The Delve Podcast

Delve Psych
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The Delve Podcast is dedicated to exploring deeper approaches to mental wellness and the craft of psychotherapy.

  1. 3d ago

    I Hate My Life, but I Don’t Want to Change

    I Hate My Life, but I Don’t Want to Change --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: @DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.com --Participants-- Ali McGarel and Adam W. Fominaya --Overview of Big Ideas-- What happens when you dislike your life but dismiss every possibility for change? Ali and Adam explore a Reddit post from a 40-year-old man struggling with social anxiety, loneliness, and harsh self-judgment. • Self-criticism can become an identity. “I’m a failure” turns a painful judgment into something that feels permanent. • Understanding comes before challenging. Exploring how beliefs developed can make therapy more useful than immediately arguing against them. • Ambition needs a personal definition. What does this person want, and what prompted him to reach out? • Relationships involve adaptation. Personal growth and changes that benefit a partnership can move in the same direction. --Breakdown of Segments-- The Reddit post: Financial constraints, isolation, and the tension between “I’m okay” and persistent self-hatred. Understanding before fixing: Core beliefs, personal history, and why immediate solutions can feel dismissive. Exploring possibilities: Family patterns, past relationships, overlooked friendships, and hopes for the future. Dating and agency: Taking responsibility, questioning assumptions about rejection, and making room for change. --AI Recommended References (APA)-- Swann, W. B., Jr., Wenzlaff, R. M., Krull, D. S., & Pelham, B. W. (1992). Allure of negative feedback: Self-verification strivings among depressed persons. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 101(2), 293–306. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.101.2.293 Miller, W. R., & Rose, G. S. (2015). Motivational interviewing and decisional balance: Contrasting responses to client ambivalence. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 43(2), 129–141. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1352465813000878 Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., Wieselquist, J., & Whitton, S. W. (1999). Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self: Behavioral affirmation and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(2), 293–323. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.77.2.293 --Tags-- #TheDelvePodcast #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #Depression #SelfCriticism #FeelingStuck #Motivation #Loneliness #Relationships #Psychotherapy #PersonalGrowth

  2. Sep 27

    Are You Losing Yourself in Your Relationship? | Enmeshment

    When did your relationship start crowding out the rest of your life? Ali McGarel and Adam Fominaya explore enmeshment: what happens when being a couple leaves little room for your own friendships, interests, and identity. From avoiding disagreements to giving up hobbies, they unpack how this pattern develops—and why having a life outside your relationship can strengthen the connection within it. Media Links Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Substack: delvepsych.substack.com YouTube: Delve Psych Participants Ali McGarel: Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago Adam Fominaya: Executive and Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago Overview of Big Ideas When togetherness costs you part of yourself: Enjoying the same activities isn’t automatically a problem. The concern is losing your own interests, connections, and ability to spend time apart. The pressure of being someone’s everything: If your partner is your entire support system, where do you turn when the two of you disagree? Ali and Adam explore how that dependence can make difficult conversations harder. A separate life can enrich a shared one: Different hobbies, friendships, and experiences give partners support outside the relationship—and something new to bring back to each other. Finding room for both independence and connection: The hosts discuss how anxious attachment and discomfort with separation can contribute to enmeshment, while emphasizing the value of being able to rely on each other. Breakdown of Segments The “perfect partner” fantasy: A playful opening asks what it would mean to date someone who shares every hobby and spends every free moment with you. Recognizing enmeshment: How a relationship can become so intertwined that friendships fade, separation feels threatening, and conflict becomes harder to address. What happens to your hobbies: Supporting a partner’s interests without needing to share all of them—and noticing when your own interests have disappeared. Why outside support matters: The hosts discuss how a wider network can help people navigate conflict, loss, and unexpected changes. Coming back with something to share: Why doing things separately can create fresh conversations and strengthen a couple’s connection. How enmeshment develops: Anxious attachment, uncertainty about identity, and a closing analogy about two buildings learning to support some of each other’s weight. “Every partnership needs togetherness and apartness.” — Adam Fominaya AI Recommended References (APA) Further reading selected by AI to complement the episode’s themes. Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.Explores attachment anxiety, responses to separation, and how secure relationships support both connection and independence. Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy. Harvard University Press.A foundational framework for understanding family boundaries and relationship patterns. Patrick, H., Knee, C. R., Canevello, A., & Lonsbary, C. (2007). The role of need fulfillment in relationship functioning and well-being: A self-determination theory perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(3), 434–457.Examines how feeling connected, capable, and free to make your own choices relates to relationship quality and well-being. What’s one interest or friendship you’ve kept just for yourself? Share your thoughts, follow The Delve Podcast, and send this episode to someone who would enjoy the conversation. Interested in working with Delve? Visit delvepsych.com to learn about individual, couples, family, and group therapy and request a free consultation.

