Parenting Autism and ADHD

Cliff Kilmister

Parenting Autism and ADHD is a podcast designed to support parents and carers of children with autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and other neurodevelopmental challenges, as well as children struggling with school attendance, even if they haven’t yet been diagnosed. Each episode offers practical guidance on helping your child attend school with less stress, manage meltdowns, and navigate obstacles in the education system. Through expert advice, real-life stories, and actionable strategies, we aim to empower you to overcome school refusal, sensory sensitivities, and behavioural struggles with confidence.  Our mission is to build a supportive community where parents and carers can connect, share experiences, and access the tools they need for their child’s success, while fostering collaboration between parents and teachers to create a strong, unified support system.

  1. Cultivating The Ability to Be Calm: Managing ADHD  Meltdowns, Triggers and Caregiver Overwhelm with Dolly Oksman

    1D AGO

    Cultivating The Ability to Be Calm: Managing ADHD  Meltdowns, Triggers and Caregiver Overwhelm with Dolly Oksman

    Today's episode is about stress, anxiety, the inner critic, and why regulation always starts with us as the adults. I'm delighted to be joined by the founder of Love. Heal.Believe. -  Dolly Oksman, a special education teacher with more than a decade of experience supporting children with autism, and someone who is deeply passionate about self-regulation, self-care and helping caregivers stay calm in the middle of chaos.  Together, we talk about classroom meltdowns, anticipating triggers, why mistakes are lessons, and how slowing down and working on ourselves can completely transform the way we support our children. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, hard on yourself, or unsure how to stay calm when your child is dysregulated, this conversation is for you.  Let's dive in.  EPISODE REVEALS Regulation always starts with the adult; our nervous system sets the tone for our children.   You can teach calmness and structure life to enhance the ability of you and your child to return quickly to a state of calmness and stay there for longer.  The use of structure, visual schedules, routines, breathing, and other relaxation techniques helps children feel safer and become less reactive.   Anticipating triggers (noise, crowds, transitions) and planning ahead with headsets, fidgets and social stories reduces meltdowns.   Self‑care is non‑negotiable; even 5–10 minutes a day for you protects your capacity to care for your child.   Every mistake is feedback. Instead of attacking yourself, ask what you can do differently next time. BEST MOMENTS "Regulation starts with us. Stress and anxiety aren't the enemy, they're messengers, and if we're constantly overwhelmed or running on empty, it becomes very difficult to model calm for our children." "Every day is a learning process … we should not be hard on ourselves." ABOUT THE GUEST https://www.amazon.co.uk/Youve-Got-This-Navigating-Confidence/dp/B0FPBLYLD6 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Finding-Your-Inspirational-Quotes-Ponder/dp/B0CVXCHMHH https://www.lovehealbelieve.com email: dollyoxman@lovehealbelieve.com https://www.youtube.com/@dollytamposoksman CLIFF´S SERVICES AND BOOKS Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister   Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister Cliff´s books on Amazon : https://www.amazon.co.uk/stores/Mr-Cliff-Kilmister/author/B0DN3XV3WP RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

    55 min
  2. Children’s Mental Health Week: Helping Autistic Children Manage Overwhelm, Shutdowns and Big Emotions

    FEB 11

    Children’s Mental Health Week: Helping Autistic Children Manage Overwhelm, Shutdowns and Big Emotions

    Today's episode is for Children's Mental Health Week. I'm delighted to be joined by my daughter Eva, and together, we're talking about belonging, feeling seen and heard, and what actually helps when children are struggling with overwhelm, shutdowns and big emotions. This is a gentle, honest conversation, not from theory, but from lived experience, about what children really need to feel safe, understood and supported.  Our recent guests have all been echoing a theme of positive inner self talk, and it's been lovely to hear. It's a reminder that we all need to be kind to ourselves inwardly, especially when we're going through darker times. Sometimes what we need most is space and time to work through that, trusting that we will come out the other side. Neurodivergent children don't always understand the emotions they're feeling or have the words to explain. When we ask, what are you feeling? The honest answer is often, I don't know. That doesn't mean nothing's going on. It means they're still learning how to make sense of it. And today we're going to explore that a little bit together. EPISODE REVEALS Try not to be so hard on yourself. It’s difficult, but being gentler with yourself makes a real difference.  You’re not alone. Even when you feel different or isolated, there are others who feel the same way or who can empathise with you. People who truly get you - when you find them you will know. Give yourself space and time to process things. It’s okay not to have the words yet. Understanding what you’re feeling can take time.  When your child is melting down, stay kind and give them space. Let them know you’re there, don’t shout, and remember: if they’re already beating themselves up, they don’t need you to add to it.  Remember that even on the darkest cloud days, the blue sky is still there behind the clouds. Tough times and feelings pass and change just like the weather—those heavy, bleak feelings will pass. BEST MOMENTS “(Good) mental health starts with feeling seen, heard, and accepted. And when you're in environments that don't understand you, it can be quite difficult.” "Fitting in somewhere, means feeling safe with a group of people or person, and being able to be yourself and fit in well with them." "It's hard to find people that are like me or who are a bit different than everyone else, but when you find them, you'll know." "Remember adults to look after yourselves as well." EVA´S LINKS Eva´s you tube channel is InspireWithUsYT https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

