How the contrasts of Nonduality & Devotion were dissolved in my heart – before, during, and after my travels into the center of Bengali Vaishnavism. The assumption of duality is also within Oneness; some advocate this opinion. They say that even in the midst of this lila, Oneness remains unimpaired. In Vedanta too, duality is out of the question. Although duality appears to manifest itself before the eyes of the bhakta, nevertheless, here also there is nothing but Oneness. If one does not view things through the spectacles of the bhakta, this cannot be grasped. Seen from his angle of vision, it appears thus.– Anandamayi Ma By the grace of Srila Bhakti Bibudha Bodhayan, I am blessed. Any wisdom that is here is not mine. I admit I know nothing, only the love that is transmitted to me and through me. Let me explain… When I was preparing for my travels to India this year something happened. I was preparing to attend the Gauranga Mahaprahbu appearance-day festival and parikrama at the Gopinath Gaudiya Math, Navadwip – in the Nadia district in the Indian state of West Bengal. I was attending at the expressed invitation of Gurudev, Srila Bhakti Bibudha Bodhayan, the acharya of the temple. This was a true honor. I had (and have) the distinct impression that I was deeply fortunate to receive the invitation. Nonetheless, I had several days before I left where I began to feel really anxious. Leading up to my departure I began to feel nervous. I think I was nervous that I was getting in over my head. First off, I was going to attend several days in relative austerity in a temple residence. Second, I had heard that it would be a powerful pilgrimage involving waking before dawn and walking to different temples in the locality and then singing into the night. Thirdly, I knew that I was going straight into the heart of Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition, the birthplace of Chaitanya. The origin of the “Hare Krishna” movement. I would be deep inside the culture of selfless devotion to Lord Krishna and Radha. I began to wonder if I wasn’t going to betray my Shiva-Shankara roots. For background, my father and mother had been meditating years before I was born. And continued to meditate more less until they passed away. I know now that the wisdom they carried and the practice they did daily was Yoga Tantra and deeply rooted in the tradition of Nonduality and Shaivism, use of stillness and mantra to “transcend thought” and experience bliss in all parts of the body and life. I myself have been using the same techniques (what the word “tantra” means) for 20 years. My father disseappeared from his mortal coil last summer, and his presence inside my heart and his spirit have been touchstones for me this year. The idea of going “against” his way of connecting with the divine, and going to a place where they say mantras out loud and proclaim that this is the best (and sometimes only) way to god seemed to cause inner dissonance. Was I betraying him? Would I be asked to renounce my deep meditation and experiences of nonduality for “the only way” to God? Looking back I think I was simply afraid of “doing it wrong.” Truth is, you can’t do it wrong. There is no wrong way to surrender one’s heart to God/Goddess/Source. After a few days the tension, the apprehension I was holding, just melted away. I suddenly remembered that Krishna himself affirmed that “Atman is Brahman” in the Bhagavad Gita. That is to say, The soul within is non-different from all of Creation and it’s origin. Put another way Universal Soul in each person is Creation itself. Put even another way, you could say we are Nondual. The day after I felt this melting away of tension, and had my little vision of Krishna saying “I am in all beings”, so to speak. I attended a singing circle at a friends house. She had in her living room all of these framed images of beautifully rendered Peacocks, with their tail feathers and the eyes on the feathers very visible. Peacocks are associated with Krishna, who wore a feather of one in his hair. I looked around and remembered my relief. It was as if God were winking at me, saying, “See? I am everywhere. Why do you worry after me?” Krishna represents the fullest expression of Nonduality. But how? This wisdom becomes a sort of riddle. How can there be both one divinity and then also something to worship? In the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, there is a verse (Verse 16) that seems to put god beyond worship: “One should know my essential nature to be that joy, pure, and pervading the entire universe. As this is the nature of the Supreme Reality, who is to be worshipped and who is to be satisfied?” Doesn’t it seem plain then, that being in devotion to Krishna, in Krishna Consciousness, is to be in duality? I am here and Krishna is there, right? The answer was presented to me in the most natural ways. Let me share them with you here, and how they came from the lectures of