The Delve Podcast

Delve Psych
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The Delve Podcast is dedicated to exploring deeper approaches to mental wellness and the craft of psychotherapy.

  1. 1h ago

    Dating with Intention: Aligning Values Before the First Date

    Adam and Ali examine a dating profile from Reddit, exploring how to engage with potential partners more intentionally and psychologically thoughtfully. Rather than simply judging profiles or optimizing one's own presentation, they consider how to identify conversational entry points, clarify relationship intentions, and assess compatibility before investing time in dating. A central theme is the importance of taking your relationship goals seriously rather than minimizing them to avoid scaring people away. Being more intentional may mean going on fewer dates, but ultimately finding better-quality connections. ==Key Discussion Points== Finding meaningful entry points Dating profiles often invite predictable questions and conversations. Adam suggests looking beyond the most obvious details to find less conventional entry points that reveal more about someone's personality. For example, rather than simply asking about someone's experience watching a rocket launch or their favorite chai spot, exploring how they experience road trips can reveal something about who they are and how they might approach shared experiences. They also discuss using past, present, and future-oriented questions to deepen conversations. Clarifying relationship intentions Ali questions the intentionality of someone listing "long-term relationship, open to short" on their dating profile. For someone seeking a lifelong partnership, this ambiguity may reasonably be a red flag. However, rather than immediately assuming the worst, it can be an opportunity to ask what the person actually wants and give them a chance to clarify. Taking your own goals seriously Adam challenges the tendency to keep early dating interactions light and fun at the expense of discussing genuinely important relationship goals. If finding a lifelong partner matters to you, avoiding conversations about that intention may undermine your own objectives. Ali emphasizes that people who are genuinely compatible with your goals are unlikely to be scared away by your willingness to communicate them. Being more direct may reduce the number of potential dates, but it also reduces wasted time and energy. Assessing compatibility before meeting The hosts argue that attraction, humor, and enjoyable conversation are insufficient reasons to move toward an in-person date without first establishing some fundamental compatibility. Important topics might include marriage, children, and what someone hopes to build in their life. They encourage listeners to ask these questions early rather than waiting until after multiple dates to discover fundamental incompatibilities. People are works in progress Adam introduces the fundamental attribution error and challenges the tendency to treat dating profiles as static representations of fully formed people. People are continually evolving, reconsidering their priorities, and adapting their understanding of what they want. He shares a personal example of having previously expected to pursue marriage and children before realizing that having children was not something he wanted. Feedback from someone he was dating helped him recognize that his profile did not accurately communicate his actual feelings. The takeaway is to approach ambiguity with curiosity rather than assuming that someone has already arrived at a fixed position. Intentionality versus playing games The hosts challenge conventional dating advice that encourages people to avoid substantive conversations until later. They argue that if the objective is to find a compatible long-term partner, there is little value in concealing important intentions to preserve a sense of ease or avoid difficult conversations. ==AI Recommended References== Lee, R. E., & Ashmore, R. D. (1979). The relationship of attributional processes to social perception. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Jones, E. E., & Harris, V. A. (1967). The attribution of attitudes. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

  2. Oct 18

    What If Everything Goes Wrong? Turn Worry Into a Plan

    --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: @DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.com --Participants-- Ali McGarel and Adam W. Fominaya --Overview of Big Ideas-- What if you lose your job, your relationships fall apart, and everything spirals? Ali and Adam explore catastrophe mapping: writing down feared outcomes and pairing each one with an action you could take. • Positive reframing can leave the underlying fear untouched. Asking “What would you do if that happened?” opens a different conversation. • Put the map on paper. Every fear must be followed by an action; if another worry appears, identify another response. • Look for choices throughout the chain. Calling friends, seeking support, or making practical plans can change the path before the worst-case ending. • What you fear losing reveals what you value. The hosts explore turning future fears into present connection, action, and gratitude. --Breakdown of Segments-- “What if” thinking: How one concern becomes a chain of escalating disasters. Accepting the hypothetical: Exploring the feared situation without immediately arguing against its likelihood. Building the map: Alternating fears and actions to identify available choices. Returning to the present: Protecting friendships, acting on values, and appreciating what is here now. --AI Recommended References (APA)-- Gollwitzer, P. M., & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1 Social Psychology & Motivation Watkins, E. R. (2008). Constructive and unconstructive repetitive thought. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 163–206. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.134.2.163 PMC Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890–905. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.005 University of Stirling --Tags-- #TheDelvePodcast #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Catastrophizing #CatastropheMapping #Overthinking #Rumination #CopingSkills #Gratitude #Psychotherapy

