We're Dating the Same Guy

Madden Zappa
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We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.

  1. 5D AGO

    EP 36: You're Not Bad at Dating — Your Profile Is: Online Dating Tips that Actually Work with Coach Erika Ettin

    Feeling burned out from dating apps? You're not alone—79% of users report dating app fatigue. In this episode, I sit down with Erika Ettin, founder of A Little Nudge and dating coach for 15 years, to break down exactly what makes online dating profiles stand out and how to actually convert matches into dates. Erika shares her "Name Your Five" framework for creating profiles that spark conversation, the biggest mistakes that quietly sabotage connection, and why successful people often struggle the most with modern dating. We dive into profile photo strategies, the art of first messages, texting between dates, and when to move from app to in-person. If you're swiping but not connecting, getting matches but not dates, or feeling like dating has become another exhausting chore, this conversation is full of practical insights that will shift how you approach online dating entirely. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: The "Name Your Five" profile framework that creates message baitPhoto strategy: What your first three pictures need to showWhy "doing the work" doesn't entitle you to find someoneHow to text between dates without creating false intimacyThe green flags people overlook when chemistry isn't instantWhy your attitude toward dating apps determines your experienceWhen to go on a second date (hint: if you're curious for one more conversation)"Your trip to Europe is fleeting. Your potential partner, hopefully, is for a long time. So perhaps people should spend more time on their dating profile than planning vacation. You spent 10 hours planning your trip to Europe but only five minutes on your Hinge profile. That math doesn't add up." - Erika Ettin CONNECT WITH ERIKA: Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, a consulting company that helps people navigate the world of online dating, from first click to first date. She is also the author of the book Love at First Site.   Erika studied economics at Cornell University and received her MBA from Georgetown. She started A Little Nudge in 2011 (after a seven-year career as an economist). She is responsible for many relationships, marriages, and the confidence some people simply need to “get out there.”   A Little Nudge has been featured in media around the country, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, NPR, CBS, and Ask Men, and she currently writes a weekly syndicated dating column.   Erika's Instagram: @alittlenudge GET YOUR VERY OWN THE SKIN DEEP DECK RIGHT HERE! CONNECT WITH MADDEN: Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠ STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY: We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠ Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠ ✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

    44 min

  2. DEC 19

    EP 35: You're the Only Single Person at the Holiday Party (Now What?): How to Own the Holidays Single

    The holidays can bring up complicated feelings when you're single—but what if you stopped treating this season like something to survive and started owning it instead? In this solo episode, Madden gets raw and honest about navigating holiday gatherings without a partner, the unexpected clarity that can come from seasonal reflection, and why your relationship status has nothing to do with how fulfilled your life actually is. If you've ever felt the weight of being the only single person at a party, fielded awkward questions from well-meaning relatives, or caught yourself wishing for a plus-one—this episode is for you. Madden shares personal stories from recent holiday experiences and offers practical language for handling those inevitable "so, are you seeing anyone?" conversations with grace and confidence. This isn't about pretending you're fine when you're not. It's about understanding that you can simultaneously enjoy your life AND desire partnership. Both things can be true at once. And more importantly, your confidence doesn't come from having someone by your side—it comes from choosing yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: Navigating holiday gatherings as a single personFinding clarity about what you want in relationshipsHandling intrusive questions from family and friendsUnderstanding that fulfillment and desire for partnership can coexistBreaking out of hibernation mode during winterBuilding confidence through choosing yourselfEmotional maturity and sitting with uncomfortable feelingsThe difference between surviving and owning the holiday season"Your relationship status—whether you're single, you're dating, or the state of your current relationship—that is not the most important and most interesting thing about you. It never was. It never will be unless you're the one deciding that. You are so much more than whether or not you have a partner." - Madden Zappa CONNECT WITH MADDEN: Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY: We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at @datedifferentlyco Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous) ✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

    32 min

  3. DEC 9

    EP 34: From Anxious to Secure: Stop Chasing, Overthinking & Losing Yourself in Love