    20 min
  3. Navigating the EHCP Maze:  Gathering Effective Evidence and Managing Overwhelm with Helen Foster

    FEB 4

    Navigating the EHCP Maze:  Gathering Effective Evidence and Managing Overwhelm with Helen Foster

    Today, Cliff is joined by Helen Foster who shares her experiences, insights, and hard-earned lessons from navigating EHCP process with her young son. They talk honestly about recognising early signs, gathering evidence, managing overwhelm, using technology to help  and what it's really like advocating for a non-verbal child within a system that can often feel confusing and stacked against families. This is a grounded, real-world conversation, not from theory, but from lived experience. And it's relevant for families and adults who want to make sense of their own neuro divergent experiences.  EPISODE REVEALS Recognising and keeping a record of any stimming or behaviour that supports a diagnosis will help you later. Especially during the EHCP process. Videos,  a well-kept behaviour log, medical reports, assessments, and other paperwork will all support a proper assessment and diagnosis. Really look after yourself. If you don´t you can´t be there to help your child. The earlier you start and get help the better it is for your child. Local authorities worry more about money and resources than what is best for an individual child. For them, good enough is an OK option. To counter this underlying attitude, you will need to continuously advocate for your child. BEST MOMENTS “Take care of yourself, because if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your little one.” “No matter how insignificant you might think it is, note it down. Keep as much evidence as you can possibly collect to either get a formal diagnosis or to initiate an EHCP.” "I'm not just settling for good enough, which is what the local authority are happy to do." EPISODE RESOURCES Instead of piecing together advice from forums and PDFs to get through the EHCP process, use the SEND help App. It provides simple explanations for each step, hands on tips and a way to store and track the documentation you need https://send-help.app/ PREVIOUS RELEVANT EPISODES Dr. Mohita episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/helping-the-brain-through-connecting-instead/id1810681675?i=1000735304072 Lara Barnes episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/nutrition-movement-and-sensory-tools-for/id1810681675?i=1000738445182 CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister   Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body‑doubling and step‑by‑step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08  ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

    1h 2m
  4. What Really Helps Neurodivergent People in the Workplace with Andy Ryan

    JAN 28

    What Really Helps Neurodivergent People in the Workplace with Andy Ryan

    Today. I'm joined by Andy Ryan, a late, diagnosed autistic professional who works with organisations to help them better understand support and value neurodivergent people in the workplace. In this conversation, we talk about masking, burnout, psychological safety, leadership and why so many work environments unintentionally make life harder for neurodivergent people, even when the intention is good.  This is an honest, practical discussion about what actually is effective, not expensive fixes, but small mindset shifts that change everything. EPISODE REVEALS Many neurodivergent people are very capable, but they burn out in environments that are built for consistency, control, and predictability, instead of for flexibility, trust, and psychological safety.  The practical changes that really help at work are often small and low-cost. They include softer lighting, reduced background noise, clearer written communication, shorter and better-structured meetings, and managers who check in on how you work best rather than assuming.  You are likely to have to help your manager and work mates to understand what neurodivergence is and what helps. Start by asking for micro-accommodations rather than huge adjustments. Share your communication preferences e.g. email vs face to face, why you need a quieter desk area, work better from home or some flexibility when it comes to start times and would maybe like access to a buddy or mentor. Highlight your strengths and how you can help your manager and work mates. Show that you are a team player. As well as sharing what can derail you. Try to find work in workplaces that already work in a way that suits you. Smaller organizations are often a good choice. Make things easier for yourself by building a career in a field that you are passionate about.  BEST MOMENTS "The most meaningful changes are not expensive; they are not huge." "One of my team, he told me had Asperger's. He was one of my best engineers." "My experience is that organisations are very, very good at taking those good things and not so good accommodating the challenges." "You can't do any of this work unless your decision makers and your managers really know what neuro divergence is." "For young, neurodivergent people the most important thing is finding what you're passionate at and then doggedly finding a career in that." ABOUT THE GUEST www.irregulartraining.co.uk,  email - hello@irregulartraining.co.uk linkedin.com/in/andy-ryan-58452719 RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

    52 min
  5. Nurture Kindness, Confidence and Self-compassion with Kathryn Lovewell of the Booster Way

    JAN 21

    Nurture Kindness, Confidence and Self-compassion with Kathryn Lovewell of the Booster Way

