Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast

Patricia Rich
  • 4.8 (8)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY

Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast offers curious people a space to learn more about their fascinating internal sexual landscapes and to discover their authentic sexual Self, a resource we all have within which can lead and enrich our sexual lives. We will do this through the lens of Self-Led Sexuality, an integrative approach developed by your host which is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS). You will be educated, entertained, and invited to get to know the diverse parts of yourself who have roles in the unfolding of your unique sexual story.

  1. 5D AGO

    25: Helping Cancer Survivors Feel Sexy Again, with Sabitha Pillai-Friedman

    “Do not think of sex as one dish. Think of it as a buffet…You can do so many things with it. Don't limit yourself to one dish.”  Sabitha Pillai-Friedman Disclaimer: This episode explores sensitive topics related to cancer and sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode of Self-Led in Bed, Patty welcomes Dr.Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Approved Supervisor,  for a profound conversation about the intersection of cancer survivorship and sexuality. Following her own cancer diagnosis in 2009, Sabitha recognized a massive gap in care for survivors—the complete lack of information regarding post-treatment sexuality—and has since become a leading advocate and volunteer speaker for organizations like Unite for Her. Patients often feel blindsided by the sexual side effects of cancer treatment because these issues are rarely discussed by healthcare providers. From numbness following breast reconstruction to the hormonal deprivation that causes vaginal dryness and arousal issues, the physical changes can be overwhelming. Beyond the physical, survivors face disenfranchised grief, where society and loved ones may unintentionally silence their pain by reminding them they are "lucky to be alive," effectively exiling the importance of their sexual identity.  Sabitha is constantly rewarded by the sexual resilience of the people she works with, noting that with the right support, survivors can experience a sexual awakening or "reset" that broadens their interpretation of intimacy. Listeners are encouraged to visit the Unite for Her website to access her free videos and resource lists dedicated to sexuality after cancer. Dr. Sabitha Pillai-Friedman was born in the Middle East, raised in India and moved to the United States at age 27, bringing a rich multicultural lens to her work. She has over 30 years of experience providing individual, couple and sex therapy and frequently speaks to health care professionals, cancer survivors and patients about cancer and sexuality. She is an Adjunct Associate Professor at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University in Chester, PA and is the co-host of the podcast Our Better Half which focuses on the beauty of human sexuality in the later half of life.  Connect with Sabitha:  https://self-compassion.org/ https://www.facebook.com/sabitha.pillai.9 https://uniteforher.com/herlibrary/ S. Pillai-Friedman & J.L. Ashline (2014): Women, breast cancer survivorship, sexual losses, and disenfranchised grief – a treatment model for clinicians, Sexual and Relationship Therapy, DOI: 10.1080/14681994.2014.934340. Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    51 min

  2. JAN 29

    24: More Partners, More Parts: Polyamory & IFS, with Rachael Meir

    “It really is so much about the journey rather than trying to get to someplace because that destination seems to change for most people”. - Rachael Meir On today's episode, Patty speaks with Dr. Rachael Meir, psychologist, Ethical Non-Monogamy Coach, and author of 50 Questions to Ask Before Opening Your Relationship. She shares her personal story of opening her long-term monogamous marriage and becoming a committed throuple and how these experiences inspired her professional work. They explore the complex internal and external terrain that ENM and polyamory often involve, provide clear definitions (ENM as the broad umbrella, polyamory as one intentional branch), common motivations for opening relationships, why self-assessment and honest communication are essential before taking the leap, and the practical skills couples need to sustain healthy relationships. They discuss how to manage big emotions like jealousy, compersion, fear of abandonment, shame, and excitement, the difference between hierarchical and non-hierarchal relationships, the seven distinct relationships that exist inside a throuple, and the personal growth and fulfillment that this path can bring. Patty brings the IFS lens to the conversation and invites listeners to notice your own parts as we discuss a topic that can feel activating, liberating, or perhaps a bit of both.  Dr. Rachael Meir is a sex-positive, LGBTQIA+ affirming psychologist and sexuality/relationship coach with over 20 years of experience supporting individuals, couples, and polycules through emotional, relational, and identity-related challenges. She is widely recognized for her expertise in ethical/consensual non-monogamy, as well as her supportive work with clients in kink and BDSM communities. Drawing from both extensive professional training and her lived experience in a long-term polyamorous triad, Dr. Meir brings a warm, collaborative, and nonjudgmental approach to her work, helping people feel grounded, understood, and empowered in their relationship journeys. She’s also the author of 50 Questions to Ask Before Opening Your Relationship, a practical and reflective guide for those who are curious about non-monogamy or preparing to open their relationship. The book offers 50 thoughtfully designed questions—each with context and gentle prompts—to support honest conversations about boundaries, communication, expectations, and emotional readiness. Connect with Rachel: https://www.instagram.com/drrachaelmeircoaching/ https://www.facebook.com/drrachaelmeircoaching/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/drrachaelmeircoaching/ https://www.tiktok.com/@drrachaelmeircoaching Coaching website - https://www.drrachaelmeir.com/ My book - https://geni.us/50Questions Thriving Throuples Retreat - https://www.drrachaelmeir.com/retreat-2026 Therapy website - https://rachael-meir.clientsecure.me/ Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 3m

