The Deeper Love Podcast: For the Woman Healing After Betraying Someone She Loved

Alex Croxford
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Join Alex Croxford on The Deeper Love Podcast as she guides women healing after betraying someone they loved. Through raw, compassionate conversations, The Deeper Love Podcast dives beneath the affair to the silence, the self-betrayal, and the parts of yourself you’ve forgotten. This is your space to release shame, face the truth, and begin again. With honest stories, intimate interviews, and deep guidance, The Deeper Love Podcast will help you rise from the ashes into love that feels safe, soft, and true.

  1. 5D AGO

    S2#32: You’re Not Missing Them. You’re Missing Yourself.

    There’s a real split I see with so many women post affair. You miss him, and you hate that you miss him. You know he cannot give you the life you ultimately want. You’re trying to repair your primary relationship, trying to be responsible, trying to move forward. And yet, there is still a pull - sometimes overwhelmingly - toward the person who made you feel something you hadn’t felt in a very long time. In this episode, I offer a different perspective. What if you are not grieving him at all? What if what you are actually missing is the version of yourself you accessed in that space? That woman felt seen. Wanted. Desired. She felt less responsible, less like she was holding everything together for everyone else. She felt sensual, playful, alive in her own skin rather than just going through the motions. Affairs don’t create a new woman. They reveal the one who has been buried underneath the capable, responsible version of you who keeps everything together. And that woman longs to feel something more. When you’ve been living disconnected from this version of you, any space that allows you to drop the mask can feel intoxicating. And when it ends, it can feel like you have lost not just a person, but access to yourself. In this conversation, we explore: Why longing after an affair doesn’t automatically mean you want to betray again The difference between intensity and wholeness How years of self-abandonment can leave you feeling flat without you even realising it Why taking responsibility alone does not resolve the internal split What it really means to bring that woman home without secrecy, chaos, or self-punishment If you are stuck in the tension between wanting to move forward and still feeling pulled backward, this episode will help you understand what is actually happening underneath the longing. You are not missing him. You are missing yourself. And that is something you can reclaim through coming home to yourself. This is the work we do in the Healed Heart. We begin in April 2026. Click here for more information

    22 min

  2. MAR 2

    S2#31: Betrayal, Shame & The Nervous System (with Peter McLaughlin)

    What if betrayal isn’t just a relationship issue, but a nervous system event? In this episode of The Deeper Love Podcast, I’m joined by hypnotherapist and life coach Peter McLaughlin for a powerful conversation about the subconscious patterns, shame, and trauma responses that sit underneath infidelity. Peter’s own healing journey began after a life-altering leukemia diagnosis in 2003, an experience that led him to explore the profound connection between mind, body, and spirit. What followed was a deep dive into subconscious healing, nervous system regulation, and root-cause trauma work. Together, we explore: Why infidelity creates such profound nervous system shock The difference between intensity and true aliveness How shame lives in the body, not just the mind Why talk therapy alone often isn’t enough The subconscious patterns that shape who we choose and why How trauma fractures the self, and what “atonement” really means Why conflict in relationships is a feature, not a flaw The deeper question behind betrayal: “What part of me needed this?” If This Resonated This is a conversation about responsibility, integration, and becoming whole. If you’ve ever wondered why betrayal feels so devastating, or why shame lingers long after insight, this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface. If this conversation stirred something in you, particularly around shame, nervous system contraction, or the split between who you were and who you are becoming, this is the work we do inside The Healed Heart. The Healed Heart is my 6-month guided programme for women ready to heal shame at the root, rebuild self-trust, and reconnect with steady, grounded aliveness. You can learn more here: https://www.alexcroxford.com/healed-heart About Peter Peter McLaughlin is a certified hypnotherapist and life coach whose healing journey began after a leukemia diagnosis in 2003 - a turning point that led him to explore the powerful connection between mind, body, and spirit. He helps clients identify and resolve root-cause trauma using Havening, present and past life regression, and spiritually-oriented healing methods. Peter is also the creator of the popular YouTube channel BlueSky Hypnosis, with over 130,000 subscribers and 17 million views, where he shares tools for emotional healing and personal breakthrough. A former volunteer firefighter and EMT, Peter brings compassion, grounded presence, and lived experience to his work. He is also a part-time actor, returning to the stage as Shakespeare’s King Lear after 22 years away. You can find Peter at: PeterMcLaughlin.com BlueSkyHypnosis.com YouTube: BlueSky Hypnosis

