Trauma and Relationships Relationships can activate powerful feelings involving trust, safety, vulnerability, and attachment. Someone who has experienced trauma may unintentionally carry fear or insecurity from a previous relationship into a new one. This can lead to withdrawal, conflict, anger, difficulty communicating, or fear of becoming emotionally close to another person. In some cases, the individual may not immediately understand why they are reacting so strongly. Looking at past experiences can help people recognize whether an old wound is influencing a current relationship. That understanding can create opportunities for healthier communication and emotional connection. Grief, Death, and Trauma The death of a family member or loved one can also be traumatic, particularly when the death is sudden, violent, unexpected, or difficult to understand. Grief does not follow a fixed schedule. The brain and body need time to process the loss, the circumstances surrounding it, and the emotions that follow. Questions such as “Why did this happen?” or “Could I have done something differently?” can make the healing process even more complicated. Compassion and patience are essential. Healing does not mean forgetting the person or the experience. It means learning how to carry the loss without allowing it to control every part of life. Trauma and PTSD Trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder are related, but they are not the same. PTSD is one possible outcome following a traumatic experience, but not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD. A qualified mental-health professional can evaluate a person’s symptoms and determine whether they meet the clinical criteria for a PTSD diagnosis. Regardless of whether someone receives a formal diagnosis, their emotional and physical reactions still deserve attention and support. Why People Blame Themselves Self-blame is common after trauma. People may believe they should have reacted differently, done more, recognized the danger earlier, or asked for help sooner. However, traumatic events are rarely situations for which people have prepared an action plan. The brain often responds automatically in an attempt to survive. Freezing, becoming silent, withdrawing, or feeling confused are not signs of weakness—they are common survival responses. Understanding this can help replace shame with compassion. Talking About Trauma Some people find it difficult to speak about traumatic experiences, while others feel a strong need to tell their stories. Healing is personal, and everyone moves at a different pace. Talking with a therapist, trusted friend, family member, or supportive community can help the brain process what happened. The most important consideration is that the person feels safe, respected, and free from judgment. A strong support system can remind someone that they do not have to manage their pain alone. The Most Important Message Marulanda closed the conversation with a message for anyone struggling with trauma: “You are not broken, and your reactions make sense.” The brain is designed to protect us. Many reactions associated with trauma are the mind and body’s attempts to survive an overwhelming experience. With time, compassion, professional support, and safe relationships, healing is possible. Alfredo Marulanda is the CEO and clinical director of Remotions Therapy Center in Chicago’s Uptown neighborhood. The center provides support for anxiety, depression, trauma, and couples therapy. For additional information, visit remotionstherapy.com or contact alfredo@remotionstherapy.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sirwillknight.substack.com
