How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation

Sarah Wright & Dr Victoria Stakelum

If you want to succeed in life, you have to master the art of conversation. From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations make our world go round. The thing is, most of us were never taught how to have them well. We all learned to talk as toddlers, but mastering conversation that's a different skill entirely, and let’s be honest, most of us are winging it. So if you’ve ever found yourself tongue-tied, lost for words, or dodging a difficult chat, this podcast is for you. Join two curious conversationalists, psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum and communications consultant Sarah Wright, as we explore how to have a bloody good conversation. It might just change your life.

  1. FEB 10

    Dating 101: How To Chat Up A Romantic Partner

    Dating 101: How To Chat Up A Romantic PartnerIf you're dating in 2026 and wondering how to start a conversation, avoid dating fatigue, and actually find someone you're compatible with, this episode is for you. Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Lydia Hoey, matchmaking director at Maclynn International and a science-based dating coach, to talk about how modern dating is changing - including the slightly alarming rise of AI companionship (72% of American teenagers have now interacted with an AI companion, and Meta is building chatbots to fill the ‘romantic gap’) - and what still matters most: real-world connection, values, and the ability to communicate clearly. In this episode, we discuss how to approach modern dating with more clarity and less stress: how to define your values (properly, not just picking words), how to choose first-date settings that reduce awkwardness and increase connection, and how to avoid turning a date into an interview. You'll get practical conversation openers to keep things light and engaging, guidance on dating mindset (switching out of "work mode"), and tools for navigating the messy bits - like mixed signals, texting "rules", attachment styles, and how to end things kindly without ghosting. GuestLydia Hoey - Matchmaking Director at Maclynn International, and a qualified science-based dating coach and matchmaker. https://maclynninternational.com/ ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com. ReferencesAttachment styles Psychology Today – Relationship Attachment Style Test (UK): https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-testAttachment Project – Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/Love languages The 5 Love Languages® – Official Love Language Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-languageCommunication style Verywell Mind – Communication Style Quiz: https://www.verywellmind.com/take-the-communication-style-quiz-797314336 Questions This site has them all: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness Films referenced Hitch (2005) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/Swingers (1996) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/When Harry Met Sally... (1989) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/

    1h 12m
  2. Why Good Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now (and what to do about it)

    JAN 13

    Why Good Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now (and what to do about it)

    Have you noticed that conversations feel more rushed, reactive and emotionally loaded than ever before? It’s not just you. That’s why, in this episode, we (that’s communications consultant, Sarah Wright, and psychologist and mindset coach, Dr Victoria Stakelum) explore the real reasons communication has become so challenging: from the speed of modern life to nervous system overload, digital disconnection, and the pressure to respond instantly. In this episode, we cover: Why time feels faster and how this impacts the way we thinkHow technology affects our nervous systems and patienceWhy we’re “connected” but still lonelyThe one simple shift that instantly improves every conversationHow energy, not wording, shapes how you’re receivedThe role of rapport with others and yourselfHow slowing down can transform conflict, communication, and connection. This episode is for anyone who wants calmer, richer, more meaningful conversations at work, at home, and everywhere in between. In it, we reference: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — Stephen R. CoveyThe Trust Technique – www.thetrusttechnique.comLaura Lynne Jackson – ww. lauralynnejackson.com100 Ways to Raise Your Vibration – Victoria’s pdf can be downloaded here: https://thesuccesssmith.thrivecart.com/100ways We’d genuinely love to hear your experiences. Please share what you tried, what shifted, or any questions you’d like us to cover in future episodes by emailing abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com. Enjoy the episode.

