The Lulu Essey Podcast

Lulu Essey
  • 4.6 (10)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

The Lulu Essey Podcast helps you build Mental Fitness, my way of talking about mental health, together with Self-Love, and emotional resilience from the inside out. I'm Lulu, and each week I share honest, unedited conversations, practical tools, and personal stories to help you grow and deepen your confidence, build self-worth that stays firm during your hard days, and find more joy and freedom in the life you already have. Take what's true for you, make it your own, and let the rest fall away. Here we adapt, not adopt so you can do this glorious, messy thing we call life, your way.

  1. 5d ago

    Do You Trust Your Sleep Score More Than Yourself? | Orthosomnia & Listening to Your Body

    Does your sleep tracker tell you how you slept before you ask yourself how you feel? Orthosomnia, an obsession with the perfect sleep score, is growing, and this episode is about trusting ourselves and listening to our body again. When we need a screen to tell us how we feel, the data has started to outrank our knowing. The BBC recently shared the story of a woman who spent three years obsessed with her sleep score. One night she was awake from 1 AM until 5 AM, and in the morning her watch congratulated her on a great night's sleep. The device said one thing. Her body knew another. Sleep expert Dr Neil Stanley told the BBC that when a tracker gives us a number, the number becomes a target, and we start worrying about our sleep based on figures. That moment continues The Inside Job, Out in the World, my four-week series. Each week I take one moment from out in the world and pair it with a past episode that speaks directly to what is underneath it. Because the work we do on this podcast, building Mental Fitness, self-worth and Self-Love from the inside out, is not done in isolation. It shows up in the world, in our culture, in our news. This is week three. After the introduction you will hear Episode 76 in full. I recorded it after a visit to a sleep specialist at New York University's Langone Health, where I expected a sleep study and was told to stop watching the clock and listen to my body. I share how wellness terms like nervous system regulation, polyvagal theory, co-regulation and somatic practices can pull us into our heads and away from our bodies, and why we do not need the terminology to do deep, real inner work. I'd like to be clear: the science of sleep is real and it matters, and diagnosed sleep disorders need medical care. What I am looking at is where we are placing our attention. If you have ever let a number tell you how you feel, this conversation is for us. This series is not about the exceptional. It's about the human. About us as humans. In this episode you’ll learn:     •    What orthosomnia is, and why doctors are seeing more of it     •    How a number on a sleep tracker becomes a target, and why that can keep us up at night     •    What a sleep specialist told me when I went looking for answers about my sleep     •    Why reading about the nervous system can take us further away from listening to our body     •    Why you can do deep, real inner work without ever using the words nervous system regulation     •    Why simple acts of self-compassion, like a hand on your heart or a walk, count as doing the work     •    The one question to ask when reading about your health leaves you feeling worse Connect with Lulu: Website: https://www.luluessey.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey This is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

  2. Sep 24

    How Do You Keep Showing Up When Nobody's Cheering? | External Validation & Consistency

    How do you keep showing up when nobody's cheering? We know how important consistency is to achieving almost anything. And consistency feels hardest when there is no external validation, nobody cheering us on, nothing that tells us to keep going. This episode is about where the strength to keep showing up comes from when the cheering has not arrived yet. This year, the New York Knicks, one of the most famous teams in basketball, won the NBA championship after a 53 year wait. New York lost its mind. Grown adults crying in the streets, strangers hugging strangers on the subway. I saw something underneath all that celebration. I saw 53 years of showing up before a single piece of confetti fell. That moment continues The Inside Job, Out in the World, my four-week series. Each week I take one moment from out in the world and pair it with a past episode that speaks directly to what is underneath it. This is week two. After the introduction you will hear Episode 50 in full. I recorded it at my own milestone, fifty episodes of pressing record even when I did not feel ready. I share what imperfect action really looks like, the difference between modeling yourself on someone and comparing yourself to them, and the moment recognition finally arrived, and what I had to learn about receiving it without needing it as fuel. If you have ever kept going long before anyone was cheering, this conversation is for us. This series is not about the exceptional. It's about the human. About us as humans. IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN     •    What the Knicks' 53 year wait reveals about every one of us, far beyond one team     •    Why the years of showing up nobody sees are what make the celebrated moment possible     •    Why imperfect action means showing up without the thing you thought you needed     •    Why the dictionary definition of Self-Love falls short, and what it really takes to love yourself     •    The crucial difference between modeling and comparison, and how comparison slides into criticism     •    How to receive external validation without needing it as fuel to keep going     •    Why consistency and practice create transformation, not perfection Connect with Lulu: Website: https://www.luluessey.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey This is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

