Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast

Patricia Rich
  • 4.8 (8)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY

Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast offers curious people a space to learn more about their fascinating internal sexual landscapes and to discover their authentic sexual Self, a resource we all have within which can lead and enrich our sexual lives. We will do this through the lens of Self-Led Sexuality, an integrative approach developed by your host which is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS). You will be educated, entertained, and invited to get to know the diverse parts of yourself who have roles in the unfolding of your unique sexual story.

  1. 5D AGO

    27: The Penis Speaks: Decoding Male Sexual Dysfunction, with Dan Watter

    “...our unconscious will speak to us through our penis and self-protectively disrupt a sexual interaction due to some perceived danger or threat.”   - Daniel Watter in The Existential Importance of the The Penis Disclaimer: Please be aware that this episode includes frank discussion of sexual anatomy, acts, and death anxiety. Listener discretion is advised. Patty talks to Dr. Daniel N. Watter, Clinical and Forensic Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist and author of The Existential Importance of the Penis: A Guide to Understanding the Sexuality of Men. Dan shares his 40+ years of clinical experience working with male sexual function and dysfunction, exploring the profound psychological, relational, and existential meanings men attach to their penises beyond biology, and how “the penis speaks.” Dan shares his trauma-informed perspective that upends much current thinking about men’s sexual dysfunction, emphasizing how early attachment wounds and losses can underlie difficulties that are deeper than performance anxiety. He shares his passion for the work of existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom who taught that  confrontations with our mortality can stimulate a drive toward sexual life force energy and a life of meaning and shares many dramatic client stories..  Dan emphasizes compassionate, non-judgmental therapeutic space, and a hopeful message for men. The conversation is warm, humorous, and deeply human — offering clarity for therapists, partners, and anyone seeking to understand male sexuality more fully. About Daniel: Dr. Daniel N. Watter received his doctoral degree from New York University in 1985 and holds a post-graduate certificate in Medical Humanities from Drew University. He is licensed as both a psychologist and marital/family therapist, Board Certified in Sex Therapy by AASECT (where he is also a certified supervisor), and elected to Fellowship in ISSWSH and SMSNA. He has authored over 30 professional articles and book chapters on sexual function/dysfunction and ethics in healthcare, and is the author of The Existential Importance of the Penis: A Guide to Understanding the Sexuality of Men. Connect with Daniel:  Instagram: www.instagram.com/dnwatter Book: The Existential Importance of the Penis Connect with  Patricia Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic. Intro to IFS through the Lens of Sexuality Course

    1h 21m

  2. FEB 26

    26: Deepening Intimacy through Authentic Relating, with Randi Hall

    Disclaimer: This episode includes candid discussions of sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode Patty talks to Randi Hall, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist,  Grief Tender and Facilitator about Authentic Relating (AR) — a practice of realness, presence, and in-the-moment connection through simple games and conversations. We discuss AR as an open source social technology, its principles (curiosity, empathy, ownership), how it creates safety for vulnerability, and its natural synergy with IFS.  We discuss applying AR to sexuality to build attunement, consent, and presence before intimacy, and play two live games which are surprisingly (yet not surprisingly) vulnerable and revealing. Randi highlights AR’s versatility across joyful, tender, and conflict spaces, and shares how she fell in love with these practices. Randi Hall is the founder of Realness Rising and her work centers on creating honest, spacious, embodied containers where people can show up as they are without fixing, performing, or pretending. Randi brings together clinical training, lived experience, ritual, and years of facilitating grief circles and connection spaces to help people feel less alone in both grief and relationship. Connect with Randi:  IG: @realnessrising FB Group: realnessrising and the realness rising community Podcast: ⁠Getting Real with Grief⁠ ⁠https://www.authrev.org/what-is-authentic-relating⁠ Tik Tok: @RealnessRising Follow Patricia on Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/⁠ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich⁠ Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free ⁠The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    55 min