    1 hr
  3. Series 2 Trailer

    SEASON 2 TRAILER

    Series 2 Trailer

    Master the art of conversation, and you’ll transform your life.From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations shape everything: your career, your connections, your confidence. But while we all learned to talk as toddlers, no one really taught us how to have good conversations, the kind where you feel heard, understood, and genuinely connected. If you’ve ever found yourself: tongue-tied in a difficult conversationreplaying an argument in your head for daysdodging tricky chats at work or at homestuck in small talk when you want something deeper…this podcast is for you. Why this podcast matters now We’re living in a time of constant connection and growing disconnection. Research shows that: Around half of UK adults report feeling lonely, even when surrounded by othersOnly a small proportion of our daily conversations are truly meaningful, most are just logistics and small talkSmartphones and screens are eroding our face-to-face communication skills and attention. School taught us how to perform and achieve. It didn’t teach us how to listen, how to disagree well, how to set boundaries, or how to talk about things that really matter. Culture often treats conversation as polite chit-chat or intellectual debate, not as a tool for emotional connection, repair, and understanding. This podcast exists to change that. Meet your hosts Join two curious conversationalists: Dr Victoria Stakelum – psychologist and mindset coach, specialising in the subconscious mind, emotions, and how we relate to ourselves and othersSarah Wright – communications consultant, creative strategist, and conversation curator Together, they explore how to have a bloody good conversation, at work, at home, in relationships, and in all those moments we’d secretly rather avoid. The topic of conversation In Series 1, Sarah and seasoned journalist Mai Davies explored the art of conversation, including: When and how to use humour in conversationHow to handle conflict effectively (without burning bridgesHow to listen so people feel truly heardHow to read a room and pick your momentHow to talk about things that matter – from work disagreements and family tensions to death, cultural identity, and negotiating under pressure. Now, previous guest, Dr Victoria Stakelum, joins as co-host to give a different perspective using her experience drawn from her corporate life running million-pound businesses and current occupation as psychologist and mindset coach. Through real-life examples and practical tools, she shares why: Self-awareness is the foundation of every bloody good conversationCuriosity and empathy – stepping into someone else’s shoes – are non-negotiableBetter conversations don’t start with control; they start with noticing your own reactions, regulating your energy, and staying calm under pressure Why conversation skills matter Conversation is something we do together. The best conversations happen when both people feel safe, equipped, and able to bring their full selves to the table. When we lose the art of conversation, we all lose: misunderstandings grow, resentment builds, and we drift further away from the people who matter most. This podcast was created to help us all: have better, braver conversationsnavigate conflict and difference with more confidenceend conversations in a way that feels good for everyone – heard, understood, and genuinely connected. If you’re looking for a conversation skills podcast that’s practical, warm, honest, and real, hit follow and join us as we learn the art of meaningful dialogue – one bloody good conversation at a time.

    1 min
  4. How to Have Difficult Conversations: Why We Avoid Them and How to Stop with Storyteller Chris Adriaanse

    07/21/2025

    How to Have Difficult Conversations: Why We Avoid Them and How to Stop with Storyteller Chris Adriaanse

    What if storytelling could help you navigate the hardest conversations of your life? In this episode, we're joined by Chris Adriaanse, author of To The Heart of Difficult Conversations - a beautifully poignant anthology co-created with Berwick Literary Festival, Create Berwick, and students at Berwick Academy in Northumberland. Inspired by an ancient border-side plaque commemorating uneasy meetings between English and Scottish monarchs, this remarkable collection blends local history, folklore, and raw teenage insight on what it means to tackle tough talks. From chemistry lab to storytelling stage, Chris has discovered something profound about human nature: the conversations we avoid don't disappear, they fester. In this episode, Chris shares his remarkable journey and the wisdom gleaned from working with 13 to 14-year-olds who wrote with startling honesty about the difficult conversations in their lives. What You'll Learn: The Drop of Honey: How avoided conversations escalate into life-changing consequencesThe Beast in the Bean Garden: What we lose when we avoid difficult people and conversationsSpells vs Stories: Breaking free from the endless narratives keeping you stuckPositive Language: Why saying what you want (not what you don't want) changes everythingEmotional Regulation: Walking slowly into difficult conversations instead of reactingThis episode is for you if you've been putting off a difficult conversation for weeks, months, or even years, and you're tired of avoiding certain people or topics because they feel too hard to address. Whether you want to stop tiptoeing around issues and start addressing them head-on, or you're curious about why some conversations feel so scary even when they shouldn't, this episode offers practical tools for staying calm and regulated during tense discussions. If you're ready to break free from the stories that keep you stuck in old patterns and believe that better conversations can transform your relationships and your life, this episode will give you a completely fresh perspective on the conversations you've been avoiding. Guest Bio: Chris Adriaanse transitioned from chemistry PhD to professional storyteller, combining scientific thinking with ancient wisdom. His collaborative book project with Berwick Literary Festival captures authentic teenage voices navigating difficult conversations. Links: Book: "To the Heart of Difficult Conversations" available to buy from Chris's website, www.chrisadriaanse.co.uk