  3. JAN 15

    23: IFS for Betrayal Trauma, with Jenna Riemersma

    "So, the gift of self-leadership is not that all parts of us are going to be happy, it's that we're going to be able to wisely and accurately discern the next right step for us, and then stand into it and follow through without that backlash from the inner system." - Jenna Riemersma Few experiences are as painful as having our trust betrayed by an intimate partner. Yet many people must navigate this common experience and the many activated parts that emerge. Those who engage in sexual behavior that falls outside of relationship agreements also often suffer with feelings of shamefulness, guilt, and regret. In this episode Patty talks to Jenna Riemersma, a leading authority in integrating IFS with compulsive sexual behavior and betrayal trauma treatment. As a Certified IFS Therapist,  Clinical Consultant and CSAT Supervisor, she brings over a decade of specialized expertise to this critical therapeutic intersection. She is also the best-selling author of several books including IFS Integration (a re-release of Altogether Us  in which I authored a chapter on Self-Led Sexuality) and Move Toward, which offers a shorthand  approach to IFS which we practice through a demo later in our  conversation.  We explore the "hungry heart" behind compulsions, shame's pervasive grip on sexuality, the inner warring of parts in sexual dilemmas, and compatibility between addiction models and IFS. Jenna introduces her accessible "Move Toward" tool—Notice, Know, Need —for quick unblending. This episode offers practical tools for Self-Led intimacy, reminding us that quick witnessing can bring calm, clarity, and connection amid sexual triggers or relational challenges. Whether you relate to this topic personally, professionally, or both, I know you will learn a lot from Jenna’s wise and reassuring presence. Connect with Jenna: MoveToward.com JennaRiemersma.coM Book IFS Integration: A Comprehensive Guide to Applying Internal Family Systems Across Modalities, Populations, and Clinical Presentations Book Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy Book Move Toward Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 7m

  4. JAN 1

    22: Loving Up our Sexual Firefighters, with Cece Sykes

    ”The first thing I ever wrote about firefighters is why I love my firefighters. And I said, firefighters add spice to life..they relieve us of the humdrum of our manager driven lives.” - Cece Sykes Content Advisory: This episode includes candid discussions of sexuality, sexual trauma, and personal experiences that may be triggering for some listeners. Patty talks to Cece Sykes about the deep intersections of sexuality, parts work, trauma, addiction, and healing. Cece shares her early experiences training with Dick Schwartz, witnessing the model's beginnings in family therapy, and consulting with him in Oak Park—the "birthplace" of IFS. Together they explore sexuality through an IFS lens with particular attention to parts that care about pleasure, sex, connection, and escape. They also consider the cultural polarities that influence our attitudes toward these parts, internal consent, the evolution of intimacy in long-term relationships, hope for healing sexual trauma and finding sexual pleasure at any age, and the joy of embodied, grateful living. Later in the episode, Cece gently invites Patty to share more about her own motivations for working with sexuality which reminds Patty of a story from 4th grade.. They reflect on sex as a vital, evolving part of a full life, which can be led by Self Energy when we are freed from sexual burdens. Cece reflects on her impulsive "healthy firefighters" and cautious managers, emphasizing nuance, gratitude for home, family, and her recent marriage, and offering hope to those who are on the path. Cece Sykes, LCSW, ACSW, has over forty years of clinical experience with recovery from trauma and addiction. A founding trainer with the IFS Institute, Cece piloted her own approach on addiction and has spent over two decades educating therapists worldwide on IFS and treating addictive processes. She co-authored IFS Therapy for Addictions: Trauma-Informed, Compassion-Based Interventions for Substance Use, Eating, Gambling and More (2023) and numerous IFS articles and book chapters. Cece originated her treasured Heart Lessons of the Journey retreats for therapists to explore personal narratives. She lives with her husband in her lifelong home of Chicago, close to family, friends, and grandchildren. Connect with Cece: Website: https://www.cecesykeslcsw.com  Book:https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Addictions/dp/1683736028#immersive-view_1765318349404  Follow Patricia on Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 13m

