Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus

Freidom Fighter
  • 5.0 (11)
  • Personal Journals

Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus is a podcast by Freidom Fighter that explore the personal journeys and experiences of people who have left fundamentalist religions. Hear from people who have deconstructed their region, high-control upbringing, and dogmatic beliefs, hailing from Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist denominations. Raw and unedited, the podcast is an invitation for you to share your story as you are, with a focus on your journey around healing, making sense of your past, and finding meaning outside of religion. Learn more at freidomfighter.com/podcast

  1. 5d ago

    Bonus Episode: Zionism, Tribalism, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

    In this bonus episode, Shalom sits down again with his brother Mike for a wide-ranging conversation about Zionism, Hasbara, and the psychological mechanisms that can make political narratives difficult to question. Rather than systematically fact-checking every talking point, they focus on the patterns underneath them: tribal essentialism, denial, exceptionalism, whataboutism, double standards, and the tendency to assume good intentions from one’s own group while interpreting an opposing group very differently. Shalom and Mike explore arguments around antisemitism, Jewish safety, Palestinian identity, expansionism, the idea of “a land without a people,” and the claim that the IDF is “the most moral army in the world.” Drawing on their own experience of having been raised within a strongly Zionist worldview, they examine how ideology can be maintained through motivated reasoning, selective evidence, and assumptions about who is capable of doing harm. Graphics from the show Logical fallacy flowchart: https://freidomfighter.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/logic.jpeg Settlers of Canaan board game: https://freidomfighter.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/settlers.jpeg Timestamps 00:00 — Why another conversation about Zionism? 07:55 — “Jews need a homeland”: antisemitism and Jewish exceptionalism 11:31 — What happens when ethics make exceptions? 14:47 — “What about the Jews displaced from Arab countries?” 15:19 — “There are 34 Arab countries and only one Jewish state” 17:35 — Could Jewish self-determination have taken a different form? 19:01 — Expansionism, security, and the appeal of the ethnostate 22:02 — If Israel is expansionist, why did it make peace with Egypt and Jordan? 25:23 — Has Israel actually made Jews safer? 32:04 — The antisemitism feedback loop 35:55 — Conflating Israel, Zionism, and Judaism 39:43 — Tribal essentialism: judging “us” and “them” by different standards 43:40 — Denial, bad apples, and protecting the larger narrative 46:19 — “What about Yemen?” Whataboutism and disproportionate attention to Israel 53:51 — “A land without a people” and the erasure of Palestinian identity 1:00:10 — Is the problem Netanyahu, individual bad actors, or something more systemic? 1:05:45 — The relationship between Israeli military leadership and political leadership 1:09:45 — Group identity, collective power, and the psychology of victimhood 1:16:43 — “The most moral army in the world” 1:21:34 — Closing thoughts In this episode

  2. Aug 9

    Suri: Former Orthodox Jewish

    Suri Robinson grew up in an Orthodox Jewish community in Baltimore, where she learned to suppress her needs, protect her family’s image, and strive for religious perfection. After seminary, she married at 20, moved to Lakewood, raised five children, became a therapist, and helped build a Bais Yaakov school focused on children’s emotional wellbeing. From inside the community’s institutions, however, she witnessed rigid expectations, concealed abuse, political pressure, discrimination, and what she describes as “toxic selflessness”—a culture in which saying no was treated as selfish or religiously unacceptable. Following her mother’s death and years of relentless responsibility, Suri experienced severe burnout, depression, complex PTSD, and suicidal despair. Residential treatment gave her the distance to recognize patterns of religious abuse, coercion, shame, and control. She gradually left her marriage, institutional role, and religious observance, while facing claims that she had “snapped” or become mentally unstable. Today, through After the Burn, she speaks about religious trauma, nervous-system healing, mental health stigma, authentic connection, and rebuilding a meaningful life after losing the world she once knew. Follow Suri: https://www.instagram.com/aftertheburnco/ Chapters 00:00 – Meet Suri 00:38 – Growing Up Orthodox in Baltimore 02:42 – The Burden of Being the “Perfect” Child 04:08 – Secret Dreams of a Different Life 05:48 – Fasting, Prayer, and Religious Performance 06:58 – Escaping into Books and Imaginary Worlds 08:38 – The Shame of a Small Rebellion 10:36 – Seminary, Spiritual Certainty, and Body Shame 13:28 – How Seminary Creates Belonging and Commitment 16:56 – Entering the Orthodox Marriage System 19:45 – Marriage, Lakewood, and Patriarchal Expectations 25:28 – Kollel Life, Motherhood, and Relentless Productivity 29:10 – Toxic Selflessness and the Inability to Say No 32:33 – Becoming a Therapist Inside the Religious System 34:59 – Building an Emotionally Supportive Bais Yaakov School 39:27 – Harassment, School Politics, and the Collapse of Boundaries 44:56 – Challenging Stereotypes About People Who Leave 46:39 – Grief, Burnout, and the Beginning of Collapse 48:47 – Depression, Suicidal Dread, and Nervous-System Breakdown 51:24 – Entering Residential Mental Health Treatment 54:20 – What Religious Abuse Looks Like 57:37 – Being Labelled Crazy After Stepping Away 01:04:04 – Rabbinical Bullying, Threats, and Control 01:07:10 – Rebuilding Belief, Identity, and Daily Life 01:13:46 – How Group Therapy Broke the Cycle of Shame 01:18:28 – After the Burn: Suri’s Work and Message 01:23:13 – Systemic Harm, Moral Injury, and Final Reflections