  3. Sep 17

    If Nobody's Watching, Do You Still Matter? | Self-Worth Beyond Social Media Numbers

    If nobody's watching, do we still matter? Self-worth gets tested every time we look at our social media numbers, the views, the likes, the followers. This episode is about what those numbers do to our sense of worth, and the one truth that holds when those numbers fall. A couple of weeks ago at the US Open, during Naomi Osaka's match, a chair umpire paused play because a suite full of influencers was mid photo shoot, ring lights and the whole nine yards. The internet piled on instantly. I saw something different in that footage. I saw a question I know from my own lowest numbers behind this mic. That moment opens The Inside Job, Out in the World, my new four-week series. Each week I take one moment from out in the world and pair it with a past episode that speaks directly to what is underneath it. After this introduction you will hear Episode 43 in full. I recorded it with no script, on the day I discovered that of YouTube's 2.7 billion monthly users, 37 had watched my last video at that time. I walk myself through my WHOLE Framework in real time, in the middle of the self-doubt, and I land on the only answer I have found that is true. If your worth has ever risen and fallen with your numbers, this conversation is for us. This series is not about the exceptional. It's about the human. About us as humans. IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN     •    What the viral US Open influencer moment reveals about all of us, far beyond one suite     •    The question hiding underneath the need to capture every moment     •    What 37 views did to my sense of worth, and what I did next     •    How to be aware of when you are reaching for external validation in views, likes, and followers     •    The WHOLE Framework, applied in real time in the middle of self-doubt     •    Why the promise of overnight success keeps hurting us     •    The one truth that never changes, no matter how big or how small your numbers are Connect with Lulu: Website: https://www.luluessey.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey This is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

  4. Sep 10

    What RM of BTS' UN Speech Taught the World About Self-Love

    RM of BTS stood before the United Nations in 2018 and gave one of the greatest Self-Love speeches ever heard: speak yourself. But the moment that stopped me was one sentence, the one where he claimed the very label people used to dismiss him. Episode 93 of Self-Love Through Their Eyes goes inside the speech, the UNICEF Love Myself campaign that came a full year before it, and the story of a boy from a small town who stopped hearing his own voice, and found it again in front of the world. I was living in Hong Kong then, when BTS were the air we breathed, and this speech found me at the exact right time. We close with a practice to try this week with one person you love: one true thing, spoken in your own voice. In this episode, you'll learn: Why "idol" was a put-down in K-pop, and what it meant that RM led with it at the United NationsThe UNICEF Love Myself campaign that came before the speech, and the one belief it was built onWhat happened when a boy from Ilsan started seeing himself through other people's eyes, and how that story is ours tooWhy he calls his faults and mistakes the brightest stars in the constellation of his lifeThe responsibility that comes with learning to love yourself, and why Self-Love was never meant to stay locked inside youA simple practice to try this week with one person you love: one true thing, given freelyResources Mentioned: RM's full speech at the United Nations, official UNICEF video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTe4f-bBEKgFull speech transcript, from UNICEF: https://www.unicef.org/press-releases/we-have-learned-love-ourselves-so-now-i-urge-you-speak-yourselfThe LOVE MYSELF campaign, BTS x UNICEF: https://www.love-myself.org Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey This is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

