The Voice of Los Feliz

Phil Leirness

An audio journey exploring the history, happenings, colorful characters and rich stories and experiences that make the neighborhood of Los Feliz the beating heart of Los Angeles. philleirness.substack.com

  1. Jun 23

    The Voice of Los Feliz (podcast) Episode 17

    It’s summer and there’s music in the air! A souvenir shot glass purchased at Albertsons depicting Los Feliz as … a beach community? This month’s show picks up where Episode 16 left off, with Phil hanging out at Alcove with Los Feliz Neighborhood Council District D representative Raina Pratto. They discuss the importance of the “hyper-local”, the importance of celebrating and fighting for joy, the importance of preparation, and an ad-hoc local committee dedicated to community defense and to keeping our community safe. Regular listeners have heard many mentions made of Tabula Rasa Bar. Located at 5125 Hollywood Blvd., it has served as a locale for several public events discussed on this podcast, from the Los Feliz Writer’s Festival, to an after-party for this year’s Los Feliz Film Fest. On this show, the establishment, itself, is squarely in the spotlight, as Phil sits down with its general manager, PJ Zettle. Cultural Affairs Committee co-chair Brian Morrison and Porchfest L.A. executive director Helene Udy at the very first “Sundays Before Sunset” Porchfest L.A. returns in October, but the team behind Porchfest is producing “Sundays Before Sunset” every Sunday through the end of August at the Vermont Triangle. Phil has the details (and some live music samples recorded there). The Dynamic Duo - The Stew and The Doctor - celebrating more than 50 years of dynamism! Los Feliz is a great place to make new friends. If there is anything better than making new friends, it’s having lifelong friends move into the neighborhood as one of Phil’s oldest and dearest pals did. They get together in Franklin Hills to compare notes on the neighborhood and on the town where they grew up. Phil is actually filing this month’s show from Kiawah Island. Before signing off, he congratulates past guest, Chef Joshua Whigman, on the recent Michelin Guide recognition his Casa Leo restaurant received. As always, musical director Jon Lawlor is dropping the killer tunes, and stalwart announcer Marc Hershon makes with the funny. The Voice of Los Feliz is a reader (and listener)-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit philleirness.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 15m
  2. May 7