  3. Sep 20

    Mastering the Art of Deep Conversations in Relationships

    Subscribe and leave a comment below sharing your favorite go-to question for sparking deep conversations!--Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - Why dating app exchanges and long-term relationships stall at a surface level. 1 04:32 - The 3 biggest question-asking mistakes: Closed-ended queries, over-focusing on feelings, and abusing “why”. 2 07:32 - The 5x3 Question Matrix: Combining question words (Who, What, Where, When, How) with time tenses (Past, Present, Future). 3 12:56 - Why you shouldn’t be afraid to ask deep questions early in dating. 4 15:30 - Eliminating date flaking and text ambiguity through early, thoughtful communication. 5 19:46 - Rethinking first dates: Shifting from “vibing out” to expressing an already burgeoning connection. 6 22:23 - Emotional reactivity vs. dating with your “big brain”: Why relying on feelings causes relationship burnout. 7 25:15 - Live Practice: Ali applies the 5x3 matrix to the topic of friendships. 8 29:44 - Practical application: Using profile details (like a photo at Machu Picchu) to launch engaging conversations. 9 33:20 - Quote of the Day: Overconfidence, dismantling outdated assumptions, and accepting when you’re wrong. 10 --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com 11 Instagram: @delvepsychchicago 12 Blog: delvepsych.substack.com 13 --Participants-- Hosts: Ali McGarel (Staff Therapist) & Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director). 14 --Overview of Big Ideas-- The 5x3 Question Matrix: You can generate engaging open-ended questions on any topic by pairing the five key question words (Who, Where, When, What, How) across three distinct time frames (Past, Present, Future). 15 Early Filtering Saves Time: Asking deep questions early in dating filtering out incompatible people quickly prevents wasted time and sets clear expectations. 16 First Dates express Existing Bonds: Rather than going on a first date to figure out if you like someone from scratch, build a initial bond online or over the phone so the first date acts as an in-person expression of that connection. 6 Date With Your “Big Brain”: Relying purely on fleeting feelings or emotional “vibes” makes your relationship trajectory unstable; stable long-term connection requires balancing emotional reactivity with intellectual assessment. 7 --AI Recommended References-- Aron, A., et al. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. (Supports the episode’s premise that structured, escalating open-ended questions accelerate interpersonal closeness and trust.) Finkel, E. J., et al. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest. (Validates the discussion on dating app dynamics, surface-level exchanges, and pre-date communication habits.) Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books. (Complements the hosts’ insights on why long-term couples stagnate without ongoing curiosity and open-ended dialogue.) #DeepConversations #DatingAdvice #Relationships #MentalHealth #TherapyPodcast #Psychology #CommunicationSkills

  4. Sep 13

    Stop Suppressing Your Emotions (How to Actually Process Them)

