Reclaiming Me: Heal Your Childhood Attachment Wounds, People Pleasing, and Complex PTSD for Women

Cindy Payne
  • 5.0 (10)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

  1. 5d ago

    E141: CPTSD, Attachment & Dating: Ask Me Anything Part 1 (Trauma-Informed Q&A)

    Do you find yourself more anxious the closer you get to someone, instead of less? Or freezing mid-conversation and not knowing why? You're not broken, and this episode is for you. This is part one of a special two-part Ask Me Anything series, built around real listener questions on CPTSD, dating, and attachment. We talk about whether and when to disclose CPTSD to someone you're dating, how to work with the freeze response after hard conversations, the difference between "safe" and "just not scary," and why closeness can trigger more anxiety instead of less when you're healing from complex trauma. In this episode we cover: • Dating and disclosure with CPTSD • The freeze response and how to work with it in real time • Telling the difference between genuine safety and relief from chaos • Why intimacy can increase anxiety for trauma survivors • Anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment without the shame • What it means when a partner calls your need for reassurance "too much" • Why we test people to see if they'll leave, and what to do instead • A simple practice to use after any activating interaction A reminder that there will be no Midweek Reframe for the next two weeks while I move my twin sons into college and settle back into life in California. Part two of this AMA series drops next week, covering people-pleasing, boundaries with your own children, and working through dependency on deep connection. If this episode helped you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  2. Aug 10

    E140: Work Stress Isn't the Same for Everyone, Especially for Trauma Survivors, with Luke Richardson

    Do you ever feel like everyone else seems to handle work stress just fine, while yours feels like it's sitting on top of something much bigger? If your nervous system already feels like it's working overtime, this episode is for you. This conversation was originally recorded for Luke Richardson's podcast, Wave Work Stress Goodbye. Luke and I met through the podcasting world, and while his focus is workplace wellbeing, we quickly realized how much overlap there is between what he explores and what I focus on here: CPTSD and trauma healing. Work stress and burnout can hit anyone, but for trauma survivors, a demanding job can land very differently. We talk about why so many professionals feel overwhelmed by workplace pressure, how our minds actually respond to stress, and why lasting wellbeing may come from a different understanding rather than just managing every stressful thought. In this episode we discuss: Work stress and workplace anxiety through a trauma-informed lensBurnout, emotional wellbeing, and the nervous systemYoga and mindfulness for professionalsThe relationship between mind and bodyTherapy and mental health at workOverthinking, resilience, and finding real clarityWhy wellbeing is about more than coping strategiesLiving with more ease in demanding careers, especially for CPTSD survivors Whether work stress is your main challenge or one more layer on top of everything else you're carrying, this conversation offers a fresh, grounded perspective. Before you go, thank you to everyone who submitted questions for the upcoming two-part Ask Me Anything series on CPTSD, starting next week. And a quick note for regular listeners: there won't be a Midweek Reframe this week, this space is dedicated fully to this episode. Next week brings the first part of the Q&A series, and after that two week series, we'll return to our regular rhythm, full episodes on Mondays and Midweek Reframe on Wednesdays. If this conversation resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a fresh perspective on work stress and healing. About Luke Richardson: Luke is a UK-based work stress coach and host of Wave Work Stress Goodbye, a podcast exploring work stress, anxiety, and burnout through an inside-out, Three Principles understanding. 🎙️ Listen to Wave Work Stress Goodbye: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wave-work-stress-goodbye/id1832815494📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luke_richardson88/?hl=en💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/luke-richardson-7441643a4/📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LukeRichardson-r3c🌐 Website: https://onethoughtaway.my.canva.site/ Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  3. Aug 5

    E139: What a Real Apology Actually Looks Like and What to Do When You Get a Fake One