    51 min
  5. How to Talk to Someone Who Doesn't Look Like You

    07/07/2025

    How to Talk to Someone Who Doesn't Look Like You

    How do you start a conversation with someone from a different race, culture, or background without saying the wrong thing? It's a question that paralyses many of us in our increasingly diverse workplaces, schools, and communities. We're so afraid of offending that we often avoid meaningful connections entirely. In this episode, we're joined by Claudia McKenzie, General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in South London and former PR executive, who brings both personal experience and practical wisdom to one of our most challenging social dynamics. Claudia's story spans generations - from her parents' journey from Jamaica in the 1960s, facing "No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish" signs while helping rebuild post-war Britain, to her own experiences navigating predominantly white spaces as a successful Black British professional. Her perspective is both unflinching about barriers and refreshingly pragmatic about solutions. We explore the infamous Buckingham Palace "Where are you really from?" incident, discuss why conversations about race feel harder now despite social progress, and tackle the fear that stops us from reaching across cultural divides. Claudia's advice? "We all just need to get a grip and remember that most people are simply curious about each other”. This conversation we hope will change how you approach cross-cultural communication, whether you're building workplace relationships, making friends in your community, or simply want to connect more authentically with people who look different from you. This Episode is For You If you want to build better relationships across racial and cultural differences, feel nervous about saying the wrong thing in diverse environments, lead teams with people from various backgrounds, want to understand the Black British experience better, are curious about how historical context affects current conversations, work in multicultural settings, or simply want to be more confident connecting with people who don't look like you. Guest Bio: Claudia McKenzie is the co-owner and General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in Herne Hill, South London, known for its exceptional Jamaican-British fusion cuisine. A former PR executive with extensive experience in corporate communications, Claudia brings unique insights to cross-cultural dialogue shaped by her family's journey from 1960s Jamaica to modern Britain. She's passionate about authentic conversation and building bridges across differences. Key Topics Covered: The Windrush generation and post-war Caribbean immigration to BritainSystemic barriers and the "work twice as hard" realityStrategic naming choices and professional advancementThe Buckingham Palace incident: intention vs. impactSocial media's effect on racial discourseWorkplace diversity and inclusion conversationsHistorical context for current racial tensionsBuilding authentic relationships across cultural differencesConnect with Claudia: Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen, 49-51 Norwood Road, Herne Hill, London SE24 9AABook here: https://parksedgebarandkitchen.com/ or by calling 0208 671 0306 or emailing info@parksedgebnk.comInstagram: @parksedgebarandkitchenFacebook: @parksedgebarandkitchen

    59 min
  6. "Sorry for Your Loss": A Grief Coach's Guide to the Conversations That Support Someone Who Is Grieving

    06/23/2025

    "Sorry for Your Loss": A Grief Coach's Guide to the Conversations That Support Someone Who Is Grieving

    Death is the one certainty we all share, yet most of us are terrible at talking about it. Whether it's supporting a grieving friend, having end-of-life conversations with family, or processing our own mortality, we stumble through these moments with stock phrases and uncomfortable silences. In this episode, we're joined by Kate Nolan-Burgess, a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate the many forms grief can take - from bereavement to major life transitions. Kate brings a unique cultural perspective, having grown up in Poland, where death felt woven into everyday life, before moving to the UK, where arguably it's hidden behind euphemisms and avoidance. We explore why Western culture has made grief harder than it needs to be, what other cultures can teach us about death and mourning, and practical advice for having better conversations around loss. Kate shares insights from her Master's in Death, Religion and Culture, as well as from her work supporting people through The Lost Self Club. From understanding why we use euphemisms like 'passed away' to learning what NOT to say to someone who's grieving, this episode provides essential skills for one of life's most challenging conversations. What You'll Learn: Why there's no "right way" to grieve and how cultural rituals can helpThe harmful phrases that make grief harder (and what to say instead)How to support someone who's grieving without managing their emotionsWhy euphemisms for death reveal our cultural discomfortThe concept of "Swedish Death Cleaning" and preparing for mortalityHow to talk to children about death honestly and clearlyPractical phrases for acknowledging grief and lossThe difference between grief support in individualistic vs. community culturesThis Episode is For You if you want to better support friends, family, or colleagues through loss, struggle with what to say when someone is grieving, are interested in cultural approaches to death and mourning, want to have more honest conversations about mortality, are supporting someone through a major life transition, work in healthcare, counselling, or people management, or are curious about death-positive approaches to end-of-life conversations. Guest Bio: Kate Nolan-Burgess is a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate loss in all its forms. She holds a Master's in Death, Religion and Culture and founded The Lost Self Club, supporting new mothers through identity transitions. Drawing on a culturally diverse background and lived experience, her work centres on helping people understand that grief isn't a problem to solve but a natural human experience to honour. Resources Mentioned: The Lost Self Club (Kate's programme for new mothers)Swedish Death Cleaning conceptPolish cultural mourning practicesThe problematic "five stages of grief" modelConnect with Kate: Instagram: @TheLostSelfClubLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-nolan-burgess/; Website: www.thelostselfclub.com

