Conflict Owner's Manual

Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert
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Yes, we are your conflict tech support. We help you improve conflict competencies you already have. Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed invading your garden. You want to know how to manage it, and keep it from spreading. In each episode, we give you one real life conflict competency you can use right away to improve your skills, which will also improve the quality of your relationships. Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience helping people improve their conflict competencies. 

  1. 2D AGO

    123 What depletes your conflict competence?

    Have you had some situations, some conflicts, or some people who test the conflict competency skills you've been working to improve? If you recognize when your conflict skills are being drained then you have another conflict competency. You know that you're losing patience, and you can take steps to manage yourself. We give you tips for enhancing your skills if they're being depleted. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    8 min

  2. FEB 8

    122 Five ways to stay non defensive when you're feeling attacked

    Tense situations come with high emotions and drama. It's hard to to be non defensive, even when you want to. A listener asked for a step-by-step guide to being non defensive. While there's not a one-size-fits-all-guide for any conflict, here are five conflict competencies that help non-defensiveness. Combine, rearrange, and use these five in ways that work for you. They are not all the skills you need, but practice them, and you're on your way to improving your conflict competence, and the quality of your relationships. Show notes of the five conflict competencies: 1. Listening: Episode 70 is one of a few about listening  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6__TLF-bfo 2. Perspective taking: We have a few episodes about perspective taking The latest is 114 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKGq2mHa9Zk&t=2s 3. Questioning: Start with episode 77 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zXuOFfhuZU 4. Managing expectations Episode 17 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KgCsCR9xis 5. Non judgment: Episode 85 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fbENxFhQF0&t=7s Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    5 min

  3. FEB 1

    121 When a conflict ends but it's on replay in your mind

    Perhaps a bad relationship, (or even a good relationship) ends, but it leaves questions and emotions stuck in your mind. Or the fight is over, the other person is gone, and you still have the fight going on. Only now you supply the dialogue for both parts. We discuss the conflict competencies for dealing with conflict in which you are the sole active participant.  Show notes: Episode 15; Has conflict really ended your relationship?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDUc2mM1vtw Dr. Daniel Kahneman, peak end bias https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/economic-sciences/2002/kahneman/facts/  https://thedecisionlab.com/thinkers/economics/daniel-kahneman Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    6 min

  4. JAN 25

    120 How to make your conflict a positive experience

    Conflict can be a positive experience. It takes practice, is worth the effort, and here's a tip for how to do it. With practice, your conflicts will feel not to hard or soft, too hot or cold. You can keep conflict in the "just right" Goldilocks zone. Conflict is positive when you use conflict competencies to Improve the quality of your relationships, learn new skills, and break unhelpful conflict patterns.  If you enjoy using fiction to practice conflict skills, check out my Substack posts because that's the motherload: https://substack.com/home/post/p-167675464 Show notes: Other episodes that discuss popular culture to practice conflict competencies are numbers 75, 87, and 104. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    5 min

  5. JAN 18

    119 Before conflict escalates, consider these options

    Was there a friend who hurt your feelings, but denied doing it? Who is correct, you who felt harmed or your friend who won't admit doing harm? We discuss how you can improve your conflict competencies to solve this puzzle. You'll get options to consider, and ways to approach the person before the conflict heats up. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    10 min

  6. JAN 11

    118 When you feel self defensive, use these conflict competencies

    Have you ever felt judged or criticized? Did you react defensively, and then they get defensive, and soon the mutual defensiveness escalates (known as tit-for-tat) into a conflict?  You defend with "Yes, but..." to explain yourself, and they claim "you're wrong but..." Maybe voices and tempers rise. We share the conflict competencies that can change that script so the escalation doesn't happen. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    8 min

  7. JAN 4

    117 You can change a conflict pattern with a (surprise) script

    Conflicts in relationships tend to follow patterns, and conflict patterns get stuck in scripts that are hard to change. The good news, one person (you for example) can take the initiative to change a conflict pattern. It takes time for the old pattern to unstick, and the new script might need fine-tuning. With consistency, you can change an undesirable conflict pattern, even if the other person isn't aware of your effort until you decide to tell them. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    8 min

  8. 12/28/2025

    116 Three kinds of thoughts that block your conflict competence

    When you meet someone, you leave impressions on each other. You can't know for sure what impression you leave, but you can guess. And, then you'll behave as if your guess is correct. Feeling misunderstood and judged? You'll act as if you are misunderstood and judged. Maybe you're right; or maybe you're misunderstanding and judging. Your thoughts and beliefs direct your actions, so it's a conflict competence to pay attention to them. Here are three automatic thought biases to be aware of, with suggestions to help you own them. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

    7 min
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About

Yes, we are your conflict tech support. We help you improve conflict competencies you already have. Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed invading your garden. You want to know how to manage it, and keep it from spreading. In each episode, we give you one real life conflict competency you can use right away to improve your skills, which will also improve the quality of your relationships. Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience helping people improve their conflict competencies. 

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    122
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Conflict Owner's Manual
  • Show Website
    Conflict Owner's Manual