The Big Muddler

Matthew Crampton
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Stand by your beds! The Big Muddler is here, delivering a delicious dose of old-style radio comedy. Sketches ... silly songs ... improbable stories, corralled by the unusual mind of Matthew Crampton. It's a variety of nonsense - and we all need variety.

  1. 2.6 Frolic in the Flatlands - live from FolkEast

    MAR 17

    2.6 Frolic in the Flatlands - live from FolkEast

    Boy did they laugh. Yes, The Big Muddler is back before a live audience, this time at the magical festival of FolkEast, held each summer in deep, flat, golden Suffolk. It was late on Sunday evening. A sturdy, sozzled crowd had gathered to check out the fuss about this new sketch comedy podcast. Who knows what they were expecting. But what they got ...   ... was a cheeky hamper of cheap hilarity. Listed Jokes, of course, plus classic sketches from the vault - Radio Four's Shi**ing Forecast, and the Dogging Forecast too - plus an appearance from West of England Correspondent Denzel Rumpo that's just about safe enough for broadcast. What's more, soap opera Great Crustaceans made its live debut, with Cornwall's premier shellfish rockband appearing, disastrously, at the Harwich Shanty Festival. Plus!  A shout-out for local sponsor Anglia Water - 'See you on the poop deck!' - with a performance of music hall classic Down Below (The Song of the London Sewerman). Thanks (and apologies) to Becky and John of FolkEast for allowing this nonsense to infiltrate their lovely festival.  As ever, there's only one person responsible. Matthew Crampton. And he'd love to hear from you. Do get in touch via thebigmuddler@matthewcrampton.com or check him out on the socials, as I think they say.  Oh, and this is the finale of Season Two. Thanks for listening. Mr Crampton's now off to have his body re-assembled, which may take a few months. Then he'll return with Season Three, which threatens to feature Celebrity Guest Pals. Meantime, there'll be some Muddler Interruptions and maybe the odd medical update. Byeee. Support the show

    27 min
  2. MI2 - It's the Great Crustaceans! And Spider's written a new song...

    MAR 12

    MI2 - It's the Great Crustaceans! And Spider's written a new song...

    Here's a little treat while you're waiting for the next full show. It's the Great Crustaceans! We haven't heard from them in a while. But Cornwall's premier shellfish rock band have been busy doing what they do best - arguing. Bassist Squid Vicious and guitarist Razors are just settling in for their afternoon altercation, when drummer Spider bursts in with news. He's written another song! Or has he? Well, Spider certainly thinks he's penned something original. And while the lyrics of Hiding in the Weed do speak to his life experience, as a crab, the tune seems familiar. Could it be from a US indie band of the 90s? Cue ridicule from the others, and a painful profusion of piscatorial puns. Bachman Tuna Overdrive, anyone? Soon, Series Two will conclude with Live at FolkEast festival - another live recording from last summer. As ever, this confection is created by Mr Matthew Crampton. Or so he claims.  Support the show

    7 min
  3. 2.5 Folly by the Sea - live at Sidmouth Folk Festival

    MAR 3

    2.5 Folly by the Sea - live at Sidmouth Folk Festival

    Welcome to The Big Muddler's Seaside Special - recorded before a bubbly crowd at the gorgeous Manor Pavilion in Devon. It's August 2025 and Sidmouth Folk Festival has bravely scheduled a live recording of this 'comedy podcast' by festival veteran Matthew Crampton. But would such strange radio work live on stage? Find out for yourself... There are Listed Jokes, a chorus singalong, two classic songs from the music hall - The Hole in the Elephant's Bottom and Your Baby Has Gorn down the Plug'ole - plus an episode of antique podcast The Rest is Jollity. These have been edited down from a full, fulsome show.  NOT included is a feature on The Unexpected Emergence of Animals in Folksongs (which appeared in The Big Muddler Episodes 2.1 and 2.3). Sadly the contribution of West of England correspondent Denzel Rumpo was not judged fit for inclusion.  And a special seaside version of soap opera Great Crustaceans will appear in the next episode - Live from FolkEast festival.  Special thanks to Ross and Nikki Henrywood of Barleycorn Productions for sound. Thanks too to Tash Daly of Sidmouth Folk Festival for booking this nonsense, and to Rosie Thomas, who nobly supports the 'talent' at the Manor Pavilion during the festival. Responsibility for the creative content of this show rests entirely with Matthew Crampton, who's very sorry and promises not to do it again.  Next episode out soon.    Support the show