    This episode is going to be a little different because I co**ed up. I forgot to press record at the start and instead of cutting it out, we've kept it in, because that moment is exactly what today's conversation is about. It's such a pleasure for me to welcome Kathryn Lovewell from kind mind Academy, and we're talking about anxiety, the inner critic and self-compassion. Whether you are an adult or a child, it´s important to think about how we speak to ourselves when things go wrong. So, what you're about to hear isn't polished, it's real, and it perfectly demonstrates what Kathryn teaches. EPISODE REVEALS Booster and Crusher give families a shared language for inner voices: Booster is the warm, encouraging voice that builds confidence; Crusher is the harsh critic that fuels shame and shutdown. You can turn Booster up and turn Crusher down. Parents’ own self-talk and reactions model either Booster or Crusher for their kids, making family-wide self-compassion language a powerful way to build resilience together. Kathryn’s three-step “Booster Break” - name the struggle, remember common humanity, respond with kindness - is a fast, practical tool for calming the nervous system in tough moments. BEST MOMENTS "If we listen to Crusher long enough, which is my invention of my inner critic, it can lead to depression, anxiety and really dark places." "We shouldn't need to justify who we are and how we show up as humans. What we do need to do is make sure that when we go to bed, we like the person in the mirror." ABOUT THE GUESTS Kathryn Lovewell is the founder of Kind Mind Academy, creator of The Booster Way®, and a Senior Certified Mindful Self-Compassion teacher. She specialises in helping children, parents, and educators tame the inner critic and grow self-compassion, through her books The Little Book of Self-Compassion and The Voices in My Head! and her family-focused Booster tools. A former teacher who has worked across schools, prisons, and community settings in the UK, USA, and Australia, Kathryn now offers compassion resilience coaching, runs programmes for families and women, and speaks internationally on emotional wellbeing. www.KindMindAcademy.com www.TheBoosterWay.com TheBoosterWayCommunity.com Curious to know how kind you are to yourself? Take a quick Self Kindness Quiz online and discover for yourself - www.SelfKindnessQuiz.com Connect with Kathryn: linkedin.com/in/kathrynlovewell www.YouTube.com/KindMindAcademy https://www.instagram.com/KathrynLovewell https://www.instagram.com/KindMindAcademy https://www.instagram.com/TheBoosterWay “The voices in my head” book - https://amzn.eu/d/g6laOjP Eva’s channel - https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-sb6ecqBJk4 https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

    1h 10m
  6. EHCPs, School Masking, and Emotional Regulation for Neurodivergent Kids with Sean McNicholas

    JAN 14

    EHCPs, School Masking, and Emotional Regulation for Neurodivergent Kids with Sean McNicholas

    Today, Cliff is joined by Sean McNicholas from New Me Therapy. Sean shares his incredible journey from struggling through school and adult life with undiagnosed ADHD to becoming a therapist specialising in autism ADHD, anxiety, trauma, and brain health. Together, Cliff and Sean look at masking in school, and Sean offers a fresh perspective on why it can actually work in your favour if the school sees your child differently than you do, especially while you're trying to get an EHCP. They explore triggers, routines and CO regulation, and the strategy Sean uses in his practice, including what you can start doing today, and we look at why, understanding our own patterns, first, as adults and parents, can completely transform how we support both ourselves and our children. EPISODE REVEALS Understanding how your own brain works is the first step to managing it rather than fearing it. Simple structures (visual schedules, reminders, alarms, shared calendars) are not “cheats” – they are essential tools that help ADHD and autistic brains function day to day. Schools and families often see very different versions of the same child; both perspectives are valid and vital when seeking assessment, support, and EHCPs. Using a therapist who has lived experience of neurodivergence themselves can be more impactful than qualifications alone. Actively challenge “I’m not good enough” stories and help your children to recognise evidence of their real-life strengths. Practising confident body language and self-talk can gently grow genuine confidence over time for both children and adults. Nature, movement, and creative hobbies are regulating for many neurodivergent people and often better than tech. There is no one right path, only what is safest and most supportive for each person. BEST MOMENTS “There is real hope that you can change your or your loved ones lives.” "Our (neurodiverse) brain develops 30% slower. So, our brain is 30% immature. So, when you've got 15-year-olds, they may believe they're 15-year-olds, but they're going on 10." "I never met one client who only has ADHD." "They want to give you amphetamine they want to activate and stimulate your brain when you may have already an overactive brain." GUEST DETAILS www.theadhdexpert.com https://www.newmetherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/theadhdexpert_/ https://www.facebook.com/SeanMc71Nicholas/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/sean-mcnicholas-33ab79b7/ https://www.newmetherapy.com/adhdtherapy Panorama program - https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001m0f9 RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

    1 hr
  7. Helping Neurodivergent Students Thrive – Insights From Eva´s Real-World Experience

