Reclaiming Me: Heal Your Childhood Attachment Wounds, People Pleasing, and Complex PTSD for Women

Cindy Payne
  • 5.0 (10)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

  1. 3d ago

    E135: Are You the Overfunctioner or the Underfunctioner? How to Identify Your Role and Change Your First Move

    Do you find yourself doing more, managing more, worrying more, planning more, while someone else in your life seems to do less? Or are you the one who steps back while someone else picks up the slack? Either way, you're in a dance. And this midweek reframe gives you the first practical step toward changing it. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's framework of overfunctioning and underfunctioning in The Dance of Anger, this episode helps you identify which role you're playing in your most significant relationships and what your specific first move looks like depending on which one you are. You'll leave with a clear picture of your relational role and one concrete action you can take this week to begin shifting the pattern, without blowing up the relationship in the process. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  2. 5d ago

    E134: Changing Your Steps in the Dance of Anger: Why the People Around You Push Back

    Have you ever tried to change how you handle conflict, set a boundary, or stop doing the thing you always do, only to have everyone around you act like you've lost your mind? There's a reason for that. And it's not you. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger and a complex trauma and attachment lens, this episode unpacks why changing your steps in a relational dance is one of the hardest and most important things you will ever do. This episode includes personal reflection on 25 years of marriage, the invisible load of primary parenting, overfunctioning and underfunctioning, and what happens when the anger you've been absorbing finally has nowhere left to go. You'll leave this episode with a clearer understanding of why your relationships react the way they do when you start to grow, and what to do when the pushback feels like too much. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  3. Jul 15

    E133: Anger as a Signal Not a Symptom: A Skill for Decoding What Your Anger Is Telling You

    Monday we talked about anger as information. Today we're getting practical. This midweek reframe gives you a concrete skill for slowing down and actually hearing what your anger is trying to say before you react or suppress. Using a simple somatic and reflective practice rooted in complex trauma and attachment theory, we walk through exactly how to pause with anger and decode it in real time. By the end of this ten minutes you'll have a tool you can use today, this week, the next time anger shows up. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and revie wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  4. Jul 13

    E132: What Your Anger Is Really Trying to Tell You: Anger, Trauma, and Attachment

    Are you someone who was told your anger was too much? Or maybe you learned early on to swallow it completely? In this episode we're cracking open what anger actually is, where it comes from, and why for those of us with complex trauma histories, it's one of the most misunderstood and mismanaged emotions we carry. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's groundbreaking work in The Dance of Anger and a complex trauma and attachment lens, we explore why anger isn't the problem. It's the signal. And learning to read that signal changes everything. This episode includes personal reflection on how anger has shown up in 25 years of marriage, motherhood, and healing as a CPTSD survivor. By the end of this episode you'll have a completely different relationship with your anger, and maybe a little more compassion for the parts of you that learned to either explode or disappear. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  5. Jul 8

    E131: The Inner Critic Started as Someone Else's Voice: Reclaiming Your Own

    Someone said something critical — maybe recently, maybe years ago, maybe decades ago — and it landed like a verdict. Not just feedback. Not just one person's opinion. A verdict. On your worth, your competence, your enoughness. And the truly painful part? You didn't need them to keep saying it. You learned to say it to yourself. In this midweek reframe, Cindy explores the pattern she knows intimately — criticism from a parent or family member that became so internalized it started to feel like her own voice. She connects this to what we know about CPTSD, the inner critic, and why trauma survivors are especially vulnerable to letting other people's opinions become the operating system they run on. And she offers one reframe and one practice to begin the slow work of unhooking. You don't have to silence the inner critic overnight. You don't have to stop caring what people think entirely. You just have to begin to notice when the voice you're hearing isn't actually yours — and practice, one moment at a time, choosing a different one. 🎙️ Go back and listen to Monday's full episode first — this reframe is the natural next step after that conversation 💬 Submit your CPTSD question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes 🔔 Carry this into your week: Whose voice is the criticism I'm hearing right now — and is it actually mine? Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, inner critic, people pleasing, attachment, criticism, self-worth, shame, parental criticism, complex trauma recovery Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  6. Jul 6