  5. Sep 3

    Self-Love Through Their Eyes: bell hooks

    Love is a choice, not a feeling we wait for. bell hooks' "all about love" is centered around that truth, and I know the weight of it personally: I first picked up her book over 15 years ago and put it down twice, stopped in the Preface by what it showed me about my own story. Episode 92 of Self-Love Through Their Eyes goes inside the book and looks at what love is made of, why real love cannot be sold to us, and the chapter she found hardest to write, her own Self-Love. Because the woman who defined love for a generation still had to practise it. And so do we. In this episode, you'll learn: Why bell hooks insisted on a definition of loveWhat changes when love becomes a verb, a choice we practise, instead of a feeling we wait forWhy the chapter on Self-Love was the hardest one for her to write, and what her honesty reveals about knowing the work versus living itThe inconvenient bell hooks: her warning about comfort that asks nothing of us, and why "lovelessness is a boon to consumerism"How fear stands between us and love, and what choosing love in the face of fear looks likeOne simple practice for the week: choosing love on the days you feel no love at allResources Mentioned: All About Love: New Visions, bell hooks, 2000The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck, 1978bell hooks, her life, love and legacy, from Berea College: https://www.berea.edu/centers/the-bell-hooks-center/about-bell Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.esseyThis is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

  6. Aug 27

    Stop Judging Yourself: A Lesson in Self-Love from Zanele Muholi

    What does it take to stop judging yourself and truly see yourself? Self-Love through the eyes of Zanele Muholi, the South African visual activist who turned photographing themselves into a practice of Self-Love This episode opens a new series, Self-Love Through Their Eyes, where I introduce you to artists who reshaped how I understand Self-Love and Mental Fitness, and the window each one opened for me. We begin with Zanele Muholi. Their exhibition toured Europe to record audiences before returning to Tate Modern in London in 2024, over three hundred photographs strong. In December 2024 I stood in those rooms with my niece, two South African women far from home, and what happened there is where this episode begins. This is not art critique. This series is about how art and creativity have moved me deeply, how they helped me understand Self-Love, and my hope that they will do the same for you. And in Zanele's own words, the words I have not stopped thinking about since: For once, take a look at yourself, and give thanks for living. IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARN Who Zanele Muholi is, and why they call themselves a visual activist, not an artistWhat happened when two South African women met Zanele's work in a London galleryWhy choosing not to analyse a powerful moment can be an act of trustThe story behind Somnyama Ngonyama, Hail the Dark LionessWhy Zanele set a goal of 365 self-portraits, and why its being unfinished changed how I see Self-LoveA small witnessing practice for looking at yourself without judging Explore Zanele Muholi's work: Tate Modern exhibition, with the room guide and Zulu sound baths: https://www.tate.org.uk/whats-on/tate-modern/zanele-muholiThe portraits at Tate, including Bester I: https://www.tate.org.uk/art/artists/zanele-muholi-18872/yes-but-why-zanele-muholiThe Muholi Art Institute: https://www.muholiart.institute/Zanele in their own voice, on film at Art21: https://art21.org/artist/zanele-muholi/ Sources for this episode: The 2020 exhibition closure and 2024 return: Tate Modern exhibition page aboveZanele's quote, for once, take a look at yourself: Attitude interview: https://www.attitude.co.uk/culture/zanele-muholi-interview-466960/Zanele on Somnyama Ngonyama and founding the Institute: Juxtapoz interview: https://www.juxtapoz.com/news/magazine/features/zanele-muholi-the-bronze-age/The 365 self-portrait goal, begun 2012: https://lampoonmagazine.com/article/2022/01/20/zanele-muholi/ Connect with Lulu: Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey This is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And subscribe while you are here 💛 The Lulu Essey Podcast is a proud member of the ALIVE Podcast Network: https://alivepodcastnetwork.com/

