Send us Fan Mail If you’ve ever been told you’re too sensitive, too alert, or overreacting… this episode is going to land. In Part Two of the masking series, Ilja Abbattista goes deeper into what’s actually powering the mask, hyper-vigilance. Not the clinical definition. Not the pathologised version. But what it really feels like inside a body that has lived through trauma, while also navigating ADHD and autism. This episode explores: What hypervigilance actually feels like in real time (physically, emotionally, neurologically) The difference between paranoia vs pattern recognition, and why that distinction matters How AuDHD and complex trauma overlap, creating a nervous system that never fully switches off Why hypervigilance is not just a symptom, but a trained survival intelligence The hidden connection between masking and hypervigilance (and why you can’t separate them) The real cost of living in constant alert, exhaustion, shutdown, and mistrust of safety Why “just unmask” advice can feel impossible, and what actually helps instead Ilja also shares a powerful real-life moment where hypervigilance became a life-saving skill, and challenges the idea that healing means becoming less aware. This is not about removing the mask. It’s about understanding the system behind it, and learning how to live with it differently. If you’re AuDHD, living with trauma, or constantly scanning your environment without knowing why… this episode will give you language for what your body has been doing all along. ⚠️ Content note: This episode references childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and trafficking. Please listen with care. If this episode hit something deeper, not just intellectually, but in your body, you don’t have to sit with that alone. I offer real, trauma-informed support for women navigating ADHD, autism, trauma, and the complexity of all three combined. Here are a few ways we can work together: 💬 Dear Ilja (Voice Note Support) For when you're spiralling, overthinking, or need grounded support in the moment, not next week. You message me. I respond with calm, honest voice notes that meet you where you are. 🌿 1:1 Coaching & Mentoring Deeper, consistent support to help you understand your patterns, regulate your nervous system, and rebuild your identity, without shame or performance. Support the show 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival. For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply. 🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources 📩 Join the podcast mailing list: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/ 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory 🎧 Support the podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new 📱 Instagram: @iljaabbattista 📬 Contact: letsconnect@iljaabbattista.co.uk Until next spiral, Ilja x
