Conflict Owner's Manual

Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert
  • 4.0 (1)
  • How To
  • Updated Weekly

When you improve your conflict skills you improve your relationships. We're tech support for the conflict skills you already have, so you do conflict better.  Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed invading your garden. You want to know how to manage it, and keep it from spreading. In each episode, we give you one real life conflict competency you can use right away to improve your skills, which will also improve the quality of your relationships. Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience helping people improve their conflict competencies. 

  1. 5d ago

    Conflicts give you information; are you listening? 147

    Conflicts have important information for you. When you're in conflict, you think about how the other person is wrong, or hurtful or disappointing etc. But, your thoughts are also information you can use to understand yourself, and to turn conflict into opportunities for doing better. Here's how you can use that information to increase your conflict competence, and improve the quality of your relationships.  And, for fun, we added an end clip of Tyson and Deborah before recording the episode discussing how they'll talk about the topic. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

  2. Jul 27

    Three approaches to owning your conflicts 146

    We talk about owning your conflict, but what does it mean to 'own' your conflict? Consider these three meanings of ownership: 1. personal, 2. interpersonal, and 3. using your conflict competencies. Use all three to help you self-regulate, show up for others, and improve the quality of your relationships. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

  3. Jul 19

    Can you be impartial while taking a side? #145

    Tyson surprised Deborah with a question: Can someone pick a side in a conflict, but then be impartial in the conflict?  We discuss the differences in neutrality, impartiality, and advocacy. When faced with polarized conflict, we tend to take sides, and become advocates for one of the opinions. But, when we take a side, we become emotionally involved and conflict skills can desert us. We admit to being advocates for everyone to be more conflict competent. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

  4. Jul 12

    When someone won't listen to you, do this. #144

    Sometimes, you mean well but the other person in the conflict just won't hear you. Maybe you want to talk, even to apologize, but they've cut you off, blocked and ghosted you. You can still follow these suggestions to own your conflict, and you may also achieve your goal but in a different way. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

  5. Jul 5

    Three questions when someone disappoints you 143

    If you are disappointed in someone, it's tempting to blame them for not meeting your expectations. The conflict competent response is to ask yourself these questions, which will improve the quality of your relationship. Is your expectation reasonable; what are you asking the other person to do or change; what do you agree on?  When you and the other person understand each other, whether you agree or not, you create more than you have alone. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

  6. Jun 28

    Three ways to handle hurt feelings in conflict 142

    Feelings are often hurt in conflict, and it's tempting to blame the other person for hurting you. Whether you are 100% at fault for the conflict or did nothing wrong, you can feel hurt. Here are conflict competent ways for you manage the hurt, and improve the quality of your relationships. Show notes:  Episode 118: When you feel self defensive, use these conflict competencies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muXjimrv2mU&t=37s Episode 125: Heroes and villains don't fight about their worldviews (but you really should) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0k1JF8TB4g&t=2s Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

  7. Jun 21

    Two small shifts that make big conflict improvements 141

    There are two parts to your conflict competence practice; 1. your actions and 2. your attitude. If you change one of them, you will affect the other.  Start small, think of one action or belief to change, do that and see how a small change in your belief changes your conflict. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

  8. Jun 14

    The hidden superpower of conflict competence 140

    You're building conflict competencies to use in conflicts. But, these conflict skills actually apply every place you go, with everyone you meet, in every context and to every situation. While you practice conflict competencies for conflicts, you incidentally improve even your calm relationships. The hidden bonus is that you can use conflict competencies anywhere, which incidentally improves the quality of your life. What are those skills we call conflict competencies? Here's a partial conflict competence checklist, and there are more you can find in prior episodes. show notes: Partial list (in no particular order) of conflict competencies we’ve posted episodes about, include: mindset, clear communication,  perspective taking,  showing curiosity,  reframing,  staying nondefensive.  not jumping to conclusions,  testing your assumptions,  being aware of how your biases and your blind spots (we all have them) affect you,  recognizing the patterns that keep you stuck in conflict,  asking questions, not rushing to solve problems before you know the right problem to solve. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

See All (146)

About

When you improve your conflict skills you improve your relationships. We're tech support for the conflict skills you already have, so you do conflict better.  Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed invading your garden. You want to know how to manage it, and keep it from spreading. In each episode, we give you one real life conflict competency you can use right away to improve your skills, which will also improve the quality of your relationships. Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience helping people improve their conflict competencies. 

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    146
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Conflict Owner's Manual
  • Show Website
    Conflict Owner's Manual