    JAN 7

    Helping Neurodivergent Students Thrive – Insights From Eva´s Real-World Experience

    In this special episode, Cliff shares highlights from a powerful conversation his daughter Eva and I had on Helping Teachers Thrive, a brilliant podcast hosted by teacher Tem. They discuss how Eva’s notebook helps her regulate and stay engaged, explore sensory overwhelm, mind breaks, fidget toys, and the small classroom changes that can completely transform a child’s experience. Whether you’re a teacher or a parent, you’ll hear honest insights and practical ideas for supporting neurodivergent children so they can truly thrive in school and at home. EPISODE REVEALS Eva’s notebook isn’t a distraction, it’s a regulation tool that helps her manage emotions and stay present, even though it doesn’t look like “traditional” listening. When schools respond to behaviour with curiosity instead of punishment, children feel safer, more motivated, and more able to learn. A reward-focused, strengths-based system gives children a reason to engage, instead of making them afraid of getting things “wrong.” When a child feels truly understood at school, their confidence grows and spills over into other areas of life including clubs, hobbies, and friendships. What can look like doing nothing at parties or in groups is often a child carefully protecting themselves from sensory and social overwhelm. Short, supported breaks and quiet spaces are essential tools that help neurodivergent children stay regulated enough to learn. Fidget toys, doodling, and notebooks aren’t just “extras;” they’re simple regulation tools that keep hands busy so brains can stay focused. Shutdowns as signs of overwhelm, not bad behaviour. BEST MOMENTS "In my old school, the teachers didn't really recognise us that they just saw as she's not listening so but in my new school, they see as she is listening, just in her own way." "Allow the student time to process." "The problem with the cards, from a teacher's perspective, is I don't want to single that child out." “Let them fidget with (the toy) underneath the table, so it doesn't distract other kids. It just helps them, like, do something with the hands.” “I see kids drawing on their hands all the time. I didn't actually think that is helping them regulate.” EPISODE RESOURCES You can listen to the full episode here - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/supporting-neurodiverse-children-autism-adhd-insights/id1681843058?i=1000738444038 RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

    29 min
  8. The Shame Trap and the Inner Chimp Paradox

    12/31/2025

    The Shame Trap and the Inner Chimp Paradox

    This episode is dedicated to a friend of Cliff´s, Jamie, who first told him about the Inner Chimp Paradox and recommended the book and the techniques he and Eva are exploring, today. Everyone has an inner chimp that self-blame voice, which nags them, shames them, and tells them they are rubbish at everything. It is normal, but people with neurodiverse brains feel criticism more deeply, so if their inner chimp is not kept in check, it can do a lot of damage. Cliff and Eva discuss how to put your inner chimp back in its box. EPISODE REVEALS ·      The chimp in your head is that negative side that always shames you, says you're useless, makes you feel rubbish – self-blame.  ·      Everybody has an inner chimp. Whether you’re neurotypical or neurodiverse. But ADHD brains feel criticism much more than a neurotypical one does. Letting your inner chimp do as it pleases can lead to ADHD burnout and really dark thoughts. ·      For neurodiverse people, the impact of the criticism from their inner chimp can cause them to spiral downwards, so it is particularly important to be aware of your inner chimp and learn how to put him back in his box.  ·      Befriend your chimp. Speak to your chimp like you would a friend who's suffering. If you see someone who's being grumpy, what would you say to that person? ·      Deep breathing helps a lot - Banana for the chimp, oxygen for the human. ·      Kindness regulate ADHD faster – including self-kindness. BEST MOMENTS "There is a grumpy monkey living in your head ." “Give your brain a hug, not hate mail.” "Anxiety is there for quick, short bursts of energy to keep us safe, keep us active. But in today's world anxiety has turned against us." "We are going to name the chimp. Let it know we are the boss. We're going to tell our chimp to chill. ." "Perfection is a trap – good enough ships." EPISODE RESOURCES Helping Teachers Thrive Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/helping-teachers-thrive/id1681843058 The Chimp Paradox Book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Acclaimed-Management-Confidence/dp/B006WCJ9OS RESOURCES Cliff´s book “What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down” - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

    22 min

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
2 Ratings

About

Parenting Autism and ADHD is a podcast designed to support parents and carers of children with autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and other neurodevelopmental challenges, as well as children struggling with school attendance, even if they haven’t yet been diagnosed. Each episode offers practical guidance on helping your child attend school with less stress, manage meltdowns, and navigate obstacles in the education system. Through expert advice, real-life stories, and actionable strategies, we aim to empower you to overcome school refusal, sensory sensitivities, and behavioural struggles with confidence.  Our mission is to build a supportive community where parents and carers can connect, share experiences, and access the tools they need for their child’s success, while fostering collaboration between parents and teachers to create a strong, unified support system.