Crazy in Love

Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton - Relationship and Love Experts
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Crazy in Love is a podcast about what actually makes relationships work — and what gets in the way. Hosted by relationship experts Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton, Crazy in Love takes a practical, sceptical look at love, sex, conflict, communication, commitment and everything else that happens when two people try to build a life together. We challenge some of the popular ideas about relationships that sound helpful but don't always help. Attachment styles. Therapy-speak. Emotional regulation. “Safe spaces”. Endless self-analysis. The idea that you simply need to find the right person. Sometimes those ideas are useful. Sometimes they're b******t. Rather than endlessly analysing why you and your partner are the way you are, Graham and Matt are interested in a more useful question: What can you actually do differently? Expect honest conversations, disagreement, psychology, relationship research, real-world experience — and plenty of healthy scepticism. If you're in a relationship, thinking about getting into one, or trying to understand why your relationships keep going wrong, Crazy in Love is about helping you build something that actually works. If you love what we're doing, please subscribe and offer a five star review. Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com Podcast theme music by Transistor.fm.

  1. Sep 30

    The 12 Qualities of a Psychologically Healthy Couple

    What does a good relationship actually look like? Couples therapists spend a lot of time talking about what goes wrong in relationships. But what if we turned the question around? In this episode of Crazy in Love, Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton look at what a genuinely healthy relationship looks like — not a perfect relationship, not one without conflict, and certainly not one where two people magically meet all of each other’s needs. Instead, they work through 12 qualities of a psychologically healthy relationship, from being able to tolerate your partner’s imperfections and accept that your memory isn't always the whole truth, to handling criticism without immediately going on the defensive, asking for what you actually want, and accepting that some differences simply can't be solved. They also tackle some of the more uncomfortable ideas that often get missed in relationship advice: you don't get to complain about something you haven't asked for; independence isn't a betrayal; conflict is inevitable; fairness doesn't necessarily mean 50/50; and your relationship probably shouldn't be a permanent self-improvement project. There’s plenty here that couples will recognise — and probably a few things they won't agree with. So, what actually makes a relationship work? This is our attempt to answer that question. You can find the list of 12 qualities here. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com

    The 12 Qualities of a Psychologically Healthy Couple

  2. Sep 21

    The Case For Space: Why "holding each other tighter" doesn't work for a lot of people

    Do you really need to turn towards your partner all the time? We’re told that good relationships are built on closeness. Turn towards each other. Share your feelings. Let your partner be your safe haven. Hold each other tighter. And, obviously, there’s a lot of truth in that. But what if we’ve taken it too far? In this episode, Matt and Graham make the case for space — and why wanting time alone, privacy, independence or the company of other people doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is turn towards your partner. Sometimes it’s to turn away. And knowing the difference might be more important than we think. We talk about intimacy, dependency, independence, friendship, family, positive emotions, introspection — and why some perfectly healthy relationship behaviours get pathologised simply because they don’t fit the usual story about what a “good couple” looks like. Because being close to someone doesn’t mean you have to do everything with them. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com Leave us a review if you like what we're doing with the pod. It really helps other people find it and enjoy it.

    The Case For Space: Why "holding each other tighter" doesn't work for a lot of people

  3. Sep 4

    When to speak up, and when to pipe down

    We worry we sometimes confuse our listeners with mixed messages. We say: don't be a jerk. Don't sweat the small stuff. Bite you tongue unless something really matters. Be careful not to endlessly whine and moan at your partner. We also say: when something bothers you, speak up early, do it directly but without heat, and ask for what you want. What do we really mean? And how do you make your way through this tricky terrain? All this and more in this episode. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com Subscribe and leave us a review if you like what we're doing with the podcast.

    When to speak up, and when to pipe down

  4. Aug 13

    Easy as ABC: Communication in Relationships

    Matt thinks everything can be boiled down to ABC. Acknowledge. Build. Counter. It fits the bill for the argument about household chores. It fits the bill for the difficult conversation about whether to send the kids to private school. It fits the bill for a lovely, positive conversation about holiday destinations. Graham is more sceptical. Can such a simple, slightly artificial formula genuinely offer a model for pretty much every conversation between two grown adults? As you'll hear, by the end of the episode, he's come around to everything being as easy as ABC. We also discussed two other formulas in the episode. The Gottmans' X, Y, Z model and Marc Brackett's RULER model for emotional regulation. Subscribe and leave a review if you love what we're doing with the podcast! You can work with Graham here. You can work with Matt here.