  5. 12/04/2025

    21: Pleasure Activism and Reclaiming Eros, with Suzanne Blackburn

    “I'm convinced that external suppression and degradation of our bodies, our sexuality and our pleasure, robs us of our full potential. When we claim our embodied autonomy and inherent right to pleasure, we claim our power”. - Suzanne Blackburn Patty talks to Suzanne Blackburn, queer pleasure activist, elder, and guide. After having her own embodiment taken from her early in life, Suzanne found her way back home to her body through a workshop at the Body Electric School more than 25 years ago. She has worn many hats there ever since including facilitator, board chair, and coordinator, driven by her  fierce passion for reuniting the erotic and the sacred. In this warm and at times fiery conversation we explore how cultural, religious, economic, and political systems can detach us from our erotic life-force energy—and why that detachment serves power structures that profit from our shame and disconnection. Suzanne shares her personal journey of reclamation, defines eros as the relentless pulse of aliveness that runs through everything (not just g******s!) Patty brings the IFS lens and considers how parts either block or open the flow of that energy. They talk about the political nature of pleasure, the danger of splitting sexuality from spirituality, the beauty of slowing down and breathing together, and what becomes possible when we finally feel safe enough for our embodied sexual Self to emerge. Suzanne reads a favorite poem by Mark Nepo and leaves us with the image of gliding—on water, on snow, across skin—as something that is a sensual pleasure for her. Suzanne Blackburn has been a social and political activist for decades, volunteering with Equality Maine on two successful campaigns to legalize same-sex marriage. She is the author of Reclaiming Eros: Sacred Whores and Healers and continues to facilitate transformative workshops with the Body Electric School.  Take a slow breath, settle into your body, and let this episode remind every part of you that pleasure is your birthright. Connect with Suzanne: suzanne@bodyelectric.org  Book - Reclaiming Eros: Sacred Whores and Healers, by Suzanne Blackburn Erotic Liberation Podcast Episode 21: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6gm69EVf5oIZij9tj0RF0W?si=8831b198f5fa4816 Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    53 min

  6. 11/13/2025

    20: IFS for Gay & Queer Men and Allies, with Max Littman

    “Parts have different preferences… just because somebody exclusively is in the role of top doesn't mean all their parts want to do that. And same thing when it comes to bottoming or versatile. ” - Max Littman Disclaimer: Please be aware that this episode includes explicit sexual discussion.Listener discretion is advised. On today’s episode, Patricia speaks with Max Littman about his new book Internal Family Systems Therapy for Gay and Queer Men: A Companion for After Coming Out,. It is the first IFS book to center the inner lives and the larger systems that particularly impact gay and queer men. The book is very engaging and wide ranging, as was this episode’s conversation which wove together IFS, attunement, inner and outer dynamics related to living as a gay or queer man, preferred sexual positions and their intersection with the larger culture, social media influence and aspects of  drag for artists and audiences. Max and I also discovered a shared love of language, especially puns, which he recognizes as a clue that he has a good amount of Self Energy on board. Max Littman, LCSW, is an IFS therapist, consultant, and author based in the San Francisco Bay Area. His work centers on attunement, attachment, cultural burdens, and relational and neurobiological understandings of trauma. He specializes in working with gay and queer men and provides mentorship to therapists in private practice. Connect with Max:  https://maxlittman.com/ Book - https://a.co/d/2VtoeVX Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 5m

