Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40

Shana James
  • 5.0 (8)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Love between humans is not easy, and most of us never had great examples or education about emotions, communication, sex, or what keeps love alive. When you add the challenges of aging to the mix, love becomes even more complicated. Many people end up settling, or giving up on what they want most. But you don't have to! Dating and relationships become easier when you hear people share vulnerably about their struggles, and how they've created more connection and excitement. I bring my 20 years of experience, coaching thousands of people, to help you see what's possible, and how the practice of love makes it possible to have the best love and sex of your life! Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! https://shanajamescoaching.com/goodies

  1. #56: How to Create a Conflict-Proof Relationship

    4d ago

    #56: How to Create a Conflict-Proof Relationship

    What does it take to create a relationship that survives life's challenges and? My guest, Geoff Laughton, has been married for 44 years. He and his wife have been through experiences that would have ended many relationships, but their marriage has continued to deepen and evolve. In this conversation Geoff shares why conflict isn't something to avoid, but one of the greatest opportunities for growth, intimacy, and deeper connection. Geoff is a relationship coach, men's coach, founder of The Undaunted Man, and author of Conflict-Proof Relationship, in addition to other books.  We explore: • Why love alone is not enough to make a relationship work • The surprising role conflict plays in healthy relationships • How to take responsibility for your emotions before communicating • What true forgiveness requires after betrayal or broken trust • Why your partner isn't understood until they feel understood • The danger of assuming your partner thinks like you • What is more important than trying to get back to the way things used to be One of my favorite insights from this conversation is that healthy relationships aren't conflict-free. They stay healthy by  learning to navigate conflict consciously and use it as an opportunity to grow. If you've ever struggled with communication, recurring arguments, betrayal, or feeling misunderstood, this episode offers a powerful roadmap toward deeper connection and lasting love. Resources: Find Geoff:  https://yourrelationshiparchitect.com/  https://yourrelationshiparchitect.com/published-books/  https://theundauntedman.com/   Find Shana: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult       Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: CHROXRSGACRHE8NP

    39 min
  2. #55: What Women Wish Men Knew About Sex, Desire, and Connection

    Jun 4

    #55: What Women Wish Men Knew About Sex, Desire, and Connection

    Most men were never taught how to navigate a woman's desires. In fact, many were taught to fear them. In this candid and sometimes provocative conversation, intimacy expert Susan Bratton and I explore what becomes possible when women stop hiding what they want and men stop seeing desire as something they have to control, manage, or perform around. Susan has spent decades helping people create what she calls "heart-connected, conscious, passionate lovemaking." Together we explore why great sex isn't about performance, techniques, or getting it right. It's about presence, self-expression, emotional safety, and the courage to tell the truth. We talk about: • The difference between conscious lovemaking and performative sex • Why many women struggle to express what they truly want • How a woman's desires can become a roadmap rather than something to fear • What happens when partners stop trying to control each other and start co-creating • How heart connection creates deeper intimacy and better sex • Why asking for what you want is one of the greatest gifts you can give a partner • The surprising ways long-term relationships stay alive, erotic, and connected Susan shares stories from her own life, relationships, and decades of teaching that challenge conventional ideas about sex, intimacy, and partnership. While some parts of this conversation are refreshingly direct and adult in nature, the deeper invitation is one we all need: to stop performing, start telling the truth, and create relationships where we can be fully known and fully loved. If you've ever wondered how to create deeper connection, more satisfying intimacy, or a relationship where desire can be spoken openly, this conversation is for you. Get Susan's twice weekly tips for great sex at: https://betterlover.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/BetterLover Take Shana's quiz to see what's keeping you from the best love and sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: WGWRQANBJDWAVVM