    29 min
  4. MI1 The Disastrous Interview with Sir Kreemy Knut

    FEB 12 ·  BONUS

    MI1 The Disastrous Interview with Sir Kreemy Knut

    It's a Muddler Interruption! Sorry for the delay in regular programming, due to "A&E visits" and "an unexpected heart condition" (yeah right....). Here's a short sop to satisfy your Muddler cravings. It's a nugget from the archives - the infamous banned episode from old-time podcast The Rest is Jollity. The boys have booked a chat with confectionery mascot Sir Kreemy Knut - the face of Sharps Toffees - but the interview proves disastrous. Worthy is drunk. The guest is out of sorts. Cue fisticuffs and ripe repartee.  Once again, the orchestrator of this ordure is Matthew Crampton. More about him at matthewcrampton.com Soon you can enjoy Episode Five of Season Two, when The Big Muddler excites a live audience at the Sidmouth Folk Festival.  Kenneth Alford: On the Quarter Deck (from the album Favourite Military Bands of the United Kingdom) Catalogue no: ALN1986  Label: Alto Music. With permission of Musical Concepts. Thanks to Todd Landor.  Support the show

    9 min
  5. 2.4 In the Grotto - with Special Spooky Festive Story

    12/20/2025

    2.4 In the Grotto - with Special Spooky Festive Story

    This extra-length episode features a spooky winter story - fab! - which starts at 18.35 (if you want to dodge the nonsense beforehand). Why not gather the family for its 17 minutes of chilling delight... Meanwhile, my goddaughter Jasmine wants to visit Father Christmas, but this ambition is proving trickier than expected. As we tour one dodgy grotto after another, I worry for the state of the nation. Fortunately, the day is saved by some neighbourly delight ... only to be unsettled again by the unexpected intrusion of The Big Muddler. Talking of unwelcome arrivals, today's Listed Jokes plumb the depths of festive frivolity (email me via thebigmuddler(at)matthewcrampton.com for the gag that's too dark for broadcast). Matters get worse with two over-lubricated presenters on The Rest is Jollity. And worse still with Denzel Rumpo's Christmas Carol (of sorts).  But today's main feature is the spooky old story New Boots for Willy McPhee, produced in full radio soundscape gory/glory. The earliest versions of this tale, called The Cow That Ate the Piper, appeared in 18th century Ireland. I first heard it from Hugh Lupton thirty years ago, and I also draw here on a fine telling by Bill Harley. Enjoy! It's a treat. Matthew Crampton put this show together. More about him at https://matthewcrampton.com/ 12-1_christmas_street_market.wav by 16gpizap -- https://freesound.org/s/499418/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 20061222.christmas.ambiance.03.flac by dobroide -- https://freesound.org/s/27689/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 221214_2265_FR_BrassBandIndoor.wav by kevp888 -- https://freesound.org/s/666731/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Creepy Ambient Music by Audio_Dread -- https://freesound.org/s/528320/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0 Z Finland birdsong.wav by juskiddink -- https://freesound.org/s/56165/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Wind medium to strong gusts in remote countryside (France) by michaelperfect -- https://freesound.org/s/578630/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Wooden door opening and closing by copyc4t -- https://freesound.org/s/799458/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Support the show

    37 min
  6. 2.3 What's Loose in the Lighthouse?

    12/13/2025

    2.3 What's Loose in the Lighthouse?

    We're with some armed marines, crossing wild seas off Scotland to check on an isolated lighthouse. Gosh, what's driven those keepers crazy? Could it be? No! Well, maybe. Yes. It is! It's another edition of The Big Muddler. And on this bird-strewn rock, we all need to dodge the guano. Ah, too late... Well, perhaps best to move along, and soon we'll reach that antique podcast The Rest is Jollity where this week the duo are busy promoting Kreml Hair Tonic. Sad. But not so sad as our trip to Suffolk for FolkEast festival. This bout of Muddler Live brings more desperate animal-related puns, and 'comic songs' and, yes, those are gags about beavers. Thank goodness for show sponsor Ruislip Robots and their GASP (Generational Adjustment Special Programming), especially Last GASP for seniors. Adieu, old timers! And what exactly is happening on the beach? Have the band of Great Crustaceans really split? Find out this and more, much more, more than you'll ever need - or want - in this amazing episode of premier sketch comedy podcast The Big Muddler. Once again, Matthew Crampton is the baron of this banality. He's not learnt and, seemingly, neither have you. Mussel Point, near Zennor — boats, seals, seagulls and curlews by Philip_Goddard -- https://freesound.org/s/689034/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0 Engine from ferry #2 by arnaud coutancier -- https://freesound.org/s/435870/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 3.0 20220725T003000-0230_LESP-NIGHT-2023 by AlderInstitute -- https://freesound.org/s/710611/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0 20080810.gannet.00.wav by dobroide -- https://freesound.org/s/59291/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Muzak 1 by TeffyD1 -- https://freesound.org/s/752529/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Support the show