    Easy as ABC: Communication in Relationships

  5. Jul 28

    Who's to blame for your relationship problems?

    It's Episode 50! To celebrate, we're shining a sceptical spotlight on the age-old trope of blaming the parents (especially the mum). It's a familiar story in psychology literature. Bad parenting causes schizophrenia. Bad parenting causes depression. Bad parenting causes insecure attachment. Bad parenting maybe even causes autism. What's the truth behind the claims? And even where there are nuggets of truth, what can you do to take responsibility of your own future and improve your relationships? You can work with Graham at www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt at www.matwotton.com Leave us a review, subscribe, and share the pod with your friends and family if you like what we're doing. Here's to the next 50 episodes!

    Who's to blame for your relationship problems?

  6. Jul 8

    We Over-Complicate Relationships

    We like to think of ourselves - and our relationships - as complex. Surely if we're bright, capable, successful people with relationship problems, those problems must be multi-faceted and sophisticated. Maybe it's due to our attachment styles and complicated personal histories? Matt and Graham argue that, in a lot of cases, simple changes in behaviours transform relationships. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com Do leave us a review if you like what we're doing with the podcast.

    We Over-Complicate Relationships

  7. Jun 24

    The Great Relationship Question: how do you best handle distress?

    When distress shows up in a relationship, should I turn towards you or should I learn to tolerate it myself? The question many ask in relationships - and are encouraged by the world of couples therapy to ask - is: ‘can I count on you to be there when I'm struggling?’ This worldview sees the problem as disconnection, with the prescription being connection, emotional and physical. “Talk about your feelings.” “Be vulnerable.” “Express your needs.” “Co-regulate.” But, maybe this has got things the wrong way around. Maybe becoming overly dependent on your partner’s approval, agreement, validation or emotional state isn't healthy. Maybe you're more likely to lose sexual desire for someone you have to constantly prop up (or is constantly propping you up). Maybe the task to tolerate your own distress without demanding your partner fix it; not to connect more, but to tolerate discomfort without controlling or manipulating the other. Matt and Graham explore these difficult questions in today's episode. If you like what we're doing with the pod, leave us a five-star review and share it with a friend. You can work with Graham here: https://www.grahamjohnston.uk/ You can work with Matt here: https://www.matwotton.com/

    The Great Relationship Question: how do you best handle distress?

  8. Jun 7

    Are successful people less successful in relationships?

    Logic, emotional detachment, quick decisions, a problem-solving mindset - all very useful much of the time in the workplace. But are those same skills, when seen as the go-to set of skills at home too often, a handicap against excellent relationships? After all, we're often told that relationships require curiousity, emotional engagement, patience, a prioritising of feelings over solutions. Matt & Graham delve into these issues in today's episodes, with some disagreement along the way. If you like the podcast, please leave a review and subscribe. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk. You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com. And you can contact the pod at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com.

    Are successful people less successful in relationships?
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About

Crazy in Love is a podcast about what actually makes relationships work — and what gets in the way. Hosted by relationship experts Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton, Crazy in Love takes a practical, sceptical look at love, sex, conflict, communication, commitment and everything else that happens when two people try to build a life together. We challenge some of the popular ideas about relationships that sound helpful but don't always help. Attachment styles. Therapy-speak. Emotional regulation. “Safe spaces”. Endless self-analysis. The idea that you simply need to find the right person. Sometimes those ideas are useful. Sometimes they're b******t. Rather than endlessly analysing why you and your partner are the way you are, Graham and Matt are interested in a more useful question: What can you actually do differently? Expect honest conversations, disagreement, psychology, relationship research, real-world experience — and plenty of healthy scepticism. If you're in a relationship, thinking about getting into one, or trying to understand why your relationships keep going wrong, Crazy in Love is about helping you build something that actually works. If you love what we're doing, please subscribe and offer a five star review. Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com Podcast theme music by Transistor.fm.

Information

  • Creator
    Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton - Relationship and Love Experts
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    54
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton 2024
  • Show Website
    Crazy in Love