    29 min

  3. May 29

    #54: Stop Getting Ghosted: The First Date Move You need to know

    Dating after 40, especially dating after divorce,  is supposed to get easier. You know yourself better. You're done with the games. You're clear on what you want. But somehow, the dates still feel like performances. The apps still feel like a chore. And getting ghosted still stings just as much as it did decades ago. That's exactly where this episode begins. In this solo episode of Practicing Love, host and dating coach Shana James gets specific about why dating feels so exhausting after 40. She explains why the fix is simpler and stranger than most people expect. The episode opens with a promise from the previous episode: that the real reason love feels hard to find isn't your age, your circumstances, or the myth that all the good ones are taken. It's that your protection is working too well. And the first move to shift that protection? It doesn't require more therapy, more affirmations, or another workshop. It can happen in the first two minutes of your next date. Most people think the first move is updating their photos, downloading apps, or saying yes to more social events. Shana calls these moves five, six, and seven. Without the real first move, everything that follows feels hollow. Dates feel like auditions, people never quite clear the bar, and the connection that could be there stays just out of reach. The real first move is naming the context of the date out loud. This comes before the small talk takes over. Rather than two people silently performing at each other, quietly asking, " Am I good enough? Will they like me? Where is this going?" You simply say it differently. Something like: "I'm more interested in being real here than trying to impress each other. Can we keep this date honest and relaxed?" That's it. A few sentences that shift the entire dynamic from a silent auction to a shared exploration. Shana draws on over 20 years of coaching and her own dating experience across her twenties, thirties, and forties. She uses every date as an experiment in what creates real connection versus what creates more disconnection, anxiety, and the painful emotional rollercoaster that follows. Her clients initially resist this approach. It feels too weird. Too heavy. Too much. But when they try it, what happens is the opposite of what they fear. Dates feel lighter, not heavier. Conversations go somewhere real. The ghosting and post-date spiralling stop because the date was grounded in reality from the start. This is what Shana calls relational leadership. And it's available to anyone willing to value connection more than performance. CHAPTERS Why Love Feels Harder to Find After 40 The First Move Nobody Talks About Why Apps and Events Aren't Enough The Real First Move: Naming the Context What to Actually Say at the Start of a Date Different Kinds of Connection After 40 The Gap Between Knowing and Practicing Vulnerability What Happens When Someone Responds With Relief Relational Leadership: Dating as Something You Create The Honest Dating Guide and What's Inside

    25 min

  4. May 15

    #53: The Real Reason Love Feels Harder to Find After 40 (It's Not What You Think)

    Most people dating after 40s have a theory about why love hasn't happened yet. The age. The baggage. The kids. The schedule. Relationship and dating coach Shana James says every one of those theories is wrong, not because the challenges aren't real, but because they're symptoms, not the cause. In this episode of Practicing Love, Shana explains that the real obstacle is almost never circumstantial. It's internal. After real loss, divorce, grief, relationships that ran out of road, the mind builds a protection system that made complete sense at the time but is now keeping love at arm's length. "You've become very, very good at keeping yourself safe. And that same skill is now keeping love at arm's length." That overprotection shows up in recognizable ways: overanalyzing a potential partner in the first few dates and finding a reason to exit early, staying so busy there's never space for someone new, numbing the desire for emotional connection, or keeping things surface-level because that level doesn't hurt. These behaviors feel responsible and self-aware. They're actually the protection working against you. Shana then walks through three shifts that change things. Moving from performing confidence to being vulnerable. Filtering for growth rather than perfection. And deciding to practice readiness instead of waiting to feel ready, because, as she puts it, ready is not a feeling that arrives before you act. It's what happens as you act. She also addresses a grief many people carry but rarely say out loud: the fear that real, electric love is a younger person's experience. Drawing on Gottman research, she argues that love after 40 doesn't have a lower ceiling. It just has a different ignition. Safety comes before chemistry, and the connection that grows from genuine safety reaches a depth that chemistry-first relationships rarely achieve. CHAPTERS Why Your Theory About Love is Wrong What Genuinely Changes After 40 The Protection System Working Against You  How Overprotection Shows Up in Dating  Love After 40 Doesn't Have a Lower Ceiling  Three Shifts That Open You Back Up  Client Story  Conclusion Connect with Shana:  Website: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/

    16 min
  5. #52: The Truth About Betrayal: Why It Happens and How Couples Heal

    Apr 30

    #52: The Truth About Betrayal: Why It Happens and How Couples Heal

    Betrayal can feel like it shatters everything. Trust, safety, identity can be gone in an instant. But betrayal is also more complex than we've been led to believe. In this episode of Practicing Love, I'm joined by The Therapy Brothers, Brannon and Tyler Patrick, who specialize in helping individuals and couples navigate betrayal, addiction, and the painful path of rebuilding trust. We explore what's really happening beneath betrayal, and what it actually takes to heal. Because betrayal isn't always about a lack of love. Sometimes it's: A lack of courage A hidden addiction or compulsive behavior An inability to face shame or be fully known Or a desperate (and often unconscious) attempt to escape We talk about the different "flavors" of betrayal, why it can feel so shocking and disorienting to the betrayed partner, and why healing requires both compassion and accountability. In this episode, we explore: The different patterns that lead people to betray trust What happens internally for both the betrayer and the betrayed Why secrecy and shame keep people stuck...and how to break that cycle Early signs that something may be off in a relationship How to approach a partner when you sense disconnection or dishonesty What it really takes to rebuild trust (and why it can't be rushed) Why healing requires individual work, not just relationship repair We also talk about something many people don't realize: The relationship issue is often a symptom, not the root problem. Unless that deeper work is addressed, true repair isn't possible. This conversation is honest, nuanced, and grounded in their real experience working with couples in the most painful and confusing moments of their relationships. If you've experienced betrayal, fear it, or want to understand it more deeply, this episode offers both clarity and a path forward.   Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life!   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: 3XO0LDATK42BXEXU