  3. FEB 12

    25: Helping Cancer Survivors Feel Sexy Again, with Sabitha Pillai-Friedman

    “Do not think of sex as one dish. Think of it as a buffet…You can do so many things with it. Don't limit yourself to one dish.”  Sabitha Pillai-Friedman Disclaimer: This episode explores sensitive topics related to cancer and sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode of Self-Led in Bed, Patty welcomes Dr.Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Approved Supervisor,  for a profound conversation about the intersection of cancer survivorship and sexuality. Following her own cancer diagnosis in 2009, Sabitha recognized a massive gap in care for survivors—the complete lack of information regarding post-treatment sexuality—and has since become a leading advocate and volunteer speaker for organizations like Unite for Her. Patients often feel blindsided by the sexual side effects of cancer treatment because these issues are rarely discussed by healthcare providers. From numbness following breast reconstruction to the hormonal deprivation that causes vaginal dryness and arousal issues, the physical changes can be overwhelming. Beyond the physical, survivors face disenfranchised grief, where society and loved ones may unintentionally silence their pain by reminding them they are "lucky to be alive," effectively exiling the importance of their sexual identity.  Sabitha is constantly rewarded by the sexual resilience of the people she works with, noting that with the right support, survivors can experience a sexual awakening or "reset" that broadens their interpretation of intimacy. Listeners are encouraged to visit the Unite for Her website to access her free videos and resource lists dedicated to sexuality after cancer. Dr. Sabitha Pillai-Friedman was born in the Middle East, raised in India and moved to the United States at age 27, bringing a rich multicultural lens to her work. She has over 30 years of experience providing individual, couple and sex therapy and frequently speaks to health care professionals, cancer survivors and patients about cancer and sexuality. She is an Adjunct Associate Professor at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University in Chester, PA and is the co-host of the podcast Our Better Half which focuses on the beauty of human sexuality in the later half of life.  Connect with Sabitha:  https://self-compassion.org/ https://www.facebook.com/sabitha.pillai.9 https://uniteforher.com/herlibrary/ S. Pillai-Friedman & J.L. Ashline (2014): Women, breast cancer survivorship, sexual losses, and disenfranchised grief – a treatment model for clinicians, Sexual and Relationship Therapy, DOI: 10.1080/14681994.2014.934340. Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    51 min

  4. JAN 29

    24: More Partners, More Parts: Polyamory & IFS, with Rachael Meir

    “It really is so much about the journey rather than trying to get to someplace because that destination seems to change for most people”. - Rachael Meir On today's episode, Patty speaks with Dr. Rachael Meir, psychologist, Ethical Non-Monogamy Coach, and author of 50 Questions to Ask Before Opening Your Relationship. She shares her personal story of opening her long-term monogamous marriage and becoming a committed throuple and how these experiences inspired her professional work. They explore the complex internal and external terrain that ENM and polyamory often involve, provide clear definitions (ENM as the broad umbrella, polyamory as one intentional branch), common motivations for opening relationships, why self-assessment and honest communication are essential before taking the leap, and the practical skills couples need to sustain healthy relationships. They discuss how to manage big emotions like jealousy, compersion, fear of abandonment, shame, and excitement, the difference between hierarchical and non-hierarchal relationships, the seven distinct relationships that exist inside a throuple, and the personal growth and fulfillment that this path can bring. Patty brings the IFS lens to the conversation and invites listeners to notice your own parts as we discuss a topic that can feel activating, liberating, or perhaps a bit of both.  Dr. Rachael Meir is a sex-positive, LGBTQIA+ affirming psychologist and sexuality/relationship coach with over 20 years of experience supporting individuals, couples, and polycules through emotional, relational, and identity-related challenges. She is widely recognized for her expertise in ethical/consensual non-monogamy, as well as her supportive work with clients in kink and BDSM communities. Drawing from both extensive professional training and her lived experience in a long-term polyamorous triad, Dr. Meir brings a warm, collaborative, and nonjudgmental approach to her work, helping people feel grounded, understood, and empowered in their relationship journeys. She’s also the author of 50 Questions to Ask Before Opening Your Relationship, a practical and reflective guide for those who are curious about non-monogamy or preparing to open their relationship. The book offers 50 thoughtfully designed questions—each with context and gentle prompts—to support honest conversations about boundaries, communication, expectations, and emotional readiness. Connect with Rachel: https://www.instagram.com/drrachaelmeircoaching/ https://www.facebook.com/drrachaelmeircoaching/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/drrachaelmeircoaching/ https://www.tiktok.com/@drrachaelmeircoaching Coaching website - https://www.drrachaelmeir.com/ My book - https://geni.us/50Questions Thriving Throuples Retreat - https://www.drrachaelmeir.com/retreat-2026 Therapy website - https://rachael-meir.clientsecure.me/ Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 3m