    Discover why pushing down uncomfortable emotions causes long-term stress and sudden relational blowups. In this episode, clinical therapists Ali McGarel and Adam Fominaya break down the psychology of processing negative feelings instead of avoiding them. Learn how to identify the exact difference between ruminating and processing, stop over-intellectualizing your sadness, and turn emotional pain into a mandatory catalyst for personal growth. Subscribe to the channel and leave a comment below sharing your favorite strategy for handling difficult emotions when they arise. --Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - The misconception that therapy is solely about feeling happy. 03:30 - Why emotional pain is a necessary catalyst for personal growth. 08:20 - Feeling vs. Action: Balancing emotional processing with daily responsibilities. 10:50 - The visual difference between ruminating, triggering, and processing. 15:30 - Using your emotions as a "check engine light" instead of treating them as facts. 19:10 - The psychological dangers of over-intellectualizing your feelings. 25:40 - The beach ball metaphor: Why pushing feelings down guarantees they will explode. 34:00 - Managing overwhelming emotions without turning to self-harm or substance abuse. 43:30 - Why keeping score in relationships builds resentment. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Blog: delvepsych.substack.com --Participants-- Hosts: Ali McGarel (Staff Therapist) & Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director). --Overview of Big Ideas-- The Beach Ball Effect: Suppressing uncomfortable emotions is like pushing a beach ball underwater; it drains your energy and guarantees a messy, explosive return to the surface. Action Over Wallowing: Processing an emotion does not mean sitting in it endlessly. True emotional regulation requires balancing feeling the sadness with taking intentional actions that align with your values. Ruminating vs. Processing: Ruminating maintains a stagnant level of intense distress, triggering escalates the intensity, and true processing involves a gradual decrease in intensity as you work through the content. Stop Keeping Score: Resentment builds when individuals secretly expect reciprocity without clearly communicating their conditions or recognizing their partner's unique contributions. --AI Recommended References-- Hayes, S. C., et al. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy. (Validates the "beach ball" metaphor used in the episode, outlining how experiential avoidance increases psychological distress.) Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology. (Provides clinical context for the episode's breakdown of rumination versus active emotional processing.) Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press. (Supports the episode's advice on "opposite action" and choosing value-aligned behaviors even when feeling intense negative emotions.) #EmotionalIntelligence #MentalHealth #TherapyPodcast #Psychology #ProcessYourFeelings #ACT

  5. Sep 6

    The Psychology of No Man's Sky: Protecting Your Passion

    In this episode, hosts Adam Fominaya and Ali McGarel explore the psychology behind the video game No Man's Sky and its developer, Hello Games. After one of the most disastrous launches in gaming history, a small team of developers chose passion over profit, delivering a decade of free updates without a single microtransaction. This discussion highlights the psychological dangers of monetizing hobbies and explains why protecting your passion from capitalistic pressures is essential for long-term happiness. Subscribe to the channel and leave a comment below sharing how you protect your personal passions from burnout. --Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - The ambition of procedurally generating 17 quintillion planets. 05:30 - The disastrous launch of No Man's Sky and consumer backlash. 10:30 - Hello Games' decision to provide 10 years of free updates. 20:00 - Comparing Hello Games' indie model to corporate microtransactions. 32:00 - The psychological cost of monetizing your hobbies. 38:30 - Announcing Light No Fire and learning from past media hype. 44:00 - Choosing optimism and understanding the root of bad human behavior. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Blog: Check out their writings on Substack --Participants-- Hosts: Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director) & Ali McGarel (Staff Therapist). --Overview of Big Ideas-- Procedural Generation vs. Profit: Hello Games utilized complex math to generate an infinite universe, focusing on creative ambition rather than safe, microtransaction-heavy business models. The Danger of Monetization: Turning a passion into a side hustle or corporate job inherently changes an individual's relationship with the activity, often replacing intrinsic joy with a demand for financial return. Restoring Trust Through Action: Instead of caving to public pressure or abandoning the project, the developers silently improved the game over a decade simply because they loved working on it. Choosing Optimism: Approaching life by assuming others have good intentions—even when it leads to disappointment—fosters empathy and helps explain destructive behavior driven by fear or self-protection. --AI Recommended References-- Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Springer. (Explores the psychological phenomenon where introducing external financial rewards decreases a person's intrinsic motivation to perform a task, supporting the episode's warnings on monetization.) Kou, Y., & Nardi, B. (2014). Governance in League of Legends: A Hybrid System. Foundations of Digital Games. (Provides context on how gaming communities react to developer decisions and the toxicity of consumer backlash in digital spaces.) Baumeister, R. F., et al. (2001). Bad is Stronger than Good. Review of General Psychology. (Examines the psychological weight of negative reviews and why humans are wired to react aggressively to disappointment, mirroring the gaming community's initial response to the game's launch.) #NoMansSky #Psychology #HelloGames #IntrinsicMotivation #GamingCommunity #MentalHealth