    Suri: Former Orthodox Jewish

  3. Aug 2

    Chantal: Exposing Abuse in the Episcopal Church

    In this episode of Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus, host Shalom interviews Chantal, an Episcopal priest from North Carolina who grew up with both traditional church life and expansive spirituality, felt a clear call to priesthood, and was ordained at 24. While serving in an affluent parish, she experienced sexual harassment by a senior rector and, after reporting it with email evidence, faced a traumatizing canonical process that shamed her, led to PTSD, and involved repeated psychological evaluations she felt were aimed at institutional self-protection. She later planted a multicultural, bilingual church in a lower-income neighborhood and became a coaching consultant, then publicly shared her story at a women’s clergy conference, prompting many others to disclose harm. Chantal discusses her book, Following Jesus Beyond Church Walls, her expanded spirituality, calls for “future church” without harm or hierarchy, and her Water and Light network supporting healing cohorts and advocacy. Website: https://www.chantalmckinney.com Chapters00:00 Welcome to Beyond Belief01:23 Chantal’s Spiritual Upbringing02:03 Called to the Priesthood03:35 Harassment and Threats05:30 Seeking Justice and Betrayal06:04 Systemic Cover-Up and PTSD10:11 Building a Scrappy Church Plant11:52 Speaking Out and Others Come Forward15:16 What Episcopalians Believe16:52 Faith Beyond the Denomination20:08 Church Leadership Response and Silence24:28 Life After Payroll and New Communities26:47 Patriarchy and Empire29:03 Church Noise and Silence30:41 Women Leaders and Power33:02 Book and Healing Trauma38:04 Divine Feminine and Scripture41:04 God and Suffering42:30 Vision for Future Church45:11 Episcopal Values and Inclusion46:00 Water and Light Network47:05 Closing Thanks and Outro

    Chantal: Exposing Abuse in the Episcopal Church

  4. Jul 22

    Gabi: Former Yeshivish Jewish

    Gabi shares his experience growing up in New York’s Bukharian Jewish community, becoming deeply committed to Orthodox Judaism, and eventually building a life outside religious observance. He discusses racism within Jewish institutions, the intellectual rewards of yeshiva study, purity culture, the Orthodox dating system, mental health, psychedelics, spirituality, and his evolving relationship with God. Rather than presenting religion as wholly harmful or wholly beneficial, Gabi reflects on the teachers, practices, and communities that gave him purpose while examining the pressures and unmet needs that eventually made religious life unsustainable. Connect with Gabi YouTube - https://youtube.com/@gabikoyenovSpotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/2SoydqNskaV9wOra0Yh6Z3?ssssid1891df9a822414cInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/journey_with_gabi/Therapy Site - https://themenstherapystudio.com/ Chapters 00:00 — Coming Out as Nonreligious 08:14 — Growing Up Bukharian Jewish 17:47 — Racism in the Yeshiva World 25:47 — Rabbis, Meaning, and Purpose 30:11 — Purity Culture and Romantic Obsession 39:10 — Leaving Yeshiva and Losing a Dream 48:00 — Dating and the Beginning of Deconstruction 53:44 — Ayahuasca and a New Spiritual Worldview 01:07:41 — Racism and Rejection in Shidduchim 01:20:07 — Family Conflict, Trauma, and Life Beyond Religion

