The Men's Mental Health Podcast

Dr. Daniel Bates
  • 5.0 (2)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Daily

Welcome to Men's Mental Health Podcast, a podcast where I explore the intersection of masculinity and men's mental health. I'm Dr. Daniel Bates, and for the last 16 years, I counseled and researched men's mental health issues. Check out my latest blogs on PsychologyToday and Psychotherapy.net, and make sure to follow me on Substack, Men's Mental Health.

  1. 19h ago

    Bill Burr has been Liberated from Anger

    Comedian Bill Burr has built much of his career around frustration, outrage, and the absurdities of everyday life. But in a recent interview, he described going to therapy and experiencing a profound change: anger used to feel embarrassing because it reminded him of his father. That realization opens the door to a much bigger conversation about what happens when men begin to understand the emotions underneath their anger. Dr. Bates explores how anger can become part of a man’s identity, why it may feel protective or powerful in the short term, and what it means to become “liberated” from constantly reacting through anger. The episode also considers how family experiences, masculine expectations, emotional awareness, and maturity can reshape a man’s relationship with anger over time. Rather than treating anger as inherently bad, this episode examines how men can learn to understand it, use it constructively, and develop a wider emotional range. Topics include: anger and masculinity, emotional regulation, fathers and male role models, restrictive emotionality, emotional awareness, personal growth, and men’s mental health.

    Bill Burr has been Liberated from Anger

  2. 5d ago

    Understanding Masculinity: A Conversation with Dr. Andrew Smiler

    What does it actually mean to be a man—and how do our ideas about masculinity shape men’s identities, relationships, and mental health? Dr. Smiler discusses why masculinity is far more complex than a simple collection of traditional male norms. Drawing from his Multifaceted Masculinity Framework, he explains four important dimensions of masculinity: the criteria men use to define masculinity, the ways men experience manhood as an achievement, the different types of men and masculinities they may identify with, and the ongoing negotiations men make between cultural expectations, personal values, relationships, and everyday realities. The conversation also explores what this means for counselors and other mental health professionals working with men. Rather than approaching masculinity primarily as something problematic that needs to be corrected, Dr. Smiler discusses the importance of understanding men's experiences from their own perspectives, recognizing their existing strengths and values, and helping men develop healthier and more flexible ways of navigating manhood. Andrew P. Smiler, PhD, is a psychologist, author, educator, and licensed therapist whose work focuses on boys, men, masculinity, relationships, and male development. He has published more than 20 peer-reviewed academic articles and has written extensively about how masculinity is defined and experienced as well as boys' dating and sexual development. He is a past president of the Society for the Psychology of Men and Masculinities. His newest book, Clinical Work With Men: Understanding Masculinity in Psychotherapy, provides clinicians with a framework for understanding male clients from the inside out—examining men's identities, values, strengths, and experiences rather than beginning from the assumption that masculinity itself is pathological. Andrew Smiler's WebsiteAndrewSmiler.com Books and ResourcesAndrew Smiler — Books & Videos Clinical Work With Men: Understanding Masculinity in PsychotherapyA clinical guide for therapists seeking to better understand and engage male clients, including discussion of the Multifaceted Masculinity Framework and several common masculine identities or “types.”Clinical Work With Men — American Psychological Association The Masculine Self, 7th EditionAndrew P. Smiler & Christopher KilmartinA comprehensive examination of men's lives and masculinity, including emotion, relationships, work, aggression, health, mental health, and male development.The Masculine Self — Sloan Publishing Is Masculinity Toxic? A Primer for the 21st CenturyAn accessible examination of contemporary masculinity that considers both the potential harms associated with masculine expectations and the complexity and positive dimensions of men's lives.Is Masculinity Toxic? — Thames & Hudson Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen BoyA practical guide for adolescent boys addressing dating, relationships, consent, sexuality, body image, sexual orientation, and healthy decision-making.Dating and Sex — Andrew Smiler Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young MaleSmiler challenges the stereotype that adolescent boys and young men are naturally driven toward sexual conquest and examines the importance of relationships, intimacy, identity, and healthy sexual development.Learn more about Challenging Casanova and Andrew's other books

    Understanding Masculinity: A Conversation with Dr. Andrew Smiler

  3. Aug 18

    Is Therapy Only For Those Who Have It All Figured Out?