    Friday the 13th

    Robert Frost made great hay out of two paths diverging in the woods. Of late, especially since my wife “rang the bell” on March 4th, I have been far more interested in the way paths converge, often when the traveler does not expect it. For those people who are unaware (and until the day in question, I was one of them), the end of daily radiation treatments for cancer patients is frequently commemorated through the ringing of a bell. This ritual signifies the transition from active cancer treatments into post-cancer survival therapies. My father would have been particularly pleased that this ritual took place for his daughter-in-law on March 4th, as he always loved that day, often pointing out that it was “the only command on the calendar”. My cousin, Daisy Gordon, literally calls it “Command Day”. So, it could not have been more fitting that on March the 4th, Lily marched forth into her post-cancer survivorship. That the same day of the calendar marking this ritual of transition for my wife was also my sister’s birthday, served to make the day a personal convergence of two paths. Moving forward, the fourth of March will be a day of celebration for the path from illness to health that my wife has been walking. It will be an anniversary of her new beginning. It will also always be a reminder of not only my beloved sister’s birth, but also her death, and the absence of her in my life. So, two very different paths converging on the same day, inspiring, no doubt, a wide array of emotions and recollections within me. A few days after ringing the bell, Lily was strong enough for us to head out of town for the first time since Thanksgiving. Though we were only traveling as far as Montecito, I really did not know if she would be up for it. Those radiation treatments are serious business and quite a while before we reached the end of them, Lily was spending most of her days exhausted. Less than 36 hours after ringing the bell, however, her delightfully eccentric sense of fun had returned. She announced this fact by making me laugh in a way that had been a regular occurrence prior to her Christmas Eve surgery, but which she had not been able to attempt in the ensuing weeks. Lily’s mother, Betsy, and stepfather, Barlow, made the trip out to Santa Barbara to spend several days with us. It was the first time Lily had been able to see her mother since October. One night, at Lucky’s Steakhouse in Montecito, as we celebrated this much-needed mother-daughter reunion, as well as my mother-in-law’s birthday, I confided in Betsy that the feeling I had was the same as when we were emerging from the pandemic. In both instances, after months of being or feeling “bunkered”, we had emerged from mostly staying in shelter and found ourselves reunited with Betsy and Barlow at Lucky’s in Montecito. Indeed, our very first return to indoor dining at a restaurant (after getting our Covid shots) was at that venerable steakhouse. All these years later, it truly felt as if our post-pandemic and post-cancer paths had converged. Unfortunately, during the intervening years between those two meals, I had forgotten that two of the classic gin martinis at Lucky’s is definitely one too many! A few days later, on Friday the 13th, I again found my path converging with the past, when I realized that the last time we had a Friday the 13th in the month of March was six years prior, in 2020. It was the first day I had ever visited the Montecito property that has become our home away from home. The next day, Saturday March 14 2020, in the woods outside Cupertino (where I grew up), Lily and I had a memorial for my mother. And the day after that, lockdown orders went into effect around the country. Lily and I drove through Turlock on our way back to Los Angeles that day, so that we might check on my father and my sister. It would be the last time Lily ever saw my father alive. I have never had any superstitious feelings towards Fridays the 13th. Yet, now, I sort of wish future calendars might just skip the 13th of March when it falls on a Friday, the way so many high-rise elevators seemingly skip the 13th floor. We had been unable to travel anywhere by airplane ever since Lily began her testing and treatments in May of last year. With her Christmas Eve surgery a success, however, Lily began to set her sights on visiting the D.C. area for the first time since late 2024. In addition to spending time with family and friends with whom she grew up, she desired to celebrate Easter in the nation’s capital. Life-saving surgery on Christmas Eve followed by recovery and personal resurrection on Easter. The plan made sense to me. So, in the early morning hours of March the 24th, along with trusty feline companion Fuzz Aldrin, we found ourselves waiting at Delta Gate 22 in Terminal 2 at LAX. Lily had eschewed the wheelchair arranged for her by the airline. She was definitely feeling the effort it took to make it thru check-in and TSA, however, when we heard the following announcement: “Would Jane Fonda and Lily Leirness please come to the desk.” Though this was the first time these two performers shared billing together, I have high hopes it will not be the last. In this instance, the reason these ladies were urged to come forward was because they were to board first. What I learned about Jane Fonda that morning is that she actually prefers to board last (perhaps so she won’t have to sit captive in a fishbowl, feeling all eyes upon her). On the other hand, what I learned about my wife is she really can use the extra time boarding first affords her. In fact, she probably always should have boarded first. It would have made countless trips far less stressful for me. In this instance, given her uncertain strength, and her sudden and frequent side effects-induced need for restrooms, early boarding was an absolute godsend. Sure enough, as soon as she had made certain that Fuzz was settled in beneath the seat in front and had verified that I had correctly placed her carry-on luggage into the overhead space according to her exact specifications, Lily immediately availed herself of the on-board facilities. Full boarding had yet to commence when she returned and announced, “I saw Laura Friedman!” Los Feliz sits squarely within California’s 30th Congressional District. Our representative is Laura Friedman. The last time my path had crossed with the honorable Congresswoman was at a town hall sponsored by the Los Feliz Improvement Association. I served as master of ceremonies at that event and it was there where I first announced publicly the news of Lily’s cancer diagnosis. Now my path and the Congresswoman’s were converging again at the start of Lily and my first post-cancer trip. On that long ago-seeming night at the town hall in Friendship Auditorium, Representative Friedman had a “hard out” (another event she needed to attend), which I knew to be a birthday party for her daughter. Yet, instead of making a timely departure that night, she loitered in order to be able to spend a few moments in conversation with me. She shared with me her own story of survival and offered to be available to Lily and me should we ever need to talk. Our paths converging on Delta Flight 392 allowed Lily and me to share with Representative Friedman the news of Lily’s prognosis, express our appreciation for her humanity, and to tell her how much her words had meant to us. I also got to thank her for her hard work on her constituents’ behalf and tell her how much I admire her taste in eyeglass frames (look her up - she sports seriously bad ass frames!). She introduced us to her daughter (with whom she was traveling) and invited us to visit her on “the hill” for a tour. That kind invitation was one Lily was not yet physically prepared to accept. More than that, however, considering that coming weekend’s “No Kings” protests, we planned on giving the Capitol a wide berth during our stay. Not that I was going to eschew my civic duty, of course. Indeed, I went with my mother-in-law and step-father-in-law and their friends to the No Kings rally in the Friendship Heights section of Bethesda, Maryland. The crowd there was definitely on the older side. I might actually have been one of the younger protesters at that locale! It was heartening to see so much joy and wit embodied by so many in service of protest. My favorite sign that I saw read, “Even if I wanted a king, it wouldn’t be this guy!” As I stood on a particularly well-trafficked corner, taking in the exuberant show of community going on all around me, in again, an area literally known as “Friendship Heights”, I realized that I had packed up and brought with me on the trip a whole lot of sadness. It was a sadness I had only let myself glimpse when my guard was down, and then, only out of the corner of my eye, and it was becoming assuaged by the sights and sounds and energy around me. My friend Isaac Prado sings a song he describes as being about the silence of “not wanting to show our sadness for fear of the flowers dying.” Since Lily’s cancer diagnosis, I have known the sadness of witnessing her fear and pain. I have known the sadness of having no idea what would become of me if something happened to her. I have known the sadness of utter powerlessness. Though I have also known great joy amidst the sadness, what I have not known is the freedom to speak of such sadness in any meaningful way. It was not a freedom I was refused. It was one I denied myself out of fear I would be unable to control it, that I would, in the process of expressing it, kill so many flowers and do so at a time when I was all too aware of their fragility. Being on the East Coast at Easter is a powerful reminder that the flowers do bloom again. Kyoto, Japan, is one of my favorite places on Earth. I was fortunate enough to visit there while the ancient imperial palace was open and while the cherry bl

