Silent Noises

Beefman, Brisket and Savaloy
  • 0.0 (0)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Semiweekly

Nick Beefman and Mike Brisket are two friends trying desperately to figure out how they can make 2025 a better year than 2024. Each week, they track their progress on daily habits, personal goals, and self-improvement—over a few drinks. Expect honest reflections, offbeat stories, and the occasional unexpected insight. It’s self-help with less advice and more real life.

  1. Jun 25

    Ep 23: You cant call in sick for poos

    You can call in sick for flu,for migraines,for broken bones. But not for an argumentbetween your coffee and your colon. So you sit,and you sweat,and you bargain with the gods Hours later,friends debate. Whether Claude is a more caring companion,whether ordinary lives, might truely be extraordinary. The body recovers,the conversation does not.

  2. Mar 27

    Ep 22: The Barrow Boys (Barrow Not Included)

    We are three men.We own no barrows.But we are the Barrow Boys. Services include: Moving large volumes of material, slowlyProviding inconsistent motivationOffering unsolicited life advice mid-taskOccasional concrete work (results may vary)Barrow not included. Somewhere between reviewing a year of “self-improvement” and admitting we mostly just noticed our own b******t more clearly, things unravel.We talk habits, lies, growth, doomscrolling, leadership, running, not running, reading, not reading, and the strange realization that paying attention to your life is both the solution and the problem. Client Feedback:“Work was completed eventually.Morale was confusingly high.Would not hire again, but would have a beer with them.” Bring on 2026.The Barrow Boys are ready.(Still no barrow.)

  3. Mar 10

    Ep 21: A Man Is Only as Deep as His Titty Roll

    A man stands in a forest car park,He came here for peace.He brought mindfulness, a towel he forgot, and a brain that will not shut up. The pool is closed. The towel is missing.The togs are imagined, a bird sings.Somewhere a grown man screams into the steering wheel of a station wagon. Ancient philosophers spoke of the cup overflowing.These ones speak of the chest gently folding over itself like a wise and patient croissant. Because depth, is not measured in silence, meditation, or perfect routines. Depth is measured in small collapses. In failed self-care days.In forgetting the towel. In sitting in a car park asking and eventually realising: A man is not defined by the absence of folds. A man is only as deep as his titty roll.

  4. Feb 25

    Ep 20: American Bonsai

    Three men plan a bank heist in full drag.One brings hot dogs.One brings yak musk.None bring a plan. Colossal testicles, transgender butter, and a four-day no-wipe streak, a hotel fire alarm goes off.Thirteen floors.Bare feet on Auckland pavement.No hot water.No dignity. A man whittles a stool he may or may not have made.Another meditates mid-defecation.Someone suggests butthole print scanning technology.We all agree potatoes are not a complete solution. This is about carving meaning out of nonsense.About shaping chaos into something small enough to hold.About rollerblading away from your own incompetence in a Beyoncé mask. American Bonsai.Carefully trimmed.Deeply unnecessary.Beautiful.

  5. 11/20/2025

    Ep 19: The Savaloy Boys

    Toothbrush slander, cinnamon-on-toast propaganda, and a few catastrophic poo stories quickly unravels into a full buffet of chaos. There’s talk of cringe moments that still haunt us, and a multi-layered debate on fiber intake that would make any dietician resign on the spot. We debut a new segment, The Motion Has Been Passed and pitch a totally unhinged business idea: a late-night food truck called The Savaloy Wagon. Eventually things settle into habits, laziness, fasting, Greek yogurt, resilience, reading, boredom, and an unwanted Facebook Marketplace feud. There’s a weight-loss challenge, a creativity challenge, and more anatomical oversharing than anyone asked for. It’s deranged, warm and occasionally useful. Just a classic week with the Savaloy Boys.

  6. 11/03/2025

    Ep 18: From Heavy Sets to Heavy Hearts

    First-root confessions reveal a fishing village fiasco involving a tarp and a tea towel which slowly unravel into something uncomfortably human. It’s the full emotional arc: filth, laughter, and more tangents than anyone asked for. There the usual chat of heavy sets, budding bosoms, sleepless nights, and magnesium, before the conversation turns toward fathers, forgiveness, and the gravity of having kids. By the end, things get raw. The jokes run out, the beers go quiet, and the Beef himself sheds a tiny, heroic tear. It’s funny, it’s sad, it’s long, and it’s one of our best. Buckle up.

  7. 10/17/2025

    Ep 17: A Gross Misjudgement

    A pub table near the toilets. Bad choices are made immediately, and defended passionately. There’s talk of zombies, furries, screen addictions, heavy nuts, gratitude, and fathers who didn’t quite show up. The tone shifts like a drunk jukebox — earnest, dumb, briefly profound, then dumb again. Someone almost redeems themselves with a quote about facing death; someone else ruins it with the phrase “tattooable quote.” A small mercy is found somewhere between honesty and idiocy, and for now, that’s enough.

  8. 10/12/2025

    Ep 16: The Guinea Pig Agenda

    Somewhere between karaoke, introspection, and shaving small rodents, the lads accidentally stumble into a metaphor for modern life. From being “guinea pigs” in a punishing workshop to exploring the existential terror of actual guinea pigs, the conversation spirals through vulnerability, karaoke bar rules, and the occasional unsolicited dressing-down. By the time they reach fasting, meditation, and Ronald Redford’s thoughts on failure, things start to make alarming sense. It’s a loose-limbed mix of friendship, philosophy, and faint regret — proof that enlightenment can sometimes arrive disguised as a trembling rodent with a well-maintained arse.

See All (23)

About

Nick Beefman and Mike Brisket are two friends trying desperately to figure out how they can make 2025 a better year than 2024. Each week, they track their progress on daily habits, personal goals, and self-improvement—over a few drinks. Expect honest reflections, offbeat stories, and the occasional unexpected insight. It’s self-help with less advice and more real life.

Information

  • Creator
    Beefman, Brisket and Savaloy
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    23
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Beefman, Brisket and Savaloy
  • Show Website
    Silent Noises