    Do you have to be completely self-aware, emotionally articulate, and ready to open up before therapy can actually help? Absolutely not. In this episode of the Men’s Mental Health Podcast, we challenge the idea that you need to have yourself—or your problems—figured out before walking into a therapist’s office. In reality, not knowing what’s wrong, struggling to put feelings into words, or simply knowing that something isn’t working can be more than enough reason to start. We explore what therapy can look like when you don't know what to say, why uncertainty is actually part of the therapeutic process, and how a good therapist can help you make sense of thoughts, emotions, relationships, and patterns that may be difficult to understand on your own. You don't need the perfect words. You don't need a diagnosis. You don't need a perfectly defined goal. Sometimes therapy is where you go to figure it out.

    Is Therapy Only For Those Who Have It All Figured Out?

  4. Aug 17

    Woman Tries Therapy for First Time with a Male Therapist

    What happens when a woman sits down for therapy with a male therapist? In this episode of the Men’s Mental Health Podcast, we flip the usual conversation about gender and therapy. We often talk about what it’s like for men to work with female therapists—but what about women working with men? Gender doesn’t disappear when we enter the therapy room. Our experiences with men and women, relationships, family histories, cultural expectations, and assumptions about gender can all influence how safe we feel opening up to a therapist. For some women, working with a male therapist may initially feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. But it can also create opportunities for new relational experiences, different perspectives, and meaningful therapeutic work. In this episode, we explore: What it can be like for a woman to work with a male therapist How gender influences the therapeutic relationship Whether a therapist needs to share your gender to truly understand you The importance of emotional safety and trust in counseling How assumptions about men and women can enter the therapy room What male therapists need to understand when counseling women Why curiosity may be more important than pretending to completely understand someone else's experience How a healthy therapeutic relationship can challenge expectations formed in previous relationships Why the quality of the therapeutic relationship may matter more than simply matching therapist and client demographics This isn't an argument that women should see male therapists—or that male therapists are somehow better for women. It's a conversation about what happens when two people with different lived experiences enter the counseling room and intentionally try to understand one another. Good therapy isn't about finding someone exactly like you. It's about finding someone who is willing to listen, remain curious, understand your world, challenge you when necessary, and create a relationship where meaningful change can happen. Woman Tries Therapy with a Male Therapist

    Woman Tries Therapy for First Time with a Male Therapist

  5. Aug 16

    Rebuilding Trust After Trauma: Trauma-Informed Marriage, Part 3.

    Trust is essential to a healthy marriage—but trauma can make trust complicated. In Part 3 of the Trauma-Informed Marriage series, we explore what it takes to rebuild trust when past trauma, painful experiences, or repeated relationship wounds make it difficult to feel emotionally safe with your partner. Trauma can teach us to protect ourselves. We may become hypervigilant, expect rejection, question our partner’s intentions, withdraw when things feel unsafe, or struggle to believe that someone will actually be there when we need them. Even in a loving marriage, those protective patterns can create distance. So how do couples rebuild trust? In this episode of the Men’s Mental Health Podcast, we talk about why trust isn’t rebuilt through one big conversation, apology, or promise. Trust is rebuilt through small, consistent experiences of safety over time. We explore: How trauma can change the way we experience trust Why your nervous system may react to your spouse as though an old threat is happening again The importance of understanding triggers without making your partner responsible for managing them Why consistency and predictability create emotional safety How honesty and transparency help rebuild security Taking responsibility when you hurt your partner The importance of repair after conflict Why forgiveness and trust are not necessarily the same thing How couples can create new experiences that challenge old expectations The power of repeatedly showing your partner, “You are safe with me.” A trauma-informed marriage doesn’t demand that someone simply “get over” what happened to them. At the same time, trauma cannot become an excuse for harmful behavior. Healing requires compassion and accountability. Trust grows when our words and behaviors begin telling the same story—again and again. You may not be able to change what happened in the past, but together, you can work toward creating a relationship in the present that feels safer, more predictable, more connected, and more trustworthy.

    Rebuilding Trust After Trauma: Trauma-Informed Marriage, Part 3.

  6. Aug 15

    Healing After Trauma in Your Marriage: Trauma-Informed Marriage, Part 2.