  3. Oct 4

    I Hate My Life, but I Don’t Want to Change

    I Hate My Life, but I Don’t Want to Change --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: @DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.com --Participants-- Ali McGarel and Adam W. Fominaya --Overview of Big Ideas-- What happens when you dislike your life but dismiss every possibility for change? Ali and Adam explore a Reddit post from a 40-year-old man struggling with social anxiety, loneliness, and harsh self-judgment. • Self-criticism can become an identity. “I’m a failure” turns a painful judgment into something that feels permanent. • Understanding comes before challenging. Exploring how beliefs developed can make therapy more useful than immediately arguing against them. • Ambition needs a personal definition. What does this person want, and what prompted him to reach out? • Relationships involve adaptation. Personal growth and changes that benefit a partnership can move in the same direction. --Breakdown of Segments-- The Reddit post: Financial constraints, isolation, and the tension between “I’m okay” and persistent self-hatred. Understanding before fixing: Core beliefs, personal history, and why immediate solutions can feel dismissive. Exploring possibilities: Family patterns, past relationships, overlooked friendships, and hopes for the future. Dating and agency: Taking responsibility, questioning assumptions about rejection, and making room for change. --AI Recommended References (APA)-- Swann, W. B., Jr., Wenzlaff, R. M., Krull, D. S., & Pelham, B. W. (1992). Allure of negative feedback: Self-verification strivings among depressed persons. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 101(2), 293–306. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.101.2.293 Miller, W. R., & Rose, G. S. (2015). Motivational interviewing and decisional balance: Contrasting responses to client ambivalence. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 43(2), 129–141. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1352465813000878 Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., Wieselquist, J., & Whitton, S. W. (1999). Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self: Behavioral affirmation and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(2), 293–323. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.77.2.293 --Tags-- #TheDelvePodcast #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #Depression #SelfCriticism #FeelingStuck #Motivation #Loneliness #Relationships #Psychotherapy #PersonalGrowth

