Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40

Shana James
  • 5.0 (11)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Love between humans is not easy, and most of us never had great examples or education about emotions, communication, sex, or what keeps love alive. When you add the challenges of aging to the mix, love becomes even more complicated. Many people end up settling, or giving up on what they want most. But you don't have to! Dating and relationships become easier when you hear people share vulnerably about their struggles, and how they've created more connection and excitement. I bring my 20 years of experience, coaching thousands of people, to help you see what's possible, and how the practice of love makes it possible to have the best love and sex of your life! Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! https://shanajamescoaching.com/goodies

  1. 1d ago

    #63: What 20 Years of Coaching Men Taught Us About Love, Loneliness, and Lasting Relationships

    Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40

    #63: What 20 Years of Coaching Men Taught Us About Love, Loneliness, and Lasting Relationships

  2. Jul 23

    #62: The Hidden Reason Even Good Relationships Drift Apart

    Have you ever looked at someone you love and wondered, What happened to us? Most people assume relationships drift apart because the spark fades, communication breaks down, or life simply gets in the way. But what if the real reason is much simpler and more hopeful? In this conversation, bestselling author and executive coach Jamie Smart shares a perspective that has transformed the lives of thousands of people he has coached.  One of my favorite moments is when Jamie talks about how he'd spent years organizing his relationships around avoiding heartbreak instead of creating true love, and what is possible since making that shift.  In this episode, we explore:  The underlying causes of relationships drifting and spark fading  How your "view" changes how your partner appears to you  The downward spiral of disconnection from trying to be "right"  How insight transforms relationships faster than trying harder  The key to make the shift from self-protection to creating true love Whether you're dating, married, healing from heartbreak, or simply wanting deeper connection, this conversation offers a fresh way of understanding what keeps love alive, and what helps us truly see each other again. And if you want a deep dive into understanding who you truly are, and what's possible in love and life once you know this, this is an episode for you.     Enjoyed this conversation? Here are a few more resources:   Jamie's Resources:  Learn more: JamieSmart.com  Listen to Jamie's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/get-clarity-with-jamie-smart/id1173476690     Explore Jamie's books, including Clarity and Results: Think Less, Achieve More: https://www.jamiesmart.com/jamie-books/   Shana's Resources:  Discover what's keeping you from having the love and connection you want. Take the quiz: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/  Join the Honest Dating Manual waitlist https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/    Need support? Schedule a free Love Consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: IHVPCN3F5C1BO2Q0

    #62: The Hidden Reason Even Good Relationships Drift Apart

  3. Jul 16

    #61: How to Navigate Baggage While Dating, Without Letting It Ruin Love

    Everyone talks about "baggage" in dating. But what does that actually mean? If you're dating in midlife, chances are you—and everyone you meet—have lived through heartbreak, divorce, health challenges, parenting, financial ups and downs, grief, or complicated family dynamics. The goal isn't to find someone without baggage. It's to discover whether your lives, values, and emotional realities are compatible enough to build something beautiful together. In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with relationship and intimacy coach Karen Bigman to explore what baggage really is, how to recognize the difference between deal breakers and manageable challenges, and why self-awareness is far more important than finding a "perfect" partner. Together we explore:  Why everyone in midlife brings some form of baggage into dating  How to tell the difference between compatible and incompatible baggage  Why knowing yourself matters more than following dating rules  When to communicate your needs, boundaries, and relationship history  How divorce, children, finances, family dynamics, and health challenges affect dating   Perhaps the biggest takeaway is this: Your past doesn't have to determine your future. What matters is how consciously you understand yourself, communicate your needs, and choose relationships that honor who you are today. Because dating isn't about finding someone with no baggage. It's about finding someone whose life, values, and humanity fit well with yours. About Karen Bigman Karen Bigman is a relationship and intimacy coach, sex educator, and host of the Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50 podcast. She specializes in helping men navigate dating, intimacy, midlife sexuality, and relationships with greater confidence, honesty, and self-awareness. Through coaching, courses, and education, Karen helps people create more connected, authentic relationships in the second half of life. Learn More About Karen  Website: https://taboototruth.com  Podcast: Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TabooToTruth Resources from Shana   Take the quiz to find out what gets in the way of finding love:  Find Love Quiz  Join the Honest Dating Guide waitlist: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/  Schedule a consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: FTDWN40V3UIZ5PJL