    21 min
  3. Apr 3

    The Voice of Los Feliz (podcast) Episode 16

    Spring has sprung and there is a definite buzz about Los Feliz … And brand new episode 16 of “The Voice of Los Feliz” is certainly no buzzkill! Cameron Watson is the brand new Artistic Director of the Skylight Theatre Company. Host Phil Leirness sits down with him inside the Skylight Theatre to discuss what the future holds for this local treasure and how it could become a truly integral part of the community. Submissions are still open for the 2nd annual Los Feliz Film Fest, which takes place April 26-28 at Skylight Theatre and the Barnsdall Gallery Theatre. Phil gets together with festival founder and executive director Vuk Mitrovic to discuss the latest and to find out how interested locals can still get involved and help out! A recent open house (presented by Council District 4) revealed the up-to-date plans for the refurbishment and reopening of our local “Municipal Plunge”, the Griffith Park Pool. Friend of the show (and frequent collaborator) Debra Matlock, the president of the Los Feliz Improvement Association, attended that open house and provides a full report. Phil is actually filing this month’s show from the nation’s capital, where he is enjoying family, Easter and the full bloom of the cherry blossoms. Before he left for the “other” coast, however, he got together with Los Feliz Neighborhood Council District D representative Raina Pratto at Alcove, for an in-depth conversation that is equal parts hilarious, thought-provoking and inspiring. As always, musical director Jon Lawlor is dropping the killer tunes, and stalwart announcer Marc Hershon makes with the funny. The Voice of Los Feliz is a reader (and listener)-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit philleirness.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 48m
  4. Feb 21