Gurudev, and from the experiences I had in my heart while there. Simply put, Nonduality is the essence of Krishna Consciousness, as it the deepest experience of Unity one can have, just like the depth of non dual meditation – only different. Here’s what Gurudev said that illuminated it for me: First, before the parikrama he sought Shiva’s blessing. I wasn’t there but I saw him speaking on video broadcast during the parikrama on social media. BB Bodayan has thousands of disciples by the way. Anyway, he said before we enter the parikrama we must seek Shiva’s blessing. As I understand it, this is because Mahaprhabu Chaitanya first prayed to Shiva for 15 days straight. Lord Shiva then appeared to him and said what do you want. Chetanya asked him and Shiva said he could not help him, but nearby there were Rishis and Shiva instructed Chetanya to ask them. From these rishis Chetanya learned the Mahamantra and the practice of Harinam was born. So even before I was going to the temple, the question in my heart was being answered. I didn’t think much of it though, there is always a lot of wisdom being transmitted in listening to Gurudev, so I was digesting it at this time. When I got there it was some days in when the teaching about Shiva and Chetanya was mentioned again. It solidified my understanding of what Guru-ji was saying. Others also mentioned it. I did seek Shiva’s blessing in Vrindavan, before we attended the ceremonies in Bengal. That was interesting. My friends had echoed that we must seek Shiva’s blessing before parikrama. When walking in the narrow streets of Vrindavan a suitable Shiva temple was pointed out and while Subhadra Devi waited outside, Devadeva Das and myself entered the temple. We walked in, saw many people pouring oblations and libations, in orderly fashion. At the heart of the temple was a Lingam. Here devotees were pouring milk and water and placing flowers. There was a priest or attendant there collecting flowers and money and giving puja supplies. We saw the well from where folks were gathering water into copper and tin jugs to pour onto the lingam. I went and gathered water and brought it the center and joined others pouring libations and chanted my chant to Shiva. I called Devadeva over, and he also held the pitcher and offered to Shiva. Then the officiant gave us flower garlands, very wet. And we put them on our necks, quickly realizing we would have to give them away soon as they were soaking our clothes. Side note: There are things you do when you enter a temple and ways to interact that are respectful of god and to the other folks who are there. I did not mention these but know that I was learning these and practicing them to practice my deep respect and love in my posture, actions, and words. I do them imperfectly and by the grace of the goddess, so don’t think I think I know what I am doing. But I am teachable, I hope. Back to the wisdom from gurudev. One class he gave he talked about separation. I think he talked about it a few times and this one time it was such a revelation to me. He said “No separation, no relationship”. Now I want to go back to the quote from Anandamayi Ma at the beginning of this, “Although duality appears to manifest itself before the eyes of the bhakta, nevertheless, here also there is nothing but Oneness. If one does not view things through the spectacles of the bhakta, this cannot be grasped. Seen from his angle of vision, it appears thus.” Guruji’s name is Bhakti Bibudha Bodhayan, he is the embodied wisdom of bhakti and deeply versed in the Vedas. This is what his name means. He was all of this and more, in my experience. He was the hub of so much divine energy, devotion, somber soulful longing, and blissful love and kindness. He was the hub of so much spiritual energy around him and through him, I cannot describe it accurately. Being in his presence at the temple with devotees, colleagues, attendants, householders, in the midst of the great celebration of the festival of Gauranga’s birth, was beyond description. I will be writing and recording some of my sensations and experiences in the temple as part of my Sacred Journeys series. What does Bhakti mean exactly? It is the union with god in devotion. It includes dance, music, and singing and poetry. It is knowing God directly through love. It is the union of the self with the divine through the illuminated realms of expression. If you know you know. To not only feel divine love inside, but to sing it, to praise it out loud is a real trip, and I highly recommend letting your heart sing out this way if you ever feel like it. So much happens in Bhakti, and inside the Bhakta, the person experiencing Bhakti, or expressing it, it is also beyond words. So when Gurudev said “Without separation there is no relationship” it really went deep into my heart, into the place where the tension was before. And it further built a new understanding. Like a puzzle piece had been put in where there was a