    Gabi: Former Yeshivish Jewish

  5. Jul 14

    Ilana: Former Zionist

    On Beyond Belief, Ilana describes growing up in a strongly Zionist Jewish environment shaped by her Israeli father, her conservative rabbi stepfather, and Zionist youth programming. She learned to equate Judaism with support for Israel. After her stepfather’s death, college courses presenting “dueling narratives” about Israel and Palestine began shifting her perspective. Israel’s bombardment and blockade of Gaza further challenged her views, eventually leading her to criticize Zionism publicly in 2014 and experience significant social fallout. Ilana stopped attending synagogue, found community among anti-Zionist Jews online, and began working closely with Gaza journalist Wafa Al-Udaineh, editing her English-language reports. This relationship deepened Ilana’s connection to Gaza and Palestinian life. After October 7, Ilana intensified her activism. When Wafa was killed in 2024, Ilana experienced severe grief and sought psychiatric care. She discusses the difficulty of separating Judaism from Zionism, her ongoing deconstruction of religious beliefs and practices, the importance of centering Palestinian voices, and her decision to learn Arabic. She also reflects on religion, ritual, belonging, family, and life after faith. Chapters 00:00 — Meet Ilana and the Premise01:21 — Family Roots and Israel Ties02:42 — Militarism and Early Doubts04:32 — Rabbi Stepfather After 9/1107:10 — Zionist Youth-Group Indoctrination11:22 — First Cracks and Questions12:18 — Loss of Faith After His Death13:25 — College and Dueling Narratives19:44 — Gaza and Moral Awakening20:58 — Kurdish Jewish Heritage and Zionism28:26 — Speaking Out Online in 201431:04 — Leaving Synagogue for Good32:14 — Working With Journalists in Gaza34:33 — October 7 and Direct Action39:04 — Wafa’s Death and a New Purpose40:30 — How She Is Doing Now42:38 — Raising a Child Post-Zionism43:15 — Religion Without Trauma44:11 — Growing Up Zionist45:59 — Belonging Nowhere48:29 — Learning Arabic53:26 — Grassroots Jewish Spaces55:08 — Institutional Power56:36 — The End of Judaism58:51 — Family Supremacism01:03:41 — Stop Debating Zionists01:05:46 — Palestine-Centered Practice01:09:52 — Life After Religion01:15:07 — Closing Thanks

    Ilana: Former Zionist

  6. Jun 29

    Zalman: Former Chabad Jewish

    In this episode of Beyond Belief, Shalom interviews Zalman, who was born and raised in Vilnius, Lithuania, where his parents opened a Chabad center and Jewish school as "shluchim" aimed at bringing secular Jews closer to Orthodox practice. Zalman describes growing up as the only Orthodox family, lacking kosher resources, having limited socializing outside the home, and later switching from a local coed school to full-day online Jewish studies; at 13 he was sent abroad to yeshivas and completed studies through 21, including rabbinical ordination. He explains Chabad kiruv as emphasizing warmth and “one more mitzvah,” contrasts it with Aish tactics, and discusses Chabad’s messianic divisions around the Rebbe. After finishing the system, he began dropping rituals due to their inconvenience and perceived pointlessness, stopped tefillin, rapidly abandoned kashrut and Shabbat, deconstructed miracle stories and Torah claims, and became an agnostic atheist. He hid his change for two years while gradually altering his appearance, later told his parents partly to avoid the dating/shlichus track, and reports they remain loving though avoid discussing specifics; he is the only non-religious sibling. Zalman notes ongoing cultural catch-up, shared patterns across ex-religious experiences, and advises leaving slowly, finding community, and not needing exhaustive reasons to exit. Chapters00:00 Series Introduction00:18 Meet Zalman Chabad Shlichus01:39 How Shlichus Assignments Work05:06 Growing Up Orthodox in Lithuania08:56 Schooling and Online Yeshiva12:35 Teen Years Yeshiva Abroad14:13 Languages and Chabad Outreach15:29 Kiruv Tactics and Manipulation20:08 Chabad vs Other Orthodox Sects22:42 Messianism Inside Chabad24:06 Leaving Observance After Semicha32:04 Dropping Rituals and Belief34:38 No Kids Dating Pressure Coming Out37:57 Hiding It and Family Reactions43:42 Leaving Is Similar46:32 Horseshoe Effect Parallels48:24 Guilt And Deconstruction50:52 Catching Up Outside54:13 Chabad Study Schedule56:29 Talmud Logic Breaks58:28 Textual Proof Debates01:00:26 Rebbe Pressure Culture01:04:46 Hardline Texts Exposed01:07:13 Military Metaphors01:09:01 Advice For Leavers01:12:55 Kiruv Regrets And Offset01:16:12 Parody Versus Coercion01:19:31 Healthy Fear Of Influence01:20:43 Closing Thanks