    #61: How to Navigate Baggage While Dating, Without Letting It Ruin Love

  4. Jul 9

    #60: Why High Achieving Couples Lose Connection and How to Get it Back

    Why do so many ambitious, successful couples end up feeling more like roommates than romantic partners? It's rarely because they stopped loving each other. Most people assume intimacy begins in the bedroom. Andrew and Kiana Joyner believe it begins at the kitchen table... in the everyday moments where partners feel heard, understood, appreciated, and emotionally safe. When those moments disappear, physical intimacy often follows. In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with therapist-and-coach team Andrew and Kiana Joyner to explore what actually keeps love alive when careers, parenting, ambition, and everyday responsibilities compete for attention. Whether you're entrepreneurs, professionals, parents, or simply two busy people trying to build a meaningful life together, this conversation offers practical tools you can start to use today. In this episode, we explore:  Why emotional intimacy is the foundation of physical intimacy  Why high-achieving couples often put their relationship on the back burner without realizing it  Why feeling understood matters more than agreeing, and the common misunderstanding about love languages  How unresolved hurts quietly create exhaustion and distance in relationships  Practical ways to become more intentional with your time, communication, and shared vision  The difference between mature and immature communication, and a simple practice that creates repair  The actions that actually create lasting connection (since insight alone doesn't change relationships)   Lasting love isn't built by accident. It's built through small, intentional moments of understanding, appreciation, and repair. About Andrew & Kianga Joyner Andrew Joyner and Kianga Joyner are a therapist-and-coach team who specialize in helping individuals and couples create emotional clarity, deeper connection, and lasting transformation. Together, they help ambitious couples and successful professionals build stronger communication, greater accountability, and relationships that thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Guest Resources  Website: https://www.souljourneyproject.com/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/souljourneyproject Resources from Shana  Take the quiz to find out what keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/ Schedule a consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: HDF76SDCD7O26RO5

    #60: Why High Achieving Couples Lose Connection and How to Get it Back

  5. Jul 2

    #59: The Dating Move That Tells You Everything (Before You're in Too Deep)

    Many people enter dating determined to avoid conflict. They smile through uncomfortable conversations, overlook comments that don't sit right, or convince themselves they're being "easygoing." Especially for those dating after 40 or dating after divorce, staying agreeable can feel like the safest way to protect themselves from rejection or disappointment. But according to relationship and dating coach Shana James, this habit often prevents people from discovering whether someone is truly capable of building a healthy relationship. In this solo episode of Practicing Love, I, Shana James, share the third move in my series on transforming modern dating. While the first two episodes focused on creating an honest atmosphere at the start of a date and staying connected to your own experience throughout the conversation, this episode explores what to do when something doesn't feel quite right. Most people respond to uncomfortable moments in one of two ways. They either smooth things over and pretend nothing happened or they emotionally check out of the conversation without saying a word. Although both reactions are understandable, neither helps you learn whether the person sitting across from you can handle honesty, curiosity, and emotional intimacy. Instead, Shana encourages listeners to do something surprisingly simple: acknowledge what you're experiencing. Rather than accusing your date or making assumptions about their intentions, she recommends expressing your own internal experience. A sentence as simple as, "Can I say something honest?" followed by sharing what you noticed in yourself can completely transform the conversation. This isn't about creating conflict or turning a first date into therapy. It's about inviting authenticity. When you honestly express a small moment of discomfort, your date's response becomes valuable information. They may become curious, defensive, dismissive, or open. Every response reveals something about their emotional maturity and their ability to navigate real relationships. Drawing from years of coaching experience, I share story of a divorced client who repeatedly invested months into relationships before discovering important incompatibilities. By practising this simple shift, he learned to recognize emotional availability within the first hour of meeting someone instead of months later. The goal isn't to test people or create uncomfortable conversations for their own sake. It's to stop performing and start discovering. Together, the three shifts in this series create a new approach to dating—one rooted in honesty instead of approval, curiosity instead of performance, and genuine connection instead of self-protection. Rather than hoping love happens by chance, you begin creating the conditions where authentic intimacy can grow. CHAPTERS Why Small Moments of Friction Matter in Dating The Cost of Staying Silent to Keep the Peace Emotional Maturity vs. Emotional Avoidance The Third Shift: Speak Your Truth with Honesty How to Say "Can I Say Something Honest?" What Someone's Response Reveals About Them A Real-Life Example of Honest Dating in Action The Three Shifts That Create Authentic Connection Building Lasting Love Through Openness and Presence Final Thoughts: Practicing Love After 40 Connect with Shana:  Website: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/

