In this episode, Lauren Chiren welcomes Kate Atha, a graduate of the Women of a Certain Stage Menopause Coach diploma program who brings a deeply personal and profoundly important perspective to the conversation about surgical menopause, fertility loss, and finding your identity in midlife. Kate's journey is one that too many women experience in silence—years of battling stage 4 endometriosis, multiple surgeries, a difficult IVF journey, and then waking up from what she hoped would be a partial hysterectomy to discover it was total, effectively ending her fertility dreams in an instant. With minimal psychological preparation, no grief support, and just a prescription for HRT handed to her before discharge, Kate was left to navigate surgical menopause, identity crisis, and profound loss largely on her own. This conversation explores the devastating gap in support for women who enter menopause through medical intervention, the quiet grief of childlessness that society often dismisses with unhelpful "advice" about adoption, the triggering nature of celebrations like Mother's Day, and how Kate has transformed her pain into purpose by becoming a menopause coach and advocate—both within her corporate HR role and beyond. Kate also opens up about the changing relationship with alcohol in menopause, the "sober curious" movement, and why she believes menopause is far from a "saturated market"—there's still so much work to do. Key Points Covered: • The Endometriosis Journey: Kate suffered with stage 4 endometriosis for years before diagnosis—stuck bowel, removed fallopian tubes, recurring cysts the size of grapefruits. Unlike many endo sufferers with debilitating daily pain, Kate's pain was primarily during menstruation, which delayed proper diagnosis for approximately 8 years (the current average). • The Doctor's Dismissive Response: When Kate first went to her GP with stomach pain, she was met with "Have you been Googling? You're obviously thinking the worst"—a dismissive response that's all too common for women with endometriosis and other reproductive health conditions. • The Hysterectomy Shock: Kate consented to various surgical options including total hysterectomy, but conversations with her consultant had been hopeful it wouldn't be that severe. Waking up in recovery still groggy and sick to learn it was indeed a total hysterectomy—with no working ovaries—was devastating. • Zero Psychological Preparation: The consultant returned hours later to say "You're entering menopause, you'll need HRT" and simply left the room. No grief counseling, no psychological support, no explanation of what surgical menopause would mean—just a prescription to be filled within two weeks. • The Double Loss: While being told about menopause, Kate's brain wasn't even there yet—she was grieving the end of her fertility journey. Years of IVF (which was "not a really good experience"), countless surgeries, and the dream of biological motherhood had just ended without warning in a recovery room. • The Fertility Dreams We're Conditioned To Have: Kate speaks honestly about being conditioned that "this is what we do—we're females, we produce babies, we get married, we have kids, we're homemakers"—and the profound grief of that life path being suddenly, permanently closed. • Time as the Only Healer: Kate describes how "just gradually, bit by bit, it didn't hurt as much"—the rawness of "you are not going to be a biological mum" faded over time. But there are still triggers, particularly around Mother's Day, even though she has a wonderful relationship with her own mother. • The Unhelpful "Adoption" Suggestions: Well-meaning people asking "Haven't you looked into adoption?" don't understand that for many women, the desire is specifically to have a baby that "comes from me and is part of me and my husband." Kate and her husband did explore adoption but decided it wasn't for them—a deeply personal choice that deserves respect. • The Bond Over Shared Pain: Kate found solace in a best friend who also went through unsuccessful IVF, creating a shared understanding of the pain of "not getting to be the mums we wanted to be." Having friends at different stages—some with children, some without—meant she had support depending on what she needed. • The Bitter-Sweet Joy for Others: The complex emotions of being genuinely happy for friends who fall pregnant easily while simultaneously feeling internal pain—"Oh, why wasn't that me?"—is a reality many women with fertility struggles know intimately. • The Support Gap for Surgical Menopause: Lauren highlights that Kate's situation—being thrown into menopause at the peak of trying to start a family—happens "sadly too regularly" with insufficient support. Women in surgical menopause need specialized care that acknowledges both the hormonal transition AND the grief, trauma, and identity crisis. • Why Kate Trained as a Menopause Coach: Despite knowing very little about menopause after her hysterectomy, Kate saw the coaching program on LinkedIn and thought "that sounds like a piece of me." She wanted to educate herself while potentially adding another skill to her corporate HR toolkit—and learned massively about her own menopause journey in the process. • The Work-Life Balance Struggle: Kate admits to constantly having to check herself on work-life boundaries—checking Teams on her phone after logging off, quickly replying to "just one more email." It's an ongoing challenge requiring daily awareness. • Exercise as Escape and Empowerment: Kate loves the gym, sport, squash with her husband, learning golf, and used to play cricket until a back injury. She particularly enjoys sports that "historically women weren't meant to do"—if someone says she can't play it, she'll have a go. • The Corporate Alcohol Culture: Kate describes how alcohol is "heavily interwoven with corporate life"—client meetings, socializing, celebrating success, breakfast meetings followed by evening drinks, work away days centered around alcohol. It's so normalized that opting out still carries stigma. • The Menopausal Alcohol Intolerance: Since entering menopause, Kate has become "a complete lightweight" who feels "horrendous even if I've just sniffed a glass of wine." She's reached the point of questioning "Why am I doing this to myself? I'm ruining a whole weekend and not even enjoying it." • Sober Curious Defined: For Kate, being "sober curious" means "I am interested in a potentially life without alcohol" and exploring "what's my relationship with alcohol?" She acknowledges her past relationship with it wasn't healthy—too much reliance on binge drinking and consuming all weekly units in one evening—but emphasizes "each to their own" without judgment. • Leading Menopause Work in Corporate: In her HR role at a large global insurance company heading up an employee forum, Kate already ran a monthly menopause support group before training as a coach—working with senior stakeholders and executives on awareness initiatives. • The "I Thought I Knew" Revelation: Despite running workplace menopause groups and rating herself "7 out of 10" on menopause knowledge, Kate was shocked by how much she didn't know when she started the diploma. "There is still so much that I completely don't know." • Menopause Is NOT a Saturated Market: Kate pushes back against claims that "menopause is everywhere, it's a trillion-dollar industry, it's saturated"—emphasizing "No, it is really not. There's still so much to do." The narrative that menopause awareness has "gone too far" is false when women still wake up from surgery with zero support. • Future Plans: Kate wants to work with private clients one-to-one (she currently does group work), explore local community-based groups, potentially run retreats, and continue her corporate awareness work. As she says: "Watch this space." • Life Skills Beyond Menopause: The menopause plan teaches fundamental life skills—decluttering, boundary setting, self-care—that help everyone "whether you are going through menopause and having all of that fun, or not." • The Age Stigma: Kate realized she wasn't wanting to talk about being menopausal because "I felt that people would think that meant I was old, I was a certain age." She questioned this embarrassment—why the discomfort with being associated with a particular age? It's societal pressure: "You're this age, you do this, you look like this." • Identity Crisis in Menopause: The question "Who am I now?" becomes profound—comparing yourself to your 20s and 30s, noticing wrinkles, grieving past abilities. But as Lauren frames it in the coaching scripts: it's an opportunity to explore, stop, think, reset, and decide "What do I want my future to look like?" • Transforming Pain Into Purpose: Kate has taken her lived experience of surgical menopause, fertility loss, and navigating corporate life through hormonal chaos and turned it into a mission to support others—particularly those who've experienced similar trauma and loss that society often minimizes or ignores. Timestamps: [00:01:00] Why train as a menopause coach? [00:02:00] The endometriosis journey and misdiagnosis [00:05:00] Waking up to unexpected total hysterectomy [00:06:00] The double grief: Fertility and menopause news [00:08:00] Coming to terms with childlessness ...