  4. Sep 27

    Are You Losing Yourself in Your Relationship? | Enmeshment

    When did your relationship start crowding out the rest of your life? Ali McGarel and Adam Fominaya explore enmeshment: what happens when being a couple leaves little room for your own friendships, interests, and identity. From avoiding disagreements to giving up hobbies, they unpack how this pattern develops—and why having a life outside your relationship can strengthen the connection within it. Media Links Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Substack: delvepsych.substack.com YouTube: Delve Psych Participants Ali McGarel: Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago Adam Fominaya: Executive and Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago Overview of Big Ideas When togetherness costs you part of yourself: Enjoying the same activities isn’t automatically a problem. The concern is losing your own interests, connections, and ability to spend time apart. The pressure of being someone’s everything: If your partner is your entire support system, where do you turn when the two of you disagree? Ali and Adam explore how that dependence can make difficult conversations harder. A separate life can enrich a shared one: Different hobbies, friendships, and experiences give partners support outside the relationship—and something new to bring back to each other. Finding room for both independence and connection: The hosts discuss how anxious attachment and discomfort with separation can contribute to enmeshment, while emphasizing the value of being able to rely on each other. Breakdown of Segments The “perfect partner” fantasy: A playful opening asks what it would mean to date someone who shares every hobby and spends every free moment with you. Recognizing enmeshment: How a relationship can become so intertwined that friendships fade, separation feels threatening, and conflict becomes harder to address. What happens to your hobbies: Supporting a partner’s interests without needing to share all of them—and noticing when your own interests have disappeared. Why outside support matters: The hosts discuss how a wider network can help people navigate conflict, loss, and unexpected changes. Coming back with something to share: Why doing things separately can create fresh conversations and strengthen a couple’s connection. How enmeshment develops: Anxious attachment, uncertainty about identity, and a closing analogy about two buildings learning to support some of each other’s weight. “Every partnership needs togetherness and apartness.” — Adam Fominaya AI Recommended References (APA) Further reading selected by AI to complement the episode’s themes. Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.Explores attachment anxiety, responses to separation, and how secure relationships support both connection and independence. Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy. Harvard University Press.A foundational framework for understanding family boundaries and relationship patterns. Patrick, H., Knee, C. R., Canevello, A., & Lonsbary, C. (2007). The role of need fulfillment in relationship functioning and well-being: A self-determination theory perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(3), 434–457.Examines how feeling connected, capable, and free to make your own choices relates to relationship quality and well-being. What’s one interest or friendship you’ve kept just for yourself? Share your thoughts, follow The Delve Podcast, and send this episode to someone who would enjoy the conversation. Interested in working with Delve? Visit delvepsych.com to learn about individual, couples, family, and group therapy and request a free consultation.

  5. Sep 20

    Mastering the Art of Deep Conversations in Relationships

    Subscribe and leave a comment below sharing your favorite go-to question for sparking deep conversations!--Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - Why dating app exchanges and long-term relationships stall at a surface level. 1 04:32 - The 3 biggest question-asking mistakes: Closed-ended queries, over-focusing on feelings, and abusing “why”. 2 07:32 - The 5x3 Question Matrix: Combining question words (Who, What, Where, When, How) with time tenses (Past, Present, Future). 3 12:56 - Why you shouldn’t be afraid to ask deep questions early in dating. 4 15:30 - Eliminating date flaking and text ambiguity through early, thoughtful communication. 5 19:46 - Rethinking first dates: Shifting from “vibing out” to expressing an already burgeoning connection. 6 22:23 - Emotional reactivity vs. dating with your “big brain”: Why relying on feelings causes relationship burnout. 7 25:15 - Live Practice: Ali applies the 5x3 matrix to the topic of friendships. 8 29:44 - Practical application: Using profile details (like a photo at Machu Picchu) to launch engaging conversations. 9 33:20 - Quote of the Day: Overconfidence, dismantling outdated assumptions, and accepting when you’re wrong. 10 --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com 11 Instagram: @delvepsychchicago 12 Blog: delvepsych.substack.com 13 --Participants-- Hosts: Ali McGarel (Staff Therapist) & Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director). 14 --Overview of Big Ideas-- The 5x3 Question Matrix: You can generate engaging open-ended questions on any topic by pairing the five key question words (Who, Where, When, What, How) across three distinct time frames (Past, Present, Future). 15 Early Filtering Saves Time: Asking deep questions early in dating filtering out incompatible people quickly prevents wasted time and sets clear expectations. 16 First Dates express Existing Bonds: Rather than going on a first date to figure out if you like someone from scratch, build a initial bond online or over the phone so the first date acts as an in-person expression of that connection. 6 Date With Your “Big Brain”: Relying purely on fleeting feelings or emotional “vibes” makes your relationship trajectory unstable; stable long-term connection requires balancing emotional reactivity with intellectual assessment. 7 --AI Recommended References-- Aron, A., et al. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. (Supports the episode’s premise that structured, escalating open-ended questions accelerate interpersonal closeness and trust.) Finkel, E. J., et al. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest. (Validates the discussion on dating app dynamics, surface-level exchanges, and pre-date communication habits.) Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books. (Complements the hosts’ insights on why long-term couples stagnate without ongoing curiosity and open-ended dialogue.) #DeepConversations #DatingAdvice #Relationships #MentalHealth #TherapyPodcast #Psychology #CommunicationSkills