    #59: The Dating Move That Tells You Everything (Before You're in Too Deep)

  6. Jun 25

    #58: The Dead Bedroom Fix: Why Intimacy Dies and How to Bring It Back

    What happens when the person you love feels more like a roommate than a romantic partner? A dead bedroom isn't just about sex. For many people, it feels like rejection, loneliness, and the slow loss of emotional connection. It can leave partners wondering: "What's wrong with me?" "Why doesn't my partner want me?" "Can we ever get back what we had?" In this episode of Practicing Love, I sit down with speaker, author, and founder of Help for Men, Ralph Brewer, whose book The Dead Bedroom Fix has resonated with thousands of men and couples. Ralph shares his own journey through divorce, starting over as a father of three, and what he learned about intimacy, attachment, confidence, and healing. Together we explore:  Why dead bedrooms rarely happen because of sex alone  The connection between attachment styles and intimacy struggles  Why many men feel forgotten, unwanted, or emotionally alone  The shame that keeps people stuck  What confidence really means  Why asking for help is one of the strongest things we can do  Why becoming secure is a practice, not an overnight transformation  How addressing the "broken little boy" inside can change your relationships forever This conversation is for anyone who feels lonely in their relationship, longs for more intimacy, or wants to understand why connection fades and how to rebuild it. Because a dead bedroom isn't always the end of a relationship. Sometimes it's an invitation to finally have the conversations and do the healing that bring love back to life. Guest Resources Ralph Brewer's book: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=The+Dead+Bedroom+Fix+Ralph+Brewer Help for Men: https://helpformen.com/ The Brotherhood: https://thebrotherhoodcommunity.com/ Resources from Shana Find out what gets in the way of you having the best sex of your life: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/?ref=podcast Learn more about Honest Sex: https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/ Schedule an Effortless Love and Sex Consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: CNP489SMTIUXHOMC

    #58: The Dead Bedroom Fix: Why Intimacy Dies and How to Bring It Back

  7. Jun 21

    #57: Stop wondering if they like you: The dating question that changes everything

