00:00 — Introduction and Daniel’s story01:01 — Growing up in Efrat and religious Zionism07:52 — Breaking Shabbat and the first cracks in belief11:47 — Teenage years, yeshiva, and questioning religious authority18:10 — Sexual abuse, institutional silence, and trauma23:20 — Deconstructing systems of fear and control25:23 — Boundaries and creating “infinite layers of masks”30:13 — Mechinah, family expectations, and checking the boxes39:49 — Military service and walking away from officer training44:50 — Marriage, education, and continuing to live behind a religious identity48:23 — Taking off the masks and beginning to tell the truth50:33 — Leaving religion, Zionism, and confronting the “sacred cows”53:51 — COVID and the internal collapse of Daniel’s Zionism1:10:12 — Christ, dogma, and personal spiritual liberation1:16:32 — Family, his daughters, and “relationship Tai Chi”1:20:26 — Zionism, imperialism, religion, and the larger system1:26:29 — Psychedelics, the Tao, and the Gospel1:27:18 — Radical honesty as a practice1:35:40 — Gatekeepers, sacred texts, and institutional control

    Daniel: Former Religious Zionist

  6. Sep 6

    Sara: Former Orthodox Jewish

    What does it mean to build a spiritual life grounded in the body rather than in fear? Sara joins Shalom to explore her journey through an Orthodox upbringing, marriage and divorce, trauma recovery, and an evolving relationship with Jewish practice. Together, they examine how communities shaped by anxiety can disconnect people from their own needs, instincts, and inner knowing. Sara shares how therapy, IFS, movement, art, nature, and emotionally safe relationships helped her reconnect with herself. The conversation explores communal silence around addiction and struggling marriages, the difficulty of being seen outside familiar religious categories, sexuality as life force, and the possibility of creating rituals that make room for movement, connection, honesty, and joy. Rather than exchanging belief for disbelief, Sara describes an ongoing process of listening to her body, trusting her experience, and developing a spirituality capable of holding complexity. About Sara Sara Katzoff is a Somatic IFS and Craniosacral Therapist and Breathwork Facilitator based in Jerusalem. If something from this conversation touched you, she would love to hear from you. Instagram: @simplehealingsWebsite: simple-healings.com Timestamps 00:00 — Embodied spirituality and using the body as a compass06:13 — Distinguishing religious devotion from anxiety and fear16:49 — Seeking guidance during a struggling marriage21:59 — Isolation, addiction, and unmet emotional needs26:39 — The vulnerability of speaking honestly and being misseen32:02 — Releasing rules through small acts of self-trust36:09 — Sexuality, intimacy, and reconnecting with one’s life force40:16 — Reclaiming spiritual teachings from systems shaped by trauma54:14 — Reimagining ritual through nature, movement, fire, and song1:02:18 — Safe witnesses, creativity, and learning to trust yourself

    Sara: Former Orthodox Jewish

  7. Aug 16

    Bonus Episode: Zionism, Tribalism, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

    In this bonus episode, Shalom sits down again with his brother Mike for a wide-ranging conversation about Zionism, Hasbara, and the psychological mechanisms that can make political narratives difficult to question. Rather than systematically fact-checking every talking point, they focus on the patterns underneath them: tribal essentialism, denial, exceptionalism, whataboutism, double standards, and the tendency to assume good intentions from one’s own group while interpreting an opposing group very differently. Shalom and Mike explore arguments around antisemitism, Jewish safety, Palestinian identity, expansionism, the idea of “a land without a people,” and the claim that the IDF is “the most moral army in the world.” Drawing on their own experience of having been raised within a strongly Zionist worldview, they examine how ideology can be maintained through motivated reasoning, selective evidence, and assumptions about who is capable of doing harm. Graphics from the show Logical fallacy flowchart: https://freidomfighter.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/logic.jpeg Settlers of Canaan board game: https://freidomfighter.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/settlers.jpeg Timestamps 00:00 — Why another conversation about Zionism? 07:55 — “Jews need a homeland”: antisemitism and Jewish exceptionalism 11:31 — What happens when ethics make exceptions? 14:47 — “What about the Jews displaced from Arab countries?” 15:19 — “There are 34 Arab countries and only one Jewish state” 17:35 — Could Jewish self-determination have taken a different form? 19:01 — Expansionism, security, and the appeal of the ethnostate 22:02 — If Israel is expansionist, why did it make peace with Egypt and Jordan? 25:23 — Has Israel actually made Jews safer? 32:04 — The antisemitism feedback loop 35:55 — Conflating Israel, Zionism, and Judaism 39:43 — Tribal essentialism: judging “us” and “them” by different standards 43:40 — Denial, bad apples, and protecting the larger narrative 46:19 — “What about Yemen?” Whataboutism and disproportionate attention to Israel 53:51 — “A land without a people” and the erasure of Palestinian identity 1:00:10 — Is the problem Netanyahu, individual bad actors, or something more systemic? 1:05:45 — The relationship between Israeli military leadership and political leadership 1:09:45 — Group identity, collective power, and the psychology of victimhood 1:16:43 — “The most moral army in the world” 1:21:34 — Closing thoughts In this episode