    Trauma doesn’t stay neatly in the past. It can show up in our closest relationships—especially in marriage. In Part 2 of the Trauma-Informed Marriage series, we move from understanding how trauma affects relationships to exploring what healing can actually look like between partners. When someone has experienced trauma, conflict may feel more threatening, criticism may feel more personal, and disconnection may activate powerful emotional or physiological responses. A partner might fight, withdraw, shut down, become defensive, or desperately pursue connection—not necessarily because they don't care about the relationship, but because their nervous system has learned ways to protect them. So how do you build a marriage where healing is possible? In this episode of the Men’s Mental Health Podcast, we explore how couples can create greater emotional safety, recognize trauma responses without excusing harmful behavior, and learn to respond differently when old wounds enter present-day conflicts. We discuss: How trauma can influence conflict and emotional reactions Recognizing fight, flight, freeze, and other protective responses Why emotional safety matters for healing Learning your partner’s triggers without walking on eggshells Regulating yourself before trying to resolve a conflict Responding with curiosity rather than defensiveness Repairing after moments of disconnection Creating new relationship experiences that challenge old expectations Why healing requires both compassion and accountability Being trauma-informed doesn’t mean making trauma the explanation for everything that happens in your marriage. It means recognizing that sometimes there is a story underneath the reaction. Instead of only asking, “Why are you reacting like this?” we can become curious enough to ask, “What is happening inside you right now—and how can we respond differently together?” Healing doesn’t require a perfect marriage. It requires two people willing to understand themselves, understand one another, repair when things go wrong, and gradually create a relationship that feels safer than what came before. Healing After Trauma in Your Marriage: Trauma-Informed Marriage, Part 2.

    Healing After Trauma in Your Marriage: Trauma-Informed Marriage, Part 2.

  7. Aug 14

    How to Create a Trauma-Informed Marriage Pt. 1

    What happens when old wounds quietly show up in your marriage? In Part 1 of “How to Create a Trauma-Informed Marriage,” we explore how past experiences can shape the way we communicate, handle conflict, interpret our partner’s behavior, and respond when we feel threatened, rejected, criticized, or disconnected. Sometimes what looks like anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, or overreaction isn’t really about the argument happening right now. Our nervous systems carry histories—and those histories can influence how safe or unsafe we feel with the person we love most. In this episode of the Men’s Mental Health Podcast, we discuss what it means to bring a trauma-informed perspective into marriage—not by excusing harmful behavior or diagnosing your spouse, but by becoming more curious about what may be happening underneath the surface. We’ll explore: How past experiences can influence present-day relationship patterns Why seemingly small interactions can trigger disproportionately strong reactions The difference between asking “What’s wrong with you?” and “What happened to you?” How understanding your partner’s story can create greater empathy Why emotional and relational safety matter in healthy marriages How couples can begin responding to each other with curiosity instead of defensiveness A trauma-informed marriage isn’t a marriage without conflict. It’s a marriage where two people are learning to understand the stories, wounds, fears, and needs they each bring into the relationship—and creating something safer together. This is Part 1 of a series on building a more trauma-informed marriage.

    How to Create a Trauma-Informed Marriage Pt. 1

  8. Aug 13

    The Man Behind Positive Masculinity: Interview with Dr. Mark Kiselica

    What does it really mean to be a good man? In this episode of the Men’s Mental Health Podcast, Dr. Daniel Bates sits down with Dr. Mark Kiselica, one of the pioneering voices behind the positive masculinity movement, to explore a strengths-based way of understanding men and masculinity. Rather than defining masculinity primarily by what is harmful, restrictive, or “toxic,” positive masculinity asks a different question: What strengths do men bring to their relationships, families, communities, and the world—and how can we help those strengths flourish? Dr. Kiselica discusses the development of the positive masculinity perspective, why the field needed an alternative to deficit-based approaches to men, and the qualities he has observed in men who use their masculinity in healthy and prosocial ways. Daniel and Mark explore topics including: The origins of the Positive Psychology/Positive Masculinity (PPPM) approach Why psychology has sometimes struggled to recognize men's strengths Healthy versus harmful expressions of masculinity Male courage, responsibility, service, protection, and generativity The importance of fathers, mentors, and positive male role models How counselors can work with men without treating masculinity itself as a pathology What the next generation of research on positive masculinity might look like This conversation challenges us to move beyond the question, “What’s wrong with men?” and toward a more constructive one: “What does it look like when men are at their best?” Whether you're a counselor, researcher, educator, parent, or simply interested in men's mental health, this episode offers a hopeful and nuanced perspective on helping men become healthier versions of themselves.

    The Man Behind Positive Masculinity: Interview with Dr. Mark Kiselica
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About

Welcome to Men's Mental Health Podcast, a podcast where I explore the intersection of masculinity and men's mental health. I'm Dr. Daniel Bates, and for the last 16 years, I counseled and researched men's mental health issues. Check out my latest blogs on PsychologyToday and Psychotherapy.net, and make sure to follow me on Substack, Men's Mental Health.

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