  5. JAN 15

    23: IFS for Betrayal Trauma, with Jenna Riemersma

    "So, the gift of self-leadership is not that all parts of us are going to be happy, it's that we're going to be able to wisely and accurately discern the next right step for us, and then stand into it and follow through without that backlash from the inner system." - Jenna Riemersma Few experiences are as painful as having our trust betrayed by an intimate partner. Yet many people must navigate this common experience and the many activated parts that emerge. Those who engage in sexual behavior that falls outside of relationship agreements also often suffer with feelings of shamefulness, guilt, and regret. In this episode Patty talks to Jenna Riemersma, a leading authority in integrating IFS with compulsive sexual behavior and betrayal trauma treatment. As a Certified IFS Therapist,  Clinical Consultant and CSAT Supervisor, she brings over a decade of specialized expertise to this critical therapeutic intersection. She is also the best-selling author of several books including IFS Integration (a re-release of Altogether Us  in which I authored a chapter on Self-Led Sexuality) and Move Toward, which offers a shorthand  approach to IFS which we practice through a demo later in our  conversation.  We explore the "hungry heart" behind compulsions, shame's pervasive grip on sexuality, the inner warring of parts in sexual dilemmas, and compatibility between addiction models and IFS. Jenna introduces her accessible "Move Toward" tool—Notice, Know, Need —for quick unblending. This episode offers practical tools for Self-Led intimacy, reminding us that quick witnessing can bring calm, clarity, and connection amid sexual triggers or relational challenges. Whether you relate to this topic personally, professionally, or both, I know you will learn a lot from Jenna’s wise and reassuring presence. Connect with Jenna: MoveToward.com JennaRiemersma.coM Book IFS Integration: A Comprehensive Guide to Applying Internal Family Systems Across Modalities, Populations, and Clinical Presentations Book Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy Book Move Toward Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 7m

  6. JAN 1

    22: Loving Up our Sexual Firefighters, with Cece Sykes

    ”The first thing I ever wrote about firefighters is why I love my firefighters. And I said, firefighters add spice to life..they relieve us of the humdrum of our manager driven lives.” - Cece Sykes Content Advisory: This episode includes candid discussions of sexuality, sexual trauma, and personal experiences that may be triggering for some listeners. Patty talks to Cece Sykes about the deep intersections of sexuality, parts work, trauma, addiction, and healing. Cece shares her early experiences training with Dick Schwartz, witnessing the model's beginnings in family therapy, and consulting with him in Oak Park—the "birthplace" of IFS. Together they explore sexuality through an IFS lens with particular attention to parts that care about pleasure, sex, connection, and escape. They also consider the cultural polarities that influence our attitudes toward these parts, internal consent, the evolution of intimacy in long-term relationships, hope for healing sexual trauma and finding sexual pleasure at any age, and the joy of embodied, grateful living. Later in the episode, Cece gently invites Patty to share more about her own motivations for working with sexuality which reminds Patty of a story from 4th grade.. They reflect on sex as a vital, evolving part of a full life, which can be led by Self Energy when we are freed from sexual burdens. Cece reflects on her impulsive "healthy firefighters" and cautious managers, emphasizing nuance, gratitude for home, family, and her recent marriage, and offering hope to those who are on the path. Cece Sykes, LCSW, ACSW, has over forty years of clinical experience with recovery from trauma and addiction. A founding trainer with the IFS Institute, Cece piloted her own approach on addiction and has spent over two decades educating therapists worldwide on IFS and treating addictive processes. She co-authored IFS Therapy for Addictions: Trauma-Informed, Compassion-Based Interventions for Substance Use, Eating, Gambling and More (2023) and numerous IFS articles and book chapters. Cece originated her treasured Heart Lessons of the Journey retreats for therapists to explore personal narratives. She lives with her husband in her lifelong home of Chicago, close to family, friends, and grandchildren. Connect with Cece: Website: https://www.cecesykeslcsw.com  Book:https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Addictions/dp/1683736028#immersive-view_1765318349404  Follow Patricia on Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 13m