    Zalman: Former Chabad Jewish

  7. Jun 23

    Noor: Former Shia Muslim

    This episode of Beyond Belief introduces Noor, an ex–Shia Muslim from an Iraqi family who grew up mostly in New Jersey. Noor describes performing prayers out of fear of hell, questioning rituals (washing, direction of prayer, nail polish, menstruation restrictions, and catch-up prayers), and quietly disengaging by late middle school/early high school while fearing family repercussions like being sent “back” to Iraq. She notes lingering secrecy around pork, limited mosque exposure due to lack of Shia mosques, and a family dynamic where her mother avoids directly acknowledging her unbelief. Noor discusses marriage and raising children Christian with her Catholic-background husband, arguing Christianity is less destructive and that liberals inconsistently avoid criticizing Islam despite issues like apostasy laws, women’s and LGBTQ rights, child marriage, and arranged marriages, advising ex-Muslims to seek support and financial stability before coming out. Resources https://friendlyexmuslim.com/podcast/ https://exmuslims.org/ Chapters00:20 Meet Noor and Shia Sunni Basics03:12 Hadiths and Aisha Debate04:59 Growing Up in New Jersey06:33 Fear Based Faith and Prayer11:41 Questioning Ritual Rules15:37 Residual Taboos and Secrecy17:17 Family Dynamics and Silence19:26 Marriage and Raising Kids22:56 Liberal Blind Spots on Islam25:40 Rights Issues and Apostasy Laws28:51 Soft Bigotry and Polarization31:19 Ex Muslim Voices Undermined32:10 Fear of Islamophobia32:46 Living Under Blasphemy33:36 Low Expectations Explained35:27 Leaving Safely and Strategically37:29 Americanized Family Tensions38:19 Why Parents Get More Devout40:09 Moderate Islam Misunderstood44:33 Consistency Across Religions46:25 Why Devout People Leave48:30 Unreformable Scripture Critique

    Noor: Former Shia Muslim

  8. Jun 16

    Mark: Former Irish Catholic Monk

    In this episode of Beyond Belief, Shalom interviews Mark about leaving fundamentalist religion, focusing on Mark’s cradle-Catholic upbringing and later shift into mental health work. Raised in a deeply involved Roman Catholic family, Mark experienced Vatican II’s transition era and a major culture clash after moving at age seven from Catholic Rhode Island to the Protestant Deep South during early-1970s integration. Introverted and identity-seeking, he dove deeper into Catholicism, became active in church music, and later entered seminary, including time in a Benedictine monastery. Studying church history and encountering discouragement to “learn too much,” plus tensions around authority, obedience, and institutional contradictions (including the Church’s long resistance to heliocentrism), widened “cracks” in belief. He left monastic life when pressured into an academic track, met his future wife, explored other denominations, and ultimately found meaning through psychotherapy and a 35-year career in mental health, emphasizing individual journeys over dogma. Links mentioned Into great Silence Chapters00:46 Cradle Catholic Roots01:44 Vatican II Era Upbringing03:46 Moving South Culture Shock06:39 Persecution Identity Psychology09:33 Deeply Involved Catholic Family11:46 Parents Faith and Priest Path14:54 Seminary and Monastic Deep Dive16:58 Dont Learn Too Much19:58 Authority Questions and Confirmation21:33 Orders History and Cracks25:33 Science Conflict Copernicus27:38 Belonging Uniqueness Fragmentation30:04 Caste Race and New Identity31:25 Human Behavior Beyond Religion33:49 Myths as Control34:28 Normalizing Individual Journeys35:17 Religion and Addiction Curve36:46 New Atheists and Truth Claims38:07 Why Religion Exists39:39 Orthodox Roles and Apologetics40:45 Monastery Vows and Doubts42:15 Carthusians and Community44:23 Celibacy Origins Explained45:57 Buddha and Self Inquiry47:26 Avoiding New Gurus48:07 Leaving the Monastery51:01 From Religion to Therapy53:28 Freedom Versus Certainty54:39 Advice for Leavers58:05 Therapy Reflection Not Conformity01:00:29 Host Meaning and Closure01:03:13 Final Thanks and Wrap

    Mark: Former Irish Catholic Monk
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5
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About

Beyond Belief: Tales of Religious Exodus is a podcast by Freidom Fighter that explore the personal journeys and experiences of people who have left fundamentalist religions. Hear from people who have deconstructed their region, high-control upbringing, and dogmatic beliefs, hailing from Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist denominations. Raw and unedited, the podcast is an invitation for you to share your story as you are, with a focus on your journey around healing, making sense of your past, and finding meaning outside of religion. Learn more at freidomfighter.com/podcast

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