  6. Sep 13

    Stop Suppressing Your Emotions (How to Actually Process Them)

    Discover why pushing down uncomfortable emotions causes long-term stress and sudden relational blowups. In this episode, clinical therapists Ali McGarel and Adam Fominaya break down the psychology of processing negative feelings instead of avoiding them. Learn how to identify the exact difference between ruminating and processing, stop over-intellectualizing your sadness, and turn emotional pain into a mandatory catalyst for personal growth. Subscribe to the channel and leave a comment below sharing your favorite strategy for handling difficult emotions when they arise. --Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - The misconception that therapy is solely about feeling happy. 03:30 - Why emotional pain is a necessary catalyst for personal growth. 08:20 - Feeling vs. Action: Balancing emotional processing with daily responsibilities. 10:50 - The visual difference between ruminating, triggering, and processing. 15:30 - Using your emotions as a "check engine light" instead of treating them as facts. 19:10 - The psychological dangers of over-intellectualizing your feelings. 25:40 - The beach ball metaphor: Why pushing feelings down guarantees they will explode. 34:00 - Managing overwhelming emotions without turning to self-harm or substance abuse. 43:30 - Why keeping score in relationships builds resentment. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Blog: delvepsych.substack.com --Participants-- Hosts: Ali McGarel (Staff Therapist) & Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director). --Overview of Big Ideas-- The Beach Ball Effect: Suppressing uncomfortable emotions is like pushing a beach ball underwater; it drains your energy and guarantees a messy, explosive return to the surface. Action Over Wallowing: Processing an emotion does not mean sitting in it endlessly. True emotional regulation requires balancing feeling the sadness with taking intentional actions that align with your values. Ruminating vs. Processing: Ruminating maintains a stagnant level of intense distress, triggering escalates the intensity, and true processing involves a gradual decrease in intensity as you work through the content. Stop Keeping Score: Resentment builds when individuals secretly expect reciprocity without clearly communicating their conditions or recognizing their partner's unique contributions. --AI Recommended References-- Hayes, S. C., et al. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy. (Validates the "beach ball" metaphor used in the episode, outlining how experiential avoidance increases psychological distress.) Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology. (Provides clinical context for the episode's breakdown of rumination versus active emotional processing.) Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press. (Supports the episode's advice on "opposite action" and choosing value-aligned behaviors even when feeling intense negative emotions.) #EmotionalIntelligence #MentalHealth #TherapyPodcast #Psychology #ProcessYourFeelings #ACT

  7. Sep 6

    The Psychology of No Man's Sky: Protecting Your Passion

    In this episode, hosts Adam Fominaya and Ali McGarel explore the psychology behind the video game No Man's Sky and its developer, Hello Games. After one of the most disastrous launches in gaming history, a small team of developers chose passion over profit, delivering a decade of free updates without a single microtransaction. This discussion highlights the psychological dangers of monetizing hobbies and explains why protecting your passion from capitalistic pressures is essential for long-term happiness. Subscribe to the channel and leave a comment below sharing how you protect your personal passions from burnout. --Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - The ambition of procedurally generating 17 quintillion planets. 05:30 - The disastrous launch of No Man's Sky and consumer backlash. 10:30 - Hello Games' decision to provide 10 years of free updates. 20:00 - Comparing Hello Games' indie model to corporate microtransactions. 32:00 - The psychological cost of monetizing your hobbies. 38:30 - Announcing Light No Fire and learning from past media hype. 44:00 - Choosing optimism and understanding the root of bad human behavior. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Blog: Check out their writings on Substack --Participants-- Hosts: Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director) & Ali McGarel (Staff Therapist). --Overview of Big Ideas-- Procedural Generation vs. Profit: Hello Games utilized complex math to generate an infinite universe, focusing on creative ambition rather than safe, microtransaction-heavy business models. The Danger of Monetization: Turning a passion into a side hustle or corporate job inherently changes an individual's relationship with the activity, often replacing intrinsic joy with a demand for financial return. Restoring Trust Through Action: Instead of caving to public pressure or abandoning the project, the developers silently improved the game over a decade simply because they loved working on it. Choosing Optimism: Approaching life by assuming others have good intentions—even when it leads to disappointment—fosters empathy and helps explain destructive behavior driven by fear or self-protection. --AI Recommended References-- Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Springer. (Explores the psychological phenomenon where introducing external financial rewards decreases a person's intrinsic motivation to perform a task, supporting the episode's warnings on monetization.) Kou, Y., & Nardi, B. (2014). Governance in League of Legends: A Hybrid System. Foundations of Digital Games. (Provides context on how gaming communities react to developer decisions and the toxicity of consumer backlash in digital spaces.) Baumeister, R. F., et al. (2001). Bad is Stronger than Good. Review of General Psychology. (Examines the psychological weight of negative reviews and why humans are wired to react aggressively to disappointment, mirroring the gaming community's initial response to the game's launch.) #NoMansSky #Psychology #HelloGames #IntrinsicMotivation #GamingCommunity #MentalHealth