    Anxious attachment isn't a life sentence—it's a pattern you can heal. In this transformative episode, internationally recognized relationship coach Trevor Hanson shares his journey from working at Tesla while trapped in toxic relationships to helping thousands break free from anxious attachment patterns. If you've ever felt like you're dating the same person repeatedly, sabotaging healthy relationships, or addicted to the highs and lows of chaotic love—this episode is your roadmap to change. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: The real difference between anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment styles Why you keep attracting unavailable partners (and how to stop) The TEMPO Cycle framework for identifying and breaking your patterns How to build genuine safety within yourself before seeking it in others Why healing while dating isn't just possible—it's powerful The emotion-logic gap and why knowing better doesn't equal doing better "There's an emotion-logic gap. There's a logical part of you that totally gets it in the front part of your brain. But then there's an emotional part of your brain that stores all your subconscious content. Too often we try to activate the front part of the brain to fix the emotional base brain. And it doesn't work. You literally aren't even turning on the right part of the brain to fix it. That's why you can learn all day long what a healthy pattern looks like and still get sucked into the same old stuff." - Trevor Hanson CONNECT WITH TREVOR: Trevor is an internationally recognized coach dedicated to helping individuals and couples create secure, thriving relationships. After overcoming his own anxious attachment, breaking his jaw, ending a toxic relationship, and leaving a corporate career at Tesla, he found his purpose in helping others find their secure self. With a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and advanced training from some of the world’s top attachment experts, Trevor has helped thousands of clients around the globe. He’s been featured by the Gottman Institute and has spoken to audiences of over 10,000. As the founder of The Art of Healing, he teaches his signature Secure Self Method to help people step into emotional confidence and build the kinds of relationships that last. Trevor's Instagram: ⁠@theartofhealingbytrevor⁠ ⁠Trevor's Website⁠ Free! Seminar ⁠From Anxious to Secure ⁠ Join the⁠ Secure Self Club⁠ (Go from anxious to secure in 120 days!) CONNECT WITH MADDEN: Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠ STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY: We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠ Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠ ⭐As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over to Instagram to share the most recent episode!

    54 min

  4. DEC 2

    EP 33: Combining Finances in Marriage: Money Talks, Financial Infidelity & Building Wealth

    Should couples combine finances after marriage? Financial therapist Lindsay Konchar shares expert advice on money conversations, avoiding financial infidelity, and building wealth together. In Part 2 of our conversation with financial therapist Lindsay Konchar, we dive deep into the money questions that come up when relationships get serious. From combining finances to navigating financial infidelity, this episode gives you practical tools for building a financial foundation that actually supports your relationship instead of stressing it out. What You'll Learn: The truth about combining finances in marriage (and why the "merge everything" advice might be wrong for you)How to have money conversations without triggering defensiveness or shameThe biggest financial conflicts couples face and how to navigate themHow to maintain financial equality when one partner out-earns the otherWhat financial infidelity really looks like and how to rebuild trustEssential money conversations to have before kids, mortgages, and major life decisionsHow to escape "keeping up with the Joneses" and define what YOU actually wantThe power of weekly money dates for thriving (not just surviving) financially"We are not just keeping up with the Joneses anymore. We are keeping up with everyone. Social media is a huge culprit of that. For anybody that's like, I don't give a shit what other people think about me - that's a huge red flag. Every single human being on planet Earth gives a shit about what other people are thinking about them. And they should. What that is all about is having a sense of belonging. You want to belong with your friends, your chosen family. That's okay. But you need to understand how your money is reflected in that." - Lindsey Konchar CONNECT WITH LINDSEY: Lindsey is your favorite financial therapist for women and couples, here to help you feel excited about money! (Yes, it's possible!) Money is more than just a math problem; there is always so much more to the equation. Merging behavioral therapy and financial education, Lindsey helps you live your dream life! Lindsey's Instagram: ⁠@financialtherapistlindsey⁠ ⁠Lindsey's Website⁠ Join Financial Self-Care's GET OUT OF DEBT course ⁠WAITLIST⁠ CONNECT WITH MADDEN: Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠ STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠ Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠ ⭐ As always, we don’t gatekeep how to date smarter.If this moved you or taught you something new, take a moment to follow, leave a review, and pass this episode along to someone who would love it too.

    43 min

  5. NOV 25

    EP 32: Financial Compatibility in Dating: How Finances Impact Attraction, Compatibility, & Long-Term Love

    Can money make or break your relationship? In Part 1 of this two-part series, financial therapist Lindsey Konchar reveals why financial compatibility matters just as much as emotional connection—and how to talk about money without the awkwardness. Discover why your money habits were formed by age 10, when to bring up finances while dating (hint: earlier than you think), and how to lead with vulnerability instead of interrogation. Lindsey shares the conversation starters that actually work, explains why confidence with money is the most attractive quality you can have, and breaks down what really matters when assessing financial compatibility. Whether you're single, casually dating, or getting serious with someone, this episode will change how you approach money conversations—and help you build stronger, more financially aligned relationships from the start. IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE: - Your money habits are established by age 10 based on what you saw modeled- Financial therapy combines behavioral change with tactical money management- Confidence with your finances is more attractive than your income level- Lead money conversations with vulnerability, not interrogation- The best time to talk finances is dates 3-5, not on date 20- High earners often live paycheck-to-paycheck just like everyone else- Money dates create safe spaces for ongoing financial conversations "When you feel cool and confident and collected in your relationship with money, when you are at ease with your money, you carry that. You stand a little taller, your shoulders relax a little bit more because you know where your money is going. And that confidence is what now you are bringing to that relationship. That's what is so attractive for people." - Lindsey Konchar CONNECT WITH LINDSEY: Lindsey is your favorite financial therapist for women and couples, here to help you feel excited about money! (Yes, it's possible!) Money is more than just a math problem; there is always so much more to the equation. Merging behavioral therapy and financial education, Lindsey helps you live your dream life! Lindsey's Instagram: @financialtherapistlindsey Lindsey's Website Join Financial Self-Care's GET OUT OF DEBT course WAITLIST CONNECT WITH MADDEN: Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at @datedifferentlyco Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous) ⭐ As always, we don’t gatekeep how to date smarter.If this moved you or taught you something new, take a moment to follow, leave a review, and pass this episode along to someone who would love it too.