    59 min

  3. FEB 23

    Ep#30: The Affair Didn’t Make You Feel Alive - This Did

    Almost every woman I work with says the same thing: “In the affair, I felt alive.” What’s striking is that she rarely talks about the person. She talks about herself, how she felt. Confident. Desired. Chosen. Awake. And then comes the shame, not just for what she did, but for liking it. In this episode, I explore the possibility that the affair didn’t create aliveness at all. It exposed what was already there. Because when you believe your vitality lives in another person, you stay trapped. You start to think that leaving your marriage, changing your partner, or chasing intensity is the only way to feel that electric sense of being alive again. But intensity isn’t the same as aliveness. Secrecy, fantasy, and validation create a nervous system high. It feels powerful and freeing, but it’s fragile. True aliveness comes from somewhere else entirely. It comes from accepting all of you. From feeling your emotions instead of suppressing them. From speaking your truth instead of swallowing it. From having boundaries. From reconnecting with pleasure in ordinary moments. It also comes from healing the younger parts of you who learned to survive by being perfect, easy, strong, or low-maintenance. If calm love feels boring and chaos feels electric, that isn’t because you’re broken. It’s because your nervous system has learned to associate intensity with vitality, and that can change. In this episode, we explore: Why so many women felt “alive” in their affairThe shame of admitting you liked itThe difference between intensity and sustainable alivenessHow perfectionism and obligation slowly shut you downWhy suppressing grief and anger also blocks joyThe role of boundaries, honesty, and pleasure in reconnecting to your life forceHow unhealed attachment wounds keep choosing intensity over calm love If this resonated… If you’ve only ever felt fully alive inside secrecy or intensity, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means parts of you have not yet felt safe to exist in your real life. Inside The Healed Heart, we don’t shame those parts. We meet them. We build the capacity to feel alive without chaos. And we help you create aliveness that is grounded, regulated, and sustainable. You don’t need chaos to feel alive. You need healing. You’ll find details about the next round of The Healed Heart here. @iamalexcroxford

    29 min

  4. FEB 16

    Ep#29: Living With What I Did

    After an affair, there is the rupture itself, and then there is what comes after. The part no one really talks about, the months or years of living inside what you’ve done.The self-surveillance. The guilt. The fear. The loss of who you thought you were. In this episode, I speak honestly about the internal experience of living with the aftermath of my betrayal. The tension in my body, the pain in my chest I didn’t realise was anxiety, the constant bracing, self-punishment, and pretending I was fine while everything inside me was falling apart. I share the confusing truth that was hardest to hold: that I loved my husband, and I still caused him harm. And that the affair wasn’t about him not being good enough, or wanting to leave, but about a deep hunger to feel alive, chosen, and connected again. This episode is about the loss of identity that can follow betrayal. About looking in the mirror and not knowing who you are anymore. And about why punishment, hatred, and relentless self-judgment don’t create accountability…they only deepen the disconnection. In this episode, we explore: What it’s actually like to live with what you’ve done, long after the affair has ended The emotional contradiction of loving someone deeply and still betraying them Why self-punishment feels necessary, and why it slowly erodes your sense of self How anxiety, bracing, and chest pain can be the body carrying unprocessed guilt and fear The difference between accountability and endlessly berating yourself Why trying to “forget and move on” often makes things worse Why insight alone isn’t enough when your nervous system is in survival What allowed my body to finally soften, and why being held mattered more than understanding what had happened. If this episode landed If you recognised yourself in the bracing and the exhaustion.If you’re feeling like you don’t deserve rest, softness, or support until you’ve suffered enough. That matters. The Sanctuary is an ongoing, gentle space for women in the aftermath of their own betrayal who are tired of holding everything together on their own. It exists for the woman who is doing “all the right things” but still feels tight, disconnected, and alone inside. For the woman who needs somewhere her body can finally exhale. Inside The Sanctuary, you’re not asked to explain yourself, justify what happened, or earn your place by being forgiven. You are held where you are, while learning how to stay connected to yourself, regulate your nervous system, and live with responsibility without self-abandonment. You don’t have to do this part alone anymore. Click here to discover more @iamalexcroxford