  8. Aug 30

    Stop Living Your Relationship in Your Head

    Many people silently build resentment because they are too afraid to ask their partners for what they actually want. In this episode, clinical psychologists Adam Fominaya and Dr. Andrea Bink break down why we avoid difficult conversations and how to stop overestimating the risk of rejection. This discussion provides actionable clinical tools, including Gottman's soft startup and a DBT-based communication strategy, to help you navigate relationship conflict without causing defensiveness. Subscribe to the channel and leave a comment below sharing your biggest takeaway on improving communication with your partner. --Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - Why people live their relationships entirely in their heads. 08:20 - A clinical debate on why therapists cannot actually "empower" clients. 11:30 - How a secure bond changes your reaction to relationship conflict. 18:00 - Guidelines for conflict: Gottman's soft startup and four key communication moves. 31:30 - Designing unconventional relationships, like living on separate continents. 35:00 - A DBT-based framework to prepare for highly activating conversations. 41:00 - Navigating mismatched values and doing things simply as a gift to your partner. 46:40 - The Terrence Real quote on complaining about what you never asked for. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Blog: Check out their writings on Substack --Participants-- Hosts/Guests: Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director) & Dr. Andrea Bink (Clinical Psychologist). Note: Ali McGarel is absent for this episode. --Overview of Big Ideas-- Overestimating Risk: People often assume their partner will react with anger or rejection, preventing them from communicating clearly and allowing resentment to build. Effective Communication Moves: Conversations go significantly better when individuals use open-ended questions, make clear asks, offer gifts of reassurance, and share primary emotions (like sadness) rather than secondary emotions (like anger). Preparing for Activation: Before bringing up a heavy topic, it is crucial to clarify your goal—whether it is preserving the relationship, getting your point across, or maintaining self-respect—and deliberately plan for your own emotional activation. The Beauty of Differences: A healthy relationship does not require identical moral framings or shared interests, as differences provide necessary variety and opportunities to give to one another. --AI Recommended References-- Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14‐year period. Journal of Marriage and Family. (Provides foundational research on the "soft startup" concept discussed in the episode, showing how the first three minutes of a conflict discussion predict relationship outcomes.) Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press. (Details the core Interpersonal Effectiveness skills of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), directly supporting the episode's discussion on balancing relationship preservation, objective effectiveness, and self-respect.) Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Brunner-Routledge. (Explores attachment theory in adult relationships, providing context for the episode's discussion on how secure bonds dictate our responses to a partner's negative behavior.) #RelationshipAdvice #CommunicationSkills #CouplesTherapy #DBT #GottmanMethod #Podcast

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The Delve Podcast is dedicated to exploring deeper approaches to mental wellness and the craft of psychotherapy.

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  • Creator
    Delve Psych
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    74
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Delve Psych
  • Show Website
    The Delve Podcast