    43 min

  6. NOV 18

    EP 31: Sacred Union & Emotional Intelligence: How to Attract Conscious Love by Becoming Your Highest Self

    More than 90 percent of Gen Z report feeling frustrated with dating apps, and 79 percent of college-age people say they don't use dating apps regularly. If you're exhausted by the swipe culture and ready to date differently, this episode is for you. Francesco Amati found his wife through Instagram—not by DMing strangers, but by creating intentional content about the love he wanted to attract. They dated long-distance between Canada and New Jersey for six months before getting married, and their relationship proves that conscious connection transcends physical proximity. This conversation explores how emotional intelligence, inner child healing, and spiritual alignment transform your dating life from the inside out. Francesco shares practical frameworks for assessing emotional compatibility, breaking toxic patterns, and becoming the version of yourself who can hold the relationship you desire. IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE: How to assess emotional intelligence in early datingInner child healing techniques for secure attachmentWhy conflict should strengthen, not threaten, connectionQuestions that reveal true compatibilityThe difference between unconditional love and tolerating mistreatment "When I finally walked away from what wasn't good for me, I opened up space for what is good for me. This time, I'm not going to settle." - Francesco Amati CONNECT WITH FRANCESCO: Francesco Amati is a spiritual teacher and conscious relationship mentor who helps people cultivate inner union and attract authentic partnership without dating apps. Following his spiritual awakening in 2012, Francesco has integrated lessons from marriage, divorce, and toxic relationships into a teaching practice that bridges ancient wisdom with modern dating challenges. Through his program, The Path to Sacred Union, Francesco guides individuals to heal attachment wounds, develop emotional intelligence, and align with their highest self. His approach emphasizes that your external reality reflects your internal state—meaning the relationship you attract is the vibrational match of who you're being, not who you're performing to be. Francesco's Instagram: @_francesco.amati_ CONNECT WITH MADDEN: Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

    58 min

  7. NOV 11

    EP 30: Detoxing Your Ex: How to Heal, Let Go, and Rebuild After Love Loss

    If you've ever gone through a breakup that left you gasping for air weeks or months later—refreshing their profile, replaying every moment, wondering what went wrong—this episode is for you. In today's conversation, host Madden sits down with Cole Zesiger, breakup and relationship coach and author of Exes and No's: The Breakup Advice You Don't Want to Hear, to dive deep into how we can truly move from heartbreak to healing. Cole has helped thousands of people rebuild after love loss, blending psychology, attachment theory, and practical tools to guide them back to peace and power. EPISODE TIMELINE: 00:00 - Introduction: Why This Episode is For You02:15 - Meet Cole Zessiger: From Divorce to Helping Thousands04:30 - The Two Mindsets That Keep You Stuck Post-Breakup07:45 - Mourning the Person AND the Future You Imagined10:20 - Step One: The Complete Detox From Your Ex13:40 - Cole's Credit Card Confession: The Trap of Staying Connected16:15 - Understanding How Your Brain Wires Memories of Your Ex19:30 - Step Two: Building a Life You Actually Like23:10 - The Two Ways to Be Happy After a Breakup26:45 - Why Helping Others Accelerates Your Healing30:20 - Navigating Trust, Betrayal, and Forgiveness34:50 - The Lemon Cart Analogy: Why Forgiveness is a Gift to Yourself37:15 - Attachment Styles Explained: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant & Disorganized41:00 - The Raft Metaphor: Three Ways to Heal Your Attachment Style44:30 - How to Date Without Losing Yourself in the Relationship47:20 - Finding Your Divine Center Beyond Your Partner49:10 - The Pattern That Keeps People Stuck in the Same Relationship Cycles50:35 - The Power of Correct Levels of Accountability51:20 - Final Advice: Be Curious About Your Future IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE: The two most common mindsets that keep people stuck post-breakupWhat a real detox from your ex looks like (hint: it's more than just no contact)Why forgiveness isn't letting them off the hook—it's setting yourself freeHow to understand your attachment style and stop repeating the same dating patternsThe "raft metaphor" for building emotional stability in relationshipsWhy helping others is actually one of the fastest ways to heal yourselfHow to know if you're truly healing or just stuck in the same cycle"When your present isn't happy, when there's nothing to look forward to and nothing to be happy about in the moment, your brain is just going to want to stay in the past. So we need to start building things in the moment, and that can start as small as possible—brushing your teeth or making your bed. And then you build out from there." - Cole Zesiger CONNECT WITH COLE: Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach who helps people navigate heartbreak and rebuild their lives after love loss. After getting divorced at 23 and jumping into another failed relationship, Cole embarked on a journey to understand breakups, attachment theory, and what it really takes to heal. Over the past three years, he's built a community of 750,000+ followers across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, creating content that blends psychology, vulnerability, and practical tools. Cole is the author of Exes and No's: The Breakup Advice You Don't Want to Hear, a must-read guide for anyone ready to stop repeating heartbreak cycles. Outside of coaching, Cole is married to his wife Jocelyn, has a one-year-old daughter, and enjoys playing guitar, listening to rock music, and riding his dirt bike and Harley. Cole's Instagram: @coachcolezesiger Cole's TikTok Preorder Ex's and No's: https://coachcolezesiger.com/exsandnos Connect with Madden: Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa Important Podcast Links: Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)