    28 min

  5. FEB 9

    Ep#28: You Did the Therapy, But You're Still Haunted. Why?

    If you've ever found yourself thinking “I've done the therapy, I’ve read the books, I know why it happened… so why do I still feel so stuck?”, this episode is going to meet you right there. In this conversation, I’m unpacking the difference between understanding something and actually feeling different. Because when it comes to betrayal, the healing isn’t just in the mind, it lives in the body. And if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe yet, no amount of insight is going to shift what’s frozen there. We’ll talk about why the shame you’re feeling didn’t start with the affair, how emotional pain from childhood often gets reactivated in the aftermath, and why somatic healing (not more thinking) is often the key that actually unlocks peace. If you’ve ever felt like you should be further along by now, or wondered why your body still feels heavy, numb, or disconnected, this one’s for you. In this episode, we explore: Why therapy helps you understand… but doesn’t always help you feel different What happens when emotional wounds get stuck in the nervous system How shame from childhood can get reactivated after an affair Why so many women still feel haunted, even after “doing the work” The missing piece in most betrayal healing work A powerful moment of emotional release from inside The Sanctuary Why somatic healing, not more insight or analysis, is often the true turning point 🌿 The Sanctuary is open The Sanctuary is my monthly space for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal, a place where you can stop performing, start softening, and come home to yourself. We don’t rehash the affair or analyse the past.We return to the body, and to the part of you that’s been waiting to feel safe again. It’s £277/month, open now, with a 3-month minimum commitment. If this episode speaks to you, I’d love to welcome you in. → Click here to explore The Sanctuary Instagram: @iamalexcroxford

    20 min

  6. FEB 2

    Ep#27 - Why Hating Yourself Won’t Heal You

    In the aftermath of an affair, shame can become relentless. It tells you that if you punish yourself enough, make yourself disappear, hate yourself more, you’ll finally make things right. That’s how you’ll become trustworthy again and undo the damage, right? But shame doesn’t heal. In fact, it does the opposite. It pulls us deeper into the mud. In this episode, I speak directly to the woman who is stuck in that brutal inner loop - the one who can’t get out of bed, who is replaying every detail, who feels fundamentally bad, broken, or unlovable because of what she’s done. I share why self-hatred doesn’t create repair, why shame feels so unbearable in the body, and what actually begins to ease the pain, without bypassing responsibility or impact. This is not about excusing your actions, it’s about understanding what led you here, without abandoning yourself in the process. In this episode, we explore: The critical difference between shame (“I am bad”) and guilt (“I did something outside my values”) Why shame is one of the most painful emotions humans experience, and why so many women collapse under it after an affair How self-punishment keeps you stuck, numb, or spiralling rather than helping you heal The childhood roots of shame and how early experiences shape the voice in your head today Why the part of you who cheated isn’t broken, but was trying to survive emotional deadness and disconnection A powerful reframe: relating to the part of you who acted as a young, overwhelmed child rather than an enemy What real self-responsibility looks like without self-abandonment Why rejecting parts of yourself only tightens their grip How compassion, boundaries, and nervous-system safety create the conditions for real change If this episode landed If something in your body softened as you listened, even just 1%, that matters. The Softening Sessions are a once a month trauma-informed space for women in the aftermath of an affair who are exhausted from self-hatred, overthinking, and holding everything alone. They are an opportunity to: put down the inner punishment come back into your body be held without needing to fix or explain yourself begin relating to yourself with compassion and steadiness again You don’t need to do this healing alone. Click here for more information on The Softening Sessions:https://www.alexcroxford.com/softening-sessions Instagram: @iamalexcroxford