  6. Aug 30

    Stop Living Your Relationship in Your Head

    Many people silently build resentment because they are too afraid to ask their partners for what they actually want. In this episode, clinical psychologists Adam Fominaya and Dr. Andrea Bink break down why we avoid difficult conversations and how to stop overestimating the risk of rejection. This discussion provides actionable clinical tools, including Gottman's soft startup and a DBT-based communication strategy, to help you navigate relationship conflict without causing defensiveness. Subscribe to the channel and leave a comment below sharing your biggest takeaway on improving communication with your partner. --Breakdown of Segments (Chapters)-- 00:00 - Why people live their relationships entirely in their heads. 08:20 - A clinical debate on why therapists cannot actually "empower" clients. 11:30 - How a secure bond changes your reaction to relationship conflict. 18:00 - Guidelines for conflict: Gottman's soft startup and four key communication moves. 31:30 - Designing unconventional relationships, like living on separate continents. 35:00 - A DBT-based framework to prepare for highly activating conversations. 41:00 - Navigating mismatched values and doing things simply as a gift to your partner. 46:40 - The Terrence Real quote on complaining about what you never asked for. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Blog: Check out their writings on Substack --Participants-- Hosts/Guests: Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director) & Dr. Andrea Bink (Clinical Psychologist). Note: Ali McGarel is absent for this episode. --Overview of Big Ideas-- Overestimating Risk: People often assume their partner will react with anger or rejection, preventing them from communicating clearly and allowing resentment to build. Effective Communication Moves: Conversations go significantly better when individuals use open-ended questions, make clear asks, offer gifts of reassurance, and share primary emotions (like sadness) rather than secondary emotions (like anger). Preparing for Activation: Before bringing up a heavy topic, it is crucial to clarify your goal—whether it is preserving the relationship, getting your point across, or maintaining self-respect—and deliberately plan for your own emotional activation. The Beauty of Differences: A healthy relationship does not require identical moral framings or shared interests, as differences provide necessary variety and opportunities to give to one another. --AI Recommended References-- Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14‐year period. Journal of Marriage and Family. (Provides foundational research on the "soft startup" concept discussed in the episode, showing how the first three minutes of a conflict discussion predict relationship outcomes.) Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press. (Details the core Interpersonal Effectiveness skills of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), directly supporting the episode's discussion on balancing relationship preservation, objective effectiveness, and self-respect.) Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Brunner-Routledge. (Explores attachment theory in adult relationships, providing context for the episode's discussion on how secure bonds dictate our responses to a partner's negative behavior.) #RelationshipAdvice #CommunicationSkills #CouplesTherapy #DBT #GottmanMethod #Podcast

  7. Aug 23

    Testing AI Therapy: The Real Limitations of Chatbots (Live Test)

    This episode explores the rapid rise of artificial intelligence in mental health and the clinical limits of AI-generated therapy. Hosts Ali McGarel and Adam Fominaya conduct a live test of an advanced AI chatbot to analyze how it handles a fictional client presenting with hopelessness and a lack of direction. The demonstration highlights the crucial differences between an algorithm programmed to validate and a human therapist trained to explore, challenge, and build a genuine therapeutic alliance. This conversation breaks down why an automated response cannot replace authentic human connection. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Substack: delvepsych.substack.com --Participants-- Hosts: Ali McGarel & Adam Fominaya (Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago) --Overview of Big Ideas-- The Appeal and Danger: Chatbots provide immediate access but lack the nuance to handle complex mental health crises safely. Validation vs. Exploration: AI models offer quick fixes and surface-level validation rather than digging into the root causes of distress. The Illusion of Connection: Interacting with an AI lacks the genuine empathy and accountability of a human relationship. The Power of "Tough Love": A human therapist leverages a trusting relationship to safely challenge self-destructive patterns. --Breakdown of Segments-- Opening thoughts: The growing trend and inherent dangers of chatbot therapy. The live AI test: Analyzing an advanced language model's clinical response to heavy feelings. Critiquing the algorithm: Breaking down the AI's tendency to offer patronizing metaphors and assume diagnoses. Testing for crises: Observing how the AI pivots to providing disclaimers when pressed with heavier scenarios. The human alternative: Roleplaying the same scenario to demonstrate how a human therapist actively listens, challenges assumptions, and looks for deeper diagnostic clues. Closing reflections: Affirming the irreplaceable value of human connection in mental health. --AI Recommended References-- Iftikhar, Z., et al. (2025). New study: AI chatbots systematically violate mental health ethics standards. AAAI/ACM Conference. (Explores how AI counselors create a false sense of empathy and over-validate negative beliefs.) Haber, N., et al. (2025). Exploring the Dangers of AI in Mental Health Care. Stanford Institute for Human-Centered AI. (Highlights the specific risks and biases of LLM-based therapy.) Pentina, I., et al. (2024). Human-Human vs Human-AI Therapy: An Empirical Study. Journal of Human-Computer Interaction. (Analyzes transcript quality between AI and human therapists during problem exploration.)