    53 min

  8. OCT 30

    EP 29: Dating After Trauma: Setting Boundaries & Reclaiming Your Self-Worth

    What if the endless healing work you're doing is actually keeping you stuck? In this raw and transformative conversation, sexual liberation coach Sammy Schultz shares her journey from numbing sexual trauma with alcohol to becoming the strong woman she needed growing up—and how that completely changed the way she dates. EPISODE TIMELINE: 00:00 - Introduction & Welcome03:11 - Sammy's Background & Journey Begins06:22 - From Sexual Trauma to Sexual Liberation10:56 - Why YouTube Tried to Censor Her Content13:41 - Getting Stuck in Healing Mode17:31 - The Pattern of "If I Were More Healed, I'd Be Worthy"21:26 - Why Healing Work Didn't Change Sammy's Dating Life24:51 - Shifting from "I'm Broken" to "I'm Whole"28:21 - The Intention Behind Healing vs. Living31:46 - Becoming the Woman You Needed Growing Up35:31 - From Auditioning to Being the Chooser39:26 - Centering Yourself Instead of Begging the Universe43:01 - How Sexual Trauma Impacts Dating & Relationships47:36 - Breaking Generational Trauma Cycles51:21 - Recognizing What True Safety Actually Feels Like54:56 - Dating from Your Inner Mama Bear (Not Your Inner Little Girl)57:41 - How to Feel Safe Speaking What You Want1:00:31 - Worshiping the "Bitchy" Version of Yourself1:02:26 - Final Advice: Be the Center of Your Own Universe IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE: Why years of healing work doesn't always translate to better dating experiencesHow to shift from auditioning for love to becoming the chooserSetting powerful boundaries without fear of being perceived as "too much"Dating from your inner mama bear instead of your wounded inner childThe complete dating rulebook that changed everything "Instead of begging an external universe to give you what only you can give you, you have to become the center of your universe. You become the universe and you give it to yourself. You stop asking for things and you just give it to yourself. Rather than going out and being like 'maybe someone will choose me,' it's 'let me see if this place, this person, is amazing enough for me.'" - Sammy Schultz CONNECT WITH SAMMY: Sammy Schultz is a sexual liberation coach who helps women become the strong woman they needed when they were growing up. After spending years numbing sexual trauma with alcohol and facing a life-threatening health experience, Sammy got sober and began her healing journey—which eventually evolved into teaching women how to stop healing and start living. Ten years ago, Sammy started a YouTube channel to share her journey of sexual healing, even after the platform threatened to delete her content. Since then, she's helped countless women transform their relationship with their bodies, their sensuality, and their worthiness in love and money. Sammy specializes in combining neuroscience and sensuality to help women break free from people-pleasing patterns, set powerful boundaries, and date from a place of wholeness rather than fixing themselves. Her approach is bold, unapologetic, and refreshingly honest—teaching women that the "bitchy," "demanding" version of themselves isn't something to apologize for, but something to worship. Sammy's Instagram: @sammybelove CONNECT WITH MADDEN: Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS: Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous

    1h 3m
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Ratings & Reviews

4.4
out of 5
7 Ratings

About

We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.

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