    The Voice of Los Feliz (podcast) Episode 15

    Welcome to our first episode of 2026 and our longest episode yet! Boasting interviews with four special guests discussing no fewer than three big community events, and full of comedy, music, vulnerability and good cheer, we trust that Episode 15 offers something for everyone … (Laura Fuller and Phil Leirness both wear many hats, but for Porchfest L.A. they frequently found themselves wearing the same hat as each other!) Laura Fuller is a somatic therapist, a yogi, a dancer, and a writer. And she was integral to the success of Porchfest L.A. in 2025. In one of two interviews conducted at The Trails Cafe in Griffith Park this episode, host Phil Leirness and Laura do a full debrief on Porchfest, and before you know it, they have gone DEEP! (Musical performer Isaac Prado on stage at the Autry Museum of the American West, opening December’s “Viva Los Feliz: Tinseltown” - Photo by Larry Underhill) A brilliant makeup artist, musician and singer, whose personal story might not leave a dry eye in the house, Isaac Prado sits down with Phil outside on a beautiful afternoon in Barnsdall Art Park to get better acquainted. (Host Phil Leirness and Los Feliz Improvement Association President Debra Matlock with “The Most Beautiful Bell in the World” at “Viva Los Feliz: Tinseltown” - Photo by Larry Underhill) Longtime friend of the show (and even longer-tenured President of the Los Feliz Improvement Association) Debra Matlock returns and she and Phil discuss their work together on Porchfest L.A.’s Porch #8 (The Fighting 8th!) and on their most recent “Viva Los Feliz” show. They also share thoughts on how to move forward with these ongoing stage shows. (The Los Feliz Neighborhood Council District representative whose brainchild the inaugural Los Feliz Film Fest was) Finally, Phil’s Los Feliz Neighborhood Council Cultural Affairs Committee colleague Vuk Mitrovic treats Phil to drinks at Tabula Rasa Bar on Hollywood Blvd. and shares the latest news regarding the fast-approaching 2nd annual Los Feliz Film Fest! As always, musical director Jon Lawlor keeps your toes tapping, and stalwart announcer Marc Hershon tickles your funny bone. The Voice of Los Feliz is a reader (and listener)-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit philleirness.substack.com/subscribe

    2h 1m
  5. The Fighting 8th!

    Jan 4

    The Fighting 8th!