    41 min
  6. #51: How I Found Love Without Games (And How You Can Find Real Love Too)

    Apr 23

    #51: How I Found Love Without Games (And How You Can Find Real Love Too)

    What if dating could be enjoyable, and you could let go of the stress of performing, proving, and wanting to be chosen... especially when dating in midlife and wanting real love? In this special episode, I'm joined by my partner, Marc Hopkins, for a real and honest conversation about how we actually found love — and what we did differently than in our past relationships. We didn't fall in love by accident. We didn't rush to define the relationship. And we didn't try to be who we thought the other wanted us to be. We slowed down, stayed curious, told the truth, and let ourselves be seen, even when it felt vulnerable. In this episode, we talk about: The ways we were tempted to hide parts of ourselves to be more desirable Why avoiding "hard conversations" in the beginning sets relationships up to fail How we made our avoidant attachment patterns playful instead of pressure-filled What it looks like to date with curiosity instead of urgency  The difference between reacting and responding, and how to bring this into early dating How honesty, even when uncomfortable, can create a foundation of safety and intimacy How to discover and build real love, not a fragile fantasy This conversation is at the heart of my Honest Dating approach. If you're tired of dating that feels exhausting, confusing, or performative, this episode will show you what else is possible.  If you want to more, join the waitlist for the Honest Dating Manual and events here:  https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/   Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life!   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: JYEBEACXSYUOYD5E

    32 min
  7. #50: How to Keep Love Alive: Real Practices for Conscious, Lasting Partnership

    Apr 16

    #50: How to Keep Love Alive: Real Practices for Conscious, Lasting Partnership

    What if love could actually get easier over time? And could deepen instead of fade?  In this episode, I'm joined by Ben and Kerena Saltzman — partners who don't just talk about conscious relationship, but live it. They share what they do to keep love alive, not by avoiding conflict, but by learning to love each other well.  They talk about how it can be intentional, even when things feel messy. We explore what makes your love become stronger and what becomes possible when you love each other well: Conflict doesn't slowly erode the relationship — it strengthens it You feel more on the same team, even in hard moments Intimacy deepens instead of fading over time You learn about each other instead of taking things personally There's more honesty, more aliveness, and more room to be fully yourself Even the painful moments become part of what brings you closer We talk about the courage it takes to keep opening your heart, even when it would be easier to shut down.  And why the couples who thrive aren't the ones who never struggle, but the ones who keep choosing each other, again and again. If you've ever wondered whether lasting, vibrant love is actually possible, this conversation will show you that it is.   Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life!   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: ELRUV6G8JHUP8JAW

    42 min
  8. #49: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Meet Your Expectations

    Apr 2

    #49: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Meet Your Expectations

    Why do so many relationships feel frustrating, confusing, or disappointing, even when there's real love?  What if the biggest source of conflict in your relationship isn't your partner, but your expectations of them? In this episode, I talk with psychologist and author of Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex. We explore how quickly we create stories about who our partner should be, and how those expectations erode connection, create resentment, and leave both people feeling like they're failing. You'll hear why your partner may feel like an "alien" at times, and how differences in wiring, nervous systems, and past experiences shape the way we love, communicate, and respond in conflict. This conversation also unpacks what actually creates win-wins in relationships, and why trying to "fix" your partner, or get them to change, often backfires. In this episode, we explore: How expectations get out of alignment with reality (and what that costs your relationship) The hidden fear of "not being enough" that increases conflict  Why your partner's strengths are often also their blind spots How to work with differences in personality, pace, and nervous systems What to do when your partner shuts down, pulls away, or seems unresponsive How to create connection without pressure, demands, or ultimatums Why people get defensive and how to stop unintentionally making things worse A more effective way to repair and create real understanding If you've ever thought, "If they loved me, they would…" this episode will challenge that assumption in a way that opens the door to more connection, compassion, and possibility.   Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life!     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: X6DOTPWFPO5ZGZDX

    40 min
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5
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About

Love between humans is not easy, and most of us never had great examples or education about emotions, communication, sex, or what keeps love alive. When you add the challenges of aging to the mix, love becomes even more complicated. Many people end up settling, or giving up on what they want most. But you don't have to! Dating and relationships become easier when you hear people share vulnerably about their struggles, and how they've created more connection and excitement. I bring my 20 years of experience, coaching thousands of people, to help you see what's possible, and how the practice of love makes it possible to have the best love and sex of your life! Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! https://shanajamescoaching.com/goodies

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