  7. 10/30/2025

    19: BeFriending Challenging Sexual Protectors Using IFS, with Mike Elkin

    “The less I own my own sexual needs and desires, the less I can be responsible for them. So people who disown their sexuality are very likely to act out sexually destructively because their sexuality is like a dog without an owner. “ - Mike Elkin Disclaimer: This episode contains direct discussion of sexuality, shame, gender stereotypes and triggering language which may evoke strong reactions. The views of podcast guests do not necessarily reflect the views of the host. Listener discretion is advised.  Given how vulnerable and shameful sexuality can feel, it’s no surprise that lots of protector parts take on big roles to try to keep us safe. Befriending these sexual protector parts can be especially challenging. On this episode, Patty talks with Mike Elkin, Senior Lead trainer for the IFS Institute with over 50 years in the field of therapy and 25 teaching IFS. At 83 years of age, Mike is a beloved and wise teacher with his own unique style informed by his background in hypnosis, addictions, and hanging around billiard halls. He shares his views on sexuality, shame, moral meaning, gender and patriarchy. He also plays a few rounds of “Stump the Chump” in which he demonstrates how he would work with several challenging sexual protector parts which I role-play. He identifies the deepest human drive as needing to believe “I am a good person" and explains moral meaning as parts assigning judgments of good and bad to everything, fueling shame cycles in addiction and intimacy. He highlights Self Energy's superpower to wipe away moral meaning, which he believes is not a real thing yet the feelings provoked by it cause our protectors to “put out fires with gasoline.”  Mike is good at activating parts which he acknowledges is something he does both to make teaching points and because it feels good for a part of himself. Patty notices her parts jumping around a few times as Mike makes broad statements that her parts didn’t always like or agree with (many women watch porn too, though may have different tastes!). At those moments Patty was able to stay  in connection with her parts andto  bring curiosity and clarity to the conversation, allowing her to appreciate the efficiency and effectiveness of this approach for contracting with challenging protectors and being able to reach the exiles carrying the burdens. She  invite listeners to notice how your parts respond to our conversation and what points resonate with you the most. What challenging protectors do you encounter in your own sexual system? Mike Elkin, LCSW, is a renowned leader in the field of Internal Family Systems (IFS) whose career has spanned over 50 years in psychotherapy, trauma healing, and addiction treatment. From his 1984 work Families Under The Influence, close collaboration with Dr. Richard Schwartz in the early adoption of IFS, and years as an IFS trainer - Mike has leveraged his expertise to innovate the most effective methods of healing trauma including hypnotic techniques to supplement IFS. His dedication to spreading the principles of IFS therapy extends beyond professional circles, as he actively works to make the model accessible to individuals and organizations worldwide. A visionary in his field, Mike continues to inspire the next generation of therapists, empowering them to foster healing and transformation in their clients' lives. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, Mike Elkin’s career has spanned over 50 years in psychotherapy, trauma healing, and addiction treatment. Connect with Mike:  mjelkin@verizon.net  canis_major@mac.com ifsdemoz.com Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 12m

  8. 10/16/2025

    18: Can Connection to Self Energy Feel Orgasmic?, with Mary Hart

    “Like it literally felt like my body was vibrating with energy. Like the whole body experience of Self Energy. ” - Mary Hart Disclaimer: This episode contains sexual content. Listener discretion is advised. Patty talks to Mary Hart, an IFS Level 3 Certified Practitioner, about her personal journey toward Self-Led Sexuality and authentic living which has been informed  by IFS, the Wheel of Consent, and The Six S’s of Sexual Self Energy Framework™ which she discovered as a participant in one of Patty’s first BeHold and Lead your Internal Sexual System (BLISS)™ programs.  From a Catholic upbringing with a focus on “doing for” others, Mary shares how hard it was to know what she really wanted in bed and beyond, and to claim that. She opens up about how she slowly got to know her parts and how her first experience of Self truly showing up for her polarized parts was expansive, visual and profoundly connecting, which Patty noted sounded similar to some orgasms. Mary and Patty explore how The Six S’s align with what happened to her and Mary found a great deal of resonance. The conversation explores internal consent, engaging in small experiments of self–discovery, , and creating win-win-win outcomes in relationships. Mary reflects on safe containers for her like cuddle parties and ecstatic dance, which allowed her to move authentically, and how presencing positive experiences—like singing in harmony—accesses Self Energy and fosters healing. This episode is a gentle invitation to explore your own system with compassion Mary Hart is an Internal Family Systems Level 3 Certified Practitioner, trained workshop facilitator, and Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner. With over 20 years studying the Wheel of Consent, she values moving at the speed of trust and caring for the most tender parts. Mary brings authenticity and vulnerability to trauma-informed healing, using interpersonal neurobiology, co-regulation, and attunement to support personal and collective transformation. Connect with Mary:  www.harttoheartcoaching.com Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 3m
See All (25)

Ratings & Reviews

4.8
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast offers curious people a space to learn more about their fascinating internal sexual landscapes and to discover their authentic sexual Self, a resource we all have within which can lead and enrich our sexual lives. We will do this through the lens of Self-Led Sexuality, an integrative approach developed by your host which is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS). You will be educated, entertained, and invited to get to know the diverse parts of yourself who have roles in the unfolding of your unique sexual story.

Information

You Might Also Like