    The Los Feliz Improvement Association has been working for more than a century to build a better Los Feliz. One of the ways they did this in 2025 was by sponsoring a porch as part of Porchfest L.A., which took place the first weekend in November. Originally held in Ithaca, New York, in 2007, Porchfest music festivals began as a way for community members to put the spotlight on local musicians by providing porches where they could perform. Longtime Los Feliz resident Hélène Udy brought Porchfest to Los Angeles in 2024, after spending years turning her own porch into a local landmark through the long-running cabaret show “Was Ist Das?” This year, under Hélène’s guidance, the second annual Porchfest L.A. featured performers appearing in front yards and parking lots, coffee houses and businesses throughout Los Feliz, Silver Lake, East Hollywood and even Culver City and Mar Vista. Those audience members who trekked from locale to locale were no doubt rewarded with a veritable moveable feast of a variety show, wherein they were treated to not only musical acts, but comedy, mentalism, clowning, poetry, and perhaps, even more! When I asked Los Feliz Improvement Association President Debra Matlock why the LFIA participated this year, she began that “Los Feliz organizations have historically been very insular and territorial.” This I certainly know to be true from my many years serving as both a trustee and an officer and eventually the president of the Los Angeles Breakfast Club Foundation (the charitable arm of the Los Angeles Breakfast Club). It was a reality both I, and my wife, Lily (the longest-tenured president in the history of the LABC) worked hard to counter. By the time we stepped away from the Breakfast Club, we certainly had established relationships with many leaders of like-minded civic organizations and community institutions. In fact, I stepped away from the Breakfast Club largely to free up enough time and energy to dedicate myself to celebrating those principles of community that had traditionally been embodied by the Club, and to do so on a scale larger than those who presently run the Breakfast Club would ever allow. First as a member of the Los Feliz Neighborhood Council, and later during her tenure as president of the LFIA, Debra has, in her words, “tried to build a broad coalition”. That is one of those political-sounding phrases that are definitely beyond my grasp. So, Debra further explained that she embraces any opportunity where she can work with other community groups in support of events that celebrate Los Feliz, or which create “the opportunity to connect with neighbors” she has yet to meet. She described Porchfest as what “seemed like the perfect way to meet people literally where they are, walking down the street, and share the experience of hearing music together.” All this was lovely to hear, though the short answer about why she and the LFIA participated probably could have been summed up by the fact that I asked them to participate! I was a big fan of last year’s event. I simply strolled the neighborhood the one afternoon I was in town that weekend and took in as many different porches as I could for as long as I could. With no advertising budget to speak of and very little in the way of a staff supporting her, Hélène had created an unqualified success. Through the Los Feliz Neighborhood Council Cultural Affairs Committee on which we both serve, I became acquainted with Hélène and volunteered my support. In an advisory capacity, I suggested the concept of having organizations “sponsor” porches. These organizations would elevate the visibility of the event through outreach. They would create a more welcoming environment for unsuspecting passers-by as well as for those in the know. The organizations would also document the two-day event through photos and video clips that could be used to not only promote next year’s third installment of Porchfest, but which could be provided to the artists for their own purposes. Thanks to Debra and her husband, the stalwart first gentleman of the LFIA, Brad Grossman, all these aims were fulfilled. Another goal of mine was that each porch would have designated emcees, provided by either the sponsoring organization or by Porchfest, and that these emcees might work with the sponsor as well as the owner of the residence or business providing the “venue” to give that porch its own unique personality. Not only did I volunteer to emcee the LFIA porch, but also I sort of threw a bit of a tantrum to make it happen! The idea had been for me to be a kind of roving “ambassador”, going from porch-to-porch to speak about the larger event. As the event approached, however, and it was clear that the LFIA needed an emcee, and it was just as clear that all I wanted was to get to station myself at one location for the entire weekend and enjoy every single act that performed there, the executive decision was made. The LFIA and I were responsible for Porch #8 (which I quickly dubbed “The Fighting 8th!”) on 4419 Russell Ave. in Los Feliz, the home of Cynthia Freeman and Josh Goldstein. Josh and Cynthia were fantastic hosts, providing a porta-john, bowls of (leftover) Halloween candy, and boundless energy in support of the performing artists. When there was a hole in the schedule in what was to be the start of day 2, Cynthia even took it upon herself to arrange for one of our day 1 performers to return! Throughout the weekend, we had probably 400 people stop by for at least a little while, and at times, we had a yard, driveway, and sidewalk full of locals enjoying the free musical performances, and on a couple of occasions, the crowd even spilled into the street. Some people turned out to support specific artists, many of whom had advertised the event on the various social media platforms. Some were those who had learned about that particular porch thanks to the outreach of Debra and the LFIA. Some were neighbors who lived in close proximity. Many, however, were those simply walking or driving by, who could literally hear the music, but who, I believe, in my heart of hearts, were drawn by the good energy, the “vibes”, if you will. In fact, at one point during the weekend, I shared the story of visiting the rather astonishing “place of giants”, a megalithic temple complex from the Neolithic era on the island of Gozo in Malta. These ancient temples (almost 6,000 years old) were once believed to have been built by a race of giants that disappeared when they were discovered by Bronze Age settlers. Because remains are frequently found in great numbers in and around these sites, their importance as burial places is emphasized, but the various rooms of what remains, really came to life to me at one point as I recalled what I was once told about Angkor Wat. That temple complex in Cambodia was described to me as a transmitting station and that is exactly what those island temples felt like. Situated at the top of a hill that literally opened up to the Mediterranean, that locale must surely have felt like (and may have actually been) the center of the known world. There, people would gather for sacred rituals, including storytelling, and the insights experienced and the wisdom expressed would travel outward, down the hill, across the water, and around the world. I shared this story, because I felt we were engaged in the same sacred ritual. Community was coming together and the meaning created by musician and audience was traversing down the gently sloping front yard at 4419 Russell Avenue and spreading throughout the neighborhood. It’s the only way I can adequately account for the number of souls who accidentally found their way to us. We were all participating in an ancient and ongoing conversation. At the end of the weekend, as we were packing up, an older couple came up to thank me for my work as emcee. I wholeheartedly thanked them because they had been front row for every act all weekend long. I genuinely wanted them to know how much their presence and their spirit mattered. After all, presence and spirit is everything when it comes to building community. The gentleman said to me that it costs a lot to live in southern California, and especially in our area, but what makes it worthwhile, he said, is to be surrounded by so much talent. I could have cried. I found that sentiment to be so beautiful. Of course, as he was leaving, walking down the driveway, he called out over his shoulder, adding, “Oh, yeah, and the weather!” But he mentioned TALENT first! The festivities at Porch #8 kicked off at noon on Saturday, November 1st, with the deep cut covers band The Pali Music Collective. Featuring several friends who grew up together in Pacific Palisades, the band’s blend of classic rock tunes from the 60s, 70s and 80s, took on special meaning given the still fresh memories of the Palisades fire. No matter what neighborhood one lived in, during 2025, you felt like Pacific Palisades, and Altadena, were home, too. After the music by these alums of Palisades High, we went “Lowe”, Brianna Lowe, to be precise. Brianna is a singer-songwriter, and an excellent piano player, though due to the logistic challenges posed by playing in someone’s front yard, she chose to accompany herself on ukulele that afternoon, and her set was nothing short of delightful. I felt bad that there weren’t more people in attendance to see our first two acts, but someone had to get things started and I truly felt that as the day wore on and other artists were treated to larger and incredibly appreciative crowds, The Pali Music Collective and Brianna Lowe were part of those experiences as well, for they had planted the seeds of community, had laid the fertile ground, from which all that we would experience throughout the weekend would bloom. Each of our first two acts received encore sets, and by 2 pm, the party at Porch #8 was in full swing