    Have you ever received an apology that somehow made you feel worse? Or found yourself apologizing in a way that had more to do with ending the tension than actually taking responsibility? This midweek reframe breaks down what a real apology actually looks like, what makes a fake one, and how to offer one yourself even when nobody ever modeled it for you. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize, this episode gives you a clear, practical framework for both giving and receiving apologies, including the one rule that changes everything: a real apology never contains the word but. You'll leave with a concrete understanding of what genuine accountability looks and sounds like, and a framework for offering a clean apology yourself the next time you need to. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  4. Aug 3

    E138: Forgiving vs. Reconciling: Why You Don't Have to Do Both and What to Do When the Apology Never Comes

    Forgiving and reconciling are not the same thing. And for many trauma survivors, understanding the difference between them is what finally makes it possible to pursue one without being pressured into the other. This episode goes deep into that distinction, and into what to do when the apology you deserve never comes. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize and a complex trauma and attachment lens, this episode includes personal reflection on family betrayal, the compounded injury of people who should have shown up choosing the other side, and the ongoing work of forgiving yourself when you couldn't protect someone you love. You'll leave with a clearer sense of what your own forgiveness work actually requires, what it doesn't require, and practical tools for living with unresolved pain when the apology you deserved never arrived. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  5. Jul 29

    E137: Forgiveness in Percentages: Letting Go of the All-or-Nothing Pressure to Forgive

    What if forgiveness didn't have to be all or nothing? What if you could release some of the weight without releasing all of the truth? This midweek reframe introduces Harriet Lerner's concept of forgiveness in percentages and gives you a reflective practice for finding where you actually are without pressure to be further along than you are. Drawing from Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner, this episode offers a gentler, more honest framework for thinking about forgiveness that honors the complexity of what you've been through without shaming you for not being at a hundred percent. You'll leave with a reflective practice you can use today to map where you actually are with a specific forgiveness situation and what, if anything, you want to do about it. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  6. Jul 27

    E136: What Forgiveness Is Not: Dismantling the Myths That Keep Trauma Survivors Stuck

    Have you ever been told that you need to forgive in order to heal? That holding onto anger is making you sick? That forgiving someone who hurt you is something you owe them, or yourself, or God? This episode is going to challenge all of that. Directly. With clinical backing. And a lot of personal honesty. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize and a complex trauma and attachment lens, we dismantle the most pervasive and damaging myths about forgiveness, including the idea that it's required, that it's what good people do, and that withholding it is what's keeping you from healing. This episode includes personal reflection on a situation from ten years ago that made forgiveness one of the most complicated and slippery topics in my own life. By the end of this episode you'll have a completely different framework for thinking about forgiveness, one that centers your autonomy, your pain, and your actual healing rather than the comfort of the person who hurt you. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  7. Jul 22

    E135: Are You the Overfunctioner or the Underfunctioner? How to Identify Your Role and Change Your First Move

    Do you find yourself doing more, managing more, worrying more, planning more, while someone else in your life seems to do less? Or are you the one who steps back while someone else picks up the slack? Either way, you're in a dance. And this midweek reframe gives you the first practical step toward changing it. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's framework of overfunctioning and underfunctioning in The Dance of Anger, this episode helps you identify which role you're playing in your most significant relationships and what your specific first move looks like depending on which one you are. You'll leave with a clear picture of your relational role and one concrete action you can take this week to begin shifting the pattern, without blowing up the relationship in the process. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  8. Jul 20

    E134: Changing Your Steps in the Dance of Anger: Why the People Around You Push Back

    Have you ever tried to change how you handle conflict, set a boundary, or stop doing the thing you always do, only to have everyone around you act like you've lost your mind? There's a reason for that. And it's not you. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger and a complex trauma and attachment lens, this episode unpacks why changing your steps in a relational dance is one of the hardest and most important things you will ever do. This episode includes personal reflection on 25 years of marriage, the invisible load of primary parenting, overfunctioning and underfunctioning, and what happens when the anger you've been absorbing finally has nowhere left to go. You'll leave this episode with a clearer understanding of why your relationships react the way they do when you start to grow, and what to do when the pushback feels like too much. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

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About

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

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