  7. Aug 20

    Why Self-Help Can Make You Feel Like the Problem

    Does self-help leave you feeling like the problem? Like you did the work, followed every step, and your life still did not change, so the failure must be you? If self-improvement is not working for you, I want you to hear this: I reached the same conclusion about myself once, and it took me years to see that the reasoning was broken, not the woman doing the reasoning. There is a shouty conversation happening in the self-improvement world right now, about what gets promised and what gets sold with the promise. Underneath the noise there is something more important: so many of us are measuring our lives against those promises, coming up short, and deciding that we are the problem. So this week I am not weighing in on anyone else. I am telling you plainly who I am, who I am not, and what you can count on me for in this space. I will never hand you my life as a template, only as company. Blame and agency have been mushed together in this space, and we pull them apart. And we sit with the question that follows the words you are not broken: then where am I? The answer changed how I see this path. This is Season Two, where we explore the space between knowing the work and living it. This conversation is the foundation everything else this season stands on. IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARN Why doing everything right and still feeling stuck was never proof that you are the problemThe difference between blame and agency, and why confusing them leaves us feeling worseWhat it means to be whole and becoming at the same time, and that both can be trueMy honest take on the wounded healer: why wounds give you a lens, not a licenseWhat fluid, not flimsy looks like in practiceWhy I chose the words Mental Fitness for this show, and never self-help Connect with Lulu: Website: https://www.luluessey.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey This is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛 The Lulu Essey Podcast is a proud member of the ALIVE Podcast Network: https://alivepodcastnetwork.com/

  8. Aug 13

    Why You Feel Guilty Every Time You Rest

    Do you feel guilty every time you rest? Like rest has to be earned, and you have not earned it yet and you definitely don't deserve it? I know that voice well. It showed up this summer, big time, when I took my first break in 88 episodes. Welcome to Season Two, Beauties. I am opening this season with the truth about that break. For weeks before it, a voice in my head listed all the reasons I hadn't earned the right to rest. I didn't fight that voice. I didn't obey it either. I sat down with it. In a workshop with Elizabeth Gilbert, I heard her describe fear as a passenger that rides sidecar. I loved it, and I do not drive. So I did it my way. I invited fear in for a coffee, let it say everything it had to say, and then asked it one question. This episode names what Season Two is really about: the gap between knowing this work and living it, and what it takes to truly embody the work. We have never consumed more of this content, and so many of us are still stuck. Closing that gap is uncomfortable, sometimes painful and often awkward. That is exactly where we are going together. And some news that means the world to me: The Lulu Essey Podcast is now part of the ALIVE Podcast Network, founded by the incredible Angel Livas. In This Episode You Will Learn Where the belief that rest has to be earned comes from, and why it gets louder the harder you workWhat happened when I stopped arguing with fear and let it speak insteadThe Coffee Invitation, a practice for hosting a feeling without letting it decideThe one question that reveals what a feeling is really trying to do for youWhy knowing this work is not the same as living it, and why that gap is the heart of Season TwoWhat joining the ALIVE Podcast Network means for this communityNext week on Season Two: trust. I tell you plainly who I am, who I am not, and what you can count on from me in this space. Explore the ALIVE Podcast Network: https://alivepodcastnetwork.com/ Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.esseyThis is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

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4.6
out of 5
10 Ratings

About

The Lulu Essey Podcast helps you build Mental Fitness, my way of talking about mental health, together with Self-Love, and emotional resilience from the inside out. I'm Lulu, and each week I share honest, unedited conversations, practical tools, and personal stories to help you grow and deepen your confidence, build self-worth that stays firm during your hard days, and find more joy and freedom in the life you already have. Take what's true for you, make it your own, and let the rest fall away. Here we adapt, not adopt so you can do this glorious, messy thing we call life, your way.

Information

  • Creator
    Lulu Essey
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    96
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Lulu Essey
  • Show Website
    The Lulu Essey Podcast