    26 min
  6. 12/26/2025

    The Voice of Los Feliz (podcast) Episode 14

    Welcome! This episode is coming your way the day after Christmas (Boxing Day!). HOWEVER, it was supposed to come your way the day after Thanksgiving (Black Friday)! We won’t get into whose fault this one month delay is (spoiler: it IS host Phil Leirness’ fault). All we ask is that as you hit “play”, you close your eyes and pretend it’s the day after Thanksgiving! (Photo by Fernando A. Funes) Fernando A. Funes is not a resident of Los Feliz. In fact, he lives in Orange County. Still, the amount of hours on the road he logs each week traveling to Los Feliz and Glendale and Silver Lake in order to produce and perform in comedy, poetry and storytelling shows ought to entitle him to some sort of “honorary resident” status. Add to that the fact that these shows are absolutely terrific and that he is undeniably brilliant, and you have someone who would do credit to any neighborhood he calls home. And make no mistake, Fernando harbors a great deal of affection for Los Feliz! (Lily Holleman & Fernando at “Viva Los Feliz: Architecture” - Photo by Larry Underhill) Somaya Etemad is a local architect and artist. She is active in the community and she knows how to fly! Her story is truly inspiring and her hard-won gratitude for life is profoundly moving. (Violin by Somaya Etemad) As always, musical director Jon Lawlor keeps your toes tapping, and stalwart announcer Marc Hershon tickles your funny bone. Just remember: it’s the day after Thanksgiving! The Voice of Los Feliz is a reader/listener-supported publication. To receive new posts and shows and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit philleirness.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 26m
  7. 11/25/2025

