The Relationship Blueprint: Unlock Your Power of Connection

Colleen Kowal, LPC
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Colleen is a student of Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt who created the Imago Theory and have brought this work to over 50 countries around the world. She is profoundly influenced by this belief shared by Dr. Harville Hendrix. He said, "We are born in relationship, wounded in relationship and healed in relationship."What are you struggling with today?  Colleen believes that almost any problem we have began with a broken or unhealed relationship. The anxiety or deep sadness we feel often began with unresolved issues in our relationships with our parents, partner, family or friends. When we have unmet needs we are programed to get those needs met. When we don't get what we need we protest by protecting ourselves.  this often looks like defensive, critical,  demanding behaviors. these behaviors are most often ineffective. As a result we may  develop unhealthy relationship with food, sex, gambling our or a substance.  Colleen invites world renown relationship specialists from all over the world to help her guests explore their own relationships and see their problems through a relational lens. She will help us explore how to create intimacy to deepen our connections. Her listeners will gain insights to create a more joyful life. Colleen is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of South Carolina, a certified, Advanced Imago Clinical therapist,  a clinical instructor for the Imago International Trading Institute  while maintaining her clinical practice in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.   Thank you for joining Colleen today.  Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. Join her next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

  1. 17H AGO

    Your Partner Is Your Best Teacher When You Let Differences In, with Dr. Raluca Anton

    Send us a text Love rarely breaks on differences; it breaks on our inability to make space for them. We sit down with Dr. Raluca Anton—psychologist, author, and Imago faculty member—to unpack why couples often share the same core needs but use opposite coping styles to get there. One partner finds safety in structure and planning, the other in freedom and exploration. When those worlds collide, fights about schools, money, or schedules are rarely about the topic. They’re about nervous systems, history, and the parts of ourselves we exiled to survive. Raluca shares a candid story from her own marriage—rules versus freedom—and how they learned to see the shared need beneath the clash. We map the power struggle’s hidden agenda (“I’ll love you once you change”) and offer a practical way out: create room for two truths without erasing yourself. Using Imago Dialogue, mirroring, validation, and empathy, couples can slow reactivity and start solving the real problem. You’ll hear why the traits you’re most annoyed by are often the ones your nervous system secretly craves, and how partners become unlikely teachers who help us reclaim lost parts like risk taking, play, or tenderness. This conversation is a field guide for building secure connection in a polarized world. Expect concrete takeaways: how to locate the shared need under any argument, craft “both-and” solutions that serve two nervous systems, and treat mistakes as essential data. Growth is not instant; brains learn through trial and error and repetition. When we honor effort, repair quickly, and repeat what works, we move from symbiosis to mature connection—two full selves choosing one life. Listen, reflect, and ask yourself: what do I lose when I refuse to accept difference, and what might I gain by making space for it? If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review to help more couples find their way back to each other. Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    46 min

  2. 10/12/2025

    Are You Tired of Carrying All the Feelings? With Andrea DIndinger

    Send us a text We explore the hidden costs of emotional labor and how unspoken expectations drain couples, then map simple ways to share the load with clarity, compassion, and practice. Andrea Dindinger returns with practical scripts, the “emotional leader” idea, and her Loop Breaker course on ending repeat fights. • defining emotional labor and why it’s exhausting • naming transitions and creating simple homecoming contracts • turning complaints into wishes and using soft startups • avoiding mind reading with clear weekly check‑ins • perfection pressure, comparison, and self‑talk that reduces resentment • walking on eggshells with kids and modeling repair • handling withdrawal and loud silence with explicit timeouts • rotating “emotional leader” roles for small wins and relief • early repairs versus costly avoidance and roof‑leak metaphor • choosing one next step and building confidence through practice “It's called The Loop Breaker... a really short digestible course that helps couples move out of the dynamics where they're having that same fight again and again... Find it at therapywithandrea.love or follow me on socials at Andrea Dindinger.” Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    47 min

  3. 09/02/2025

    Death, Divorce, and Goldfish: A Surprisingly Hopeful Conversation with Kim Mackay-Pearson

    Send us a text Therapist Kim Mackay-Pearson brings deep wisdom and compassion to grief counseling, helping individuals navigate loss while discovering pathways toward healing and hope. Kim creates safe spaces where people can honor their pain, reconnect with themselves, and reimagine life after grief. • Kim's journey into grief counseling began in middle school when selected for a program teaching children about death • Hospice work allowed Kim to witness more peaceful, caring end-of-life experiences • Grief extends beyond death to include retirement, divorce, identity changes, and physical limitations • Children need space to process grief rather than being shielded from funeral rites and discussions • The best thing to say to someone grieving: "I have no words, just know I'm here for you" • "Grief groceries" (comfort foods delivered) offer practical support when someone is grieving • Include children in conversations about death early - even a goldfish with limited lifespan provides learning opportunity • Prepare for end-of-life by documenting your wishes to ease burden on family members • The "NOK Box" organizes important information for next of kin after death If you're experiencing grief, reach out to Kim at kampcounseling@gmail.com or find her on Psychology Today. Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    39 min