    26 min
  7. 2.2 High Jinks in Jakarta

    12/06/2025

    2.2 High Jinks in Jakarta

    It's not every day you get to experience The Big Ride within Jakarta's Jade Megaphallus Tower. But something's loose in the lift. The muzak's turned rogue. And, oh my goodness, there's an outbreak of variety in this Southeast Asian skyscraper. Better head to the Sapparo McNulty Whisky Bar for a snifter, or the Jasmine Pamper Club for something relaxing but, whatever you do, avoid evacuation in the Precipice swimming pool. That's better. Now, on with the show. Let's start at Jarndyce Booksellers with a spooky trip to the cemetery. And is that music hall star Billy Blinders making an appearance on The Rest is Jollity? It is! And is he singing that classic vegetable-based music hall ditty The Marrow Song? He is! Now we're jumping into the future as show sponsor Ruislip Robots unveil their new Robobuddy for office recruitment. Today's classic Listed Joke comes courtesy of Hollywood carpenter Harrison Ford, while a dubious rock legend has been recruited into the ranks of The Great Crustaceans. And that's it. That's all. Episode Two of Season Two of The Big Muddler bows out with a burp.  Once again, the agent of this asininity is Matthew Crampton, who wrote the scripts and songs, and performed them too. More about him at matthewcrampton.com. city traffic noise main traffic intersection by Garuda1982 -- https://freesound.org/s/635155/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 lift / elevator by salvatoresena -- https://freesound.org/s/381646/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0 Muzak 3 by TeffyD1 -- https://freesound.org/s/752531/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Muzak 1 by TeffyD1 -- https://freesound.org/s/752529/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Support the show

    26 min
  8. 2.1 Playing Dead in Pennsylvania

    11/29/2025

    2.1 Playing Dead in Pennsylvania

    We're back, despite popular demand. The Big Muddler mounts another aural assault on your eardrums, unleashing SeasonTwo of a podcast that no-one has described as 'the greatest variety-based radio entertainment of all time.' Once again we start somewhere unlikely. This time it's a field in Pennsylvania, where hardcore battlefield re-enactors turn violent when their activities are polluted by dodgy light entertainment. Then we head to the radio vaults for some olde-tyme podcast banter courtesy of The Rest is Jollity. Next stop is a barn, in a field, in Suffolk, where Muddler Live is being inflicted upon a hapless audience at the FolkEast festival. Yes, the Listed Jokes are back. So, too, the Great Crustaceans, where our lovable mollusc-ish soapstars face the band's biggest crisis. It's only a wedding gig, but that's too much selling out for lead guitarist Razors. Will they split? (It doesn't look good.) Today's sponsor is Ruislip Robots - offering a special deal on pre-loved domestic droids. And this is just Episode One. Who knows where The Big Muddler will head next.  The sheriff of these shenanigans is Matthew Crampton, who wrote and performed the scripts and songs. More about him at matthewcrampton.com. Rifles and Cannons, Farther Off by richardemoore -- https://freesound.org/s/162625/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 AMBPark_Campfire In The Park_KVV AUDIO_FREE by KVV_Audio -- https://freesound.org/s/762276/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Campfire song.mp3 by kentdavies959 -- https://freesound.org/s/466659/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Muzak 1 by TeffyD1 -- https://freesound.org/s/752529/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Suspense Intro by SergeQuadrado -- https://freesound.org/s/545911/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 3.0 Support the show

    25 min
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About

Stand by your beds! The Big Muddler is here, delivering a delicious dose of old-style radio comedy. Sketches ... silly songs ... improbable stories, corralled by the unusual mind of Matthew Crampton. It's a variety of nonsense - and we all need variety.

Information

  • Creator
    Matthew Crampton
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    14
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Matthew Crampton
  • Show Website
    The Big Muddler

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