  8. Aug 16

    How Are Therapists Trained?

    This episode pulls back the curtain on the rigorous, complex, and sometimes controversial world of mental health training. Ali and Adam sit down with clinical psychologist Dr. Andrea Bink to decode the massive barriers to entry and the resilience required to become a mental health professional. --Media Links-- Website: delvepsych.com Instagram: @delvepsychchicago Substack: delvepsych.substack.com --Participants-- Hosts: Ali McGarel (Staff Therapist at Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago), Adam Fominaya (Executive and Clinical Director at Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago) Guest: Dr. Andrea Bink (Clinical Psychologist at Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago) --Overview of Big Ideas-- Decoding the Professions: Distinct differences exist between the major mental health pathways, including psychiatry, clinical psychology, social work, counseling, marriage and family therapy, and coaching. Education vs. Experience: A specific credential or degree does not automatically guarantee a therapist has extensive clinical practice hours. The Importance of Fit: A therapist's personality, therapeutic approach, and interpersonal connection matter far more to clinical success than the specific letters behind their name. Systemic Flaws: The current clinical training model is heavily prolonged and expensive, creating massive barriers to entry during a nationwide mental health crisis. --Breakdown of Segments-- Opening and introductions: Defining the various types of licenses and educational backgrounds in the mental health field. The clinical grind: Exploring the thousands of direct service hours and years of supervision required for provisional and full state licensure. The Ph.D. pipeline: A detailed breakdown of the clinical psychology doctoral process, moving from early foundational classes into community practica, research dissertations, and specialized assessment sites. The internship match: Discussing the grueling, highly competitive national matching process that forces doctoral candidates to rapidly uproot their lives. Post-doctoral fellowships: The final step to independent licensure and the anxiety-inducing timeline required to secure a placement. Closing reflections: A critical look at how the time-consuming and unpaid requirements of becoming a licensed therapist shut out highly qualified, diverse candidates who cannot afford the process. --AI Recommended References-- Martin, D. J., Garske, J. P., & Davis, M. K. (2000). Relation of the therapeutic alliance with outcome and other variables: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. (Explores how the therapeutic alliance is a consistent predictor of treatment success, supporting the episode's point that client-therapist fit matters more than specific clinical credentials.) Callahan, J. L., et al. (2018). A meta-analysis of the effect of therapist experience on outcomes for clients with internalizing disorders. (Synthesizes literature demonstrating that a therapist's years of formal experience or degree level only have a modest effect on actual patient outcomes.) Wilcox, M. M., et al. (2024). A Review of Diversity-Related Content on Clinical Psychology Doctoral Program Websites. Training and Education in Professional Psychology. (Provides academic context to the episode's closing points regarding the systemic, financial, and diversity barriers within clinical psychology training programs.)

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The Delve Podcast is dedicated to exploring deeper approaches to mental wellness and the craft of psychotherapy.

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  • Creator
    Delve Psych
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    72
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Delve Psych
  • Show Website
    The Delve Podcast