  7. 12/04/2025

    21: Pleasure Activism and Reclaiming Eros, with Suzanne Blackburn

    “I'm convinced that external suppression and degradation of our bodies, our sexuality and our pleasure, robs us of our full potential. When we claim our embodied autonomy and inherent right to pleasure, we claim our power”. - Suzanne Blackburn Patty talks to Suzanne Blackburn, queer pleasure activist, elder, and guide. After having her own embodiment taken from her early in life, Suzanne found her way back home to her body through a workshop at the Body Electric School more than 25 years ago. She has worn many hats there ever since including facilitator, board chair, and coordinator, driven by her  fierce passion for reuniting the erotic and the sacred. In this warm and at times fiery conversation we explore how cultural, religious, economic, and political systems can detach us from our erotic life-force energy—and why that detachment serves power structures that profit from our shame and disconnection. Suzanne shares her personal journey of reclamation, defines eros as the relentless pulse of aliveness that runs through everything (not just g******s!) Patty brings the IFS lens and considers how parts either block or open the flow of that energy. They talk about the political nature of pleasure, the danger of splitting sexuality from spirituality, the beauty of slowing down and breathing together, and what becomes possible when we finally feel safe enough for our embodied sexual Self to emerge. Suzanne reads a favorite poem by Mark Nepo and leaves us with the image of gliding—on water, on snow, across skin—as something that is a sensual pleasure for her. Suzanne Blackburn has been a social and political activist for decades, volunteering with Equality Maine on two successful campaigns to legalize same-sex marriage. She is the author of Reclaiming Eros: Sacred Whores and Healers and continues to facilitate transformative workshops with the Body Electric School.  Take a slow breath, settle into your body, and let this episode remind every part of you that pleasure is your birthright. Connect with Suzanne: suzanne@bodyelectric.org  Book - Reclaiming Eros: Sacred Whores and Healers, by Suzanne Blackburn Erotic Liberation Podcast Episode 21: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6gm69EVf5oIZij9tj0RF0W?si=8831b198f5fa4816 Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    53 min

  8. 11/13/2025

    20: IFS for Gay & Queer Men and Allies, with Max Littman

    “Parts have different preferences… just because somebody exclusively is in the role of top doesn't mean all their parts want to do that. And same thing when it comes to bottoming or versatile. ” - Max Littman Disclaimer: Please be aware that this episode includes explicit sexual discussion.Listener discretion is advised. On today’s episode, Patricia speaks with Max Littman about his new book Internal Family Systems Therapy for Gay and Queer Men: A Companion for After Coming Out,. It is the first IFS book to center the inner lives and the larger systems that particularly impact gay and queer men. The book is very engaging and wide ranging, as was this episode’s conversation which wove together IFS, attunement, inner and outer dynamics related to living as a gay or queer man, preferred sexual positions and their intersection with the larger culture, social media influence and aspects of  drag for artists and audiences. Max and I also discovered a shared love of language, especially puns, which he recognizes as a clue that he has a good amount of Self Energy on board. Max Littman, LCSW, is an IFS therapist, consultant, and author based in the San Francisco Bay Area. His work centers on attunement, attachment, cultural burdens, and relational and neurobiological understandings of trauma. He specializes in working with gay and queer men and provides mentorship to therapists in private practice. Connect with Max:  https://maxlittman.com/ Book - https://a.co/d/2VtoeVX Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 5m
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Ratings & Reviews

4.8
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast offers curious people a space to learn more about their fascinating internal sexual landscapes and to discover their authentic sexual Self, a resource we all have within which can lead and enrich our sexual lives. We will do this through the lens of Self-Led Sexuality, an integrative approach developed by your host which is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS). You will be educated, entertained, and invited to get to know the diverse parts of yourself who have roles in the unfolding of your unique sexual story.

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