  4. 08/26/2025

    From Fear to Fierce Advocacy: A Parent's Journey with an LGBTQ+ Teen

    Send us a text How do you respond when your child comes out as LGBTQ+? For many parents, this moment arrives without warning, triggering confusion, fear, and countless questions. Through Heather Hester's powerful story, we discover that this journey doesn't require perfect understanding—just an open heart. Heather never expected to become an LGBTQ+ advocate. Coming from a conservative evangelical background, she was completely unprepared when her 16-year-old son came out as gay. What followed was a profound transformation, as she navigated from initial shock to becoming the founder of Chrysalis Mama and host of the "More Human, More Kind" podcast, where she guides thousands of parents through similar journeys. The conversation offers crucial distinctions between sexual orientation and gender identity, helping parents understand these separate aspects of their child's experience. But beyond the terminology, Heather delivers a message that resonates universally: when your child shares who they truly are, believe them. This disclosure doesn't happen lightly—it follows intense introspection and courage. Perhaps most powerful is Heather's candid discussion of parental vulnerability. She shares how acknowledging mistakes, admitting uncertainty, and showing your own humanity transforms relationships with teenagers. "The minute we let our kids see us as human beings—not untouchable, perfect people—it changes everything," she explains, offering hope to parents struggling to connect with their teens. For parents hearing this news from their child, Heather recommends taking a pause to ask: "What is the best thing I can do in this moment?" The answer is almost always to validate, see, and love unconditionally. You don't need perfect understanding to offer perfect acceptance. Whether you're parenting an LGBTQ+ child or simply want to create more authentic connections with your teenagers, this conversation offers a blueprint for moving beyond fear toward deeper understanding, vulnerability, and love. Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    38 min

  5. 08/13/2025

    What is Relational Literacy and How Do We Develop Conflict Positivity? with Dr. Banu İbaoğlu Vaughn

    Send us a text What if everything you thought you knew about relationships was missing a crucial piece? That's the revelation Dr. Banu İbaoğlu Vaughn had despite years of clinical psychology training. "There comes a moment in each relationship where the pain of childhood comes to the surface, and that's what you wrestle with," she shares, recounting the transformative insight that changed her 25-year marriage. This episode introduces the powerful concept of "relational literacy" – the fundamental understanding of why relationships function as they do and how this knowledge helps us sustain meaningful connections. Dr. Banu brilliantly reframes conflict as "growth trying to happen," offering a perspective that turns relationship challenges from threats into opportunities for profound personal evolution. Through vulnerable stories from her own marriage, Dr. Banu demonstrates how our unconscious patterns inevitably emerge in intimate relationships. She describes a recent revelation about interpreting her husband's helpfulness as judgment – a reaction rooted in childhood experiences of criticism – and how awareness of this pattern created space for healing and deeper connection. The conversation explores the delicate balance between safety and aliveness that sustains long-term relationships. As Dr. Banu explains, "Humans are always conflicted between safety and aliveness. Safety is really important to stay alive. At the same time, safety, when above a certain degree, gets in the way of being alive." This tension creates the creative possibility for growth when approached with curiosity and compassion. Ready to transform how you understand and navigate your most important relationships? Listen now to gain insights that aren't taught in school but are essential for creating relationships where both partners can thrive. How might your relationship change if you approached conflict as an opportunity rather than a problem? Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    40 min

  6. 08/13/2025

    The Invisible Load: Women, Relationships, and Emotional Labor with Andrea Dindinger

    Send us a text Therapist Andrea Dindinger reveals how the invisible mental and emotional labor in relationships can create disconnection and resentment when not acknowledged. She shares practical strategies for couples to identify, discuss, and redistribute this hidden workload. • "Invisible work" includes mental load of remembering details, planning, and coordinating that often goes unnoticed but creates exhaustion • The powerful phrase "I need you to think with me" invites partnership without criticism or blame • Creating lists of contributions and sharing them with partners reveals surprising insights about relationship dynamics • One partner often carries more emotional regulation responsibilities due to socialization and conditioning • Approaching relationship challenges with curiosity rather than defensiveness transforms connection • Breaking destructive relationship loops requires someone taking the leadership role • The vulnerability of asking for help creates opportunities for deeper intimacy For more resources including Andrea's course "The Loop Breaker," visit her website  andreadindinger,com where you'll find tools to stop having the same fights repeatedly and transform your relationship patterns. Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    42 min