    52 min
  7. What Stand-Up Comedians Can Teach Us About Difficult Conversations

    06/09/2025

    What Stand-Up Comedians Can Teach Us About Difficult Conversations

    Ever wished you could think faster in meetings, recover gracefully after a misstep, or connect more confidently in tough conversations? Turns out, stand-up comedy might be your secret weapon. In this episode, we’re joined by Chris Head – comedy director, author, and speaking coach – to explore what stand-up comedians know about human connection, timing, and bouncing back from awkwardness that the rest of us can use in real life. We dive into powerful tools from the world of stand-up comedy — including recovery lines, comic framing, and self-deprecation — and how they can be applied to real-life scenarios like difficult work meetings, presentations, public speaking, and even relationship rifts. Chris explains why playfulness is a powerful antidote to tension, how a well-timed joke (or even just a lighter tone) can defuse conflict, and how comedy helps us handle both literal and metaphorical hecklers. He also shares practical ways to rehearse difficult conversations, build confidence, and find your voice — all without having to step onto a comedy club stage. Whether you're a team leader, a creative, a coach, or simply someone who wants to communicate more effectively, listen more actively, and recover when things go wrong, this episode offers surprising and valuable takeaways. You’ll never look at “banter,” awkward silences, or bad Zoom calls the same way again. What we learned in this episode: You don’t have to be funny to use humour.Recovery lines help you bounce back when things go wrong.Naming the awkward moment can win the room.The three-repeat rule keeps you calm and in control.Zoom meetings work better when you treat them like real conversations.Lightness can be your secret weapon in tough conversations.This is for you if you're looking to improve your communication skills, navigate difficult conversations, handle conflict with greater ease, or become a more engaging public speaker. Links Chris Head’s Books: A Director’s Guide to the Art of Stand-Up , Creating Comedy Narratives For Stage and Screen Website: ChrisHead.com Services: Stand-up coaching, comedy writing, speaking coaching Corporate Training: Available for agency and business workshops - Chris Head Stand-Up & Presentation Coaching

    1h 8m
  8. Conversations That Get You Hired — with Midlife Career Change Coach Josh Peck

    05/26/2025

    Conversations That Get You Hired — with Midlife Career Change Coach Josh Peck

    What do you do when the work that once lit you up now leaves you cold? If you're in midlife or a career cul-de-sac and wondering what next, this episode is for you. Midlife Career Change Coach, Josh Peck, joins us to unpack the real conversations that help people move from stuck to clear, and from disempowered to energised. His methods help bring you and your career back into alignment. In this illuminating conversation, we talk about fear, identity, money, confidence, and how to ask for what you want - even when you're not sure where to start. Josh shares the three conversations everyone should have before making a career change and explains why most of us are "pre-failing" before we even begin. Whether you're burnt out, bored, or just ready for something more meaningful, this is a practical and hopeful listen. In this episode, we explore: How to recognise when you're experiencing "Sunday night dread, probably every night of the week"The three essential conversations for successful career transitionsWhy career changes rarely happen overnight and how to approach transitions realisticallyHow to handle the identity destabilisation that comes with career shiftsThe concept of "pre-failing" and how it keeps us stuckWhy you're 7x more likely to get a job through conversations than applicationsSetting a target number of conversations to move your career forwardHow to choose conversations wisely and hold them gentlyNavigating financial anxiety during career transitionsBuilding your second career on the shoulders of your firstAbout Josh Peck: Josh Peck is the founder of Your Best Life and the Align career change programme. After 20 years as a corporate lobbyist, Josh made his own midlife career transition and now specializes in helping people navigate career changes that align with who they are, what they do best, and how they want to live. Running order 00:24 – Why this episode matters: conversations that get you hired 02:33 – Josh’s career pivot: from politics to coaching 06:10 – The Amy Winehouse moment that changed everything 08:36 – The 3 conversations everyone needs to have 13:09 – Why money fear keeps us stuck (and how to manage it) 19:49 – How to deal with unsupportive partners or sceptics 25:41 – Why 50 conversations can unlock your next job 29:11 – “Pre-failing” and how to stop sabotaging yourself 33:48 – How to craft a narrative that makes people want to help 46:46 – Why networking events don’t work (and what to do instead) Links Josh’s website is https://yourbestlifeuk.com/Instagram: @YourBestLifeUK

    1h 3m

Trailer

About

If you want to succeed in life, you have to master the art of conversation. From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations make our world go round. The thing is, most of us were never taught how to have them well. We all learned to talk as toddlers, but mastering conversation that's a different skill entirely, and let’s be honest, most of us are winging it. So if you’ve ever found yourself tongue-tied, lost for words, or dodging a difficult chat, this podcast is for you. Join two curious conversationalists, psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum and communications consultant Sarah Wright, as we explore how to have a bloody good conversation. It might just change your life.