    Fear as a Force Multiplier

    This is an essay I had hoped to finish in time for Halloween, as that seemed quite an appropriate release date given the topic. Nevertheless, finishing it tonight, the 24th of November 2025, my final night of 56 seems even more appropriate. I have been considering the topic of fear and the difference between bravery and courage for most of the year. So, sharing what I have learned feels like an important ritual before I begin to celebrate my 57th trip around the sun. Whenever I host a stage show, the terror I experience during the day leading up to the event is enough to make me vow I will never host such a show ever again. Then, as soon as the show is over, whether it went well, and was well attended, or was met with indifference both in terms of attendance and audience reaction, I am ready to get started on the next one. I was genuinely excited for Debra Matlock and my most recent “Viva Los Feliz” (held in early September at the Barnsdall Gallery Theatre), one of an ongoing series of shows we put on celebrating the history, culture and community of Los Feliz. I knew how much fun it would be. Yet, I still experienced enough fear to know it would go well. My wife is an accomplished and acclaimed stage performer. She told me that the day going on stage is not scary for her is the day she will know it’s time to quit. Back when I used to serve as the stage announcer of the weekly meetings of the Los Angeles Breakfast Club, it would be my aim to kick off the proceedings by establishing the right tone and by inviting the possibility of intimacy for all assembled. One day, before going on stage, my friend Sandi Hemmerlein noticed I seemed to be struggling with something. I told her I was afraid I wasn’t up to the task that morning. She assured me that I would be fine once my “stage brain” kicked in. Ever since then, I have used that phrase to name the preternatural focus and awareness I experience when I am hosting an event or a show. Fear fuels my “stage brain” and the more I gain the corresponding focus and awareness, the more the fear animates every cell in my body. This past week, I interviewed the fascinating local architect and artist Somaya Etemad for my next episode of “The Voice of Los Feliz” podcast. She generously shared much of her rich life story with me, chapters of which could certainly be described as “harrowing”. In short, she is no stranger to fear. She has emerged from all that fear demanded of her a person fully committed to joy. Her art displays genuine whimsy. As we spoke, she shared a phrase that I have heard from other sources recently, about the importance of choosing love over fear. As with any binary choice I can think of, “fear or love” is, to me, a false choice. I learned years back that when offered the choice between two paths, it’s always best to take the third path. And there always is one. Sometimes, though, you have to wait patiently for it to appear. In my experience, fear and love often seek to work together. A teacher of mine once said, “Where there is fear, there is desire.” Fear lets us know in no uncertain terms precisely what matters to us. Hence, my wife saying that when she no longer feels fear before going on stage it will be time to quit, because she will know that performing no longer means enough to her. Fear and justifiable reasons for it seem to have been easy to find this year. Locally, when you start the year with the wildfires we did, it sort of sets the tone. And when you find out your spouse has cancer, well, you better clear room because fear is going to be moving in for a good long stay. One reason “fear or love”, specifically, is a false choice is that fear announces itself, it’s not really chosen. In that respect, it’s a lot like bravery. A few weeks after my wife, Lily, began a clinical trial to treat her cancer, she received a letter from her beloved Aunt Harrington. In it she wrote: When I was sick, people kept saying, “Oh, you are so brave” … Hah! Nice to hear and pat oneself on the back, but we really have no other choice. I had shared a similar sentiment with Lily in the summer of 2020. My mother had died (on my birthday) in 2019, and my father had died during lockdowns in June of 2020. My sister was hospitalized having suffered several strokes and it was clear that the business of closing out my parents’ affairs and the task of caring for my sister had fallen to me. Somehow, in expressing a positive attitude about it all, my good friend and frequent colleague Marc Hershon (the announcer for “The Voice of Los Feliz” podcasts) paid me the compliment of calling me one of the “most brave” persons he knew. I confided in Lily that I simply didn’t feel I had any choice but to do what I knew it was “me” to do. Bravery didn’t enter into it. Living authentically did, and though there were moments I would have loved to “cut and run” and even considered it at times for fractions of seconds that felt like eternity, knowing I had to look myself in the mirror (never an easy task under the best of circumstances!) made the non-decision for me. Harrington’s letter to Lily reminded me of this and in the ensuing weeks I had many discussions seeking to define the difference between bravery and courage. Put simply, bravery is unconscious. It either appears in the moment, when confronted by feelings of powerlessness, or it doesn’t. Courage is the choice to go through with something or show up for something when to do so, we know, might make us feel vulnerable to feelings of physical or emotional or mental pain. I think of improv performers. I have seen a lot of improv. I truly believe the skillset learned through studying improv is nothing less than the skills required for survival in the 21st century. I have witnessed performers, in the middle of a scene, show fear, and even seen, on a rare occasion, fear get the better of a usually reliable performer. The art of improv is the art of embracing whatever comes forward. That’s scary. To act in the face of that fear is bravery, but it took courage to show up at the theatre and go on stage in the first place. If we consciously choose to act courageously often enough in the face of that which we know might terrify us, we might just train our unconscious to respond with bravery when fear comes calling, often unexpectedly. Of course, this example is offered by someone who never has performed improv on stage and likely never will. I simply do not possess that kind of courage. So, perhaps, I ought to offer an example from my own life and behavior … When I was California State certified as a Violence prevention Specialist, I went through a six-month training program and followed that up with years of volunteer work. We were allowed to miss one (and only one) training session, or we would have to take the entire training course again. Because of a scheduling conflict, I found that I did, indeed, need to miss one session, and according to one of the instructors, I was “fine” missing that particular session because it involved all of us trainees bringing in any questions we were afraid to get asked by any of the groups to which we might present. I did have one such question, but hearing from my instructor, whom I greatly admired, that I would be “fine” without getting coached gave me confidence. Flash forward to my first solo speaking engagement, educating a class of college students about topics pertaining to relationship violence: I finished my presentation, knowing I had nailed it. The audience wasn’t exactly rapt, but it was my first presentation on the topic and I don’t know how many professors find their classes to be rapt under any occasion. So, I opened the floor for questions, a definite spring in my step. A hand in the back of the room shot up, and … The very first question I received was the exact question I was scared of being asked. The question was whether or not I had ever been involved in a violent relationship. There is no right answer. If I said “no”, no matter if it was the truth, I would automatically discredit myself for all those who might say, “Well, he has no first-hand experience with this, what could he possibly know about my situation?” On the other hand, if I said, “Yes, I have been in a violent relationship” even if it was the truth, I could easily lose a whole other part of the audience. Being a credible messenger is one of the reasons it’s often important to avoid revealing personal details altogether. So, what was I supposed to say? The silence was deafening. At least to me. When given a choice between two unacceptable options … Take the third path. I found myself saying, if only to buy time, “I am so glad you asked that question.” Following up with a, “What a great question!” And then, “Did everyone hear that question?” I saw a few heads lift up slowly as if the bodies they were attached to had previously drifted off to some level of slumber. I walked around the room, asking individuals directly if they had heard the question. Before long, I truly had everyone’s undivided attention. I did not, however, have the answer to the question, but having everyone’s attention, moving confidently in the direction of whatever it was that wanted to come forward gave me something akin to a feeling of faith that an answer would come. “Now, that we have everyone’s attention,” I said to the student in back who had posed it, “would you please repeat the question.” “Have YOU ever been involved in a violent relationship?” he asked with powerful intent. I smiled warmly and benignly stated, “That’s the wrong question.” The third path had revealed itself. When the only two choices offered as solutions are unsatisfying, maybe the third path is to ask a better question. Indeed, I declared, “The important question is ‘Have I ever been in a healthy relationship?’” I went on to