    19 min

  7. JAN 26

    S2#026 - When Everything Feels Like It’s Falling Apart

    There are seasons in life where everything feels heavy, grey and lifeless. Where it feels like nothing is going well, nothing is blooming, and nothing makes sense anymore. If you’re in the aftermath of an affair, this is exactly how it can feel. Relationships start to shift. Certainty of the future disappears. And the emotions feel big, hard and bleak. And all you want is for this part to be over. In this episode, I talk about what it means to be in a winter season of life, and why this phase isn’t a failure, a punishment, or a sign that you’ve ruined everything. It’s a season of shedding, stillness and deep inner repair. Just like nature in winter, everything on the surface may look quiet, bare, or even dead.But underneath, something essential is happening. Roots are deepening.Old structures are dissolving.Life is reorganising itself from the inside out. This episode is an invitation to stop rushing this season…and to begin trusting what it’s doing within you. In this episode, I explore: What it means to be in a winter season of life Why the aftermath of an affair so often feels bleak, heavy, and colourless How breakdowns can be sacred pauses rather than personal failures Why shedding relationships, identities, and old ways of being is part of healing What’s really happening beneath the surface when nothing seems to be changing Why rushing this season weakens the roots of what’s trying to grow How trusting the season you’re in can change the way you move through it If everything feels slow. If you’re tired of feeling this way.If you just want to hurry up and feel “better”. I see you. Remember, nothing blooms all year round and this season isn’t forever. Your only work right now is to learn how to stay with yourself and keep healing at a mind, body and soul level. Spring will come.But first, the roots have to deepen. If you’re ready for gentle, embodied support, you’re warmly invited to join me for the next Softening Session, held every second Thursday of the month at 8pm GMT. The Softening Sessions: https://www.alexcroxford.com/softening-sessions www.alexcroxford.com @iamalexcroxford

    24 min

  8. JAN 19

    S2#025 - Why You Keep Choosing People Who Can’t Choose You

    You can see your patterns. You know your wound. You’ve read the books. You’ve talked, journaled, cried, processed. So why do you still find yourself magnetised toward affairs or people who can’t fully choose you? In this episode, I’m taking you deep into the subconscious patterns that keep us chasing love in all the wrong places, even when we know better.Because insight alone isn’t enough.And if you’ve ever felt broken, confused, or ashamed for going back to the same kind of person again… this one’s for you. What we explore: Why awareness doesn’t equal transformation The nervous system’s role in relationship patterns How your inner protector is still trying to keep you safe, by choosing what’s familiar The difference between knowing your wound and healing it Why unavailable love feels so magnetic And how to begin choosing differently, without shame, force, or fixing This episode is a gentle, unflinching look at the patterns underneath your pain.And a reminder: You’re not broken. You’re patterned. And patterns can shift. Ready to go deeper? If this resonated, and you’re ready to be supported in the real healing, the kind that shifts you at a soul + nervous system level, you’re so welcome inside The Sanctuary. It’s where we soften the survival strategies, and make space for a new kind of love to land. 🔗 https://www.alexcroxford.com/the-sanctuary Instagram: @iamalexcroxford Website: www.alexcroxford.com

    20 min
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About

Join Alex Croxford on The Deeper Love Podcast as she guides women healing after betraying someone they loved. Through raw, compassionate conversations, The Deeper Love Podcast dives beneath the affair to the silence, the self-betrayal, and the parts of yourself you’ve forgotten. This is your space to release shame, face the truth, and begin again. With honest stories, intimate interviews, and deep guidance, The Deeper Love Podcast will help you rise from the ashes into love that feels safe, soft, and true.

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