    E130: Celebrating Small Wins Without Guilt: Why CPTSD Makes Joy Feel Dangerous

    You did something hard. Something real. Something that took courage or patience or more strength than anyone around you probably knew. And instead of letting it land — instead of letting yourself feel good about it even for a moment — you immediately moved the goalposts. Or waited for someone else to tell you it counted. Or let the list of everything still undone drown it out before it even had a chance to breathe. Sound familiar? In this episode, Cindy gets honest about her own lifelong pattern of minimizing wins across every domain of her life — professional milestones, personal growth, parenting, healing — and connects it to what complex trauma actually does to our capacity for self-recognition and joy. Drawing from neuroscience, self-compassion research, and the CPTSD lens, she unpacks why celebrating can feel unsafe, selfish, or simply premature for trauma survivors — and what it looks like to slowly, gently begin changing that. You'll learn: Why CPTSD survivors are wired to minimize accomplishment and move the goalposts rather than pause and receiveHow the nervous system learns to associate joy and celebration with danger — and what that costs us over timeThe three most common guilt patterns around celebrating small wins and where they come fromWhat it actually looks and feels like to let a win land — and the small, concrete practices that make it possible This is not about throwing yourself a parade for every ordinary Tuesday. It is about learning to receive what you have genuinely earned — without immediately explaining it away, shrinking it down, or waiting for someone else's permission to feel good about it. You have been working hard for a long time. Some of that deserves to land. 🎙️ Listen now — and notice what happens in your body when you try to let a recent win actually count 📩 Submit your question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything: CPTSD episode — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes 🔔 Catch the midweek reframe this week for one practice around unhooking from criticism that has lived in you longer than it should have Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, people pleasing, attachment, celebrating wins, self-compassion, inner critic, nervous system, complex trauma recovery, joy Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  7. Jul 1

    E129: Your Envy Is Not Your Worst Self — It's Your Deepest Longing

    You felt it — that hot, uncomfortable flash of envy or jealousy — and then immediately felt ashamed of yourself for feeling it. What if that shame is the part that actually needs your attention. In this midweek reframe, Cindy takes the central insight from Monday's full episode and sharpens it into one question to carry into your week: what does what I envy reveal about what I most deeply want? She unpacks why envy is one of the most honest emotions we have, why trauma survivors are especially prone to drowning it in shame, and what becomes possible when you treat it as a compass instead of a character flaw. You don't have to like the envy. You don't have to be comfortable with the jealousy. You just have to be willing to get curious about what it's pointing toward — because underneath almost every envy is a longing that is completely legitimate, completely human, and completely worth honoring. 🎙️ Go back and listen to Monday's full episode first — this reframe lands even deeper after you do 💬 Submit your CPTSD question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes 🔔 Carry this into your week: What have I been envying lately — and what does that tell me about what I most deeply want for myself? Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, envy, jealousy, people pleasing, attachment, shame, compass, longing, complex trauma recovery Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  8. Jun 29

    E128: The Emotions Nobody Admits To: Understanding Envy and Jealousy Through a Trauma Lens

    Envy. Jealousy. Two emotions most of us were taught to be deeply ashamed of — to push down, deny, or dress up as something more acceptable. But what if these emotions aren't evidence of your worst self? What if they're actually some of the most honest signals your inner life is sending you? In this episode, Cindy gets personal about the moments in her own life where envy and jealousy have shown up uninvited — watching someone in her field seem to have it all figured out, longing for the ease others seemed to move through life with, and the particular ache of friendship jealousy that almost nobody talks about. Drawing from Brené Brown's precise and compassionate work in Atlas of the Heart, and weaving in attachment theory and the CPTSD lens, Cindy unpacks why these emotions hit differently for trauma survivors — and why the shame we pile on top of them is often more damaging than the emotions themselves. You'll learn: The crucial difference between envy and jealousy — and why it matters more than you thinkWhy CPTSD survivors are especially vulnerable to shame spirals around both emotionsHow attachment wounds shape the way jealousy shows up in our closest relationshipsWhat your envy is actually pointing to — and how to use it as information rather than evidence of your worst qualities This episode is not about becoming someone who never feels envy or jealousy. It is about learning to sit with these emotions long enough to hear what they are actually saying — because what you envy almost always reveals something true and important about what you most deeply long for. And that longing deserves your curiosity, not your shame. 🎙️ Listen now — and notice what comes up in your own body as you do 📖 Pick up Brené Brown's Atlas of the Heart — the chapters on envy and jealousy are worth reading alongside this episode 📩 Submit your question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything: CPTSD episode — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes 🔔 Catch the midweek reframe this week for one question that will change how you look at what you envy Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, envy, jealousy, people pleasing, attachment, shame, Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart, nervous system, complex trauma recovery Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

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About

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

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