    26 min
  8. 10/30/2025

    The Voice of Los Feliz (podcast) Episode 13

    Welcome! We hope you will join host Phil Leirness, announcer Marc Hershon and musical director Jon Lawlor for an epic and spooky good episode all about community building! (Photo by Larry Underhill) Siobhan Burke has a passion for building as both an architect and a designer, and she is devoted to her community, having served for several years on the neighborhood council. Phil interviews her about such topics as the Hyperion Street Safety Coalition, the 99 Neighborhoods Network, the L.A. 2028 Olympic Games, and about story-driven design and about how spaces create community. (Los Feliz-based Write Bloody Publishing) Derrick Brown is the poet laureate of Los Feliz and the President and Executive Director of the Write Bloody publishing imprint. He also is someone who used to jump out of planes for a living! In a free-wheeling, heartfelt, hilarious, and inspiring conversation, he and Phil discuss his life, his career, and his ideas for how poetry can help build community. (2nd annual Porchfest L.A. takes place November 1st & 2nd - details @ http://porchfestla.com) The 2nd annual Porchfest L.A. is taking place on the 1st and 2nd of November throughout Los Feliz, East Hollywood and Silverlake. Phil gets together with Helene Udy, the driving force behind the event, to discuss what will be a truly joyous celebration of community, as well as to discuss her long-running “Was Ist Das” cabaret, her accomplished career as a performer, and to pay tribute to their mutual friend, Robert Patrick, a titan of off-off Broadway and gay theatre. The Voice of Los Feliz is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit philleirness.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 55m

About

An audio journey exploring the history, happenings, colorful characters and rich stories and experiences that make the neighborhood of Los Feliz the beating heart of Los Angeles. philleirness.substack.com