  7. 07/29/2025

    When Depression Shares Your Bed: A Therapist's Journey with Trish Sanders, LCSW

    Send us a text What happens when depression isn't just in your head, but in your relationship? Certified Imago Advanced Relationship Therapist Trish Sanders takes us on a deeply personal journey through the landscape of depression, connection, and healing in this captivating conversation. Drawing from her 20+ years of clinical experience and her own marriage, Trish reveals how depression creates profound disconnection—even when lying next to someone you love. "When depression is in your bed, it affects everything," she explains. "It affects how you sleep, it affects how you dream, and it certainly affects every part of your relationship." Having experienced depression herself and supported her husband through his struggles, Trish speaks with rare authenticity about both sides of this challenging dynamic. The conversation illuminates how couples can navigate mental health challenges through connection rather than conflict. Trish introduces us to Polyvagal Theory and how understanding our nervous system states transforms relationships. She describes these states in beautifully accessible terms—the "sunny place" (regulated), the "stormy place" (fight/flight), and the "cloudy place" (shutdown)—language so clear even her six-year-old daughter uses it. These concepts help explain why we perceive the same situations so differently when dysregulated, wearing what Trish calls "depression goggles." Most powerfully, Trish shares how connection became the antidote to depression in her marriage. After separating when their son was young, she and her husband reunited through Imago therapy, learning to validate each other's experiences without necessarily agreeing. This path led to profound healing: "Depression is disconnection," she explains. "Connection is the antidote." Years later, neither experiences the severe depressive episodes that once threatened their relationship. Whether you're struggling with depression, supporting someone who is, or simply wanting to deepen connection in your relationship, this episode offers practical wisdom, validation, and genuine hope. Listen now to discover how understanding our nervous systems and practicing validation can transform even the most challenging relationship dynamics. Find Trish's podcast "When Depression is in your Bed" on major platforms including Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and at wholefamilynj.com. Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    53 min

  8. 06/30/2025

    You're Not Broken, Just Wired Differently: An Autistic Therapist's Perspective on Love with Ian Tomlinson

    Send us a text Are you struggling to understand your partner's seemingly perplexing behaviors? The mystery might lie in neurodiversity – the natural variation in how human brains function.  In this eye-opening conversation, Imago therapist Ian Tomlinson brings his unique perspective as both a relationship expert and an autistic man diagnosed at 53. With warmth and candor, he dismantles harmful myths about autism while offering practical wisdom for couples navigating neurological differences. "It's a difference, not a deficit," Tomlinson emphasizes, challenging the pathologizing framework that has dominated our understanding of neurodivergent minds. Far from lacking empathy, he reveals how many autistic individuals experience heightened sensitivity to others' emotions but process and express that awareness differently. This revelation transforms how we might interpret a partner's behaviors that previously seemed dismissive or disconnected. The conversation explores the exhausting reality of "masking" – hiding one's natural neurodivergent traits to fit in – and how this affects intimate relationships. Tomlinson introduces listeners to the "double empathy problem," where communication breakdowns between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals are consistently blamed on the latter, creating relationship imbalances that compound over time. For couples where one or both partners are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, etc.), Tomlinson offers liberating guidance: stop treating neurodivergent traits as problems to fix. Instead, recognize that all relationships involve different communication styles, and focus on mutual accommodation rather than expecting fundamental changes in how someone's brain naturally functions. Whether you're personally affected by neurodivergence or simply seeking to better understand human differences, this conversation will forever change how you view connection, communication, and the beautiful diversity of human minds. Support the show Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection. Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

    33 min
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About

Colleen is a student of Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt who created the Imago Theory and have brought this work to over 50 countries around the world. She is profoundly influenced by this belief shared by Dr. Harville Hendrix. He said, "We are born in relationship, wounded in relationship and healed in relationship."What are you struggling with today?  Colleen believes that almost any problem we have began with a broken or unhealed relationship. The anxiety or deep sadness we feel often began with unresolved issues in our relationships with our parents, partner, family or friends. When we have unmet needs we are programed to get those needs met. When we don't get what we need we protest by protecting ourselves.  this often looks like defensive, critical,  demanding behaviors. these behaviors are most often ineffective. As a result we may  develop unhealthy relationship with food, sex, gambling our or a substance.  Colleen invites world renown relationship specialists from all over the world to help her guests explore their own relationships and see their problems through a relational lens. She will help us explore how to create intimacy to deepen our connections. Her listeners will gain insights to create a more joyful life. Colleen is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of South Carolina, a certified, Advanced Imago Clinical therapist,  a clinical instructor for the Imago International Trading Institute  while maintaining her clinical practice in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.   Thank you for joining Colleen today.  Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. Join her next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.Contact Colleen at colleen@hiltonheadislandcounseling.com for questions or to be a guest on the show!

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