    If you've ever left a date replaying every moment in your head, analyzing every text message, or wondering whether you said the wrong thing, you're not alone. For many people, especially those dating after 40 or dating after divorce, first dates aren't actually about getting to know someone. They're about trying to figure out whether you're being liked. In this solo episode of Practicing Love, dating and relationship coach Shana James reveals the second mindset shift in her series on transforming modern dating. While the first shift focused on changing the dynamic of a date by naming a shared intention at the beginning, this episode explores the internal habit that quietly sabotages connection long after the conversation begins. The problem isn't always obvious. Once a date gets underway, many people naturally fall back into monitoring themselves. They start wondering: "Am I coming across well?" "Do they like me?" "Am I attractive enough?" "Did I say the wrong thing?" According to Shana, this constant self-monitoring creates a split in attention. Part of you is present in the conversation, while another part is standing outside the experience, evaluating your performance. The result? You become less available for authentic connection. Instead of being fully present, you're busy reading facial expressions, decoding reactions, and trying to predict whether the other person approves of you. Even emotionally intelligent and self-aware people fall into this trap because it can disguise itself as attentiveness or empathy. Shana explains that the question most people unconsciously ask on dates is: "Do they like me?" But she offers a much more powerful alternative: "Do I like how I'm showing up in this conversation?" That single shift changes everything. Rather than making yourself the object of someone else's evaluation, you become the subject of your own experience. Instead of navigating dating through self-doubt, you begin navigating through self-worth. This perspective allows you to notice whether you're being authentic, whether you're genuinely enjoying yourself, and whether the connection aligns with your values. It also helps you stop performing and start participating. Drawing from her coaching experience and examples from clients, Shana demonstrates how this question can transform shallow, frustrating dates into meaningful conversations. When people stop focusing on being chosen and start focusing on whether they're enjoying the connection, they gain the confidence to steer conversations in more authentic directions. The outcome isn't necessarily a perfect date. It's something more valuable: a real experience rooted in honesty, curiosity, and self-trust. CHAPTERS Welcome Back to the Dating Shift Series Why Dating Feels Better… Then Gets Hard Again The Hidden Question Running Most Dates The Cost of Constant Self-Monitoring When Emotional Intelligence Becomes Performance Why Great Dates Stay Shallow The Dating Question That Changes Everything Moving From Self-Doubt to Self-Worth What You Notice When You Stop Seeking Approval Client Story: Breaking the Post-Date Anxiety Cycle How to Turn a Boring Date Into a Meaningful One Why Dating Feels Easier When You Stay Connected to Yourself The Two Questions That Create Completely Different Dates Your New Dating Compass Preview of the Next Dating Shift

    #57: Stop wondering if they like you: The dating question that changes everything

  8. Jun 11

    #56: How to Create a Conflict-Proof Relationship

    What does it take to create a relationship that survives life's challenges and? My guest, Geoff Laughton, has been married for 44 years. He and his wife have been through experiences that would have ended many relationships, but their marriage has continued to deepen and evolve. In this conversation Geoff shares why conflict isn't something to avoid, but one of the greatest opportunities for growth, intimacy, and deeper connection. Geoff is a relationship coach, men's coach, founder of The Undaunted Man, and author of Conflict-Proof Relationship, in addition to other books.  We explore: • Why love alone is not enough to make a relationship work • The surprising role conflict plays in healthy relationships • How to take responsibility for your emotions before communicating • What true forgiveness requires after betrayal or broken trust • Why your partner isn't understood until they feel understood • The danger of assuming your partner thinks like you • What is more important than trying to get back to the way things used to be One of my favorite insights from this conversation is that healthy relationships aren't conflict-free. They stay healthy by  learning to navigate conflict consciously and use it as an opportunity to grow. If you've ever struggled with communication, recurring arguments, betrayal, or feeling misunderstood, this episode offers a powerful roadmap toward deeper connection and lasting love. Resources: Find Geoff:  https://yourrelationshiparchitect.com/  https://yourrelationshiparchitect.com/published-books/  https://theundauntedman.com/   Find Shana: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult       Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: CHROXRSGACRHE8NP

    #56: How to Create a Conflict-Proof Relationship
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Love between humans is not easy, and most of us never had great examples or education about emotions, communication, sex, or what keeps love alive. When you add the challenges of aging to the mix, love becomes even more complicated. Many people end up settling, or giving up on what they want most. But you don't have to! Dating and relationships become easier when you hear people share vulnerably about their struggles, and how they've created more connection and excitement. I bring my 20 years of experience, coaching thousands of people, to help you see what's possible, and how the practice of love makes it possible to have the best love and sex of your life! Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! https://shanajamescoaching.com/goodies

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