  8. Aug 9

    Suri: Former Orthodox Jewish

    Suri Robinson grew up in an Orthodox Jewish community in Baltimore, where she learned to suppress her needs, protect her family’s image, and strive for religious perfection. After seminary, she married at 20, moved to Lakewood, raised five children, became a therapist, and helped build a Bais Yaakov school focused on children’s emotional wellbeing. From inside the community’s institutions, however, she witnessed rigid expectations, concealed abuse, political pressure, discrimination, and what she describes as “toxic selflessness”—a culture in which saying no was treated as selfish or religiously unacceptable. Following her mother’s death and years of relentless responsibility, Suri experienced severe burnout, depression, complex PTSD, and suicidal despair. Residential treatment gave her the distance to recognize patterns of religious abuse, coercion, shame, and control. She gradually left her marriage, institutional role, and religious observance, while facing claims that she had “snapped” or become mentally unstable. Today, through After the Burn, she speaks about religious trauma, nervous-system healing, mental health stigma, authentic connection, and rebuilding a meaningful life after losing the world she once knew. Follow Suri: https://www.instagram.com/aftertheburnco/ Chapters 00:00 – Meet Suri 00:38 – Growing Up Orthodox in Baltimore 02:42 – The Burden of Being the “Perfect” Child 04:08 – Secret Dreams of a Different Life 05:48 – Fasting, Prayer, and Religious Performance 06:58 – Escaping into Books and Imaginary Worlds 08:38 – The Shame of a Small Rebellion 10:36 – Seminary, Spiritual Certainty, and Body Shame 13:28 – How Seminary Creates Belonging and Commitment 16:56 – Entering the Orthodox Marriage System 19:45 – Marriage, Lakewood, and Patriarchal Expectations 25:28 – Kollel Life, Motherhood, and Relentless Productivity 29:10 – Toxic Selflessness and the Inability to Say No 32:33 – Becoming a Therapist Inside the Religious System 34:59 – Building an Emotionally Supportive Bais Yaakov School 39:27 – Harassment, School Politics, and the Collapse of Boundaries 44:56 – Challenging Stereotypes About People Who Leave 46:39 – Grief, Burnout, and the Beginning of Collapse 48:47 – Depression, Suicidal Dread, and Nervous-System Breakdown 51:24 – Entering Residential Mental Health Treatment 54:20 – What Religious Abuse Looks Like 57:37 – Being Labelled Crazy After Stepping Away 01:04:04 – Rabbinical Bullying, Threats, and Control 01:07:10 – Rebuilding Belief, Identity, and Daily Life 01:13:46 – How Group Therapy Broke the Cycle of Shame 01:18:28 – After the Burn: Suri’s Work and Message 01:23:13 – Systemic Harm, Moral Injury, and Final Reflections

    Suri: Former Orthodox Jewish
See All (45)

5
out of 5
11 Ratings

About

Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus is a podcast by Freidom Fighter that explore the personal journeys and experiences of people who have left fundamentalist religions. Hear from people who have deconstructed their region, high-control upbringing, and dogmatic beliefs, hailing from Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist denominations. Raw and unedited, the podcast is an invitation for you to share your story as you are, with a focus on your journey around healing, making sense of your past, and finding meaning outside of religion. Learn more at freidomfighter.com/podcast

Information

You Might Also Like